A/N: This is my first story for Fringe. I had been turning the idea for this story over in my head for a little while but didn't really think of ever posting it because it just felt too...whatever. But then a few days ago I just randomly decided to type it out and managed to do so in one sitting, something I rarely do. I'm still not to sure if it's that good but I figured -shrugs- what the hell? Maybe someone will like it. So here you go.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fringe (because if I did it wouldn't currently be the 'how shitty can we make Olivia feel' show that it is now)
Emotional Transfer
Walter had been working on something for the past few weeks. He's pretended he hasn't been and whenever someone hinted he was he had denied it, but they all knew. However, as long as he wasn't lighting things on fire or exploding fruit, they decided to just leave it alone. He'd tell them when he felt like it, probably acting as if it was a big important surprise, instead of just 'the perfect smoothie" or something else similar.
Part of Olivia suspected that it may really be a bit more important than that, though. Maybe it was because he wasn't as kid-in-a-candy-store happy (though after one ill-fated trip to an actual candy store, Olivia personally felt the expression should be changed to 'Walter-in-a-candy-store') as he normally was when dealing with those type of experiments. So she watched him when he was too absorbed to notice and wondered.
Then one day he set something up and asked Astrid to help and he was excited, in the way only he was when he wanted to test a new invention of some sort. She exchanged a glance with Astrid, knowing she came to the same conclusion. Astrid rolled her eyes but went to help nevertheless, not bothering to ask questions; he'd only tell them when he was ready.
"Ah, Olivia, my dear, I need you and Astro to help me test out my device," he told her excitedly and she knew now was the acceptable time to ask questions, though whether or not the answers would be helpful or understandable was an entirely different story.
"What kind of experiment?" she asked, half indulgent, half concerned.
His expression flickered serious for a bit before he returned to his usual smiling self, "Well, I've been working on a device to help Mr. Phillips." He ignored their surprised looks, continuing on with his usual focusing-on-far-away-complex-things that are locked up in his confused mind. "Anyway," he comes back to himself, shutting away the unpleasant thoughts, at least for now, "I thought if I could more accurately figure out how the ability works I could find some way to inhibit it."
The women continued to stare at him, waiting for him to go on, knowing he really needed no prompting besides the fact that they were breathing and there, "So, I created this device that should somewhat mimic his ability, if it works the way I think it will. If that is so, and I can reproduce the effect, then I am that much closer to finding out how to block it."
He hurried over behind the counter and rolled over a cart with two helmet-like devices on it, "These helmets should transfer emotions and basic thoughts between them. One is a receiver and the other is a transmitter. Now if one of you wears this one and the other the second helmet, if it functions as I hope, the first should be able to have some sensation of the others thoughts.
"I can't test it myself because I am only one person," he unnecessarily explained, "and I need to monitor the brain wave movements and such to better understand what exactly is happening."
Astrid and Olivia exchanged looks again, something they did often when Walter was concerned. Astrid seemed game and while neither necessarily wanted to read the other's mind, both were pretty comfortable with the idea that at least they wouldn't be sharing them with Walter or vice versa. Besides, in all likelihood it wouldn't even work as many of Walter's experiments didn't, especially in the beginning. Olivia also wanted to help Simon, empathetic to him as another fellow Cortexiphan subject, with his distress and inability to live an even remotely normal life.
"What would you like us to do?" Olivia asked with a bit more cheerfulness and enthusiasm than she truly felt for Walter's benefit.
"Wonderful!" Walter expressed, clapping his hands together with unrestrained excitement. "You my dear, should sit on this chair here," he pointed to an old black desk chair near the center of the room, "And you should sit over here." He gestured Astrid to a similar chair by a lab table a few yards away.
As they each took their places Astrid grabbed a fire extinguisher, giving Olivia a just-in-case look to which she nodded in approval. Walter seemed to not notice and was busy picking up the devices.
"Astro shall have the receiving helmet," Walter explained, passing her one of the strange devices before continuing over to Olivia, "And you shall have the transmitter."
Olivia accepted the helmet and Walter mimed putting it on. Once they began placing them on their heads he scurried over to where he had a multitude of computers set up, all displaying different charts, numbers and other things that only he and perhaps Peter would understand.
"These things aren't, dangerous, are they Walter?" Astrid asked, feeling someone should despite knowing Walter's definition of dangerous differed from most normal peoples.
"Dangerous? Nonsense. The worst that could happen would be that they don't work," he answered before pausing, "Although I suppose if there was a power surge at precisely the right moment…" he drifted off causing Astrid and Olivia to desperately hope there wasn't a power surge.
