Author's Notes: written for the Weekly One-Shot Challenge, Week 18 of 2011. Theme: Write yourself into a story.
As usual, forgive any mistakes, yada, yada, yada. I'm tired of saying this myself.
My previous one-shot was set in Italy, so when I saw the new theme I instantly thought: "Why not make a sequel?" And that's exactly what I did. As far as I know, the 'series' will end with this, unless I'm crazy enough to make up a whole cast of Italian OCs and describe Eric and Sookie's negotiations in great detail. But that would also mean mentioning real politicians, and that's something I'm not sure I want to do.
The title has nothing to do with the Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn movie, I just thought it would be funny.
By the way, I had a harder time than I thought figuring out the genres and rating. I'll change the story properties if I need to. Also, this is listed as a Sookie & Eric story even if their appearance is way too short, but what else could I do?
I put my heart into this – everything is true, medicines included. I hate talking about it. When I write myself into a story, I usually leave that part out, pretending it doesn't exist. And yes, my parents are more than likely to react like that, although I probably exaggerated. Also, to those of you whose eyes are bulging out at the thought of such a young girl being allowed into a vampire bar, control is a lot less strict around here (what? It's true!), especially considering that in my parallel Italy specific laws about vampires are being written just as the story unfolds.
Oh, and PS: huge, huge thanks to thesookieverse . com for publicly mentioning Scrabble Night: A is for Amore and, last but not least, for teaching me how to punctuate dialogue once and for all (Italian rules are way different).
Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns all recognizable characters (aka Eric and Sookie). The narrator is me, so I guess I own myself and the two very paranoid adults I briefly mentioned. Allow me to add a big fat SORRY to Mom and Dad for making them look like such hopeless scaredy-cats. Love & hugs. I'd never run off like that.
Ah... Rome. I couldn't believe I was back. Even the air I breathed told me of ancient ruins, of millions of unknown lives buried right beneath my feet. That was me: the history freak who didn't care much about Julius Caesar, but found the life and death of his most humble soldier far more fascinating. Isn't that what history is made up of, after all? Life after life after life, in an endless cycle? If great Roman leaders built cities, then there must have been common people, and lots of them, walking those streets, each with a name and a personal life no one will ever bother to learn about. That was the aspect I was most interested in.
And that was also why, once I'd gotten over the initial shock, I had become one of the few people in my entire hometown to not-so-secretly support vampires after the Great Revelation. Meeting someone who had lived through all those historical periods... my heart fluttered at the mere thought.
Not that I had ever met one in person, of course. My town was so small I doubted any of them would ever be interested in residing there, not to mention that after the announcement my social life had basically become empty due to the strict curfew my paranoid parents had imposed. Ugh. Ever since that vampire had interrupted the evening news – I still remembered the scene down to the last detail, and I was glad I did, since it was probably going to be the closest I'd ever get to one of them – I hadn't been allowed to go out alone after sundown, except for very rare occasions, on which my mother kept spoiling the fun by calling me every ten minutes anyway. I hated my life.
Convincing them to take me on a second vacation to Rome had been a labour worthy of Hercules, but after getting all 9s and 10s* for an excruciatingly long time, I had won my battle, and here I was. I hadn't picked the best time to ask them: the news had been talking of nothing but vampires for the past few weeks – apparently, something was being done to make our approach more similar to the American one I had only heard of over the Internet. I cheered internally every time I turned on the TV and heard of the progress: rights were being conceded and, as of recently, the first clubs were shyly making their appearance in large cities, just like the ones in the USA. Not that a sane vampire would ever open one in my God-forsaken hole of a town, obviously, and even if it happened, I would never, ever be allowed to go and have a look at it unless I sneaked out of the house. In one word: impossible. My parents were literally shaking in fear at the idea of being in the capital just as a delegation of vampires was there to talk to the authorities. I hated thinking bad of them, but for Heaven's sake, they were such wimps! It wasn't like we were in the same hotel or anything... and yes, I was entirely sure of that, since ours wasn't designed to accommodate them. As far as I knew, the closest place with light-proof rooms was practically on the other side of the city.
