Chapter One

Of Nerds and Sex Gods

A/n this is an experiment. It may start slow. Please tell me what you think

My name is Lily Evans and I do NOT like Valentines Day.

Let's start with the name. St. Valentine was not the patron saint of over-priced cards and chocolates. Evil Pink and Red Over-Priced Hallmark Card Day can kiss my arse. I have a quiet Common Room, and book of fun facts, and a fire. I'm good where I am. Let everyone else go sow their oats in the blood of other's broken hearts…actually that was kind of poetic. I like it!

So that's how it all started, a Valentines Day.

I was sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly a voice behind me whispered, "Hey Flower."

"Potter…" I said as a growl under my breath, warning intended.

Fluttering his eyes innocently he replied "Yes…"

"Go. Away."

"This is not your Common Room Flower, it's for everyone. Sharing is caring."

"Fine." Nose buried in my book, I was determined to not let his presence phase me. How long could he stay anyway? Goodness knows about ten girls ask him out a day.

Minutes passed. Twenty to be exact. Twenty minutes of him boring holes in my skull. Watching me read.

"So here's a fun fact…" James looks up shocked at my words. "…go away!"

"Do you really want to spend another Valentines Day alone?"

"What and your gonna be my Prince and dash to rescue me from my loneliness while I'm stuck up in my tower?"

"Well yes, that was the general idea."

Then he had the audacity to wink.

So let me pause here to say I hate when guys wink. It's not cute. It looks like a twitch. Twitching isn't sexy. And really? This guy has put my through hell for years, and he thinks he has the right to wink at me? But I guess truth is I'm not so much angry anymore as I am tired.

"James," I say with a sigh, "can you just leave me alone?"

"Well I defiantly can't do that now."

"Why? Because even though my lips say no my eyes cry yes yes, oh god yes?" I laugh bitterly.

"No." He says, his lop-sided grin appearing.

Theres a moment of silence that seems to takes hours.

"Because you just called me James."

I stare at him blankly.

"So?"

His smile only widens.

"You called me James." He said elongating the words the way children do when teasing.

"Shut up!"

But he only smiles more at my anger. It like someone is chanting "Lily and James sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." I can tell I've flushed red and subsequently must look like a tomato or radish or possibly balloon.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" I spit venomously.

"Nope!"

"Oh come on! You always has a tramp waiting outside, can't you go off galavanting with her and let me alone?"

"Ok first of all not all of my girlfriends are tramps. Only most are. And secondly, since you refuse to spend Valentines Day with me every single year, I've decided I will just spend it with you!"

"You do know that there's a reason I don't spend it with you. So take you girlfriends and go have fun."

"I couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Why have they all moved on to stalking Sirius. If so I'm sooo sorry for your loss."

"Actually I refuse to see any woman until you go one one date with me And actually yes…" He looked amused, "In my absence Sirius gained another fan club."

"Wait what?"

"Well he had one fan club, and now he has-"

"Not that you dolt!"

"Oh you mean the first part.' He eyes twinkled the way they always do when he's about to pull a prank.

"No the other bomb you just dropped on me."

"I thought you would have noticed by now." He looked almost disappointed, "It's been two months."

"Well I… I mean… I guess I assumed you were just being quieter about your escapades."

"Never assume, it makes an "ass out of you and me." Always speculate…it makes a spec out of you and some guy named late."

I couldn't help it. I cracked up laughing.

"James!" I gasped for breath. "James that is just awful! By far the worst joke I've ever heard."

"Or the best. I haven't seen you laugh this much since I died Malfoy's hair pink for a week."

"I'm laughing because it was ridiculous."

He shrugged jokingly, "I'll take what I can get."

After I catch my breath there's more silence.

I HATE silence.

"Hey…wanna know a fun fact?"

"If your going to yell again, no."

"Did you know the Uric the Oddball tried to leave all his wealth to his pet cat?"

"How the hell is that a fun fact? There is absolutely nothing fun about it. That's like saying "hey, here's a fun math problem." "Or here's a fun chemical formula to memorize."

I couldn't help but giggle.

"I'm being serious here." He cried, feigning offense.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were James. My bad."

"Ha Ha. Your so puny."

"Well it is Punday Sunday."

