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Whisper Sweet Lies in My Ear

Disclaimer: I do not own The Avengers, Thor, or any of the characters

Warnings: M/M pairing, angst

Pairing: Thor/Loki

Rating: T

Notes: Inspired by a prompt from one of my lovely readers :) They wanted to know what Thor was thinking in the Avengers when he stood in the field looking at Mjolnir after Loki had dropped him, and why Loki didn't look surprised when he ran into Thor during the battle.

I hope this isn't too much of a disappointment for you guys after "Behind the Mask" :P

Summary: Before they meet in battle, two brothers meet alone in a field, a hammer and betrayal between them.

Thor blinked up at the sky, unmoving. He watched the sun set the world aglow, rays of light catching in clouds, leaves and little flying creatures that passed by overhead. He watched the clouds drift by in their lazy, unrushed manner. He watched the tall grass, baked golden, sway with the breeze as it surrounded Thor's prone body.

Thor's heart was finally beginning to slow to a normal pace, though it has taken it many minutes to realize he is still alive. The few times he tried to move he felt his bones creak, his muscles burn. He could have forced himself into a seated position but he lacked the motivation, the desire to do so.

He continued to stare up at the sky, even though he knew he couldn't see what he was looking for. He knew the airship he had inhabited short minutes ago would likely be gone by now, carried further by the wind and the ship's own power. Even if it wasn't, even if it was still floating above his head, Thor would not see it; he had heard the others speak of some cloaking device.

Although he wouldn't see the ship, although he was probably staring at nothing but air, Thor narrowed his eyes in focus. If he tried hard enough, would he be able to see a flicker in the camouflage? Would he be able to see a glint of sun on metal? Would he be able to see Loki's green eyes looking down at him? Eyes he had known for so long, had taken lifetimes to memorize, which had now been transformed into something new and unwelcoming.

The green eyes Thor had seen through the glass of the cell; hardened by anger, sharpened by pain, eager with the thought of revenge. That had not been his brother looking back at him through the glass, taunting him, grinning as Thor was dropped to the ground below. That had been some foul creature Thor did not understand, one that scared Thor. A monster hidden beneath his brother's skin, turning his soft and mischievous looks dark and deadly.

What had happened to his brother? Was he still in there somewhere? Did it matter? Could Loki ever come back after what he had done, all the people he had killed? Thor wanted the answer to be yes, but he didn't know. After all, Loki was planning to start a war, bring humanity to its knees, and even the obstacle of his brother would not be enough to halt Loki's plans.

The thought of Loki's plans, what he intended to do to this planet, was the only thing that could make Thor move. He rolled over in the grass, dirt and vegetation falling from his armour and smearing against his knees and palms when he knelt and finally stood. Thor staggered on his feet for a moment, still a little unsteady after tumbling so far through the air. It felt odd to have solid ground meet his feet and it took him a few hesitant steps before he regained confidence in the reliability of the ground.

Although he couldn't see Mjolnir from where he was standing, he could see upturned dirt and flattened grass where it had tumbled along after Thor lost his grip. He walked through the grass, folding aside the plants to leave a path behind him in his wake. Mjolnir had not come to a rest far from him so it didn't take long before Thor was standing over his hammer, considering it as it rested half sunk in dirt and mud. He looked at it but he did not lean down to reclaim it.

How could he? How could he take up Mjolnir again after what it had torn apart? A connection with his brother he realized he would now cherish above any glory or honour. There was now a rift between them, sparked by Mjolnir, Thor's pride and Loki's jealousy. What would it mean if he held Mjolnir in his grasp again, knowing it was a slap in Loki's face each time he saw Thor wielding it? When Thor had first lifted the hammer he had heard words in his mind, I am worthy. But now he could only hear what he knew Loki must hear in his own mind each time he watched Thor use Mjolnir: I will never be worthy.