"Wait, if Simon couldn't read my mind wouldn't the same principle apply to these helmets?" Olivia asked voicing her concern.
"It shouldn't affect these because they don't involve Cortexiphan." He began powering up the helmets when he froze all of a sudden, "Would either of you young ladies happen to know where I might find a root beer float? I've had a sudden craving for one and…" He trailed off at the looks they were giving him.
"Weren't we in the middle of something?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Ah, too right you are, Agent Dunham. A question for another time." He made a few last adjustments before, "Now, then, the moment of truth!" He powered it up and looked eagerly at them, but nothing happened. He frowned for a minute while Olivia and Astrid began talking quietly about everyday things before adjusting some settings and cranking up the power just in case.
Now both Olivia and Astrid heard static before Astrid began to hear something very quietly. She tilted her head to the side. It sounded as if she were listening to a radio station with bad reception. Walter noticed something seemed to be happening and with a loud "Eureka!" began taking notes on the figures on his computers.
Olivia also could tell something was happening and closed her eyes, trying to make her thoughts and such clearer. After a few more seconds, Astrid was starting to be able to make out snatches. Some of it was just emotions, concern for Simon, desire to help him, concern for Walter in general, concern that the devices might have some kind of flaw and end up hurting one or both of them along with a sense of foolishness for trying to communicate her thoughts through a helmet. Astrid thought maybe she had been having trouble separating them from her own thoughts, which were pretty similar.
Astrid spoke up, "I can sense some of her emotions now, along with the reasons behind them."
"Really?" Walter asked excitedly, "Wonderful! What about thoughts? Anything specific?"
"Sorry, no sentences or anything." He looked comically crestfallen for a few seconds before getting himself over this disappointment. "No matter, all in good time. This is still going much better than I had hoped."
Olivia silently agreed before sighing, a small wave of tiredness washing over her just from the day in general, plus she hadn't been sleeping well lately. Across the room Astrid yawned as a sudden foreign tiredness swamped her. Their eyes met and they smiled, realizing Astrid had caught some of Olivia's exhaustion.
Then, a door opened and both turned to look. It was Peter, back from getting coffee for everyone. He smiled over at them and began making his way through the cluttered lab towards them.
Olivia smiled instinctively in response to his presence, momentarily forgetting everything that had happened these past few weeks before she spied the coffee and remembered the time he brought her the wrong kind and it all came flooding back to her.
A flurry of thoughts regarding the man flew through her head in the few seconds it took him to come over to where Walter was and ask "What on Earth are you doing, Walter?" not bothering to voice the "and how did he rope you two into it?". As soon as he finished speaking, his voice both soothing her and cutting her, Astrid let out a gasp and all eyes turned towards her and she opened her eyes wide and let out a silent scream before her head fell back to her chair, in what appeared to be a dead faint, tears running down her cheeks.
Olivia pulled off her helmet at the same time Peter set down the coffees. Walter just stared at her in blank surprise. Peter was closer to her and got there first whipping off her helmet and checking her vital signs. Olivia sprung out of her seat and was there quickly as well, just after Peter verified that she had a pulse.
"While her heart is beating a little fast she otherwise seems fine. What exactly was this experiment?" Peter assured them.
It was Olivia who answered, "Walter was trying to figure out a way to help Simon. These helmets were supposed to mimic his abilities."
Peter frowned, trying to think of how that could have caused this when Astrid stirred in the chair. Everyone leaned over her, concerned looks on their faces. Slowly her eyes opened and she blinked once, twice before she focused on their faces and offered a small smile before her eyes focused on Olivia. They all leaned back to give her some space as she now seemed fine. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief while Peter turned to his father as if to ask for an explanation.
"What happened?" he asked.
Walter shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea," he turned eagerly to Astrid and Olivia, "Do you know what caused such a reaction?"
Olivia frowned and shook her head and they all turned to Astrid, who seemed to be studying Olivia. "Olivia?" she asked in a measured voice and Olivia nodded that she was listening, "How often do you feel like that?"
Olivia immediately froze. She flashed back to her thoughts when Peter walked in. The anger over being trapped over there, the fear of what would happen to her, how he got her through it all only to come back and find she'd been replaced and no one noticed. That he'd moved on to a better version of herself. One that smiled and laughed and lived more than she ever did, and probably ever could.
She felt the sharp pain of his unconscious betrayal. She felt it whenever she saw him, always sharper after he had been gone from her sight, always fresher, because when she was around him it wasn't necessarily that it went away and it wasn't that she grew used to it, but that was the closest she could explain it. The worst was when she forgot and it all came to her in a few seconds, crashing into and tipping over her world.
