Title: Average Man
Summary: The SVU detectives having fun. Starring Munch. The title is misleading.
Rating: PG-13 for minor language
Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Dick Wolf's characters. Must you point that out? It causes me great pain! Just kidding...sort of.
John Munch was your average man. He had a good job as a SVU detective. He had good friends. He went out for drinks every now and then. He had been married and divorced, and divorced, and divorced...and...divorced. But he was pretty much your average man, excluding the multiple divorces of course. He was a hard-worker, a dedicated detective who investigated heinous crimes, he was part of an elite squad known the Special Victims Unit. Heh...but you already knew that from the song...heh, yeah.
Anyway, John was sitting with his friends, Elliot, Olivia, and Fin, drinking a beverage and spouting off conspiracy theories. The four of them laughed and joked and talked about the new things going on in their lives. John spoke up when it came to his time to share.
"Well I met a woman named Renee Russell." The three cops immediately snapped to attention.
"A woman huh? Wife number 5? Or would she be number 6?" Elliot grinned as he joked. Munch shot him a glare.
"I'll have you know, I've only been married 4 times. And I have no intentions of marrying again." Olivia and Elliot chuckled.
"What your Jew ass is too cheap to pay for another wedding and another divorce lawyer?" Fin smirked at his own comment, while Benson and Stabler 'ooh-ed' and started giggling. Munch glared.
"You wound me, Fin, really. And for future reference stop picking on my religion. I don't make fun of Elliot for being Catholic, and we all know what their priests do." Elliot sputtered and stopped laughing.
"Hey! Fin's the one saying stuff, not me."
"I'm just trying to make a point."
"Well, here's my point." Elliot declared as he picked up a peanut and threw it at the older detective. Fin and Olivia could no longer hold their laughter and let it all out. Munch looked stunned before retaliating with his own peanuts. Soon an all out peanut war began between the four friends. Fin threw two at Elliot and ducked as one was sent his way from John. Olivia shot one at John and one at Elliot. She yelped as one from John hit her and threw a hand full at him. Finally the war stopped and all the participants laughed.
"You're all blockheads." Benson informed them and grinned.
"So what's that make you?" Fin questioned. Olivia pondered for a moment.
"I'd say that makes her pretty damned stubborn, since she puts up with all of us." Stabler commented. His partner sent him a grin and nodded in agreement. John rolled his eyes.
"If you two would stop making googly eyes at each other, we can get back to the subject at hand."
"Which was?" Elliot asked.
"John's love life. Or lack thereof." Fin grinned.
"Oh ha ha. You better watch your step Tutoula. I'll have you know that Renee and I have been dating for two months."
"Is she as old as you?" Fin asked with that damn grin on his face. Munch sent him another glare.
"Not that its any of your business but she's five years younger."
"So that makes her what? 55?" Elliot was the one who asked this time. John gaped.
"She's not 55! Are you implying that I'm 60?" To say the least John Munch was appalled. Olivia and Elliot looked down in embarrassment.
"He's not saying you are 60, he's saying you look 60. How old are you anyway?" Fin demanded. Munch could only glare at the man once more.
"I'm not answering that."
"What? Why not?" Olivia looked up from the table and questioned him.
"Because it's not important." His three companions made sounds of protests. None were prepared when John started throwing peanuts at them again. So yes, John Munch was your average man. He had a good job as a SVU detective. He had good friends. He went out for drinks every now and then. And he started peanut wars. He was definitely average.
I apologize if I've offended any Jews, Catholics, and/or cops. I'm sorry. I also apologize for the characters being out of character, but it was all in good fun. Please review.