A/N: I don't exactly know how long this is going to last, but it started out as a one-shot. Hopefully it will be relatively long but I'm not promising anything. Hope you guys like it!
Summary: Mimi sees it coming before they do, but will it destroy her before it even happens? M/R
Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson's.
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Mimi loved Roger. She loved every single part of his body. His eyes, his hair, his nose, his lips, his legs, his feet, his hands. She loved listening to his straining, coarse voice run through her ears as he plucked at his guitar and belted out a tune. She loved lying in bed with him after sex. She loved staring deeply into his olive green eyes before meeting with his lips. She loved watching him sleep, write songs, sit awake in bed humming, and even shave. She loved the way he would lick his lips after every conversation almost as if to start anew. But the one thing she didn't love about Roger was Mark.
For as long as Mimi knew Roger, Mark had been there. Right there. He pressured Roger to pursue her, to stay strong, to get through drugs, to move on, to get over the HIV. Mark could do all that Mimi wanted to, but was never able to. He was Roger's rock, his constant. Even the slightest fluctuation and Roger wasn't able to handle anything. He was dependent on Mark completely, and with every passing moment this was becoming more evident. Mimi witnessed little things all the time. Little things Mark and Roger paid no attention to. Little things that weren't there if you didn't look for them.
First there was the way Roger's eyes would light up whenever Mark was mentioned or whenever he entered a room. The way Mark would shove his camera in Roger's face every chance he got, just to see him smirk shyly into the lens. The way Roger would protect Mark from drugs and sex, lending advice from his glory days whenever Mark was willing to take it. The way Mark would frown whenever he witnessed affection between Roger and Mimi. Or even the quietly mumbled moans of Mark's name in Roger's sleep. They were all signs of something. An affair. Fucking. Lust. Wanting. Pining. But it couldn't be love. Mimi loved Roger, and surely Roger loved Mimi.
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"Maybe you should just go. I'll stay back at the loft." Roger brushes his hair quickly away from his forehead, letting the wind carry it back and out of his sight. My eyes roll softly around the frame of his body, noticing the holes in his jeans becoming more evident and larger too. I sigh, frustrated, and meet his gaze with mine.
"But I thought we were going to do this together. Have a good time. Just us." I intentionally purse my lips in a pout, wrapping my thin arms around his muscular form.
"I…I'm just tired Mimi. We hung out last night. Can't you just go? I know you'll have more fun without me." He leans back and away from me, using his fingers to pry mine off of his arms. My mouth opens in betrayal as I stare dazedly at his actions.
"I always have fun with you, Rog. But I guess you don't have to go if you're tired…I…fine. Just go have fun with Mark." I scoff, moving quickly away from him and almost running down the street. I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to get away from him, but I think that's how it came off. He leaves me so often these days, I'm just sick of having fun by myself. I'm sick of meeting strangers, and being inches away from bringing them home with me. Every time I find a willing guy, someone wanting to just fuck me with no attachment, I want to cheat. I want to do drugs. I want to do it all. All that I promised Roger I would never do again. But his distance is killing me slowly. I know that something is wrong, something is up, but part of me never wants to find out what it really is. I have a feeling that if I do, I won't like it much.
Before I know it I'm all dressed up, ready for work. I didn't think I'd go tonight, skip just to do something with Roger, but now I'm all ready. I might as well go. When I got home, I just slipped on my boots and prepared, and now I have no place else to go but work. I know that if I do go out without Roger, I will just end up cheating on him. Maybe I'll head to the loft and see what he's up to. Do I really want to interrupt a loving conversation between Mark and Roger?
I walk slowly up the steps, regretting every shuffle of my feet before it even happens. This is a huge mistake. They don't want me there. Obviously Roger wants to spend time with Mark. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating this entire situation. Maybe Roger really does love me, and this thing with Mark is all in my head. Maybe Roger is just good friends with Mark, displaying loving signs of things that are barely there. Maybe it's all in my head. Just maybe.
