you know, a simple word of thought doesn't hurt, guys.
Give Up
Ratchet remembers the first time he lost a warrior on his medic berth. He remembers fighting to keep that warrior online. He remembers speaking to the broken Autobot and telling him stories, asking the warrior to tell him stories, just to put both of their processors at rest; and just so Ratchet could remember the Autobot who truly changed his life.
Ratchet remembers breaking down almost automatically, and he remembers Ironhide running at him with care and question. He doesn't remember telling anyone who he lost, and how; he just knew they knew. He remembers Prime's words and Ironhide's servos. But most of all, he remembers that warrior. Fighting until the very end.
- .
"I don't think I can hold on for much longer, Doc,"
Ratchet shudders as he stares down at his lover, caressing broken arm joints and ligaments that Ratchet is sure would be infected - had Optimus not pushed Ironhide into the medic bay by force. Ratchet brushes his lips against Ironhide's face plates and gets to work on his recharging warrior.
He doesn't know how long it takes, but he finally completes work on Ironhide and the weapon specialist wakes before it all ends. He smiles up at Ratchet, but the medic turns away and holds his face plates in his servos; and not speaking to any one in particular, he mumbles:
"I'm not sure I can do this anymore."
Ironhide stands from the medic berth, pulling Ratchet close to him and letting the other stand in between his legs. Ironhide's servos rest on Ratchet's hips and he stares at the hiding medic with gentle optics. "What can't ya do, Ratch?" He whispers and Ratchet shudders.
"I can't fight," his voice sounds almost pleading, "I can't keep fighting, not knowing what I'll lose. I remember losing my first warrior, Ironhide, I remember how guilty I felt knowing I couldn't save him, and he had given up long before he deactivated. He told me he couldn't hold on, and I thought he meant to his spark.. but he meant to this war.."
Ironhide tilts his helm, "Ratchet.."
"He said he didn't know how much longer he could keep fighting, he said he was tired. He said he wanted to go home but he knew Cybertron was no longer our home. He knew, but he still fought, even for a lost cause: to save sentient beings that aren't anything to do with us!" Ratchet drops his servos and clutches the weapon specialist tightly. "I want to go, Ironhide," he whispers against the other's audio receptors. "I want to stop now."
Ironhide nods in sympathy, wrapping his arms around the medic's frame and pulling him closer, wrapping his legs around Ratchet too, and kissing his shoulder with love and comfort. "After this war we'll go back to our life," he promises, "it might take a while and you may get impatient, but just to know that after this war.. I promise you, Ratch, we'll go somewhere on our own. Keep in touch with Prime and the others, but we'll have that life we had back before the war. No Decepticons, no Autobots, no fighting," he slowly rocks his medic from side to side, "no nothing but ourselves. Our freedom.."
"But what if this war never ends.." Ratchet whispers and Ironhide smiles.
"You want that life, Ratch?" The medic nods silently, "then you gotta fight for it.."
- .
Ratchet remembers almost losing Ironhide, and he remembers the desperation in his processor, his shaking servos and thumping spark as he begged Ironhide to stay with him. The weapon specialist, he remembers, was smiling up at him and Ratchet remembers asking him to talk, to remind Ratchet of the promises he never really forgot.
He remembers losing Ironhide and saving him almost automatically, throwing himself into the arms of his specialist and not letting anyone else see how weak he was without the other. He remembers bonding his spark with Ironhide's afterwards and promising that if Ironhide fights, he will too. For the future promised, and the future deserved.