"Whosey whasey?"

"Punday Sunday…" I gave him a look that clearly said "duhh."

"Oh I get it, it's a nerd joke!"

"Hey take that back!" I said throwing my book at him. "We prefer the term academic."

"Yes, and I prefer the term Sex God, but since you've only just stopped saying my name as though it was blasphemy, I won't push my luck."

I gaped at him in shock. Sex God? Really?

"Ok well here's a compromise. You can call me a nerd, if I get to refer to you as Signore Silly Pants."

Now it was his term to gape.

After a moment he doubled over laughing.

"Signore." Gasp. "Silly." Gasp. "Pants?"

"You heard me."

"Why would you ever feel the need to call me that?"

"Because in third year your mother sent you that ridiculous pair of bright yellow pants and you actually wore them. For a week straight might I add!"

"You remember my pants?"

"They were pretty unforgettable."

"But you remember what I wore?"

"Yeah but it's not like I noticed on purpose. I mean they were neon yellow. I was practically blinded by the site."

"So that entire year, when you pretended to ignore me and whenever I said something you would be all "do you guys hear something?" you were actually checking me out!" He said with a laugh and stuck out his tongue.

"Is the pot calling the kettle black?" I responded sticking my tongue out as well.

"You really shouldn't do that." His voice went soft and deep suddenly, as though it was velvet.

"Why not?"

"If you stick out your tongue it will end up in someones mouth."

He said is with such sincerity and seriousness that I was taken aback for a moment.

In my shock he smiled, his voice instantly returning to normal. "I'm joking. Relax."

"Don't you know me better than that? I don't relax. How many times have you called me a control freak?"

He started counting on his fingers.

"James!"

"Don't you ever just breath?"

I shook my head no.

"I don't no how to turn my brain off. To just make it go quite."

"Funny, I don't know how to turn my brain on-"

"James!"

He just laughed. Then the room went quite.

A few minutes passed in silence. He just sat there, and I stared at the pages of my book. I must have read the same line about twenty times before he spoke up.

"So I'm thirsty…"

"James, I don't drink.

He smiled. "I meant I want hot chocolate."

My face once again turned tomato red. Stupid Lily! Oh course that's what he meant. The mental kicking began again.

"Lil?"

"Whah." I said dumbly, coming out of my mental beat down.

"Hot chocolate?"

"What about it?"

"Do you want some some or not?"

"Oh right…yeah sure I guess."

I slipped back into chastising myself inside my head.

"Well are you coming or not?"

I looked up to see him standing in front of my, hand extended.

I must have looked confused because he withdrew his hand and ran his hands through his hair, clearly embarrassed.

"So yeah, to the kitchens." He muttered.

"Oh…yeah that makes sense," I stood up quickly and managed to bonk him in the nose with my forehead.

"Fuck."

"Lily!"

I blushed again, but he just laughed.

""What if a teacher heard you?" He said mockingly.

"Oh the horror!" I feigned fright.

"Um…James?"

"What?"

I flushed deeper…"You nose…"

"It's fine, it didn't even really hurt, I'm-"

"No. I mean." Pause awkwardly. "It's bleeding."

"Bloody hell!" He reached up to touch is and saw the blood on his hands.

"I'm so sorry!"

"Lily, it's no big deal." He said summoning a box of tissues.

I sighed and cringed. "I'm a spaz."

"It's ok."

"It's awful."

"It's endearing."

"I disagree."

"Well I think it's cute." He said smiling.

I cracked up laughing.

"See I told you I'm charming!"

I gasped for air. "No James, It's just," gasp, "It's looks like your wearing barbie red lip-stick."

He quickly wiped his face, cringing slightly in pain. The tissues seemed to be no use at all.

"Oh hold stick for Merlin's sake." I said whipping out my wand and pointing it at his face.

He instantly side stepped to move out of the way. "Sorry, reflex. I've seen what happens to people on the other end of your wand."

"Hold still."

I pointed and with a flick the blood was gone and the nose was fine. "See that wasn't so bad was it?"

He just smiled.

"Again, I'm really sorry."

"Lil, I say this with love, but shut up."

