To the editor,
As a shinobi, it is of the utmost importance that one always keeps to the plan. If you don't, things end badly. I count myself amongst the finest of konoha's shinobi, and clearly, my superiors thought the same when they appointed me to the post of special Jounin. However, it has come to my ears that some derecript individuals appear to have attempted to besmudge my perfect reputation with false and terrible rumors. Apparently, or so these scoundrels claim, I might not be entirely punctual.
Now, I won't go point the finger at any specific team in particular, but I'll assume that you know who you are, and I hope that after reading this letter, you will immediately revoke these damaging lies, and seek me out personally so we might speak about proper compensation, not only for the damage to my reputation, but also for the emotional damage that I have incurred.
First of all, I am never late in the sense of the word. Yes, I might sometimes arrive not exactly at the time I had planned, but this never endangers the mission at hand, nor is it a significant amount of time. As a member of konoha's finest shinobi, I know exactly how to plan my arrival somewhere, and I never, I repeat never arrive somewhere later then I had planned to.
Secondly, I have heard of rumors that claim that not only I am tardy (the thought of that alone horrifies me, were it to be true), but also that I always come up with a far-fetched, and untrue explanation for this tardiness. This rumor hit me on a very personal level. I will not deny the fact that I am oftentimes slightly delayed along the way to an appointment, be it by a little kitten up in a tree, or diverted on the road of life. Now, one might say "Well, a shinobi like you knows his priorities, right?" And I would answer "Exactly!". It is my strongest conviction that the moment that one stops rescuing kittens from trees, is the moment one has become a mindless demon. I mean seriously, who, in the right kind of mindset could resist the shining, cute look on such an adorable ball of fluff? And even if one might be able to resist it (a feat, which, I believe is reserved only for the coldest of people), how could one possibly ignore the pleas of a little child who owns the adorable little critter? What kind of demon would that be? I do not know, but it most certainly is not me. So, the next time you encounter a kitten up a tree, ask yourself this: "Am I a demon?" If the answer is yes, either seek out a shinobi to be killed, or seek out an asylum to be taken in. Either way, my point is that while perhaps not easily believed, I can assure that if I'm late, there surely is a very good reason for my tardiness.
I will end this letter on a philosophical note. What is time anyways? Isn't time merely a thing invented by humanity? What impact do a few minutes or hours have on the larger flow of the universe? Surely the cosmos won't implode upon itself if somewhere, a certain person arrives not quite at the time or date planned? Isn't it better just to enjoy life as it is given, and not worry about the trivial little things such as waiting for a few measly hours? I believe that life is simply too short to worry about these kind of things.
In conclusion, I am neither tardy nor a lair, and it is of great irrelevance to worry about it, even if I were to be either of those two, which, I am not. Furthermore, if one rushes to be on time, one might miss the more important things in life, like kittens. Therefore, readers, please ask yourself this question each time you are in a hurry: "Am I a demon, or will I arrive slightly later?". It goes without saying which one I would prefer.
Yours truly,
Kakashi Hatage of the mirror eye,
Special Jounin of hidden leaf village
Team captain
Record holder for late arrivals at Jounin meetings.
The editor would like to apologize for the late arrival of this issue, but our writer of this issue was terribly late when handing in his submission. Reason given was that there had been an extremely local thunderstorm, which had scared a kitten into a tree, which then fell into the river. Our heroic writer has bravely saved the kitten as it sped towards a raging waterfall. As of such, we hope the readers will understand that the letter came in slightly later than expected.
-The editor.