We had had a very intense day; we had seen some of the main attractions on our first trip five years before, so now we were catching up on what we had missed. After our grueling tour of the Vatican Museums, my legs were literally begging for mercy, but it was for a very good cause. I had seen enough art to last a lifetime.
But there was another side of the city I wanted to explore, and it was something I had to do on my own. I knew for sure that back home I could say goodbye to my chances of meeting a vampire, but here it was different. If I had understood the situation correctly, the concentration of vampires in Rome was higher than normal at the moment... not that I hoped to bump into who knows what important diplomat from overseas just outside the hotel or anything. Even if I did, I highly doubted that a vampire in his right mind would be interested in me in a way that, supporter or no, still made me shiver: I was far from pretty, and on top of that I was fairly sure that my blood would taste odd to them due to the medicines I had been taking for what felt like forever – two pills a day and an injection every other evening for almost all of my eighteen, almost nineteen years. It was torture.
All I needed now was an excuse. I looked around me as if something in the room could give me just the spark of inspiration I needed... and then I knew. The proverbial light bulb lit up over my head as I looked at the little pile of leaflets full of tourist information lying on the small table.
"Posso andare un secondo di sotto?" I asked innocently.
"Perché?" Ugh, why did she have to be so suspicious all the time?
"Prima ho visto dei volantini interessanti nella hall, ma ho dimenticato di prenderne uno. Per favore..."
"Vuoi che venga con te?" Oh, God, no. Just no.
"Non ce n'è bisogno," I said a little too quickly.
"Va bene...**" Victory!
I tried as hard as I could not to give the impression that I was running away. I had never realized how sweet the sound of a door closing behind me could be. I rushed to the elevator and felt like it was being slower than usual on purpose, just to tease me. You know things are bad when you start getting annoyed at inanimate objects, I thought. I had to pull myself together. For a split second, I considered that maybe – just maybe – it wasn't normal to be so excited at the idea of meeting a vampire... wait, make that trying to meet one. Wasn't it just an itsy-bitsy bit sick and twisted?
DING! The doors opened. Okay, great. One step closer.
The descent was exasperatingly slow, but I finally came to a stop and aimed straight for the exit. The woman at the counter smiled at me, but I ignored her. Dang. My mother would surely go and ask her if she had seen me, and that meant trouble. She wasn't one to get angry easily, but I would be grounded forever after this escapade.
I tried to blame the chilly air for the shiver that ran down my spine as I went out, but it was no use. It wasn't cold at all, for Heaven's sake! Who was I kidding? The plain and simple truth was that vampires scared me a lot more than I wanted to admit.
I forced myself not to laugh out loud: my parents had carefully picked out the hotel so it would be as far as possible from a) the only structure that specialized in accommodating vampires and b) the government seat where some of the meetings were supposedly taking place, but they hadn't checked where La Cripta***, the first-ever vampire bar in our country, was: just around the corner, to be exact. My orientation wasn't the best, but I had memorized the address before leaving and sneaked more than one look at my father's map, so I could surely reach it without getting lost.
One word: ugh. I had expected much, much more. If it weren't for the obvious Gothic lettering on the sign, I wouldn't even have noticed it. I shrugged and went inside, welcomed by the very loud beginning of Vampire Love by Ash. Knowing a song by heart just because it mentioned vampires, even though it had nothing to do with my usual musical tastes, wasn't sick at all, right? The place – very dimly lit and all furnished in black and red... God, was this a bar or the Land of Clichés? – was anything but crowded, but what else could I expect? Whoever owned it had barely had the time to spread the word, and even an intense marketing campaign couldn't attract many customers in the cowardly country that was Italy. Sometimes I just wanted to pack up and move to the USA.
"Dove credi di andare, ragazzina?" asked a deep voice behind me, startling me. I turned around to face a bald, bulky man who suddenly made me feel tiny. Okay, Hulk, who do you think you are? Ever heard of manners?
"Sto solo dando un'occhiata in giro. È un crimine?" Wow, I never knew I was so confident. Adrenaline was working its magic.
"Non se lasci che io dia un'occhiata a te in cambio." Hold on a second. He didn't mean what I thought he meant, right?
"Le dispiacerebbe spiegarsi?****" I had the awful feeling that I needed no further explanation, but I prayed I was wrong.
