A/N- This is set post 'Not Fade Away' and won't be a romance/relationship piece despite the themes of Chapter One. Warning: This chapter contains scenes of a sexual nature, if this offends anyone I could message you the chapter without the scene.

I guess that's how death works. It doesn't matter if we're ready or not. It just happens.
-Randy K. Milholland

Beyond Death

Chapter One
-Cages

The last memory Lindsey McDonald had was the blinding sparks of gunfire and the thunderous boom that accompanied it. 'That's what you get for working with a vampire' he thought bitterly. Angel, the vampire with a soul, had been a thorn in his side ever since his dramatic appearance in Los Angeles almost six years earlier. Over the years they had learnt more of the destiny that they were tied up to and found the reasons why they could never get along. Even with the knowledge that sometimes the past won't let up, when Angel came to him to rope him into his kamikaze plan, he still found himself unable to refuse, he would fight alongside his rival, why? The answer was quite simple in comparison to their long and complicated destinies. It was about power. However, he had been double-crossed. If he was honest he never really trusted Angel, he knew that in the same situation he would take advantage and so he was prepared for an attack, the final battle between them. It was the one that they had built up to for almost six years, but he was cheated out of even that. Lorne, one of Angel's demon flunkies pulled out a revolver glistening dangerously in the dim lighting. When the stabbing pain from the bullets hit pure shock took over his system and it seemed to take him an age to fall. Like an old hardened gangster from the movies his grandpa used to watch, he stumbled pointlessly trying to cling on to just a few more seconds of life. It was too late, his breaths grew shallower with the horrible sinking sensation in his chest and he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness as he thought 'death isn't all they make it out to be'.

The pain slowly subsided and he figured that he must've died. Only he didn't feel dead, in fact he didn't feel anything at all. He slowly opened his eyes which were a bit heavy as though he was waking up from a deep sleep and was blinded by the dazzling morning light. Everything around him span in a disorientating blur as he staggered to his feet, stumbling forward into the bars that caged him. It was all like a bad dream and for a moment the possibility that he could've been dreaming crossed his mind, but all his hopes were dashed as his hands instinctively found their way to his stomach. He tentatively ran his fingers along his well defined abs and discovered a gaping wound. A shiver of disgust shook him as he realised that he could almost push his finger clean through the wound without any pain at all. It had stopped bleeding and could almost be mistaken for an old scar, if it weren't for the fact that there was nothing blocking it. His eyes started to readjust to the bright fluorescent lighting and as he expected there was no trace of the dingy club where he had been just moments before. Instead every surface shone with a sterile cleanliness not dissimilar to that of hospitals or the company he had literally sold his soul to. There was no doubt about it; he was at Wolfram and Hart.

"Well I figured I'd see you here sooner or later," a sharp voice rang out from close by.

His eyes widened at the realisation that he was not alone and he swung himself around seeing a tall willowy figure from beyond the bars of the cell opposite. Lilah Morgan stood at the back of her cell observing him with interest. They had been co-workers at Wolfram and Hart three years previously and she was exactly how he remembered her: in a pair of high heels, smart business suit, not a hair out of place and radiating a sharp precision, just how she'd always been, except she'd died the year before. "Lilah?" he said quietly, his brow furrowed in confusion as he worked the situation out in his head. "I'm dead."

She smirked as she saw his face fall at the sudden comprehension and he was reminded of her more sadistic nature that had earned her the title 'vicious bitch'. She slowly moved forwards towards the bars and with a condescending smugness she parroted "everybody dies, Lindsey."

His expressive blue eyes fell down to the floor and in a small voice he asked "am I in hell?"

"No," she chuckled hollowly and his intense gaze returned to her. For the first time he noticed that there was a change to her. Her eyes, they were dark and haunted shadows and fear swept across them as she muttered "this is much worse."

His worst fears were confirmed. "This is Wolfram and Hart."

Lilah straightened up as she covered the emotions running through her with a cruel smirk and biting sarcasm. "A holding cell, you stay here unless you're of use to them. Don't sound so shocked, you were a lawyer," she said putting emphasis on the 'were'. "You read the small print, they own us. Now how do you feel about selling your soul?" She said viciously, but her voice betraying her own regret.

