In the two hundredth episode Carter and Daniel tease Mitchel about the mission report that Mitchel never read. There is such a report, but Mitchel isn't the only one who never read it. It's not exactly what you'd call official, and it never made its way through the proper chain of command. It exists only in safety deposit box in a bank in Minnesota. It sits in a box with other trinkets too classified to be left out and about, too meaningful to throw away, and too damned painful to keep within sight.
There is the hat he wore when he kissed her in the time loop. There is the transcripts of the whole za'tarc incident. The transcripts he was supposed to take from Fraya directly to General Hammond. The one's that never quite made it to the General's desk… And there is the cup she drank from on the planet that made her take of her…
There was a reason he kept them in the safety deposit box. They were best forgotten.
It's been so long since the mission no one can be sure if the others have really forgotten what happened on the mission. And to be perfectly honest no one was ever sure of what "really" happened on the mission to begin with.
But, if their memories are all pieced together you can come to the truth, if not exactly reality.
The second their bodies re-integrated on the other side of the event horizon they could tell that something was wrong. Or not wrong, so much as… confusing. Four jaws dropped, and to make a Jaffa jaw drop is something impressive indeed. Carter and O'Neill give each other a quick glance before staring straight ahead.
"O'Neill, I think I am experiencing the paranormal experience you refer to as a 'ghost', Teal'c says.
"You see Sha're, too?" Daniel asks.
"The perception I'm experiencing is not of your late wife, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c replies.
"Ah… I'm not seeing a dead person, but the person I'm seeing definitely can't be here," Sam explains.
"Ok, let's call this mission. Something here is causing us all to hallucinate. Dial us home Daniel."
Daniel nods his head and moves toward the DHD.
Suddenly a voice stops them all, "Why do you appear frightened?"
"Well, Ma'am," Jack replies dryly, "It might have something to do with you - the disembodied voice."
"By definition a disembodied voice cannot hurt you. So it should not cause you to be fearful," the voice replies.
"We're just confused as to why we're seeing things that aren't real," Daniel says.
"Why would that confuse you? From what I've gathered from the working of your eyes, nothing you see is real. It is merely the reflection light coming from something that exists," the voice says.
"Right, but those objects are real," Sam points out, "They exist. We're seeing an image of something that really, and truly exists."
"What do you mean by 'exists'?" the voice asks.
"I mean it has a physical form. You could reach out and touch it," Sam explains.
"Look Ma'am," Jack says glaring at his second in command, "as fascinating as this philosophical discussion is, we'd really like to know why we can't see you."
Suddenly a woman appears to all four eyes at once. She's a strange mix of people they have known. She has Sam's hair color, but Sha're's curls. She's got Jack's shoulders and Dray'auc's arms. And for some odd reason, General Hammond's nose.
"Is this form pleasing to you all?" she asks.
"Why don't you just show up as you are," Jack says annoyed.
"I haven't had a physical form for so long I've quite forgotten what I look like. In fact, it's been almost a million years since I encountered someone who requited me to take a physical form of any kind. The Asgard are of course above demanding physical form."
"You know the Asgard?" Daniel asks excitedly.
"Yes, actually we're good friends with Thor," Jack says proudly.
"It appears the Supreme Allied Commander has lowered his standards considerably since I knew him," she replies.
Sam chuckles glancing at her commanding officer to see how this affects his pride. It took quite a hit from being called "young" by the Nox, and this is considerably worse.
"Who exactly are you?" Jack asks pulling off his sun glasses to stare at her.
"We are a very old race. We called ourselves the Anasi long ago. The Nox call us the Elders, and the Asgard call us the Furlings.
"The Furlings!" Jack says grinning.
"Ah… could you tell me exactly why you're torturing us with, uh… people we love?" Daniel asks.
She looks around, confused, at the people around her, "Torture? I gave you the deepest desire of your heart."
"But… they're not real, and it's just… reminding us of things we don't have," Daniel stammers.
Daniel glances over as Sha're disappears. He's glad. He spent enough years looking at someone who looked like Sha're but wasn't, when Sha're was possessed by a Goa'uld. But this one didn't just look like her. She acted like her too. Even held her head like her.
"Would any of the rest of you like me to get rid of the desires of your heart?' she asks.
Jack and Sam shake their head ever so slightly as Sam blushes a bit. Teal'c says stoically, "I would prefer to continue to see the image of the one I have loved."
