WARNING (this story will contain the following): major OOCness, mind fucking

Sweet, they finally put Sesshomaru's Mother as one of the characters under the filters

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the Inuyasha characters. I make no profit from this

Ruin

Sesshomaru fell to his knees with his eyes tightly shut. It wasn't true, it wasn't true! But it was…and he had felt it long before Myoga had informed him. He had felt something within his mind snap violently, chaos with no clear reason behind it. But as that old flea informed him of what happened to his father, the Lord of the West, the reason for that dangerous break became known.

His father was dead.

After Inutaisho had left to rescue Izayoi, Sesshomaru had gone back to the western palace. He had been walking through one of the hallways when Myoga had found him. The tiny demon was ordered to leave afterwards and now the new lord was left all alone.

Sesshomaru tossed his head back and let out a deafening, anguished howl that rang throughout the entire palace. He continued until his throat felt like it was bleeding. So much…so much pain threatened to consume him. Why father?! Why did you choose that bitch and her child over me? Don't you love me…? He couldn't take it. He couldn't stay where his father's scent was so strong. He left taking off in a dead run. He had no destination in mind, he just had to escape the overwhelming emotions coursing through him. He ran through the forest in a blur. After what seemed like forever, he lashed his claws out at the nearest tree and stopped. He collapsed once again. The howl that was about to leave his mouth came out as a strangled cry. He thought about the past year, how he had treated his father so horribly. Their last conversation had almost erupted into a fight. His father died thinking Sesshomaru hated him, he died angry and upset at Sesshomaru.

He was too wrapped up in his grief to notice the strong aura headed for him. He jumped when he heard the bushes rustling then he saw a figure emerge.

"Mother," he muttered. "Father, he's…"

"Yes, I know," she said quietly.

"Why?"

Kimi noticed how her son's voice sounded so sad and childlike. It pained her. She knew Inutaisho was dead from the moment his soul left the earth. The mating mark she had from him had informed her. She then immediately came to find her son for it was possible he might do something destructive, either to himself or to others. Her son had loved his father dearly, they had been so close before he met Izayoi. She knelt beside her pup to comfort him. As soon as she did he threw himself at her and she embraced him.

"He chose that fucking whore and half-breed!" Sesshomaru screamed, rage mixed with the sadness. "Why? Why?!" Tears slid down his face. His voice became a whisper. "Did I do something? Did I do something to drive him away?"

"No, Sesshomaru. Don't blame yourself for anything," she told him. She gently rocked him as his arms wrapped around himself tightly.

"It must be my fault…I wasn't a good enough son. If I had been he wouldn't have gone after them, he would still be alive!" His hands gripped his upper arms so hard that his claws pierced the skin. "No, no…father, please. Don't leave me, I'm sorry for what I did. Don't punish me like this, please…" He was no longer aware that he was talking aloud.

Kimi's heart broke at the sorrow in Sesshomaru's voice, at the way he begged Inutaisho to come back. She grabbed his hands and forced them away from his now-bleeding arms. They couldn't stay out in the forest like this, she would take Sesshomaru back to the palace. She transformed into her true form so she and he could make it back quickly. Back in her human form, she took him to his bedchambers laying him down while she sat next to him. As soon as she did, he began sobbing. She held him until he finally fell asleep.

--

After that night, Sesshomaru was no longer the same person. Kimi knew that from the moment she saw him on the ground in the forest. He grew cold, he grew lonely. He was a strong ruler. He was also feared, hated, and respected. As the years passed by, Sesshomaru appeared heartless and vicious on the outside. Kimi knew though that on the inside Sesshomaru was just a sad, lonely pup.

He pushed everyone he was close to away. Never again could he love someone so deeply, it only ended up causing horrendous pain. He couldn't go through something like his father's death again but with a different person. He couldn't take the hurt, he couldn't stay up entire nights begging for them to come back, he couldn't cry himself to sleep in the early hours of morning. Not again. So he did the only thing he could, he became distant.

--

"Die, half-breed!"

Sesshomaru charged at Inuyasha, Bakusaiga ready to tear into his little brother's flesh. He hated Inuyasha, he wished he were dead. To Sesshomaru, Inuyasha was just a constant reminder of how his father didn't love him. Inuyasha reminded him that his father chose a hanyou son he never even met and a whore of a human over him. He hated the half-breed, he despised him so much that he wanted to kill him.

