AN/Disclaimer The situation is mine, the rest belongs to JKR
Merlin, I wish I'd never taken the Marauder's Oath! Well, that's not true – without the Oath I would never have coped with my first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Well, that's not true, either, but it certainly ensured that Sirius, James and Peter quickly became my three best friends. But I digress. There's one clause of the Oath I wish we'd never included:
'I vow never to date a girl who has already been spoken for by a fellow Marauder, until such a time as he is no longer interested.'
Yes, the wording was a little odd, but we were trying to make it sound official and binding, with an eleven year old's grasp of the English language. Naturally, it left a little to be desired, especially with Padfoot and Prongs overruling every grammar correction I made.
Oh, it seemed fine at the time, we were eleven, James was the only one interested in girls (specifically a certain red-haired, green-eyed, brightest-witch-of-her-age girl), and I never expected to stand a chance with my furry little problem. We were just covering ourselves for the future.
Now, I'm not so sure. It's been over five years since we took the blasted Oath, and circumstances have changed. Yes, James is still interested in the gorgeous Miss Evans (who, by the way, is still decidedly not interested), but the rest of us have grown up. And I have other friends outside of the Marauders. Lily and Alice. Alice is dating Frank Longbottom, a Gryffindor in the year above us. And Lily? She's not dating anyone. James asks every day, she refuses him every day and no other guy dares ask, for fear of waking up with pink hair, or girls' clothes, or facial hair which would put Dumbledore's to shame, or … Well, you get the idea.
Lily's so fed up with it that she's taken to asking the guys out. One guy. Me.
Apparently, she prefers me to James Potter, quidditch player and prankster extraordinaire. It just doesn't make sense. But worse, if it weren't for the Oath, I would have asked her out a couple of years ago. It's not only that she's beautiful; it's that she's such a great friend. We're on the same wavelength. We get each other. And I love that when she's concentrating she twirls a lock of hair between her index finger and thumb and taps her quill or wand on her arm. I love the way she smiles when she solves a problem, the way her eyes light up and she seems to glow with happiness. I love the fact that even though he asks every day, and she really doesn't like him, she tries to let James down in the kindest possible way (apart from once, but I'd say once in five years is a pretty good record).
I hate the fact that even though he asks every day, and she really doesn't like him, she tries to let him down in the kindest possible way.
Maybe if she were harsher he would get the message, back off, relinquish his claim. But then she wouldn't be my amazing Lily Marie Evans. Not that she'll ever be mine, she always has been, and always will be James's.
Merlin that conversation was awful.
"Remus, can we talk?" For the first time in a long time, I had no idea where this conversation was headed.
"Ummm, sure. Is here alright, or did you want to go somewhere else?"
"I was hoping we could walk and talk, is that OK?"
So we set out from the library and headed towards the lake.
"What did you want to talk about, Lily?"
"Well, you know how Potter keeps asking me out …"
I had no idea what Lily was trying to get at so responded with a non-committal "mmmhmmm"
"And I keep turning him down …"
I was still none the wiser; she got the same response.
"Well, the truth is, I like someone else, and I'm fairly sure he likes me back …"
"Mmmhmmm" I didn't like this, if she found someone else, we wouldn't get to talk as much. At least while Prongs was scaring everyone off, no other boy would come between us. And if James were to be successful eventually, I would get to see even more of her than I do now.
"But I think he's scared of losing one of his best friends if he asks me out, so I ask you, Remus, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"
What was I meant to say? "Yes, Lily, that's exactly why I never asked. Of course I will, James will forgive me." Or maybe, "Screw James, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you." Or perhaps even, "Lily, I would love to, I like you too, but five years ago I made a stupid oath which forbade me from ever agreeing to such a thing, so long as James is still obsessed with you."
No. Instead I ended up saying something along the lines of how much I appreciated her offer, but I value her as a very good friend and confidante, nothing more. And maybe one day she could find it in her heart to give James a chance – he's not as bad as she has made him out to be.
All entirely bullshit, of course, but what else could I do? The identity of the Marauders is still unknown to all but ourselves (and, I suspect, Dumbledore. Nothing could get past him) although everyone knows that the said group exists. I couldn't reveal the Marauder's Oath, and such a promise is a daft thing for any other group of boys to make.
No. This way was better. I couldn't let her know I reciprocated her feelings, I actually pushed her towards Prongs in the hope that it would mean we could always spend plenty of time together. For the rest of my life I will only be able to watch as she finds love with someone other than me. I just hope we can stay friends at the end of all this. I may have given her up, but I could never let Lily Evans go.