My hand taps on the metal of the door, echoing quietly as my spiky boots shift beneath me. The door opens to reveal Roger in jeans and an open shirt, his hair mussed up and his eyes cloudy with sleep.
"Hey…Meems? What are you doing here?" He mumbles, as I see Mark groggily saunter behind him in the loft. Mark rubs his eyes wearily, and I immediately assume they were asleep…together. But that couldn't be true.
"I…uh…I just came to see you. I thought maybe I'd stay in tonight since I don't have anyone to go out with anyways." A smile plays across my lips, and Roger nods, reaching out his hand to lie on my shoulder. Carefully he lures me into his home, leading me aimlessly to the bedroom and yawning loudly beside me.
"Can we just take a nap? I'm…so tired." Another yawn opens his light pink lips, but he does nothing to cover it up. Apparently around me he doesn't have to be that polite.
"Hey, are you going back to bed?" Mark's small voice comes from the other side of the room, and I turn to see his messy blond hair staring at both of us.
"Yea. Why?" Roger squints in Mark's direction, itching his naked chest and stretching his arms far over his head.
"Did you take your AZT? You haven't eaten anything in a while either." Mark begins to talk to himself, murmuring complaints about his roommate as Roger scoffs and heads towards the bathroom.
"No, I didn't take it but I'll do it right now…mother." Roger's voice lowers on his last word, but the expression on Mark's face makes it evident that he heard him clearly. I smile kindly at Mark, even though it's really in frustration, as I re-direct my gaze towards semi-unconscious Roger.
"I'll be in the bedroom Rog." I say rather loudly, hearing an audible moan come from the washroom. My hands leisurely place my jacket on the couch, and I head for Roger's room, when a hand stops me. My eyes land on Mark's fingers gripping tightly to my shoulder, pulling me cautiously backwards. "Hmm?" I ask, seeing Mark's eyes glance hastily between me and the bathroom door.
"I just wanted to know if Roger's been all right lately? I haven't seen him much, and I know…he's been with you. I just…is he doing fine? Eating…and…his…" One of my small bony fingers reaches out to Mark's lips, stopping him mid sentence. I smirk at his motherly love for the musician and secretly loathe him for caring about Roger so much.
"He's fine. He has been eating more than I've seen him in months. He's just been a little distant lately. Although…" Roger hops out of the bathroom, his shirt now completely removed and his eyes sprung wide open. He smiles lovingly at Mark, one he receives back, and stands beside us contently. "…I think I might know why that is." My hand moves over to Rogers, grasping his fingers quickly between mine and trying desperately to pull him towards his room.
"Mimi, on second thought I'm not really that tired. The AZT got to me. We should just stay out here and hang out with Mark." His eyes never leave Mark's gaze, and I find myself lost in the midst of their staring. I feel so inferior to them, looking up weakly as they share eye contact, just holding Roger's hand in my own small, meager one. His calloused fingers rub unknowingly across my olive skin, sending shivers across my body, but only because I miss his touch so much.
"I guess." I answer minutes later, after witnessing Mark breaking the staring charade and sitting down comfortably on the couch. Roger wraps his arms loosely around my waist, burying his face in my hair and sighing peacefully.
"So…what exactly are we going to do here?" Mark ponders, raising his eyebrow at Roger in expectance for an answer. Roger leans his body into mine, pushing his stomach securely against my back. I hear him hum in wonderment, and then myself think of an idea.
"We could play truth or dare." I spurt out, even though I'm not so sure it's the best idea. But maybe…just maybe I can force them to tell secrets about themselves. Secrets that I might have known before them.
"Uhh…I guess." Roger says, taking his place next to Mark on the couch, and leaving me the chair to sit in. Mark sprawls his legs in front of him, his spastic fingers moving continuously across his thighs. Roger brings his legs to a crossed position up on the couch, and I tightly hug my knees to my chest.
"I'll start." I volunteer, knowing that I have to take this slowly, otherwise they might suspect I'm suspicious of something. "All right. Mark. Truth or dare?" As soon as the question comes out of my mouth, Mark's eyes roll.
