AN: A short little fic taking place when all the Suzaku seishi are on the ship bound for Hokkan. Perhaps something like this could have happened to make Chichiri so upset when Mitsukake died?
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of the characters.
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I watched him as he sat there alone at the front of the ship, his azure locks whipping in the soft, salty ocean breeze. His gaze was fixed out over the vast, shimmering waters as the last of the setting sun's rays reflected off the surface. The once brilliant, blue sky had started to fade into a darker shade that blended into radiant oranges, pinks, and lavenders. Stars were starting to appear, and I wondered just how long he had been sitting there like that as I approached.
I didn't say anything for a moment as I took a seat quietly beside him, watching the sky before turning a concerned gaze to him. He looked to me, his smiling mask making it almost impossible to read his true expression, and nodded a polite hello, then stared back out into the distance. I was silent another moment before finally speaking. "It's a nice night out, isn't it?" My tone was soft despite the deepness of my voice.
"Hai, no da" he replied just as quietly with another slight nod. I regarded him more, sensing his troubled emotions that he hid so well. I was fairly new to the group, but in that short time, I had seen so much. The bonds between the other seishi were incredibly strong, and I myself was starting to feel it as well. Mostly with the youngest member, Chiriko. The first day he arrived after saving us from the Seiryuu impostor, we clicked instantly. I saw the young, brilliant boy as a son.
But Chichiri... He was like a father to the rest of the group. He would always sit quietly and listen to the others when they had problems, and he was always there to defend them. He and the first of the seishi seemed to be closer to each other than to Chiriko and I, but I understood that. Chiriko and I somewhat kept to ourselves, but we still felt that bond with the others, even if we weren't that close. Yet in that time, I had never once seen or known of Chichiri sharing what was bothering him. He hid it well, but for some reason as we sat there, I could feel his great sadness and loneliness.
"Chichiri, what is wrong?"
He looked back up to me, greeting me with that smiling mask he always wore. "Nothing, no da," he said in a forced cheerfulness. "I'm all right, no da. Thank you though, Mitsukake."
I smiled gently at him and shook my head solemnly. "It's not good for you to keep feelings inside."
I heard him sigh lightly and turned my gaze to him, watching as he reached up and took off his mask. I had never seen his face before, and was surprised by the jagged scar that ran over the left side of his face and eye, but I didn't say anything about it. I now understood why he wore the mask. His good eye was shut and his shoulders were haunched over a bit, making him look tired. I had never seen him look so vulnerable ... like a lost child that thought he was all alone in the world. A frown traced my lips as I took in this rare site of him thoughtfully. I myself have never depended on him, but I had respect for him. It wasn't because he was older either. He was very wise and his heart was pure. It bothered me to see him like I was seeing him at that moment.
"Maybe I'm not all right," he said finally in a hushed tone. I tilted my head slightly to the side and looked at him with a curious look, not flinching when he turned to face me fully, letting me see the scar completely. "But I don't want to burden anyone with my problems when they have so many of their own," he continued.
I shook my head again. "You won't be burdening me, Chichiri. It is important that you too are able to let out your troubles every now and then. And I'm here to listen."
He seemed surprised by my words, but then the look in his eye softened and his gazed drifted down to his hands that clutched the mask in his lap. "I don't know where to start... It's a rather long story"
I smiled at him and reached out with one hand to pat his shoulder reassuringly. "Start from the beginning."
I sat and listened to his sad story of the past in almost disbelief. How he managed to keep all that locked inside of him for this long was amazing. I couldn't even cope completely with the loss of my dear Shoka. Hearing his story made me feel ashamed that I had acted so rashly when I first met them. His loss was indeed greater than mine, and the sheer fact that he was able to get this far made my respect for him grow more. He was stronger than I had thought, but not just with his powers. He was stronger emotionally and in spiritually. I could see now why everyone saw him as the anchor of the group. However, it saddened me when I thought about that. He already had so much on his mind, but yet he willingly accepted others worries and put them before his own. I could never do something like that.
When he had finished his story, we both sat in silence for a moment, and then he continued to speak. "I know that the others look up to me for strength, but I'm scared that someday I may fail them and let them down... Like I let down Hikou and Kouran."
