Umbrella, a criminal minds fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. I do not own the song Umbrella by Rhianna.

AN: I know we are all hurting for poor Jack and Hotch. I don't know what is going to happen. I was listening to this song while I was out for a walk in the rain, this idea just came to me, and I needed to get it out. I hope that you like it. I hope that the sun will shine on Hotch, Jack and the team again. So I raise my glass to Haley and Sam. I hope you know that you were both loved. Oh gosh, the tears are starting again.

"Joy and sorrow are inseparable. Together they come and when one sits alone with you, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed." –Kahlil Gibran.

He'd tried. He had tried as hard as he could have, and yet he still failed to save her. That realization would never leave him, and Aaron Hotchner would forever rue the day he had ever met The Reaper. It had been little less than a week since he'd walked into his house, every fibre of his being intending to kill George Foyet. But now as he stood at the foot of Haley's grave, his sons small hand gripped in his, he'd wished his intentions had left him a less broken man.

Broken, shattered, destroyed; he couldn't come up with any more words that would accurately describe his current state of being. His only focus was on his son, and the fact that he had once again broken a promise to Haley. He had promised to love her, until 'death do you part', but he had failed. In a selfish moment, angry that she didn't understand who he was, or why he needed to go, he had walked out on her. Naive into thinking that, as always, she would be waiting for him. He'd walked into an empty house, and that was when he'd broken his second promise.

I'll always come back for you.

She was gone, he didn't know to where, and he couldn't go find her. He'd still loved her, for a long time after that. But as all things fade away without nurture and togetherness, it had faded. He respected her as a woman, loved her as Jack's mother, for their lives would forever be entwined through the son they had together.

He could hear his son's soft breath in the quiet ceremony. The priest's voice carried words of comfort and grief to his ears, but he wasn't really listening. He had failed Haley, and no matter what he had to do, he wouldn't break his final promise to her, as tears slid down his cheek, he could hear her voice speaking to him as if she were standing right beside him.

"I want him to believe in love. Because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him. Promise me."

More tears slid down his cheeks, and he looked down at Jack. He didn't know how he was going to keep that promise. Though looking around, he knew that he would eventually be able to keep that promise. His team, his family, were all with him, on his right side stood his oldest, and greatest, friend in the world. Rossi stood shoulder to shoulder to him, a stoic tower of control and compassion.

On his other side Morgan and Garcia, arms wrapped around each other, an extension of comfort flowing between them, tears slowly falling down their faces. JJ stood behind him and Jack next to Emily. Both of them had their hands on his young son's shoulders, offering him comfort for a situation that he didn't fully understand. Reid stood on Jack's other side, cane in hand, and looking uncomfortable at the procession.

He knew with these six people by his side, no matter what, he would keep his last promise to Haley, and teach Jack about love. They all knew what evil resided in this world, and they all knew what effect the power of love had in pushing that evil away from the light.

Finally, a moment of silence over took the crowd and he solemnly wiped his tears off his cheek. He wasn't embarrassed by them; his knew that they wouldn't be seen as signs of weakness, or that his team would read anything into them. He'd shed so many tears already, every night as he lay in bed, they had flowed freely, all filled with the hope that the guilt he felt would fade. He knew that guilt never really left a person. It stayed with them forever, and he knew that he would forever live with his.

You had my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
Baby 'cause in the dark you can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share because

As the casket holding Haley was lowered into the ground, the crowd had started to disperse. Over the oaken tomb he saw Haley's family. At first they had blamed him for forcing her into protection. Had blamed him for stealing their daughter and sister from them, but then they had tried to console him. Though they had meant to sooth his pain and guilt, their words had been empty, echoes of the angry stares he'd gotten when he first explained it to them. Now they waved at him, and he knew that he would have to reconcile his difference with them.

They were all Jack had left of Haley, and he would need them to learn more about his mother, to connect with the woman that she was.

He felt Dave pat his shoulder and turn to leave. People were scattering, heading over to The Brookes house for the wake. He wanted to follow, but his feet wouldn't move. He had so much to say to Haley, so much to apologize for, but his tears and guilt were overwhelming him and chocking the words in his throat.