To my great surprise, he let out a booming laugh, which gave me the chance to look at his teeth. No fangs in sight. Was he trying to cheat me?
"Sei coraggiosa. Non preoccuparti, sono umano quanto te. Faccio solo lo spiritoso."
"Non è divertente."
"Adesso però sono serissimo. Che ci fai qui? Non è posto per te, credimi." He was probably right, but I already had Mom and Dad giving me lectures, and that was more than enough.
"Lo so. Ma non m'importa, almeno stasera."
"I tuoi genitori sanno che sei qui?"
"Sono legalmente adulta e responsabile delle mie azioni," I shot back. That wasn't the 'yes' or 'no' answer he had expected, but it would do. "E comunque, perché finge di essere un vampiro?"
"Considerami una specie di buttafuori. Quelli che hanno troppa paura per restare di solito se ne vanno se lo faccio.*****" Well, I had passed the test, then. I turned around and started scouting the place. Not that I had a sure-fire way to tell vampires and humans apart... looking at the tables to see who had ordered synthetic blood could work.
I was just about to give up when I saw them. I had no idea where they were coming from: I hadn't seen them come in from the main entrance, but I hadn't noticed them before either, so I guessed they had been in some mysterious part of the building that was inaccessible to the public, although they didn't look like they worked at the bar (no extremely fake vampire attire, at least). I didn't exactly recognize them as vampires at first sight, but at the same time they caught my attention in a completely new way. There was something about them that made them stand out from the crowd as though they were walking with large arrow signs over their heads marking them as different, whatever that difference consisted in. I froze. Now what?
"You did great." Hearing him speak English puzzled me, but it was my second favourite subject at school, so I automatically translated his sentence in my head. If the man from before had made me feel tiny, next to him I could have disappeared without anyone noticing. If I had to describe him in three words, I would have picked, not necessarily in order: tall, blond and wow. Period.
"Grazie,******" answered the girl by his side, mimicking a curtsey. She was blond as well, but that wasn't the only reason why they looked alike, although I couldn't quite put my finger on what gave me that impression. It took me a few oddly long seconds to understand: I had never seen two people move with such perfect synchronism, except maybe for twins... or lovers. I had heard somewhere that mirroring each other's gestures like that was a sign of mutual attraction. But why on Earth was I thinking that? It's official: my brain does strange things when I'm scared.
"I'm glad to see our lessons turned out to be useful," he said. For a brief moment I wondered what lessons he was talking about.
"And don't forget the game. That was a crazy idea, but I loved it," she replied with a smile. Okay, she had lost me.
"Really? Personally, I liked what happened after the game even better." Even from a distance, I could see that his fangs had extended. My heart skipped a beat, but I put on a brave face that had little to do with how I really felt. Thank goodness my English grades rarely went below 9: meeting two of them at the price of one and not being able to follow their conversation would have been such a shame... By now, I had realized that they had to be a part of the American delegation everyone was talking about. Why else would they be speaking English so fluently? I was thrilled. Just as an insane part of me considered catching their attention – although firstly, they were probably too important to talk to me, and secondly, I had no idea how to do that – the girl looked at me. She really did... as if she knew I had been listening. I could practically smell big problems coming my way.
"What is it, lover?" Something in a tiny corner of my brain registered that last word. I had been right about them. Mr Tall followed her gaze and noticed me. I was up to my neck in trouble, quite literally. "Do you find her interesting?" I wasn't sure I liked the implications of that.
"It's her who finds us interesting. I guess I saw a bit of myself in her. If more Italians were like that, we would hardly need to be here."
Vampires or no, I was getting sick and tired of them talking about me as though I weren't there, so I mustered up a courage I didn't know I had and, praying for my accent to go unnoticed, I intervened: "What do you mean?" If she knew I had spoken four words in a row, no less, to a happy couple of real vampires, my mother would have moved straight from not approving to passing out from fear.
"Well, for one thing, you talked to us willingly," she replied with perfect calmness, as if that explained everything, "and that is saying something. I had almost forgotten what it's like to be around a human who's excited to see us instead of just plain scared." Was it that obvious? Had I been staring more intently than I thought? I really must have made a weird impression.