She thought of how he had been with her without being with her. That he may know things about her she wouldn't remember sharing or things that he thought he knew, but weren't about her. That he'd slept with her and been with her in ways she had wanted to be with him, but now couldn't. It made her compare herself with the alternate her and feel like she came up short. How much better the other one was, Olivia 2.0, making her feel outdated and useless.
The weight of the helmet on her head brought to mind what she had learned from Simon; that Peter still had feelings for the other her and, while she had guessed as much, it still hurt to know that he did. She felt the overwhelming urge to change herself somehow, like chopping off her hair, just to differentiate herself from her alter, despite knowing she might need to remain the same in case they needed to switch again. She also didn't want to change simply because of her. She hated that she wasn't comfortable with herself anymore.
She knew he hadn't meant to do this or make her feel like this, but still, part of her did blame him. The part that thought: "he should have known". She was constantly at war with herself, blaming him, forgiving him, mad at herself, at the other her, at the world, at the other world. But it all just melted into pain and sorrow; a stabbing, burning pain. She felt as though she'd been cut to pieces by everything and left to put herself back together again alone. The loneliness was the worst; she felt so isolated from everyone, not knowing who to trust, but wanting desperately to trust someone, anyone.
Walter and Peter exchanged looks of confusion while Astrid sat up straighter, head still reeling slightly from all of the emotions and thoughts that had flooded her mind from Olivia when she saw Peter. She reached up and wiped away the remnants of the tears that had run down her face.
She thought back to all of Olivia's feelings that had rushed into her head through the helmets, the intensity of them. The pain and sadness and anger and betrayal, she had caught some phrases as well: "not good enough" "betrayed" "alone" "Olivia 2.0" "never be her" among others. She even remembered the image of a piece of notebook paper with the words "he still has feelings for her." written on it. The strength of hopelessness that the other woman felt almost made her tears begin anew.
"I…" Olivia began before lapsing into silence, unsure of what to say. Astrid now knew most of what she had been feeling since she had returned and she had no idea how to deal with that. She decided to just be truthful, having a feeling Astrid wouldn't accept anything less, "Most of the time, I guess." She stared at the younger agent steadily, trying not to reveal any more weakness than she already had.
Astrid had almost been able to separate that pain from the woman she looked up to and worked with everyday, the woman she considered a friend, but that statement, so worn down with such everyday truth in it…she couldn't help it. A single tear spilled over and, before she could stop herself, she got up and threw her arms around her, wanting to do something to help her suffering friend, but not knowing anything else.
One would be hard pressed to say who was more surprised at her action. At first Olivia stiffened, so unused to people touching, let alone hugging, her (besides her sister and Ella). Slowly, though, she relaxed and returned the hug, suddenly grateful to have someone who really did know how she felt.
Walter and Peter stood there awkwardly in confusion, staring at the two women. Gradually Walter began to realize that Olivia must have thought or felt something that Astrid received. From what little conversation they had had and Astrid's reaction it must not have been good. Walter, with a surprising amount of tact, turned away and began checking his calculations, choosing to focus on the fact that his machine had in fact worked. When things got tough, Walter threw himself into his work.
Peter remained where he was, his gaze locked on them, more confused than Walter, but better at people skills. He was able to grasp, though it took a bit longer, that some exchange of thoughts had taken place and that they were Olivia's to Astrid and that they weren't anything too happy. He felt a wave of guilt overcome him; obviously she had been hiding how upset she had been by everything better than he had thought and he had thought he was being fairly realistic with how she must feel, sparing himself no self incrimination. After all, the woman he loved had been replaced by essentially her own twin.
The longer this Olivia was back, the more glaringly obvious the differences between them came to be and the worse he felt. How had he missed it? Had he really been that focused on everything that had happened to him? Had he really been so caught up with trying to have everything be right, to justify leaving his own universe that he had missed that the reason he came home was false? The answer was obviously yes and that hurt. It made him distrust himself and hate how he couldn't stop thinking about both of them.
Astrid and Olivia broke their hug and stared at each other, slightly awkward from the hug and the fact that now Astrid understood, and had felt at least part of what Olivia was going through. Soon, however, Astrid offered the older woman a small smile, "I think you'd look great with short hair," was all she said and Olivia couldn't help her answering smile.
A/N: And there is it. What did you think? Should I have posted it after all? Please review and let me know. Thanks for reading! :)
P.S. - This is a one-shot and will not be continued under any circumstances (I feel the need to say so because people always seem to 'Story Alert' my one-shots and it annoys me)