His confession surprised me more. There was no way he could fail us. He was far to strong to let that happen. He just didn't see it. "Chichiri, you could never fail us. Though I do think that perhaps you should take some time for yourself. You have been taking in so much of our problems, and it has been making it harder on you."
"I know, but I can't let anything happen to any of you. You and the other seishi are all I have left now... I can't lose any more people that I care about."
I put my hand on his shoulder again and gave it a gentle, comforting squeeze. "You will never lose us, Chichiri. We are all strongly connected, and nothing could ever break the bonds that we share. And I know that the others would be upset if they saw you worrying over them so much like this. They want you to be happy. As do I."
He sighed lightly and fumbled the mask in his now trembling hands. "I know ... and I am happy. Meeting all of you and the priestess has been the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time. That's why I work so hard to make sure nothing goes wrong. You all and Miaka are my family now."
I was touched by his words, yet my feelings about the whole group were the same. I too saw him, the priestess, and the other seishi as my family now as well. Then, I felt a little guilty. I haven't even remotely done as much for them as Chichiri has. Now it really bothered me to see him like this. "I'm sure we all think of each other in that way." I was silent a moment, then looked to him out of the corner of my eye before adding, "And for what it's worth, I think you are doing a wonderful job of taking care of us all. And I know you won't fail us."
I smiled lightly to myself at his shocked expression, and turned to face him. I wagered he never thought he would hear me say something like that. And usually, I wouldn't have said anything, but just in that single moment; talking to him and learning more about him, I felt the connection between the two of us grow as well.
"Thank you, Mitsukake. That really means a lot to me," he said, blinking a few times against the tears I noticed forming in his eye.
"Think nothing of it, Chichiri. You are a dear friend, and I will do anything to help you."
He smiled for real then, without the help of his mask, and I wondered vaguely how long exactly has it been since he had done so. The two of us sat there for a while after wards in silence, watching the stars, and soaking in the tranquility and beauty of the night, and each other's company. I felt his emotions again. They were more brighter than they had been when I first detected them. I then too smiled, feeling happy about accomplishing making him feel better about himself. The two of us were strongly connected now, and I was honored to possess such a gift.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of the characters.
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I watched him as he sat there alone at the front of the ship, his azure locks whipping in the soft, salty ocean breeze. His gaze was fixed out over the vast, shimmering waters as the last of the setting sun's rays reflected off the surface. The once brilliant, blue sky had started to fade into a darker shade that blended into radiant oranges, pinks, and lavenders. Stars were starting to appear, and I wondered just how long he had been sitting there like that as I approached.
I didn't say anything for a moment as I took a seat quietly beside him, watching the sky before turning a concerned gaze to him. He looked to me, his smiling mask making it almost impossible to read his true expression, and nodded a polite hello, then stared back out into the distance. I was silent another moment before finally speaking. "It's a nice night out, isn't it?" My tone was soft despite the deepness of my voice.
"Hai, no da" he replied just as quietly with another slight nod. I regarded him more, sensing his troubled emotions that he hid so well. I was fairly new to the group, but in that short time, I had seen so much. The bonds between the other seishi were incredibly strong, and I myself was starting to feel it as well. Mostly with the youngest member, Chiriko. The first day he arrived after saving us from the Seiryuu impostor, we clicked instantly. I saw the young, brilliant boy as a son.
But Chichiri... He was like a father to the rest of the group. He would always sit quietly and listen to the others when they had problems, and he was always there to defend them. He and the first of the seishi seemed to be closer to each other than to Chiriko and I, but I understood that. Chiriko and I somewhat kept to ourselves, but we still felt that bond with the others, even if we weren't that close. Yet in that time, I had never once seen or known of Chichiri sharing what was bothering him. He hid it well, but for some reason as we sat there, I could feel his great sadness and loneliness.
"Chichiri, what is wrong?"
He looked back up to me, greeting me with that smiling mask he always wore. "Nothing, no da," he said in a forced cheerfulness. "I'm all right, no da. Thank you though, Mitsukake."
I smiled gently at him and shook my head solemnly. "It's not good for you to keep feelings inside."
