Summary… The Only Way Out Is A Long Ways Down
I saw it. I saw it happen. I saw so many things happen in the past two hours. So many things taken away. So many feelings violated. So many horrible thoughts. Not only did I see it, but I heard it. I took part in it.
Josh Abrams interrupted my CoveOps final exam, broke through a wall, and nearly ran over my favorite teacher with a forklift.
Of course I thought it was cute, but then I knew it would ruin everything. The walls I had set up between what I could believe was a normal life and the life I live as a spy, the life I've trained for, were ruined. I practically saw it crumbling down as the same wall Josh destroyed. And, let me tell you, he totally destructed that thing.
And then there was the debriefing. I had to sit in a cold room on a cold chair in front of a cold table, staring into the eyes of a man with a cold heart, doing the one thing I was trained to never do. I told the truth. Josh was referred to as The Subject. I remember being asked the usual questions- what his full name was, what had happened between me and him, how he found out about the real me. This was stuff I told my best friends, the same questions they asked me, so it should have been easy. But it wasn't. Because this man with the cold heart wasn't my best friend. The teenage girl hormones took over the teenage girl spy hormones. It was harder than I thought, talking about what happened, but I managed. So I lied to myself. I told myself everything would be okay.
It so wasn't.