"Inuyasha!" his human friends yelled.

Sesshomaru had managed to pin Inuyasha to the ground, his sword in position to slash his throat open and end his pathetic existence once and for all.

"You're not worth my time, you disgusting mutt," Sesshomaru growled. Then he stood up.

He always found that he couldn't make that final move, the one that would rid Sesshomaru of the reminder that Inutaisho didn't love him. He hated himself for that.

Inuyasha couldn't just be grateful for leaving that fight with his life. He had to keep pushing Sesshomaru. "What's the matter, Sesshomaru?" he said in that cocky voice of his. "Afraid to kill the only son our father ever loved?" The half-breed had no idea how those words would affect Sesshomaru. They were only meant to ruffle him up a bit. He wasn't expecting it when Sesshomaru let out an animalistic snarl, threw his sword somewhere, and pounced on him.

"You son of a bitch!" Sesshomaru screamed, his self-control lost. Any other time and Sesshomaru could have controlled himself. He was at his weakest time of the year though, it was when Inutaisho had been killed. His father was on his mind constantly around this time and with Inuyasha's words, he had been pushed over the edge.

Inuyasha was shocked when Sesshomaru brought his claws down on him. He managed to shove his older brother and the claws just barely missed his neck. He could hear the sizzling of the poison. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"Getting rid of my father's mistake," he growled out venomously. He wasn't fighting nearly as well or as graceful as usual and that was why Inuyasha was able to then pin him down. He was snarling at the hanyou and trying to break free. The half-breed didn't let go though until Sesshomaru drained himself of his energy and calmed down.

Both were unaware of the spider who was watching them threw his offspring's mirror.

--

Naraku sat in his castle. This was the perfect moment to put his plan into action. Sesshomaru was weak and out of control right now. He knew the perfect way to break the dog demon and had been working it out for the last few months. It was time now. He would shatter his mind then absorb the mutt. He concentrated then slowly felt the transformation take place. He glanced at himself in a piece of glass then smirked…or more appropriately, he watched the image of Inutaisho smirk and then left the castle.

--

Sesshomaru ran off as soon as Inuyasha let him go. He wasn't in the right frame of mind, he was temporarily lost. That was why Naraku's plan would work. He kept running until Inuyasha's scent was no longer detectable. Then he fell to his knees near a tree. A strong aura was close by but he didn't even notice.

Once he finally saw who was there, his heart practically stopped. It couldn't be…he was here…why?

"F-father?" Sesshomaru whispered.

"Yes, it is I," Naraku said. The spider looked and sounded exactly like Inutaisho.

"What are you doing here?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I'm extremely disappointed in you, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened and he felt a stab of pain in his chest. "You are?"

"Yes. You have failed me, you do not even deserve to be called my son."

"Father, please. I know I have been a horrible son…I'm sorry though. Please, please forgive me," he cried. "I've never stopped thinking of you. Father…" He allowed his head to drop and his chin to hit his chest.

Naraku smirked at the pathetic demon before him. "Silence! I have no desire to listen to your pitiful babbling. Your words mean nothing to me, you mean nothing to me." He was delighted when he could detect the scent of tears. Such a weak dog. "I'm tired of this! No longer will you bring me shame!" He went up to Sesshomaru and kicked him. The dog whimpered and the spider did it again. He backhanded him and Sesshomaru fell to the ground on his side.

The inu told himself he deserved this, this and not his father's love. He was unworthy. Even Inuyasha was a better son than him. It pained him so much. He had hoped his father would accept his apology but deep down he knew he wouldn't…shouldn't. Not once did it occur to him that his father had been long dead and that he shouldn't have been there right now.

Pain, so much pain. His mind was reeling, his body was aching. His youkai flared and unconsciously called out. It called out to the one person Sesshomaru still had a connection to, still loved even after all the defenses he had built up. His call was answered even if he didn't know it and that demon rushed over as fast as they could. Minutes later a loud roar was heard that made Sesshomaru look to the sky and Naraku stop the beating he was giving. A large beast was flying towards them but then it turned into a humanoid form.

