Nobody feels any pain
Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls.
She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
Buy she breaks just like a little girl.
Chapter 1
I was back in the place I once had been in a dream. After a fall that seemed to last forever I was back in Wonderland and that didn't bode well.
I knew the place like I'd been here yesterday. I knew where to go, without White Rabbit that showed me the way. This was odd, because the last time I've been here was already ten years ago, when I was seven, and in those ten years the memory weakened, till I could only recall the outlines. I began to walk, the same direction as I did then years ago. I wondered why and why I started to walk at all. I didn't know.
I came in a house and as I remembered all doors were closed. I walked straight through the three-legged table with the little key on it. I opened the door and then walked back to the table, grabbing the bottle that said DRINK ME together with the EAT ME cake.
'How can you be sure it's not poison?' I heard someone say.
'Maybe she wants it to be poison.' Another voice.
'I don't want it to be poison!'
'Why then kill yourself?'
'I didn't kill myself!'
I knew it wasn't good that I was here, that there was something wrong, but it didn't make me feel sad or anxious. It were two worlds, independent of each other. Fact was that there was something wrong with Alice in the real world, but what could Alice in Wonderland possibly do about it? Nothing. That was clear. And there wasn't much interference, I was in Wonderland, Alice was in the real world, if she still was. Was she? Was she still alive or was I dead, for real this time?
Because that was what had happened ten years ago. I had been very ill, like near dead, doctors almost giving up on me-ill. I had looked for some candy, because my mother had given my sweets to my sisters, because I had been naughty. Of course I found that very unfair, so I decided to get my sweets myself. I looked in the candy jar but all we had were some coffee flavored toffees, which I didn't like. I searched through the house and when I almost had given up, I decided to look in the guest room, were a friend of the family was staying. I knew it was wrong to search his belongings, but as I looked around I noticed this box of pills on his nightstand. He wouldn't mind if I toke a few, I thought. Subconsciously I knew this weren't normal sweets, that it must have been medicine. 'I'm not ill, but if medicine is supposed to make you better, maybe I would feel super-healthy, maybe it would make me feel better, less sad or less alone. I remember myself saying. I toke a hand of pills, I noticed how colorful and candy-like they looked. I felt that it was alright, even if it wasn't...
Jasper get coffee, black, and together with his book and best friend it was his ideal breakfast. He never had much of an appetite this early and he always get a part of Alice' food, for she always get too much. Involuntary he stroke his hand through his hair. She was late, he noticed, but Monday was of course a hard day. But they didn't have to look like that, was their motto, especially since they had art class Monday morning, given by the lovely Mr Tenniel, whom we both fancied. Shall I smuggle her some breakfast for during the lesson?I thought, since it was getting late she would appreciate it. I lay the book I was reading, Candide, by Voltaire, in front of me on the table. The book was about a boy, Candide and his teacher Pangloss and there happened all sorts of terrible things, like the earthquake of Lisbon in 1755, and much dead and decay, but despite all that, they kept believing in Leibniz' philosophy that stated we live in best of all possible worlds and so that life is party. Voltaire ridiculed, justly according to Jasper, Leibniz' philosophy. He just wanted to stand up to get Alice some food when he saw Mr. Tenniel walking towards him.
'Jasper, can you please come with me?'
'Yes, sure, I was just waiting for Alice. I will see her in your class in a couple of minutes.' I had smiled but it was not answered. I walked behind him and I was surprised when he walked to a meeting room and opened the door for me. When I walked past him I saw tears in his eyes.
'Jasper, I have bad news.'
'...' No, it can't be that. I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
'Alice has been in an accident.'