"Come on, can't we just talk or something? This is like a high school game." Mark whines, and Roger playfully pushes him on the arm.
"Shut up Mark, just pick. Don't be afraid just because you know you're going to lose." Roger smiles and a confused look overtakes Mark's pale white face.
"You can't lose at Truth or Dare, Roger. You just answer questions. I'm just saying that I don't want to have to do some dumb dare." Mark unwittingly uses his hands when he speaks, and I realize that I could watch his hand movements for hours on end. It's so entertaining. Then again, maybe I'm just trying to distract myself while an immature fight takes place. I sigh loudly and brush an ash colored piece of hair out of my face.
"Then pick truth! Jesus!" Roger loses his temper, raising his voice and prompting Mark to shrug back against the armrest of the couch. Suddenly, I'm not in the mood to play this game anymore.
"You know what guys? This was a stupid idea. I don't really have any questions I want to ask anyways." I let my legs drop away from me, allowing my feet to hit the ground. Roger follows my actions with his droopy green eyes, and I smile falsely towards him.
"Come on Mimi, there has to be something you want to know. What is it?" Roger grabs my tiny wrist between his fingers, and I close my eyes in frustration. Should I just ask?
"It's nothing. I mean…there is nothing. I don't need to know anything." I stumble on my words, most likely making my explanation less believable. Sure enough, Roger lifts off of the couch and tugs me into his body.
"Mimi, you know you want to ask me. Just do…it." His lips connect with the covered skin of my neck, hair intruding every which way, but I can still feel him. I still feel the warmth of his mouth, his breath reigning over me.
"Well…" I tease him, lightly pushing his head onto my shoulder, pressuring his mouth to open and his tongue to slide slickly across my bone. "Maybe there is…something." He smirks against the nape of my neck, his teeth now clawing at my skin and no doubt leaving obvious markings.
"What…is…it?" He whispers in my ear, licking the rim and kissing it quickly afterwards. I sink into his touch, until I remember that Mark is viewing this entire thing. It's not just Roger and I alone, but Mark is there too. I look over to see him sitting, arms crossed on the couch, trying his best to keep us out of his gaze.
"Mark…sorry. Roger's being a prick." I knock Roger on the chest, pushing him away and slumping back down to my chair.
"Nah, s'okay. I was just…admiring the fabric of the couch." Mark picks roughly at the orange, battered seat, as Roger gives up on his quest for my question and places himself back next to his roommate.
"Have either of you ever been with a man?" I say bluntly, watching Mark and Roger's eyes search for a reason for my question. I simply grin, twiddling my thumbs against my flat stomach and awaiting an answer.
"Uhh…I…I haven't." Mark says honestly and nervously, and I nod in acceptance. Roger tries to avoid my eyes, but I'm finally able to catch a glimpse of those dark shining eyes.
"Nope." He says rather inaudibly, while I move onto my next question.
"All right. Have either of you ever wanted to be with a man?" A bigger smile beams across my face as the two boys shift uncomfortably in their seats. They both shake their heads immediately, apparently unable to answer with real words. Then it comes to me. Neither of these boys have problems with sexuality. Then why are they being so awkward about this? I would think that both of them, especially Roger would answer easily and truthfully. But it seems that they are having a hard time even contemplating their thoughts on the matter.
"I should…uh…Mimi we should go to bed now. I'm getting tired…we'll see ya, Mark." Roger flashes a smile briefly in Mark's direction, their eyes catching in a sad and sudden glance. There I can tell. I can tell that one of them wants to say something that they can't.
"All right. Nighty night Marky." I giggle as Roger pulls me to his bedroom for the night, snuggling up against my body and trying to get sleep. I can tell he never actually drifts off after listening to his erratic breathing for the four hours or so I stayed awake. The only thing I could think of was Mark and Roger. Mark and Roger. What were they? What made these two best friends so damn special? What made them so much different than any other two guys out there? Maybe there is truly something I have left to learn.
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Notes: There will be more coming, but who knows when. I hope you liked it! Review! XD