"Not to mention that not being concerned for your own survival isn't very wise of you, especially since you're so young," he added in an odd tone, halfway between menacing and fatherly. His fangs were showing just a little, and the part of my mind that wasn't terrified wondered how he could talk properly when his teeth were like that.
"I... I thought you wouldn't be interested," I answered weakly, too sincere for my taste.
"And why would that be?" Wait, what? They couldn't tell I was different. That was news. Then, somehow, I remembered with surprising clarity that my doctor had explained to me that the effects of the injections vanished after about twenty-four hours. I was supposed to have one that same night when I came back, so my body had been running on nothing for almost forty-eight. How could I be so stupid? This wasn't my last day here. I could have waited a little longer, just to be safe.
"Long story." I hated talking about it to my own friends and family, let alone to two perfect strangers.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Eric?"
"You tell me," he replied in a playful voice I wouldn't have thought him capable of, smiling imperceptibly as if for some private joke I couldn't understand.
She reached into her purse and handed me something small and flat. I touched her inadvertently as I took it. Her cold temperature startled me, but I tried not to flinch. "Well... it's a visiting card, just in case." Then she looked at his partner. "You too, Eric. Come on, what harm could she ever do to us? If anything, she's living proof that not all Italians are the same." He complied and I looked at both cards eagerly: Eric Northman and Sookie Stackhouse-Northman, official ambassadors of the American Vampire League, whatever that meant. He was also qualified as 'Sheriff of Area 5, Louisiana', which left me even more confused. I would never have imagined their world was so complicated.
"Wow... thanks," I blurted out, incapable of saying anything smarter.
"Don't mention it," said the girl whom I had just found out to be called Sookie. "Shouldn't you go back now? Your parents will be worried sick." How did she know I had lied to get here? Had she... ? Oh, no way. That was at the very least embarrassing.
"Uhm, you're probably right. So... goodbye, I guess."
"Will you be staying in contact now that you have our cards?" she asked with a real, reassuring smile I didn't exactly associate to vampires.
"I'd love to, but I'm not too sure I can," I sighed.
"Goodbye, then. And would you mind telling your friends we're not that bad after all?" I'll give it a try, Mrs. Northman, but I'm not promising anything. By now I was 99% sure she could hear that.
On my way back to the hotel, I sent a mental thanks to my English teacher with every step I took. Not that I particularly liked her, but who knew her lessons would be so helpful?
I found Mom in the hall, slumped in a seat as though she was about to faint or had just recovered. Dad was by her side, comforting like I hadn't seen him do for a very long time. She didn't even say anything when I went inside: she just jumped to her feet, and the next thing I knew, I had been literally overwhelmed by her warm, tight hug.
"Dove sei stata?"
"Se te lo dicessi non mi crederesti," I mumbled, my face buried in her chest, trying not too successfully to hide the visiting cards behind my back.
"Grazie a Dio stai bene," she exhaled. Then, changing her tone entirely: "Dobbiamo parlare, signorina.*******" Uh-oh. Somehow, for some insane reason, I found those words scarier than my recent encounter.
* The grading system in Italian schools goes from 1 (the worst) to 10 (the best).
** Full translation of the dialogue:
"Can I go downstairs for a second?"
"What for?"
"I saw some interesting leaflets in the hall earlier, but I forgot to get one. Please..."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"There's no need to."
"Fine..."
Sorry, I couldn't make myself speak English to my own mother. That wouldn't be realistic.
*** The Crypt. Pathetic much?
**** "Where do you think you're going, little girl?"
"I'm just having a look around. Is it a crime?"
"Not if you let me have a look at you in exchange."
"Would you mind explaining yourself?"
***** "You're brave. Don't worry, I'm as human as you are. I'm just trying to be funny."
"That's not funny."
"I'm very serious now, though. What are you doing here? It's no place for you, believe me."
"I know. But I don't care, at least tonight."
"Do your parents know you're here?"
"I'm a legal adult and responsible for my actions. And why are you pretending to be a vampire anyway?"
"Consider me a sort of bouncer. Those who are too afraid to stay usually leave if I do that."
****** "Thank you."
******* "Where have you been?"
"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."
"Thank God you're all right. We have to talk, missy."