Kimi's eyes widened when she saw the sight on the ground. Sesshomaru was on the ground being beaten by someone who looked like Inutaisho. It was impossible for him to be alive though, she knew this. The mating mark she still had would have alerted her. It was also impossible for him to be hitting their son even if he were alive. No matter what Sesshomaru thought, she knew the truth. Inutaisho had loved their son as much as demonly possible. He would never lay a hand on the boy. She landed on the ground a few yards away from the person who had the audacity to even touch Sesshomaru. She felt her son's eyes staring at her but she didn't take her gaze off the strange demon in front of her.

"Who are you, filth?" she growled. "Give me an answer and perhaps I'll make your death a somewhat quick one."

"Kimi, don't you know?" Naraku laughed. "It's your dear old mate."

"You are not Inutaisho. Tell me now." She readied her light whip.

That made him chuckle even more. "My name is Naraku," he whispered before disappearing.

Kimi leapt and struck the spot where Naraku had been standing but to no avail. With the help of the Shikon no Tama he was able to flee battle in a flash. She cursed that demon to hell but quickly put him out of her mind. Her sole focus now was Sesshomaru. He was curled up on the ground clutching his side and whimpering. She dropped next to him and pulled him onto her lap.

"Sesshomaru…Sesshomaru, it's okay. That demon is gone," she whispered. She stopped talking until he calmed down a little.

"F-father hates me," he cried. "I'm unworthy of being his son!" Tears spilled down his cheeks.

"Listen to me. The demon that just appeared was not your father. It was someone tricking you. Your father never hated you and he still wouldn't if he were alive today."

"He hates me, he hates me…" Sesshomaru could barely hear what his mother was saying.

Kimi realized that she probably wouldn't break through to Sesshomaru while they were sitting on the forest floor. Just like when Inutaisho first died and she found Sesshomaru, she transformed into her true form and took him back to the palace. Just like last time, she changed back to human form and took him to his bedchambers. She quickly got things to treat the wounds he had. They were nothing fatal but he was still cut up and bruised. As he still cried she took off his shirt to clean the blood and dirt on him. Then she bandaged him up. She sat next to him and ran her hands through his hair. Eventually his cries started to die down until he was mostly quiet.

"Why'd he do that, mother?" he asked. "I'm really that bad…" It was as much a statement as it was a question.

"You're not bad. Both your father and I are proud of you. Sesshomaru…" She gently grabbed his chin and tilted his head so she could look into his eyes. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes…"

"That demon who was beating you…that was not your father. It was a monster by the name of Naraku."

"Naraku…"

"Yes. You are fighting a demon by that name, are you not?"

"Inuyasha and I both are. T-that wasn't really father?"

"No, you know your father is no longer here."

"It-it doesn't matter. Father still hates me, I'm still a disgrace."

"Don't ever say that!"

Sesshomaru's eyes widened.

"Never have you been a disgrace and never will you be one. I am proud of you and so would your father if he were still alive."

"The last conversation we had almost turned into a fight. He was angry at me, he died thinking I hated him!"

"I think we should give him more credit than that. He loved you so much and he knew that you loved him too. Your words were spoken out of anger, he understood that. The only person you should be upset with is Naraku."

His thoughts were about to overwhelm him. He hadn't just been with his father? That was someone else? But they looked exactly like Inutaisho. Was his mother telling the truth? This pain was so real though. How could his father not hate him?

He already had a terrible headache, all of this was making it so much worse. He wasn't sure what to believe. "Why did he look just like father?"

"He was able to change his appearance to match your father's. It is an ability of his."

Sesshomaru remembered something about that. Inuyasha…his miko pinned him to that tree. It was Naraku's fault and he had posed as Inuyasha or something…that much Sesshomaru knew. Maybe it's true what she's saying. He suddenly whined as this was getting to be too much for his currently fragile mind. "Mother…make it go away." He then kept whining until his mother scratched behind one of his ears while continuing to run her fingers through his hair. It calmed him as if he were a common dog.

"Hush, pup. Everything will be okay. Rest for now."

Sesshomaru eventually became drowsy and couldn't keep his eyes open. "I'll kill Naraku…" he vowed before falling into a deep sleep.

It wouldn't be a Pineapple55 story without Sesshomaru crying