Worse still was the fact that Mjolnir was a weapon; a tool yes, but also an instrument of destruction. Could he really take Mjolnir again to use against his brother in battle? Could he really battle Loki with the mindset of victory in mind? He had fought his brother on the Bifrost Bridge of course, but he had never held any intention of dealing true pain or defeat. Would he be forced to now? Would Loki continue on this destructive path until he left Thor no choice but to stop him... permanently? How would Thor continue on living knowing he had dimmed the light from those green eyes?

Thor stood there, wavering on his feet, a million unanswerable questions biting at him. He had to take up Mjolnir again and face Loki as an enemy, but he just couldn't. It cut him so deeply, his shame and frustration at wanting to choose a deranged version of Loki over a realm he was supposed to be protecting. But he just couldn't. Even when he reached his hand out and beckoned the hammer to him, wondering if it might be easier to manage once Mjolnir was actually in his hand, if he didn't have to physically bend for it. But it wouldn't come to him. It remained buried in dirt. Thor wondered if it knew he was no longer worthy. But would he really want to be considered worthy if it meant he had to kill his brother?

He was somewhat relieved to turn from Mjolnir when he heard a thundering behind him. Thor caught sight of a metal flying machine passing by in the sky and then circling before hovering down to the ground a short distance away. It flattened the tall grass and sent dust and dirt scattering into the air. Thor lifted a hand half-heartedly to protect his eyes, but only because he felt compelled to continue watching the machine. The back part of the machine opened up and even though Thor didn't know what to expect, he didn't feel as shocked as he thought he should when Loki limped out into the field.

Truthfully, Thor felt numb. There were so many things he felt, so many things he thought he should feel at the sight of Loki – brother, enemy – that Thor's body overloaded and shut down. He didn't move as Loki waved the machine away and stepped away as it lifted into the air again. Thor watched Loki watch the machine rise and disappear, off to who knew where. Then Loki turned and, after hesitating only briefly, began walking towards Thor. He parted the golden grass with a thoughtless determination that made Thor queasy.

Still Thor remained standing, unmoving, only blinking and breathing. His instincts told him to turn and take up Mjolnir, prepare himself for a battle that was sure to come. Loki had just dropped him from the sky in a glass cage with every visible intent of Thor not surviving the fall. The humans think us immortal. Shall we test that? Loki had said, a playful quirk curling his lips. As though it was all an entertaining little game. They both knew they were tough to kill, but that it was not impossible either. Loki must have known the fall would kill Thor if he hadn't been able to escape; the thought of Loki toying with Thor was even more painful to bear so Thor would not even entertain it.

Thor should pick up his hammer and face Loki with it; it was all Loki deserved with the way he had been running rampant. His actions were so reckless and desperate that Loki was practically asking – screaming – for someone to stop him, to bring him down. That should be all the reason Thor needed to wield Mjolnir, but it left an uncomfortable twinge in his stomach. There was something about Loki's actions that felt like a cry for help.

Thor wanted to help him if he could, if Loki would let him. But perhaps Loki was only here searching for Thor's remains. Now that he found Thor alive, maybe his intent had shifted to finishing the job. Thor clenched his hands into fists and stood still, holding Loki's eyes as he slowed his approach. If Loki was going to kill him, so be it. Let Loki flounder without him, because Thor doubted anyone else would hear Loki's cry for help for what it was. He doubted anyone else would care.

Loki stepped closer, steps halted now that there were only a few feet separating them. It was as though Loki's hard shell – an invisible armour – was falling away the closer he stepped to Thor. He pushed the grass and wildflowers aside with more care now, seeking a path from nature rather than forcing his way through. Those green eyes were sharp – always had been – but they were tired and soft around the edges.

When they were only separated by an arm's length, Loki stopped fully. They took a few minutes in silence to look the other over. They had only seen each other minutes ago, but it felt like everything was different now. Thor knew he must look like a mess, pale and a little shaken, hair a mess and skin tanned by smeared dirt. Not enough time had passed, but Thor knew by nightfall he would be littered with bruises.

