Sword Fight!
Anthony was walking down the hallway of his home and all of a sudden, he was thrown up against the wall and he tumbled down into a heap on the floor.
"What the f….?" Anthony questioned as he rubbed the back of his head, wincing as he felt a lump forming.
Anthony felt a looming presence above him and looked up. Ian, standing with his arms crossed and a devilish smirk appearing on his boyish features, looked thoroughly smug over his fallen enemy. Anthony sighed. Living with Ian, it's not like it was the first time he had been slammed into a wall.
"May I help you?" Anthony asked Ian, knowing full well that if he didn't start the conversation and find out what the fuck Ian wanted, that Ian would probably just stand there staring at him all day with that damn smirk on his face. Ian has a problem finishing anything he does and sometimes he gets lost in his own thoughts and stuck at the starting gate. He once found Ian staring at a peanut butter jar for two hours, with a knife in hand, apparently beginning to make a sandwich but somehow got distracted and time just stopped for him for the better part of the morning. Anthony had things to do so he sure wasn't going to become Ian's peanut butter jar today.
Anthony rose up onto his feet as Ian cleared his throat and moved his hands to his hips, standing in that favorite Superman pose of his.
"Yes, I believe you can help me, Anthony," Ian said excitably.
Oh shit, Anthony thought. When Ian sounds this excited about something it usually means he's about to do something really stupid.
Ian withdrew a white glove from his pocket. A loud smack was heard and Anthony's head now faced the opposite direction.
Did Ian just slap me? Anthony thought. And where the hell did he get the white glove from?
"I challenge you to a duel," Ian said and then proceeded to inflict another blow to the other cheek of his long-time foe.
See, now that was stupid.
Anthony grabbed Ian quickly and wrestled him into a headlock.
"I think I won," Anthony stated as Ian squirmed and twisted.
"No!" Ian argued. "That's not how the duel works."
"Oh, no?" Anthony tightened his hold on his stupid friend. He knew that he'd give in and do whatever Ian wanted eventually. Afterall, Ian was his comedy bitch and helped him make lots of moola through youtube so he had to accommodate him every once in a while to keep his bitch happy.
"Nope," Ian said, "It's a sword fight!"
Anthony released the younger man from his grip.
"A sword fight?" Sounded fun to him. I mean, what kind of gamer are you if you don't get off on a little sword fight every now and then? Anthony knew it'd be an easy win for him anyway and then he could go and tell all the girls he knew that he was a master swordsman! How hot would he be then?!
"Stop smiling, you freak!" Ian knew Anthony was probably thinking something stupid…like thinking about beating him. As if. Everyone knows I'm better at all games than Anthony, Ian thought. I mean, fans watch our channel clearly because I play better on camera than this douche in front of me does. I only need Anthony to stand there and look pretty on camera while I do all the work. He's such a douche. Hence, the reason for me having the insistent need to throw him against a wall every once in a while. "You're such a loser!" Ian pointed his index finger into Anthony's chest.
"Don't touch me!" Anthony slapped Ian's hand away and stopped smiling. "And I think everyone knows who the loser is here! I'm taller!"
"I'm smarter!" Ian replied.
"I'm older…." Anthony began.
"And grayer" Ian cut in.
"….And wiser!" Anthony finished. Shoot, Ian cut in with a good one there. He had to hurt him good with the next one. "I'm hotter!"
"I'm whiter!"
Anthony raised an eyebrow. "Huh?" Ian always hated when fans said he was hotter. He used it every chance he could to unnerve Ian. It was funny as hell. Just like now.
Ian sputtered "Shut up! And follow me!" Ian turned and marched down the hallway, motioning for Anthony to follow. "The duel is on!"
"Oh, it's so on!" Anthony said. "I think it's time for this old man to show you the ropes, sonny," Anthony joked and then Ian stopped suddenly and Anthony ran right into him. "Mother fucker!" Anthony cried out and rubbed his poor, defenseless stomach that was rammed into by Ian's elbow.
"Oh, sorry," Ian said. The living room was a much more open space for a duel, he thought.
"You did that on purpose, you dick!" Anthony glared murderously at his friend. He wouldn't mind now if Ian brought out the real slicking and dicing kind of swords for this duel. This jerk was going down! "You are so dead."
"Ha! In your dreams!" Ian laughed haughtily. "If you want to dream, Anthony, all you have to do is ask and I can help you put your lights out," Ian said darkly.
Shit. Anthony hated when Ian would randomly show a little cooler, eerily calm demeanor like that. It made his heart stop just a little bit and make him want to watch and wait to see what Ian might do next. It was also a little inappropriately erotic to him.
"Screw you!" Anthony said.
"Fuck you!" Ian replied.
"I'm still taller!" Anthony spat.
"I'm still smarter!"
"I'm a better driver!"Anthony threw back.
"I'm a better backseat driver!" Ian replied.
"I play better air guitar than you!" Anthony showed off his air guitar skills.
"I'm a better air drummer than you!" And Ian proceeded to show his awesome skills and drummed away on the air.
"Yeah, well I can do this!" Anthony put his hands together, folded his middle fingers and then twisted his hand so that one finger wiggled down and one wiggled up.
"And I can do this!" Ian held up his middle finger.
