I in no shape or form own Deadpool. He is property of Marvel ink. So I repeat I in no shape or form own Deadpool or Mickey Mouse, hell I don't even own my car yet. So please for the love of god don't sue me.

So this is just a random fic I dedicated to Deadpool. My first fic so be nice. But would love comments pls. good? Bad? Or okay? Would like to hear what you think.

For Nathan Archer this day started out like every other day. Waking up at the crack of dawn; then taking a cold shower to keep physical exhaustion and a hangover at bay. He then clumsily gets dressed for work. Little did he know his world was about to be flipped upside down, and turned inside out.

Nathan walked into his place of employment restlessly cursing to himself for staying up clubbing tell 3 am, he was the first in. Nathan made sure the first thing he did was make a fresh pot of coffee, while the coffee was going he restocked the coolers and turned on the fryers. Nathan yawned as he started rolling breakfast burritos. Nathans burrito rolling was put on hold, by a burst of horn blowing alerting him of an early customer whom was probably on their way to work, and needed there caffeine fix. Nathan tiredly made his way to the drive through window to inform the customer that they wouldn't be open for another hour.

"Hello sorry but were not-" His sentence was cut off, as he was greeted with a handgun to the face.

"Do you feel lucky?" a very cold voice asked from inside of a 1992 Volvo "Well do you? Punk?" Before Nathan could answer he heard the sound of the trigger being pulled and the gun going off.

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D

A women sat in a hospital bed in her hands she held a new born child in her arms, "he has your eyes" she says to her husband sitting next to her enjoying the view of his new born son.

"Yea he does." he says joyfully "He has your smile… you know we still haven't settled on a name" "I was thinking we'd call him Nathan, after my father" she says with a grin "If that's okay with you honey."

"It's perfect" Nathans father says with a smile "Hey buddy you hear that?"

"Hey punk you hear that!" the baby Nathan looked at his father in confusion. "I said wake up PUNK!" Nathan was then pulled back to Reality as he was splashed with a giant bucket of ice cold water; Nathan gives a slight moan as looks around the room in confusion. Not knowing exactly where he was. The last thing he remembered was some psycho holding a handgun to him at work. Now he was sitting in a room that resembled Pinheads torture room. Nathan tried to move only to realize he was completely tied down every inch of his body was covered in duck tape. He tried to wiggle off the chair only to realize he was glued to the chair with some form of adhesive.

"Where am I?" Nathan asks confused, suddenly a light was turned on inches from Nathans face obscuring his vision.

"Where is the Rebel Base?" asked a booming voice.

"What?" Nathan asked utterly confused.

"TALK!"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Nathan says with more force.

"Your bravery is commendable." the voice says in a less harsh tone. "It's okay; we have ways of making you talk"

"I'm sorry bu-" Nathan was cut off with a powerful fist making contact with his nose. Sending him and the chair he was sitting in crashing back into the floor. Nathan was pulled back up by his hair. Nathan squirmed as a knife was placed to his throat.

"You ready to talk?" the voice asks. The man the voice belonged to takes a step closer, Nathan could now identify him.

"Spider-man?" Nathan asks noticing the man was wearing a red costume and mask with white lenses.

"Spider-man? Are you freaking serious? " the man in the red jump suit asks taking a step back and pushing the light away from Nathans face "Are you freaking kidding me man, shit I thought with all the media exposure I was getting you could at least pick me out of a lineup."

"You're not Spider-man" Nathan asks now with the light out of his face could now identify the man was wearing a red and black jumpsuit costume similar to spider-man though this man's costume was covered in weapons Nathan could count two hand guns at his waist two sub machineguns strapped to his chest and nine grenades hanging from a utility belt and two Kenta's at his back complete with what Nathan believed to be a AK-47.

"No shit bro, it's me Deadpool, the Merc with a mouth " Deadpool says. Nathan shakes his head in confusion. "Rely? you never heard of me? You didn't catch the origins movie?" Deadpool asked confused.

"No I'm sorry, I rely have no idea what you're talking about"

"Damn it CUT!" Deadpool yells at the top of his lungs "Hey Asshole what's your deal!" Deadpool yells waving his fist in the air. "Yea I'm talking to you the guy sitting at the computer.. Yea you"

(Um yea, sorry this is kind of weird)

"Look dude how are you going to star me.. DEADPOOL in this story and not have this guy know who I am? I mean rely, who hasn't seen the Wolverine origins movie?"

