Title: Bloody Spoilers!
Rating: K+
Summary: An interlude in the "Meet Lauren" series, but can be read on its own. Lauren complains to the Doctor about the spoilers on the Internet.
Disclaimer: I don't own it! If I did, this fic wouldn't need to be written.
Author's Note: I've taken a nice long break from writing, which is briefly explained in this fic. This has been written purely as a message to YOU, especially if you are British, American, or anyone else who gets to see Doctor Who ahead of Australia.
Bloody Spoilers!
Lauren was in her room typing on her laptop. She sighed, desperately wishing that she had time to write some fanfic. Unfortunately, all she'd been able to manage recently were a few notes for fics that she'd had on her mind for some time. Right now she was taking a moment to finish her school notes on JFK. Suddenly, she heard a familiar whirring, and smiled when she saw her old friend the Doctor stepping out of her wardrobe.
"Doctor," she acknowledged.
"Hey … Lauren …" said a confused Doctor. "Um, would you happen to know why I've been once again drawn to your room?" Lauren shrugged.
"Not really," she admitted. "What was the last thing you were doing?" The Doctor looked up as he tried to remember.
"Well, Donna and I had just left Pomp…" he began, but before he could continue Lauren ran up to him and put her hand over his mouth.
"Shut up," she said. "Just … shut up."
"What did I say?" asked an offended Doctor.
"A spoiler," said Lauren. "I'm sick of bloody spoilers. I find them everywhere!"
"I take it this is on the Internet," said the Doctor.
"Yeah," confirmed Lauren. "Mainly on my fanfiction site. I always go on it to read stories and post my own, but lately it's become overrun with stories about your most recent adventures."
"How come you haven't seen them?" questioned the Doctor.
"Bloody Australian Broadcasting Corporation," said Lauren, rolling her eyes. "They only start showing the episodes once they've finished in the UK. We get the Christmas special six months after its original premiere. We're behind America, for God's sake!"
"What's wrong with America?" asked the Doctor.
"We're behind them!" repeated Lauren. "So the rest of the world gets to see these episodes before us, then they write about them and spoil them for the rest of us."
"Why don't you watch them on YouTube?" suggested the Doctor.
"Because I use that for your classic adventures," said Lauren. "Right now I'm up to your fourth form, and Leela just joined you. I don't want to be wasting megs on something that I can actually see on TV. Mind you, if the ABC put the classics on TV like they used to, I wouldn't have a problem…"
"Okay, I get it," said the Doctor, who was quite scared now. "I don't suppose I should bother asking why you don't just avoid the site for the time when the new episodes are screening?" Lauren looked at him.
"That's 3 months," she said. "Do you know how many hours it would take to catch up on 3 months worth of non-spoiler stories, plus the newer ones? I'm in Year 12 – I don't have that sort of time!"
"Right," said the Doctor. "Fair enough. So what can you do?" Lauren sighed.
"It wouldn't be that big a deal if people would have a bit more consideration for those of us who were behind," she said. "Some of them do. They write 'Spoilers for Series Four', or 'Spoilers for Partners in Crime', etc. But some of them write that after they've done the summary. So I read the summary, and then find out that I'm not supposed to know about it yet. That doesn't help! Then there are the people who don't even bother to say there are spoilers, or who casually mention spoilers in their author's notes, or in fics that aren't even set in Series Four, or who write spoilers in big capital letters that just can't be avoided. And while I'll admit that I had a phase during Series Two when I wanted to find out spoilers, I'm certainly not into that now." The Doctor nodded.
"It takes the element of surprise out of it," he said. "That's like whenever the TARDIS lands. If you know exactly where you are, there's no fun in it."
"Exactly," agreed Lauren. "And if there was ever a time for people to avoid telling spoilers, it would be on Saturday."
"What happens on Saturday?" asked the Doctor.
"It'll be a while yet before it happens in your timeline," said Lauren. "But Saturday is the start of the finale. A giant spoiler that everyone knows about will be involved. And I desperately don't want to know what happens. I want to watch it on TV and be totally shocked, like I was during Series One when I didn't even know what fanfiction was. I want to experience all the thrills first-hand without anyone giving me a hint as to what I can expect. Is that too much to ask?"
"Absolutely not," said the Doctor. "So … what's the spoiler?"
"Ha ha," said Lauren sarcastically. "But Doctor, could you do something for me?"
"Sure," replied the Doctor, smiling. "Anything."
"I need you to send a message to all Doctor Who fanfiction writers," said Lauren. "I need you to tell them to clearly label their fics to say if there are spoilers, especially for the finale, and at the beginning of any summaries. Ask them to use caps lock if they could. Caps lock is good. It draws attention away from the rest of the writing. Do you think you could handle that?"
"Um, sure, I guess," said the Doctor. "There must be something in the TARDIS that can work it out. She is psychic, after all."
"Thank you," said Lauren. "I really appreciate this. Hopefully the writers will understand."
"I'm sure they will," said the Doctor. "Well, I'd better get back. Donna's still in the TARDIS, and she'll be wondering where I am."
"Yeah, and I've gotta keep making my notes," said Lauren. "Goodbye Doctor." They shook hands, and the Doctor stepped into Lauren's wardrobe. He was just about to close the door, when he turned around.
"Really though," he said, "what is that spoiler?" Lauren shut the door.
That night, hundreds of fanfic writers dreamt of their beloved Doctor. He was telling them to consider the unfortunate Australians and to be careful with spoilers in their fanfics. When they awoke the next day, they had forgotten the dream, but the message remained.
The End
I think you get the message…