"Who are you?" Sam asks.
"Names… we've had no use for those for much longer than we've had no use for physical bodies. How silly you humans are," she giggles. "I can't remember the one I used to be called by. Would one of you mind terribly if you named me?"
"For a voice without body… Echo," Daniel says.
"I don't have a voice any more than I have a body," she says with a laugh, "But I like the name Echo well enough."
"Ok, Echo," Jack says giving Daniel a bit of a glare, "Can you please explain to me exactly how you can be real with neither a body nor a voice. And you'd better make it convincing or else I'm going to have to go back to the hallucination explanation."
"Sir, we can't all be hallucinating the same thing," Sam points out.
"Well we seem to have different hallucinations as well as a shared one," Daniel points out at the same time Teal'c says, "Urgo."
"Oh, no, no, please tell me you're not another fun seeking microchip!" Jack exclaims.
Echo giggles, "That memory delights as well as befuddles."
"You have access to our memories?" Jack says nervously.
"Of course," Echo says with a sigh, "Your memories are a part of who you are, aren't they? How could we have communion with you if we didn't know who you are."
"Before we get to this 'communion' we'd like to get to know you a little better," Jack says.
"For instance, how can you be alive without a body?" Sam asks.
"I can see why you think that a body is necessary for life. That isn't quite true though. But individuality needs physically bodies. But once that has formed - which only takes a few years really - there is no need for a physical body. We shed ours long ago. They took such effort to be maintained! Air, water, food, and sex! Constant demands! We hardly had time for reason or art! How is a society expected to advance when it's still tied to its animal nature?"
"I don't know I happen to like all of those things…" Jacks says, throwing out yet another of the jokes only his second in command actually finds humorous.
"So what exactly are you now? The Ancients… they Ascended… became pure energy. Did you do something similar?" Daniel asked.
"We are familiar with the process. In fact, a few of our people chose that path. Just as some of them chose to come with us on our path. Our path requires no meditation, no peace, and no faith. Nor did we have to wait until our bodies evolved. We used technology to help us on the way. We created machines that granted our wishes. At first… poor imitations of the real world. Ones we used briefly and left to care for our physical needs. As time went on, the machines became better. More intense, more sensual than what you think of as "real". Eventually we had no need for our physical bodies. No need for the machines. The world we had created was beyond them. Bigger than them. We had created our own universe, better than the "real" one could ever be."
"So we're in a utopian virtual reality?" Sam asks.
Echo pauses. "Yes, but the virtual reality world is now integrated into our atmosphere. It has no need to be sustained by machines or anything more than a few lightning strokes a year."
"Well that's just plain amazing," Sam says, her jaw dropping.
"We've had many millennia," Echo says bashfully.
"So there are no people on the planet," Jack says, swirling his finger around.
"Ah Jack… I'm not sure Echo doesn't fit the definition of person better than we do," Daniel says, staring into her eyes.
"Oh for crying out loud! Are you all missing the fact that she is not real? Fiction? A figment of our imaginations? A hallucination?"
"Sir, she's real. She's just not physical," Sam says.
"O'Neill, would not these people make powerful alias?" Teal'c asks.
"I don't know. How useful is someone without a body? It's not as if she can actually DO anything," Jack asks.
His teammates stares at him in shock. But Echo laughs. "Don't scold him. Bluntness is what it means to be Jack. It's his uniqueness. It is something we don't have enough of yet."
"Well you can't have mine, I'm using it," Jack replies.
"How exactly are you… influencing our brains?" Sam asks.
"They are nothing more than electricity. It's just a matter of transforming the outgoing wish signals into an incoming visual signals so that you believe you're seeing it," Echo responds.
"So, we can have whatever we wish for? Sam, what exactly would this big honking space gun look like?" Jack asks.
"What space gun?" she asks.
"The one we're always looking for of course," he replies.
"Ah, so that's what we've been doing for the last five years?" Sam asks.
"Yep, now that you're on the same page as the rest of us we'll probably get it accomplished in thirty seconds, squint and wish," he says.
"You will have no need for weapons here, and you cannot take what we give to another place," Echo says sounding bored. "The violence takes time to work out of you people. Some of you will take…much time," she says with a sigh.