Loki didn't look much better, but it didn't satisfy Thor to notice this. Loki looked paler than normal and a little sick, skin tainted with green and gray. He had a few bruises and scrapes across his face and Thor could only wonder what the skin hidden by armour looked like. Loki's armour itself looked beaten and worn, singed in places, and Thor wondered what had happened in the short time on the flying ship after Loki had dropped him.

Remembering that moment hurt so badly, his heart clenching. That moment when Thor realized Loki was actually going to drop him, hated Thor enough to ignore the fact that they were brothers and drop him to his death. Thor still remembered that sick, heavy sensation filling up his chest like water filling his lungs, choking him, as his everlasting hope and belief in his brother was finally extinguished. That sickening jolt in his stomach when the floor disappeared from beneath him and he plummeted, green eyes watching him until he was gone, condemning him to death.

"Brother," Loki greeted hesitantly.

Memories fresh in his mind, painful like a scar across his heart, Thor only blinked. "Loki."

Loki's mouth tightened into a thin line at that, but Thor only glowered in return. "I see you're alright," Loki said briskly.

"Disappointed?" Thor asked, words sharp and hard.

More pain flashed across Loki's face. "No."

"Don't tell me you regret your actions," Thor warned, his jaw clenched. He was too broken to tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and Loki's lies always sounded so sweet when they were whispered in Thor's ear. He didn't think he could handle it, letting Loki spin him a web of lies again only to trap and choke him with the threads he had mistaken as supports.

"I won't," Loki said sadly, eyes downcast. "But I did. I do." Thor shook his head; he wasn't listening to this. Loki's eyes rose again, pinning Thor in place. "You believe I wouldn't? That I did not look at that empty space of air where you stood seconds before and feel the air leave my lungs at the thought that I was wrong? That you might not be able to break free in time to survive? That I might find your body broken and lifeless?"

"Enough!" Thor shouted before Loki could utter another word. The wildlife around them fell silent and Loki rocked back on his heels. "I will listen to no more of your lies. You have made your intentions quite clear. Regret means nothing after you commit the act. Why should I care if you feel bad now?" Thor snarled, anger fuelled by pain. "Your regret would not bring me back to life if I had not escaped in time. Your regret cannot reverse time, cannot bring us back to that moment so you can make a different choice."

Loki didn't say anything at first, though Thor could see his jaw and throat constricting as though he was trying to speak but couldn't get the words out. Failing that, Thor watched Loki silently hold his arms out, palms up. Although Loki's hands looked perfectly normal on top, across his fingers and palms Thor could see cuts and half-dried blood smeared across skin. "I found the cage," Loki whispered. "I dug for your body."

Thor crossed his arms and looked away, hating how Loki always knew exactly what to say to tug at his heart, to make him wish desperately to keep believing in his brother. It wasn't fair. Loki should not be allowed to hold such sway over Thor. Out of the corner of his eyes he could still see Loki holding his arms aloft. Thor watched them tremble, watched blood pool and slide away sluggishly, watched a few tears catch on dark lashes. "Blood and tears will not reverse time either, Loki," he said strongly.

"I know," Loki said softly and finally he dropped his arms to his side.

They stood there in silence for a while. Thor wasn't quite sure how much time passed, his thoughts scattered, his body tired and heavy. It felt so odd to be standing here in a field with Loki after everything that had happened, before what was about to happen. Loki had gotten Thor banished to Midgard and nearly killed him there, and then they fought on the Bridge. Loki fell into space and Thor thought he had lost his brother forever. He tried to heal his broken heart and failed, woke up every morning mourning his brother's comforting companionship.

Then he had heard news of Loki again and had come to Midgard searching for him. The Loki he found was not the one he had been missing though. This was a hardened version of his brother with blood on his hands. Thor felt as though he was still in mourning for a Loki he thought might no longer exist. He watched Loki kill with ruthless glee and felt hopelessness well up inside him when Loki trapped him in the cage. There had been a moment of uncertainty in Loki's eyes before he dropped Thor; he thought he had seen it, but Loki had dropped him all the same.