He ignored her question and muttered half seriously. "I just figured they'd be torture, you know…"

"For your betrayal," she finished as the haunted darkness recaptured her and she hunched over slightly. "You expected pain, but you don't know a thing about real torture. To be desperate to feel something: anything. To find yourself screaming uncontrollably with the weight of your soul as everything replays again and again in your mind, driving you insane but it's too late to ever make a difference." She was rambling, absorbed in her own torment she mumbled, barely without even stopping to take a breath. Finally she slowed down and meeting his penetrating gaze that made her feel like he could see right through her, she said forcefully "that is torture."

He watched her and saw the many pieces that she was in. She wasn't herself anymore; she was Wolfram and Hart's puppet more than ever. He chuckled and replied in the same patronising tone that was her trademark "cushy cage or burning fires of hell, I know which one I prefer."

Her expression changed to one of indigence as she moved away, retreating back into her cell, she muttered quietly before slipping into silence "I guess we've always lived in a cage one way or another."

It seemed like hours had passed tortuously by, but there had been no change in the ever consistent surroundings. The dazzling lights streamed at the same brightness day or night that was assuming that there was actually a distinction between the two in whatever dimension that he had fallen into. He lay on the ground, knowing that in any other circumstance he would be uncomfortable on a hard marble floor, however he didn't feel anything anymore. The silence was unbearable, he wished that there was something to distract his mind with, but every attempt to engage the brunette huddled in the corner of her cell into a conversation and ended with blank stares. He wondered if it would remain that way for eternity, a light trap of torturous silence.

For quite a while he lay still with his eyelids closed, he had hoped that sleep would overtake him, but found that even tiredness no longer affected him. He was like a ghost, a tangible, solid and caged ghost. He rolled over onto his side, anything to avoid looking at the woman hunched into a ball emitting the distinct sounds of quiet sobs. She was Lilah Morgan. She wasn't supposed to cry, she was tough as nails. The vulnerability that she covered with her toughened persona was all too apparent, she was at the end of her tether as her fears and regrets fell from her like a burst pipe suddenly losing everything it held within.

He closed his eyes wishing that he could block out the sniffling sounds of pain but found that they echoed though his head a thousand times louder than they actually were.

He felt a bulge in the side of his trousers and sat up pulling the object from his pocket, he still had his wallet not that credit cards would be any use to him anymore. Opening his wallet haphazardly a picture fell out and he picked it up tentatively. It was the one tangible object he had that meant anything to him. A familiar face smiled up at him, Eve. Even without the picture he could still recall every detail about her, the way her long honey hair floated around her neck, the way her chocolate eyes bore into his soul, she was the one that he had waited his whole life for. He remembered that day that he took the picture.

It was the hottest day in the year and Eve had been working most of the morning. While she was at work he pottered around the basic kitchen and set to work with the minimized ingredients they had. "Hmm," he muttered to himself opening the cupboard and seeing a packet of pasta and only a packet of pasta. "Pasta it is!"

About an hour later the sounds of a key in the lock echoed through the apartment. He cautiously moved towards the doorway, after all he couldn't be too careful. The door swung open and Eve walked into the apartment clearly pissed off.

"Tough day at the office?" he asked taking a seat behind her and rubbing her shoulders.

"You wouldn't believe," she replied leaning into his touch. They remained like that for a few minutes as she slowly unwound.

"I thought as long as you're free for the afternoon, why not take advantage," he smiled running his fingers through her golden tresses. "I'm taking you to the beach."

She stiffened and pulled away from him. "Are you crazy? It's too much of a risk Lindsey. What if we're spotted?"

He brought his lips to the top of her head and placed a gentle kiss there. "Don't worry, love," he drawled wrapping his arms protectively around her. "Nothing is gonna' come between us, ever." He stood up and took her hand pulling her to her feet. "We're just a normal couple, enjoying a normal day at the beach, in a normal world."

"Mmm, okay," she sighed and picked up her handbag.

He smiled childishly, a younger look taking over his features. "No," he said in amusement and pointed her to put her bag back on the table. "Just this once, let's leave work here. I made pasta!" She looked at the bag containing her mobile phone cautiously but she didn't protest as she followed him out of the apartment.

The beachfront was littered with tanned and scantily clad people enjoying the heat wave. The sun beat heavily down on the golden sand making it shimmer like a thousand tiny diamonds against the clear blue waters of the ocean. The salty taste of sea air filled their mouths as they walked down the busy sidewalk hand in hand.