Eventually he was lone, Emily and Jack standing with him. He was ever thankful for Emily and JJ. Jack had taken to them quickly, absorbing the love and affection they showered on him. Aaron knew that one day he would have to thank her for all she's done for him in the past year and a half, but right now he could hardly think of words to say to himself, let alone another woman. Talking with Jack each day, though a gift in itself, put pressure on him. He had to stay strong for Jack.

Jacks hand slipped out of his, and he looked down at his son. A smile spread his face as another wave of tears threatened to spill over. Breathing in deep, he looked at Emily, and his heart stopped at the sad smile she was offering him. Jacks hand was holding securely onto hers and, his other hand was fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

"I'll take him. You stay for a moment." The sadness that was evident on her face was in her voice and he felt tears roll down his cheek. He nodded his thanks, still unable to say anything.

As they walked away from him, he heard their soft voices talking, and heard a little giggle escape Jack as she picked him up and carried him. It was the first time his son had cracked from the brave front Aaron knew was in place solely for his sake, and a fresh wave of guilt overtook him.

Perhaps he hadn't done as good a job protecting Jack from the overwhelming grief, sadness and guilt that was plaguing him.

When the sunshine we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella

Moving to the marble headstone that JJ had helped him pick out, he placed his hand against the cool stone, the breeze playing against his skin, and the warm sun shining down on him. Then, giving into everything in him that was broken, he collapsed to his knees and laid his throbbing forehead against the cool stone there. Tears fell down his face, but for the first time in a week, he wasn't pretending to be anything he wasn't.

Weeks had passed since then, and though the world had moved on, impervious to the inner turmoil that gripped his heart, Aaron had carved out a new place for himself. He had sold the house, not even able to think about staying there. His team, his friends, his family had helped him clean and pack it. The girls had gone through Haley's things for him, taking important treasure for her family and for Jack. The guys had helped him clean the carpets and move furniture out. They had repainted the walls, and fixed the holes that his fight with Foyet had produced.

He had settled Jack into his room at his apartment, filling it with toys, and a large picture of his mother. Sometimes, as he would sit and watch Jack sleep, which he did on many occasions, he would look at the picture of Haley, her smiling face always watching over Jack as he lay peacefully in his bed. He had long shed his last tear for her, but in those moments he couldn't help the guilt that bubbled inside him once more.

He usually had a handle on it, but sometimes, the quiet plane rides home, nights spend on his couch in front of the TV, lying in his bed, it would sneak up on him, and grip his heart. He tried to stop the moments, and over time they had become less frequent and intense, but they still stung.

These fancy things will never come in between
You're a part of my entity
Here for infinity
When the war has took his part
When the world has dealt its card
If the hand is hard together we'll mend your heart because

Through it all, his team had been there. Giving him space when he needed it, and catching him up when he was back to where the needed him. At first they were all around, all helping out with him, or Jack, and then slowly it was just Emily who had remained. She had been at his house almost every night they were in Quantico, playing with Jack, or helping him cook.

As in the last year, she was always there when he'd needed her. He was ever grateful, and knew that it would be with her help that he would continue on. She was there right now, in his kitchen doing his dishes. He'd offered to help, but she had sent him to put Jack to bed, saying that it was important that he form a ritual like this when he was home. He didn't understand why, but as Jacks small, warm arms slipped around his neck, he didn't care. Jack needed all of him, and he hoped that his son would come through this all right.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he slipped out of the room, leaving the nightlight on, and leaving a crack in the door; he walked down his hallway and found Emily reading a book on his couch. Sitting down on the opposite end of the worn leather chair he sighed and, was once more thankful that she had been by his side. Jack was quickly coming to love her, and Aaron couldn't blame him. She was a natural with children, and the more time he'd spent with her, he could see her great capacity to love. He was thankful that she was sharing that with Jack.

Between her, Garcia and JJ, he was certain that Jack would always have a positive female presence in his life, wither or not Aaron could keep his promise and teach him about love.