(Sorry but I have no control in that, take it's up with marvel they haven't acknowledge that movie in your comic book continuum, can you rely blame them though? )

"No now that you mention it I can't. Not rely did anyone on that production team read one of my comic books. I have never not once been involved in a power pool ploy, and no way near how I got my- and what's with the Baraka look rely?"

(I know and did you catch the eye laser part? I mean rely when has Cyclops optic blast never emitted heat, set his hole school on fire. I mean they dedicated an entire section on giant sized X-men 1 to explain that..)

"Rely, I just skipped to the Marvel Girl page you know back when Jean was still rely rely cute, and not crazy hot, like I'm hot but I could still kill you sort of way."

(Yea I know what you mean. but anyway I think you should get back to point all this banter has probably confused the reader if there not an active Deadpool reader.)

"Yea you're probably right, Oh by the way remind me to kill you, you and Ryan Ronald's" Deadpool says.

"Who are you talking to" Nathan asks confused

"I'm sorry what?" Deadpool asks.

"You yelled Cut a minute ago and you started bantering about a Wolverine movie and killing Ryan Ronald's"

"Yea don't worry about it, now where was I?" Deadpool asks "Before I got off topic."

(I think you were in the middle of integration) the voice from beyond

"Oh yea thanks. So I was integrating you right?" Deadpool asks looking back at Nathan. Nathan was busy staring at Deadpool in utter realization that this man is and has long been off his preverbal rocker. "Okay were ganna pick up where we left off okay and sorry about the nose got a little carried away, I'm a big Star Trek fan."

"That line was from Star Wars the republic, not Star Trek" Nathan says correcting him. Deadpool stares at Nathan for a moment. Then draws his gun from right holster and aims at Nathan's right leg and then pulls the trigger.

BANG

"AHHHHHHH.. You shot me… why'd you shoot me" Nathan ask screaming as pain pulsed through his right leg.

"Nobody Likes A Smartass… "Deadpool hisses putting his gun away. "Who hired you to kill me?" Deadpool asks drawing his gun again aiming it to Nathans left eye "Hydra, AIM, that Douche Deathstroke?"

"What are you talking about?" Nathan cries in confusion tears welling up in his eyes realizing he very well might die today. "I work at McDonalds I'm still wearing my uniform from when you kidnapped me.. I'm an inch from pissing myself do I seem like a freaking assassin to you?"

"Your right, you don't" Deadpool says tapping his chin with the barrel of his gun "But that would make you the ideal assassin wouldn't it? now talk" Deadpool then pauses and looks to the ceiling once again "Yea that's a great idea, I've been meaning to test that out since I got it at that garage sale last year."

(I didn't say anything)

"I'll do it," Deadpool says heading for the door "And You! Don't move I'll be right back punk."

Two and a half hours later

Deadpool kicks the door open holding a giant cardboard box in hand with wires sticking out. "Hey Kid!"

"About time, I have to pee!" Nathan yells happily.

"Okay good you're not dead just give me a second"

One hour and twenty minutes later

Nathan sat humming the tune to row your boat as he bounced his head along with the beat. There were now many wires attached to Nathans heads and neck leading to a box of some sort. Their purpose unknown to Nathan, but right now very little made since to Nathan probably duo to the blood loss and the shock of being shot. "Okay I'm finally done" Deadpool says throwing the instructions to whatever device he had Nathan connected to. "This is a state of the art lie detector. I think" Deadpool says pulling a small device that looked like a trigger to a bomb "Okay here we go" he says clicking the button once. A small projector falls from the ceiling. "Okay, two weeks ago I was offing Terry Strom a scientist for Oscorp industries" Deadpool says clicking the button again, the projector showed a picture of Deadpool on a roof top with a sniper rifle in hand. "And here you are" Deadpool says pointing to a window of a small diner where Nathan was sitting with friend enjoying a pizza.

"Yea that's me Jason, Alex, and Jessie" Nathan says with a giggling "it was Jason's birthday, oh by the way, can we get pizza I'm hungry, and waffles I love waffles"

"No" Deadpool says clicking the trigger again "and here you are again" Nathan saw himself standing in line at a movie theater as Deadpool was driving a taxi pointing a rocket launcher at a fleeing helicopter. "and here" Deadpool was in a bar threatening an old woman with a broken beer bottle and in the far left sure enough Nathan was watching the scene with a bud light in hand. "and here" Deadpool says his voice full of convection. Nathan had to do a double take he saw Deadpool standing in a shower still wearing his mask with a shower cap; in hand he was holding a shower brush and a rubber ducky. Behind Deadpool stood a man with a gun with Nathans face taped on top of his body. Nathan started giggling uncontrollably.