"I feel a little overdressed," Eve remarked and looked up to meet his dazzling smile. She was still in her dark work clothes, which were turning out to be a bit of a suntrap as perspiration glistened across her skin.

"This way," he said cryptically and pulled her by the arm into one of tiny seaside shops. Inside it was like a treasure trove there were pretty, colourful and shiny things everywhere. From the clutter Lindsey picked out s small baby blue dress. "There you go," he smiled. "It's just your size."

"You've got to be kidding me," she laughed. "There's no changing room."

He nodded his head towards a shadowy corner of the shop obstructed by several cluttered rails. "Your changing room, princess," he chuckled and moved his hand down the small of her back until she squealed.

"Lindsey!" she scolded, but her flashing eyes betrayed her amusement.

She prowled across the shop moving her hips seductively, with a smirk she ducked behind the rail. He crept over to the rail and struggling to hold back his laughter he crawled on his hands and knees through the colourful garments hung on the rail.

She had slipped on the cotton dress and struggled to reach the zip at the back. He watched her for a few seconds as she stretched her arms around to her back and almost toppled over in the small space from the effort.

"Need some help with that?" he smirked and she nearly toppled over from the shock.

"Oh my god," she choked through a fit of giggles. "You're such a kid."

He got back to his feet and walked around the rail, still smirking. Leaning down with his lips almost touching her ear he whispered "you love it" and pulled the zip up the remainder of the way.

She turned around and stepped into his arms. "Thank you," she murmured pressing a chaste kiss against his lips and skipping away with a giggle.

The evening had slowly set in. The last beams of sunlight were fading from the darkening sky and a rich crimson glow gently surrounded the beautiful LA scenery. The bay was completely hidden from view by stunning terracotta-toned cliffs that surrounded the soft golden sands. It was every romantic's dream of a tropical paradise untouched by the passing world and its ability to corrupt beauty. There was an overwhelming sense of peace and the only sounds to break the constant silence were the gentle lapping of the shimmering waves onto the sandy seashore.

In the days when he worked at Wolfram and Hart Lindsey had visited the spot as often as his schedule would allow him, which unfortunately wasn't often. It was difficult to get to without knowledge of the winding caves but luckily he had fallen in with some of the locals on his first few weeks in the city and they had shown him the place where he could escape the rush of city life that he was so unused to.

'It feels so good to share this' he thought contently. In a sleepy haze he lay back in the sand soaking up the last rays of the sunshine. Feeling stray grains of sand hit his bare chest, he pushed himself up onto his arms and admired his lover peacefully sculpt the sand into a castle with her supple fingers.

The creamy colouring of her skin shone brightly against the golden blanket of sand that surrounded her. Stray droplets of water trickled down her body and her golden hair fell around her breasts in damp and tangled curls. The breaths that she took were deep and intentional as her chest rose and fell dramatically while she drank in the fresh sea air. It was the perfect place for her to relax and let her worries and insecurities fall away. Lost deep in the chasms of her mind she closed her eyelids and took a rest from watching the world pass by, granting her a moment of pure serenity.

"You're beautiful," he whispered the breath catching in his throat.

She crawled over to him and lay down as he wrapped an arm around her waist. Nuzzling her chin into his broad shoulder she absentmindedly ran her fingers along his muscular chest tracing out the marks of his tattoos. He could feel her breath against the nape of his neck making the skin tingle and he sighed lazily.

"I wish it could always be like this," she said, so quiet it was almost inaudible.

"Forever," he agreed with a sadness suddenly invading what had been a perfect day. He held her tightly, too afraid to let go, he didn't want to lose the moment.

He lost count of how long they had lay like that, perfectly still, enjoying the feeling of being together. He felt the emptiness as she moved away and he opened one eye to see her working on her sandcastle again. With a chuckle of amusement he reached into his bag and pulled out a disposable camera aiming it at his oblivious lover, to preserve the moment. She sat peacefully working with the sand, not a thought in her head but the gentle calmness of the lapping waves around her. With a click he pressed the button causing a blinding white flash.

A blinding flash that reminded him of where he had ended up, he looked at the photograph as sadness took over him. They had been torn apart. Even he wasn't strong enough to avoid death. With a deep sigh he placed the picture back in his wallet and closed it. It would do him no good to brood on the past.