"We're not staying for, 'much time'," Jack says, not to Echo, but to his vision. His eyes go softer as he looks at his vision.
Sam casts the figure she can't see a jealous glance. What is Jack's deepest hope? His son? Sarah? She is jealous, and she hates this about herself. It's irrational to begrudge him even an image of the happiness that was ripped from him.
"Surely once you know how wonderful this place is you will never want to leave," Echo replies, smiling at Jack.
"We appreciate your hospitality," says the diplomatic Daniel, "But you have to understand there are some serious things happening in the universe right now. There are a lot of people whose lives are at risk each and every day."
"All are welcome here. Space is infinite," Echo says.
"So, you're suggesting we take the entire universe to live in lala land with you?"Jack asks in shock.
"The only way to defeat evil is to deny it battle," Echo replies.
"A friend of mine said that once," Daniel says softly.
"So, Ms. Echo, your plan is to play ostrich for the rest of eternity?" Jack asks.
"Play ostrich?" Echo quarries.
"It's an Earth phrase that means to ignore the bad things going on around you. He means that you're, uh… avoiding the state of the universe instead of facing it directly."
"Yes, we are playing ostrich, it comes with wisdom," Echo says, "Come."
"I've, uh… been trying to change my… hallucination or whatever you call her, and I… can't," Jack stammers.
Sam schools her face, hoping he won't see how much she wanted the hallucination to be a boy, a little boy.
"Why would you want to change her?" Echo laughs, "She's what you really want."
"It's a… particularly awkward situation," Jack stammers.
Echo smiles, "You people are so quaint. I have forgotten. Long ago we, too, worried about hurting one another's feelings. Strange times… I'll try to remember the things we used to do. Until then, come. We have foods better than what you have dreamt of yet. Better than you could dream of until you've been dreaming for many lifetimes."
"So we can sort of share dreams?" Daniel asks.
"Is this sharing voluntary?" Sam asks, suddenly worried.
Jack looks at her curiously. "Who do you see, Carter?"
She shakes her head.
"If you prefer, the visions can be kept private," Echo says, nodding, "And I see that you prefer."
A village grows around them. Rustic log cabins, yellow kitchens, beautiful tapestries and art, and doors trimmed in gold. Familiar to each, but foreign and delightful too.
"Which house will we eat at?" Daniel asks uncertainly.
"Any one you choose," Echo says with the sort of laugh we might use if someone was asking how to walk.
The enter one, and find a table prepared for them. They don't recognize any of the dishes, except to determine that the first is a kind of brothy soup, and the last is some sort of fluffy cake. But each taste is more unique, more intense than anything they've ever tasted. Each bite is different. Each one uses taste buds they've never used - never had until Echo imagined them right into their mouths.
For a lifetime they'd been dealing with sweet and salty, bitter and savory. Four tastes combining into everything they'd ever tasted. And now the world had opened to new tastes. Five, ten, a hundred. They combined in a thousand, a million, a billion new flavors.
They ate as long as they wanted. The pleasant feeling of being full came at the usual time. But the unpleasant feeling of being stuffed did not arrive.
After eating for hours Jack leans back. The sensation of smoking overcomes him without smoke in the air. He'd forgotten how much he missed it. Sara had begged him to give up smoking the day she'd found out she was pregnant. He'd never managed it. Not after Charlie was born, either.
But after Charlie died… it was just another fatherly failing. And after Charlie's death he didn't really have a reason to stay alive - so stopping smoking wasn't a priority. But after Abydos... After that, there was a reason to live, and he stopped smoking again.
"I assume imaginary cigarettes don't come with cancer?" he asks.
Sam looks at him in shock, "You SMOKE?"
He grins, "Haven't in years, Carter."
"Well do you think it's a good plan?" Sam asks nervously.
"What's the harm?" Jack asks with a shrug.
"You know. I've always wanted to try…" Daniel says.
"Daniel!" Sam scolds, as Daniel starts coughing uncontrollably.
"Didn't anyone ever teach you to smoke properly?" Jack asks with a laugh.
"I thought there were no consequences," Daniel chokes.
"There are consequences. They may be different than your consequences, but they still exist," Echo says.
"I would like to experience earth alcohol," Teal'c informs Echo.
"T?" Jack queries.
"Am I correct in assuming that it will not injure my symbiote?" Teal'c asks slowly.
Echo nods, and Teal'c makes an awful face.