I must have looked shocked because he added, "A quaffle to the face broke my nose second year, then a bluger did the same in fourth and fifth year, not to mention that Sirius has literally broken my nose about five times with his beater's bat and Remus has broken it at least once. I'm fine."

I smiled awkwardly and nodded. "Wait Remus?"

He flushed. "Yeah, I mean..like not that he meant to..it's..I mean…' His voice slowly trailed off. His face looked stressed as though he was trying to remember the answer to a test question.

"James. It's ok. I know."

"Know what?" He said far to quickly. For a prankster this guy can't lie to save his skin.

"I know. I've know since second year."

"But how?"

"Um hello, nerd!" I said pointing to myself. "I read for fun."

He smiled slightly. "I thought we weren't using that word! And we really should change that you know."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I have an idea!" He cried, eyes suddenly twinkling.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"But why?"

"Last time I listened to your ideas I ended up covered in ink because you frightened the giant squid."

"Come on! That was like, what three years ago?"

"No."

"Ok, it I promise no harm will come to you…"

"Your usually the one causing the harm." I said with a laugh.

"See then I can keep my promise!"

I giggled. Yes giggled…how very embarrassing,

"See you already like the idea!"

"I haven't heard it!"

"You don't need to. Just come with me!" He said giddily grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the Common Room.

"James where the hell are we going."

"Shhhhh you'll see!"

"James I'm in pyjamas."

"Shhhhh you'll see."

"James I'm not wearing any shoes."

"Shhhhh, you'll see."

I stopping in my tracks. "James, shoes!"

"Oh right…" He pointed his wand at my feet and my favorite pair of flats appeared on them.

I looked at him oddly.

"Are you really that surprised that I know what your favorite shoes are?" It wasn't really a question.

"Please just tell me you haven't raided my closet again."

"Aren't you ever gonna let that go? It was third year. And I returned everything….eventually…"

"Not true! I'm still missing my favorite green bra!" Fuck I didn't mean to say that out-loud…

"The one that matches your eyes?" Suddenly he stopped, red patches on his cheeks. "Umm…I mean…blame Sirius for that one!" He said in a rush.

"Sirius has seen my bra!" I cried in horror.

"Actually he transformed it into a sling shot after…never mind."

"After?"

"I said never mind."

"James!"

"It's no big deal. Just forget it."

I opened my mouth to protest when I noticed where we were.

"James, there is no way in hell I' going outside."

"Please!"

"NO!"

"It'll be fun!"

"James!"

"Don't you trust me?" His eyes where dark and serious.

"I mean, outside-"

"Lily. Do you trust me?" His eyes bore into mine.

I sighed and nodded.

He smile, pushed open the door and suddenly grabbed me so he was holding me princess style. And out into the snow we went.

I shivered. "It's freezing out!"

"Shhh you'll see."

"Oh god not this again!"

"Shhh you'll see!"

"Can I at least get a coat?"

"Shhh you'll see."

"James! Coat!"

He smiled and suddenly I was dressed in warm winter clothes. I didn't even bother to ask how he knew what size I wore. Truth Is I was scared of the answer.

He remained in his jeans and sweat-shirt.

By now we were heading down the grounds.

"Umm James…"

He must have not heard me. He had a smile on his face and looked determined.

"James?"

He smiled and looked at me.

"You know you've said my name twenty-four times tonight." His lop-sided grin inches form my face.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes James…"

"Twenty-five!" He scried and twirled around until I was so dizzy I begged him to stop.

"James-"

"Twenty-six!" He yelled triumphantly.

"That's great." I said with an eye-roll. "But why are we at the Quittach pitch?"

"Shhh you'll see. Now close your eyes." He said setting me down next to him.

I shivered. It was snowing again.

"Please!" He sounded like a small child on Christmas so I complied.

When he said I could open them nothing seemed different, save the fact that he had a broom at hand.

I looked confused again.

"Look up."

I noticed candles floating in the air in odd shaped clumps.

I became visibly more confused.

"You'll see, trust me." He whispered mounted the broom and pulling my on behind him.

"James, I can't fly."

"Good, I wasn't going to let you." He said turning to face me. His eyes once again twinkled.

"Hold on tight!"

"James!"

"TWENTY EIGHT!"

A/N

I haven't written in 3 years...I could use some advice and reviews please!