"Who was she?" Lilah asked softly.

He felt his defences rise up until he turned around and saw the flicker of sadness in her eyes that hit him like a punch to his stomach.

"She was my girlfriend," he muttered. "And liaison to the Senior Partners."

"Wow," she said quietly. There was silence for a few minutes while both of them were unsure what to say. "That must have really pissed the Senior Partners off."

A triumphant smirk took over his face as he replied "yes, it did."

She couldn't hide the small smile that crept onto her face at his smugness in getting to them. "What is with you and danger?" she said in a teasing voice but he could hear the underlying seriousness in her question.

"Three words Lilah," he replied with amusement dancing across his piercing eyes. "Wesley Wyndom-Pryce."

"You heard about that!" she said hiding her face in her hands. "Did it come as a shock? Miss Evil-Bitch screws one of team Angel."

"Not really," he replied roguishly. "It's about the danger."

They shared knowing smiles and it went quiet again as they stirred up old memories.

"So," he continued suddenly. "Did you love him?"

Lilah's face morphed into shock at the sudden question and she recovered in time to send him a scathing look. "Love makes you weak," she spat holding her head high as if she was above such mortal emotions.

"You're dead," he pointed out. "How much weaker can you get?"

She chose not to respond but retreated back into herself as she sunk back into the corner of her cage, lost deep in thought.

Lindsey sat up and pushed himself into some press ups. He didn't really need to do it anymore being dead and all, but he hated breaking the routine. He found that if he carried on as normal he could almost fool himself into thinking he was still alive, almost. He had completely lost track of time, he had no idea how long he'd been there. It could've been days, weeks or even months. It just seemed to drag tortuously by and he began to converse with his fellow prisoner more, getting to know her like he regretted never taking the time to when they were still alive.

As he neared his fiftieth press up he felt the sensation of being watched and so he looked up and met Lilah's intent gaze. "Oh, don't let me stop you," she laughed. Knowing that he had an audience he played to it, moving onto one hand he eased up onto finger tips and raised his eyebrows as it didn't slow him. She was still laughing when his fingers gave way and he fell down onto his stomach.

"Let's just pretended that didn't happen," he laughed with embarrassment

"I missed you. You know that right?" she blurted out suddenly.

Lindsey looked startled. "Can I have that in black and white? Who are you and what have you done with Lilah Morgan?" he joked.

"You were a good lawyer," she shrugged. "You should've seen the halfwits I was left with."

He laughed aloud. "I should've known it wasn't because of my sparkling personality." He picked himself up from the heap on the floor and crawled over to the bars of his cell. Seeing what he was doing Lilah copied him until there was just a metre separating them. "How weird is this?" he muttered.

"What?"

He lowered his eyes, he didn't like to look at her when he said the d-word and replied "being dead." Lilah nodded in understanding but didn't say a word. "There's so many things that I wish I found the time to do."

"I know," she breathed. "I'd give anything to be able to feel again."

He lowered his head. "I wish I could feel something, even pain. This is so," he searched for the right word but couldn't find it.

"Empty?"

"Yeah," he agreed. "Empty." He watched the expression on her face intently as she softened. He wished that he could just get closer to her if only there wasn't so many bars between them.

He couldn't move his gaze from her as he saw a tear silently creep down her cheek. He found all he could focus on was her and he was filled with an uncontrollable urge to get closer to her, to hold her and wipe the tear away. Soon all he could see was her face as he spaced out and reached through the bars towards her.

All of a sudden the bars seemed to have disappeared and he looked cautiously around. Next to him was the huddled figure of Lilah Morgan, he reached out and wiped the stray tear from her cheek. She opened her eyes staring incredibulousy at him. "I felt that!" she said in shock.

"What the hell is going on?"

The air was thick with tension. Neither of them had a clue what had happened and although the change wasn't entirely unwelcome it threw up a lot of questions.

Lilah looked at him and then over to his empty cell. "Curiouser and curiouser," she remarked.

It felt like they had been debating for an eternity. Despite numerous tries he couldn't move back through the bars or make Lilah able to feel his touch.

"This is pointless," he said after what seemed like the millionth time. "I don't know how I did it."

"Typical," she replied rolling her eyes and moving away from him.

He stood up and paced the cell. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate he just couldn't figure out what had happened. A dozen theories swam about in his head but each were more ridiculous than the one before.