"Smooth?" Jack asks.
Sam locks eyes with Echo. Echo nods, and Sam gets a sensual grin on her face. The boys fidget.
"Ah… Major? What exactly are you doing?" Jack says nervously.
"Riding my bike really fast," she responds.
"Phew," Daniel says awkwardly.
Sam peals an eye open and glares at him.
They sit for a while enjoying various strong sensory experiences.
"Sir, I really don't think this is the right time for it," Sam says suddenly.
"Ah, what is it a bad time for, exactly, Major?" Jack asks.
Sam turns toward him and all the color in her face drains, "Nothing sir!"
Jack tilts his head at her grinning, "Me?"
"No!" she exclaims.
"What's happening?" Daniel asks.
"Were you unaware that Major Carter and O'Neill were experiencing hallucinations of one another?" Teal'c asks.
"Really? Deepest desire?" Daniel says.
"I did not say my hallucination was Carter," Jack mumbles.
"Sir, it's alright. It's not like you have control over that," Sam says blushing.
Daniel laughs.
"Could you not be a junior high student right now?" Jack grumbles.
Echo nods, "Take your walk then."
"I thought that you could just make us feel like we were walking," Jack says snidely.
Sam tilted her head. Jack was getting more sarcastic. Less comfortable.
"You could of course have the conversation with your doubles, but it wouldn't have the same effect. You certainly wouldn't be the first couple to have chosen to love mere images of each other."
"We don't…" Jack says. He stands up, and starts to walk out of the room. Sam doesn't move. "You coming, Carter?" he asks, suddenly sounding insecure.
She jumps up and falls into step next to him. They don't say anything for a while though.
"This place makes me nervous," Jack mutters.
"Yeah, well at least you seem able to tell the difference between the real me, and the fake me. It's much less awkward. And how exactly can you tell us apart?" she asks.
He looks at her with a smile on her face.
"Sir!" she exclaims reproachfully.
"What?" he asks, sounding offended.
"She's not wearing regulation BDUs is she?" Sam asks suspiciously.
"No," Jack says, not giving his vision so much as a glance.
"She is wearing…something?" Sam asks tentatively.
"Relax major, she's fully clothed," he says in an uneasy tone. Then he looks Sam right in the eye, "They're just maternity clothes."
Sam doesn't speak for a long time, "She's pregnant, then." It's a statement, not a question.
"I guess I figured out how to get two wishes for the price of one," he admits with uncharacteristic honesty, looking anywhere but Sam.
"My hallucination wears your clothes - mostly. I don't know how I missed it before. I'll just have to look at his finger," she says softly.
"She's got that too," he confesses.
"We've avoided talking about this a long time," she says.
"And we still have almost nothing to say," he grumbles. "Because we aren't staying. So we might as well never get attached to these… visions of what isn't."
"Unless," she says.
He glances at her quickly, "You don't want to leave it in the room anymore?" he asks, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.
"I don't know… The options are scary. But doing nothing is sometimes… unbearable," she admits. In the silence she starts to fidget, something Carter rarely does unless she's in front of a camera.
"I know, but the thing is... We can't actually even talk about it. Not until…we've decided. But how can we decide without talking about it?" he asks.
"We could talk to them about it," she says.
"I like it Carter. Technically obeying, while functionally breaking the rules. But we don't really need to. We certainly know what each other wants. And we know why we've decided not to take it. Unless one of us changes our minds, I don't know what we have to discus," he says, kicking a rock.
"And this only makes the whole thing suck more," Sam says.
"Someday," he mutters, almost under his breath.
"Yes, sir. Someday."
He turns suddenly to his other side. "Are you okay?"
"What's wrong with her?" Sam asks worriedly.
"She's… in labor."
"Oh dear!" Sam exclaims, "We have to do something. We have to help her."
"She'll be fine. Women have babies every day."
"Still, we'd better get her back. Do you need help?" she asks awkwardly.
"She's managing," he says, giving her a smile, "Pretending that it doesn't hurt."
"It probably hurts less than a Goa'uld pain stick," the real Sam mutters.
"I don't know. I only have Sara's labor to go by, and she was no soldier. But my guess is it is WAY more painful than a Goa'uld pain stick."
"I don't think you're comforting her," Sam points out.
Jack smiles at the wail of his hallucination. "You are right about that."