I heard him sigh lightly and turned my gaze to him, watching as he reached up and took off his mask. I had never seen his face before, and was surprised by the jagged scar that ran over the left side of his face and eye, but I didn't say anything about it. I now understood why he wore the mask. His good eye was shut and his shoulders were haunched over a bit, making him look tired. I had never seen him look so vulnerable ... like a lost child that thought he was all alone in the world. A frown traced my lips as I took in this rare site of him thoughtfully. I myself have never depended on him, but I had respect for him. It wasn't because he was older either. He was very wise and his heart was pure. It bothered me to see him like I was seeing him at that moment.
"Maybe I'm not all right," he said finally in a hushed tone. I tilted my head slightly to the side and looked at him with a curious look, not flinching when he turned to face me fully, letting me see the scar completely. "But I don't want to burden anyone with my problems when they have so many of their own," he continued.
I shook my head again. "You won't be burdening me, Chichiri. It is important that you too are able to let out your troubles every now and then. And I'm here to listen."
He seemed surprised by my words, but then the look in his eye softened and his gazed drifted down to his hands that clutched the mask in his lap. "I don't know where to start... It's a rather long story"
I smiled at him and reached out with one hand to pat his shoulder reassuringly. "Start from the beginning."
I sat and listened to his sad story of the past in almost disbelief. How he managed to keep all that locked inside of him for this long was amazing. I couldn't even cope completely with the loss of my dear Shoka. Hearing his story made me feel ashamed that I had acted so rashly when I first met them. His loss was indeed greater than mine, and the sheer fact that he was able to get this far made my respect for him grow more. He was stronger than I had thought, but not just with his powers. He was stronger emotionally and in spiritually. I could see now why everyone saw him as the anchor of the group. However, it saddened me when I thought about that. He already had so much on his mind, but yet he willingly accepted others worries and put them before his own. I could never do something like that.
When he had finished his story, we both sat in silence for a moment, and then he continued to speak. "I know that the others look up to me for strength, but I'm scared that someday I may fail them and let them down... Like I let down Hikou and Kouran."
His confession surprised me more. There was no way he could fail us. He was far to strong to let that happen. He just didn't see it. "Chichiri, you could never fail us. Though I do think that perhaps you should take some time for yourself. You have been taking in so much of our problems, and it has been making it harder on you."
"I know, but I can't let anything happen to any of you. You and the other seishi are all I have left now... I can't lose any more people that I care about."
I put my hand on his shoulder again and gave it a gentle, comforting squeeze. "You will never lose us, Chichiri. We are all strongly connected, and nothing could ever break the bonds that we share. And I know that the others would be upset if they saw you worrying over them so much like this. They want you to be happy. As do I."
He sighed lightly and fumbled the mask in his now trembling hands. "I know ... and I am happy. Meeting all of you and the priestess has been the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time. That's why I work so hard to make sure nothing goes wrong. You all and Miaka are my family now."
I was touched by his words, yet my feelings about the whole group were the same. I too saw him, the priestess, and the other seishi as my family now as well. Then, I felt a little guilty. I haven't even remotely done as much for them as Chichiri has. Now it really bothered me to see him like this. "I'm sure we all think of each other in that way." I was silent a moment, then looked to him out of the corner of my eye before adding, "And for what it's worth, I think you are doing a wonderful job of taking care of us all. And I know you won't fail us."
I smiled lightly to myself at his shocked expression, and turned to face him. I wagered he never thought he would hear me say something like that. And usually, I wouldn't have said anything, but just in that single moment; talking to him and learning more about him, I felt the connection between the two of us grow as well.
"Thank you, Mitsukake. That really means a lot to me," he said, blinking a few times against the tears I noticed forming in his eye.
"Think nothing of it, Chichiri. You are a dear friend, and I will do anything to help you."
He smiled for real then, without the help of his mask, and I wondered vaguely how long exactly has it been since he had done so. The two of us sat there for a while after wards in silence, watching the stars, and soaking in the tranquility and beauty of the night, and each other's company. I felt his emotions again. They were more brighter than they had been when I first detected them. I then too smiled, feeling happy about accomplishing making him feel better about himself. The two of us were strongly connected now, and I was honored to possess such a gift.