"Do you believe in soul mates?" He asked cautiously.

"No."

"Good," he muttered suddenly looking awkward. "Me neither."

Finally sitting down on the marble floor he closed his eyes and thought back to the moment before he found himself moved. 'What did I do?' he asked himself silently. The last thing that he remembered was watching Lilah. She was crying and he wanted to make it stop. He remembered reaching out towards her in a comforting gesture and then he was there.

"I think I know what happened…" he said slowly. "Souls aren't meant to be tangible. The reason we are, is our own fear, we're so afraid of fading away that we're trapped in this mockery of a human form. We're not accepting that we're dead, we cling to these forms as if, if we let go we'll fade away, but that's what's holding us back. If something seems more important than our fear that we can block it out and manipulate our surroundings to our advantage. The only cages we are in are the ones we created ourselves."

"You watched too many movies," she replied surveying him with disdain.

He moved forward until he was just inches away from her. He watched her, not letting her obvious scepticism distract him. With the careful precision of an artist he traced the subtle lines of her face until all he could see was her, not her body but her soul. He brought his fingers gently down her cheek caressing the soft skin. Her eyes flickered closed as she felt the gentle caress and she leaned into his touch, gasping quietly.

"Come on Lilah," he pleaded softly. "Just let go." His soft voice relaxed her and she leant forward into him, feeling a lightness creep over her she let go of her surroundings and focused on her more intangible feelings.

It had been so long since she had felt anything the sudden rush of sensation dizzied her and she leant forward to meet his lips. It was slow and tentative at first and then he deepened it, wrapping his arms around her small waist and pulling her into the kiss. Pushing her tongue through his lips to gently meet his she smiled in satisfaction. He had been right, they could still feel and she was going to make the most of it by doing something she had longed to do since they began working together.

She moved her lips down to his neck and sucked insistently at the soft skin until it turned an angry red. She felt the vibrations through his throat as he almost inaudibility moaned.

He moved his hands up under the back of her shirt caressing her shoulder blades. He almost lost control as she moved against him pushing her legs around his to straddle him. With a gentle insistence he worked on the buttons of her shirt finally slipping it off of her shoulders, leaving her sitting across his lap in a lacy black bra. He brought his lips up once again, into a pressing kiss.

Her fingers worked nimbly on his belt buckle and with a triumphant purr she pulled it away from his trousers. She pulled urgently at his shirt, tearing off a few buttons as she ripped it away from his body. Smirking, she ran her fingernails along his bare chest, feeling the well defined muscles underneath her fingers and leaving deep crimson scratches.

The sharp pain made his head spin after so long of feeling nothing everything seemed to be just that little bit more intense. He moved his tongue down her neck, delighting in the sensations as she writhed against him. He grabbed her hips closing the space between them and gasping at the sudden pressure. He snaked his hand slowly up her back until he reached the clasp of her bra.

She felt him fumbling with her bra clasp and laughed into his shoulder. Lost in the sensations he was finding it difficult to undo and she wasn't about to make it any easier for him as she rhythmically ground her hips against him. Moving her hands down she worked on the button of his pants intentionally brushing against him.

He knew that she was trying to push him over the edge. 'Two can play at that game,' he thought smugly as he finally worked the clasp open and slid the bra down her arms. He massaged one breast in his hands, expertly applying the right pressure to almost send her over the edge. She threw her head back and slammed her hips down as he took the nipple into his mouth.

He let out a grunt that vibrated through her chest and she giggled at the strange feeling. She pushed his pants over his hips and he moved so she could slide them off to leave him naked except for his underwear.

He slid his hand under her skirt caressing the soft skin of her thigh. Pulling away from the kiss he watched her lost in her own world, she looked so beautiful when she let the barriers down. Feeling the slowing of the pace she opened her eyes and sent him an inquisitive look. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked his voice shaking thick with lust.

"Stop being such a girl," she replied breathily and caught his lips in a passionate lock.

"Mmm," he murmured and pushed her skirt into a bunch at her hips. He broke the kiss and moved his lips down, deliberately brushing the stubble of his chin across her breasts and stomach. He finally reached his target and nipped and sucked at the exposed thighs. "Lay down," he commanded his voice quivering.