"That's it! I challenge you to a duel!" Anthony yelled.
"I already challenged you, you twit!" Ian said.
"Then lets get on with it!" Anthony shouted. Did Ian just call him a twit? What the heck had he been watching on T.V. that he picked that up from?
Ian could see that Anthony was all gun-ho for his game now. Anthony was so easy to manipulate.
"So then draw your sword!" Ian yelled and then began to unzip his own pants.
"What the heck are you doing?!" Anthony shrieked and to his shock and dismay, Ian was still unzipping and halfway down. Anthony quickly shielded his eyes with his hand and dove behind the couch. "Put that away!" Anthony shouted.
"I'm just getting my sword out," Ian said, "Don't be such a girl!"
"Hey, girls don't wanna see that shit and I don't either!"
Ian growled and Anthony's insult. The ladies loved him. He had lots of money. And Anthony wouldn't have any money to impress the ladies with without him! He was ready to prove to Anthony how much of a man he was in comparison. He just had to manipulate Anthony a bit more. Ian zipped back up and walked over into the kitchen, rummaging around a bit until he found what he was looking for, leaving the kitchen in complete disarray in less than thirty seconds.
Anthony heard loud banging sounds but didn't dare take his hand away from his eyes and look to see what Ian was up to. There was silence then for a bit.
"Hey, Anthony, what's that right next to you?" Ian said from what sounded to Anthony like a safe distance away from him and the couch.
Anthony was fearful but curious and glanced out of the corner of his eye to see what was there. It was a reese's pieces. Damnit.
Ian knew Anthony couldn't resist. That's right, Ian thought. Come on out, my little E.T. bitch. He saw Anthony's hand slowly reaching out for the candy and then quickly snatch it.
"Would you like some more candy, little boy?" Ian smiled.
Anthony peeked out from behind the couch and saw a trail of candy leading back to the middle of the living room. Fuck. Ian knew his weakness. Even if he didn't wanna do this fucked up duel that apparently involved his and Ian's cocks, that candy was calling to him like a beacon saying "Eat me, eat me!" Oh hell, it wouldn't be the first time he had taken his pants off for candy.
Anthony crawled out from behind the couch and proceeded to pick up and place every heavenly treat inside his waiting mouth, sending it to join its brothers and sisters in its rightful home inside his belly.
That's a good boy, Ian smirked as Anthony crawled his way back to the duel.
"Alright," Ian said. "Shall we begin?"
Anthony rose to his feet as he devoured the last delicious piece and nodded.
"Ok." Ian began. "The duel involves using our swords until one towers over the other in strength and speed. The objective is to dominate your opponent and to show them who's the man. Whoever takes the longest is the old man." Ian chuckled and Anthony growled. "The rules are: 1)No using anything but your hand i.e. no pillows, blankets, or toys." Ian raised a knowing eyebrow at Anthony. "So none of that crap in your dresser drawer."
"That's not for me!" Anthony choked. When had Ian gone through his drawers? "That's for the ladies!"
"Sure it is."
Anthony pouted.
"Rule number 2) You can only use one hand and only one hand. No switch hitting. Are you ready?"
"I guess…"
"Then draw!"
Ian unzipped his pants and took his sword out. Anthony did the same. Both placed their hands in the starting position.
"Ready? Fight!" Ian shouted.
Both boys began moving their hands up and down their lengths. As the heat began to build, things began to rise. Anthony was bigger, of course, but Ian wasn't as small as the girls that Anthony had talked to had said. Both small and big have their merits, Anthony heard. If it's small, you can fit it all in your mouth and that's a fun thing to do. Some girl somewhere had said that.
Ian started picking up the pace and Anthony matched his speed.
Test your might! (Mortal Kombat theme music starts playing)
Game intensity went up five notches, Anthony thought. Seeing Ian jerk off was a new experience for him and somehow inappropriately erotic to him again. Damnit! Why do I get aroused by weird things! And Ian is like the king of all things weird! He's like the clown with the biggest nose and largest shoes that draws your attention and makes you feel like you've taken a trip down the rabbit hole and everything is too big for what it should be. Like Ian's cock at the moment. Did that thing grow like two sizes?
Test your might! (Game music still playing)
Ian's hand became a blur and even with Anthony's superior forearm strength, he just couldn't keep up.
Finish it!
Ian came just seconds before Anthony.
Ian smiled as Anthony finished. "Who's the man now, bitch?" Ian asked his defeated enemy.
Anthony inhaled and exhaled slowly, coming down from his high.
"Best two out of three?"Anthony wasn't going to lose to this bozo.
"Ha! In your dreams!" Ian said, zipping back up and walking away, down the hall and to his bedroom.
"Oh, come on!" Anthony quickly zipped up, following Ian.
Just another typical smosh day with Ian and Anthony. Sword fights are cool.
Ian and Anthony's fanfiction reading video:
Ian: So I'm your comedy bitch?
Anthony: And I'm your E.T. bitch?
Ian: Why is everyone a bitch in this story?
Author's note: Next story: Pillow Fight! With shirtless men and lots of magical feathers falling down like snow!
Side note: The ladies don't love Ian and Anthony for their money. They love them for their huge cocks!