When the sun shines we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'mma stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella

"Hi." Her whispered voice reached his ears and he turned to look at her, a small smile on her lips, brightening her delicate features.

He nodded back. In the last few weeks he had often found that words often weren't needed, and had taken to physically acknowledging people.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders." She was still whispering, and as he looked at her, her dark brown eyes were filled with compassion and other emotions as she gazed at him.

Nodding again, he laughed weakly. Just this world? He though he'd being carrying the entire galaxy for a long time. "Yes. The world."

She turned her body, and pulled her head towards her and said, "Come here." She patted the space in front of her, and gestured to the floor. Confused he did as she asked, and settled himself on the floor between her knees.

The TV turned on, and an old sitcom came on, the voice full of jovial mischief and laughter. Then just as suddenly he felt her hands on his shoulders, slowly massaging the tense muscles there. The feeling was incredible, and his eyes drifted closed, his entire body concentrating on the release of tension that had build up. Though she was by no means a professional, the soft ministrations of her hands soother his neck, and warmed him from the spot.

"Emily." He whispered, his eyes still closed, relishing the warmth that was invading his cold body. He had been cold for so long, he'd forgotten what it was like to be warmed by another person.

"Yes Aaron?" Her voice was still a whisper, and as she'd moved closer to him to say the word softly so as not to wake Jack, strands of her hair fell across his face. Before that fateful day, he had considered what a relationship with Emily could be like. Could they be together and still work together? The thoughts had dropped out of his mind, as he concentrated on being a father to Jack, and still being able to do his job.

They hadn't returned, but as she'd been a constant presence in his life, he had slowly come to depend on her being there. It wasn't love, he knew, but he cared deeply for her, and echoes what all the things he'd ever thought before were slowly coming back.

"Thank you. Those words could never fully explain everything I wish to say to you." He lapsed into silence, all semblances of words of thankfulness escaping him. He would never be able to properly thank her.

"You're welcome." Her voice soothed his soul as her hands soother his neck, and they sat like that for a long while. Her motions had stopped, but she kept her hands on his shoulders. Reaching up, he gripped one of them with his, and they watched until the show was finished.

You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more because

As the credits rolled, he let go of her hand and stood up, stretching the newly loosened muscles of his shoulders and neck. Offering her his hand, he smiled as she slipped her hand into his, and he pulled her up. She moved about the room, gathering her things, and slipping into her jacket.

He didn't know why she was here, helping him move on, and he didn't really care at the moment. It wasn't useful to question her motives, and he knew asking the questions would cause her more hurt than anything. He'd hurt one woman enough for a lifetime, and he had no intentions of ever hurting Emily.

They stood at his doo together, staring at each other. He didn't want her to leave, he wanted her to stay, stay and be the pillar of comfort she had been since he'd been attacked, but asking her that would imply things he didn't want.

Suddenly her arms were around his neck, and she was hugging him tightly. He snaked his arms around her waist and buried his head in her shoulder. Breathing in her scent deeply, he let the hug comfort him deeply. After several moments she pulled back, and though he didn't want to let her go, he loosened his arms, and gave her space to move.

She placed her hand on his cheek, and he closed his eyes at the touch. Looking into her auburn eyes, he saw a myriad of emotions running through them, and the ever present compassion was written on her delicate feature.

"Aaron. I will be here for you. You and Jack." He nodded quickly, and offered her a small smile. She returned his favour and dropped her hand to her side, and stepped out of the circle of his arms. She opened the door and looked at him once again, a bright smile on her face. "Always Aaron."

He nodded once more, and stepped into the hall after her, and watched her until she disappeared out the door. Stepping back into his apartment, he closed the door behind himself, and leaned against the solid oak. He could keep his promise to teach Jack about love. He could do it with Emily's help. Though that was a conversation for another day, he moved to his room, and slid into his bed knowing that if the guilt crept on him tonight, that there was an end in sight.

"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough." – Ann Landers

AN2: This is for Hotch. I am a huge Hotch/Emily fan. I need to still believe that they have a chance. Thank you for reading. Jessie.