"I don't remember any of that" Nathan says stifling a laugh, and then his eyes roll back as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"Hey don't you fall into unconsciousness while I'm talking to you." Deadpool whale's pistol whipping Nathan with the end of his gun, Deadpool then picks Nathan's head up "Who hired you!"

"Purple" Nathan whispers "Sorry I'm up"

"hmmm, could it be possible that you trying to kill me is my own paranoia? That maybe, just maybe you're not trying to kill me and we just happen to be the same places at the same time?" Deadpool ask Nathan but the question more aimed at himself "Oh well I'll kill anyway. Just to be safe" Deadpool says "any last words kid?"

"Yesh" Nathan declares "I love you man" then his body goes limp.

"Damn it" Deadpool mumbles to himself as he ways his options, "You know, I think I'll let you live. Not because I like you or anything, but because you're young, you haven't lived yet, hell I bet you haven't even been to a R Rated movie yet have you?" Deadpool asks shaking Nathan awake.

"No sir I have not skydived of an airplane, and then shot a cow with a bazooka," Nathan mumbled.

"Okay that settles it, I'm letting you live," Deadpool says patting Nathan on the head.

"Yay!" Nathan squeals like a girl scout.

"Man I better get you to a hospital." Deadpool says tearing Nathan out of the chair "But first to the dead mobile!"

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D

Nathan slowly opens his eyes. The first thing he notices is his body is aching all over. And his left arm and right leg were in a casts. He looked around the room confused he seemed to be in a hospital room laying in a hospital bed. "Man what the hell did I smoke last night?" Nathan asks himself.

"Why hello Mr. Archer" a nurse says walking into the room with a pot of fresh flowers and a set of balloons. "Glad to see your up?" she says putting the flowers on the counter with the set of balloons "I need to take your heart pressure."

"Why am I here?" Nathan asks having no recollection of the previous events that landed him in the hospital.

"Well the details are sketchy, but from what I hear you were emitted with a gunshot wounded a broken nose and a dislocated arm" she says putting a heart pressure strap on his arm.

"What? How did that happen?" he asked confused.

"Actually we were hoping you could tell us." she says checking the IV's attached to his right arm.

"I don't know" Nathan says.

"Oh well just think on it, we informed your contact that you're here, Courtney was it? She's on her way here" the nurse says finishing up "Oh and you got a get well card, attached to a flowers and balloons" she says bringing the items closer to his bed and handing him the envelope. With that she left Nathan alone.

Nathan very clumsily and painfully opened the letter it read "Get well soon. And sorry about the confusion, get well soon buddy D.P." (DP) Nathan thought to himself as he noticed a picture behind the letter, the picture showed Nathan on the back of a masked man in a red and black jumpsuit. Nathan and the man were skydiving, and Nathan wore a helmet and had a face of pure joy as he fired off a rocket launcher he carried in his left arm. "Oh" Nathan whispered as the events of the previous day came flooding back to him.

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D

Ryan Reynolds sat in his small movie trailer going over his lines. "I can't do this I'm not a hero I'm just an artist" Reynolds throws the script to the counter and reaches for his Black Berry and dials his agents number "Hey Jason! What the hell? I'm not a hero I'm an artist.. That line sucks man! I want something else" Reynolds yells into his cell phone. "I don't care! I want something else! Will talk to them I want something bold and catchy something epic I want a Aste la vista baby" Reynolds pauses for a second "That's bull shit! I'm Ryan Reynolds, you do something about it. You tell them if they don't change the script, I'm walking off set. I don't want-"

Knock

Knock

"Hold on there's someone at my door" Reynolds says "Who is it" he yells bitterly.

"Pizza!" someone yells back.

"I didn't order any pizza!"

"Did I say pizza I meant Chinese Takeout?"

"I didn't order anything"

"Subway foot long" Reynolds growls as he heads for the door

"Look asshole I didn't order any-" when Reynolds opens the door he was met with a handgun aimed at his head.

"Do you feel lucky?" Deadpool ask "Well do ya, you emerald ring wearing punk?"

"Oh shit!"

Bang

Bang