Butterflies stormed her stomach as she saw the fiery passion burning in his piercing eyes. The way that he looked at her was as though he was stripping her down to her barest soul, he saw right through her. She complied and lay backwards onto the hard floor.

He moved a finger slowly along the outside of her thongs feeling the sticky wetness through. Putting his hands on her hips he pulled at the elastic and began to slide the underwear off. She raised her hips up making it easier for him. Finally working it off her smooth legs and planting kisses as he worked his way down he threw the underwear to the side and crawled up her body to press a chaste kiss against her swollen lips. Her eyes flickered closed with pleasure as she anticipated his next move. With a mischievous grin he slowly moved back until he was level with her groin and leant down to plant a kiss.

She gasped when she felt the kiss vibrate through her sensitive area. Soon she felt herself groaning in ecstasy as his tongue worked its magic. Perspiration beaded her forehead as she felt him pushing her closer to the edge. Her body began to warm with a slow moving tingle. She ran her fingers through his long hair gripping it tight and moving in rhythm as he pressed harder and more persistently.

"Oh my god, Lindsey," she panted. "Don't stop, don't, do…" Her body shuddered with intense pleasure as he pushed her over the edge. She let out an unintelligible yell as the warm tingle seemed to take over her. She lay still for a moment waiting for the quivering to stop. Wiping the sweat from her forehead she gasped "wow."

Grinning with satisfaction he pulled himself onto his forearms and crawled back up her saturated body, enjoying the feeling of her bare skin against his chest. He gently placed a kiss on her forehead and stroked the damp her clinging to her face to the side. She kissed the tender skin on the nape of his neck and hungrily pulled his lips down into a kiss. He responded furiously grinding his rock-hard erection against her hips making her cry out with need. Her hands circled his cock pumping it in a slow rhythm and he closed his eyes from the feelings coursing through him.

He groaned, the need for release overtaking him. "Lilah," he murmured.

"I want you," she interrupted breathlessly and he moaned his cock throbbing against her skilful hands. "I want you inside of me." Retracting her hand and moving it up his chest she bit his neck and a surge of desire ran through making him unable to think straight as all his blood surged downwards.

Getting to his feet he pulled her up and caught her in a suffocating kiss. He pushed her backwards, hard, until they were against the bars of the cage. He ripped his grey boxers off and she wrapped her legs around his waist feeling his throbbing erection at her entrance. His mind was a blur of pleasure as she impaled herself fully on him, gasping as he went in deep.

She was trapped between the bars and his muscular body. Running her nails down his back until she almost drew blood they cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Once she was used to having him inside her she began to buck her hips setting the pace.

Pressing her forcefully against the bars he buried his face in her shoulder as he slowly thrust into her, their gasps and cries echoing through the mysterious room. "Faster," she demanded, wrapping her legs tighter around him pushing him into her as far as she could. He picked up the pace, ramming her powerfully back against the steel bars with every thrust. He felt her muscles clamp around him as her body started to shudder and shake bringing him closer to the edge. He thrust into her with all his power and she cried out unable to tell the difference between her pleasure and pain. In their rhythm they moved together as they neared orgasm. The image of Eve came to his mind and he came powerfully, thrusting deep into her as his seed poured out granting him release, he felt her in a similar state of pleasure as they fell to the floor in a bundle.

They lay on the floor a tangle of entwined limbs while they came down. She wrapped an arm across his chest and closed her eyes. Thinking about how amazing it was just to feel.

"It's weird," she muttered finally breaking the silence.

"What is?" he asked, running his hands through her hair absentmindedly.

"I keep expecting to feel your heartbeat," she admitted stroking his chest where his heart should've been beating strongly.

"We worked for so long trying to gain a reputation of being heartless, guess we finally got our wish," he laughed lightly. "Ironic isn't it."

She sighed sadly burying her head in his chest. "How comes you're so calm about death?"

"Just accept it," he answered impassively. "We knew what we signed up for."

She moved away from him and began to gather up her clothes which had ended up all over the place. "Well," she said smugly. "An eternity like this doesn't sound all that bad."

If you've read it review it. Constructive critism is always welcome, I have a few myself for example I'm finding it difficult to imagine Lilah so weak/vunerable, although the amount of time she has spent in that place has been very long and the situations would weaken/wear anyone. Anyway drop me a line to say you've read it and whether you liked it or not even if you have nothing else to say.