It seemed like this moment was suspended in time, detached from the world. Loki was about to start a war and kill countless more people. Yet here he was, standing under the sun, grass and wildflowers swaying around him calmly. The surrounding wildlife had started up their chorus again, filling the air with song and chatter, like there was nothing else but this field, this moment.

"I need you alive, Thor," Loki spoke up suddenly.

Thor swallowed thickly. "Why?"

"Because everything is meaningless without you. You are everything," Loki said almost bitterly. "You are my perfect enemy and my perfect ally. My equal. There's no one that will make me feel accomplished to beat, and no one I'd rather drink with after a trying day." Loki paused and took a deep breath; it sounded like each word was a struggle to voice, but was relieving for Loki to finally say. "I need you alive to stop me, because I need to be stopped." Now Loki's eyes were locked with Thor's, and Thor couldn't even breathe at the seriousness he saw in Loki's eyes. "You're the only one I'll stop for."

"I don't understand," Thor shook his head. "I've asked you to stop. I've begged you. I've tried to force you. Nothing has stopped you. You killed those people. You killed Coulson. And you still plan to wage war against this planet."

"But you make me want to stop. When I see you looking at me with such disappointment... It makes me realize that I'm becoming a monster. Knowing that you barely recognize who I've become reminds me of who I used to be, who I want to be again. Everyone else has only ever seen me as a monster, but not you. I need you to keep loving me."

"How can I, Loki?" Thor asked sadly. His heart hurt. He wanted to believe in Loki, loved him still. But he was hurt and betrayed and numb. "How can I keep loving you, believing in you, when you behave this way?"

"Because you fear the monster I will become if you stop as much as I do," Loki said solemnly.

"Why can you not just stop now then?" Thor asked. "You clearly want to. We all want you to stop. I want you to come home. I want my brother back," he said brokenly.

Loki shook his head, taking a few steps back in the grass. "I can't stop yet. There's a lot you don't know."

"Then tell me!" Thor yelled, taking a step forward in pursuit.

Loki took another two steps back. "Just know that I'm doing what I have to. If I don't start this war, if you and your team of heroes don't finish it, then the power of the Tesseract could fall into deadly hands. Hands that I cannot stop alone."

"What if I end it now?" Thor threatened, not entirely sure if he meant it or not.

"You wouldn't," Loki gave him a small, affectionate smile. "You have always had a guardian heart, Thor. You will not leave this planet to fend for itself. You will give me another chance, when it's finally time." Thor didn't know what to say to that so he stood in silence. He realized that Loki was still walking backwards, his smile turned sad. Loki gave a small wave to Mjolnir, which was mostly hidden from view. "You'll need that."

Thor glanced down at the hammer and then back up to Loki. Thor felt his throat close when he saw that Loki was fading away, a mirage disappearing before his eyes. "I can't," he admitted.

"You can," Loki promised. "Mjolnir did not choose you by accident. The realms need you, Thor. Today and in the days to come. And I need you."

"Brother," Thor whispered, hand outstretched. Loki disappeared. Thor did not know if Loki had heard Thor's final word before fading or not. He hoped he had, so that Loki knew Thor would be there as he needed. Thor was incredibly confused and always hated being left in the dark. But this reminded him of the old adventures Thor and Loki would take with their friends. Loki was a brilliant strategist, could see many moves ahead of anyone else and knew what had to be done, knew how to spin his web for the result he desired. Loki had left him in the dark many times, but he had always been a guiding hand, making sure Thor ended up safely in the light again.

He had trusted Loki for many years, through many battles and hardships. At the moment Thor didn't really have much choice; Loki continued to weave his web with no indication of what was truth or lie, manoeuvring Thor and the others to where he needed them. But Thor wanted to trust Loki, his brother. One last time, one last chance.

Thor turned back to Mjolnir, took a deep breath, and leaned down to grasp the hammer in his hand once again.