Songfics… Charmed: Somebody else

What if I was alright?

What if he was alright...? How would that feel? Chris didn't know... Chris wanted to know but he didn't. And the reason he wasn't alright was his mother. His mother, who only seemed to love him when he was bringing home good grades, being the perfect son that made her look the perfect mother in the so called 'real world'. And the fact was that when Chris was 'useless', Piper didn't pay him attention at all. And that hurt Chris.

What if I wasn't wound so tight?

What was the thing in him that made Piper ignore him? Well, of course there was Wyatt. Wyatt who was aloud to study in magicschool, aloud to bring home a C plus, who played baseball and got hugs and kissed all the time. In front of Chris. "What if I was a bad boy? Could I get her attention?" Chris thought. He doubted it, but maybe being bad would make him feel better. Drinking, using drugs... The hangover couldn't possible be as painful as this...

What if had the balls to be bad?

Of course, there was the risk that when Chris was bad, Piper would never look at him like she looked at Wyatt all the time: like she was proud of him. And Dad... Dad was the one and only thing in Chris's life that made him feel like he was loved. Well, Wyatt was there, too, but he had so many other things going on at that time. Leo was there for Chris every time he needed him. Chris couldn't let him down. He couldn't dare the thought of his father with a disappointed look on his face.

Would you still look at me like that?

This day had been a top of all to Chris. It was his birthday, his 18th birthday! Leo came down as soon as he woke up to wish him happy birthday. That was a tradition since Leo couldn't buy any presents. They had gone down and found Piper fussing all over, looking for something. "Why aren't you guys ready? Got to go, gotta go, big game!" she said when she saw them. "Wh...?" "Well, I suppose Wy won't mind if you don't come... he will mind more if everyone's late, so... We'll be home around two. Bye!" And with that Piper left. "Maybe they are having a party after the game..." Leo suggested. "Yeah... maybe..." But when they came back, they was absolutely no sign of a party. Piper, Phoebe, Paige (who had forgot, too) and Wyatt came in all laughing and cheering. "What's the big deal?" Leo asked. "What's the big deal! We won!" Wyatt yelled. "I have to bake a cake or something. What do you want, sweetie? It's your day, after all!" Piper said. Leo, who had just grongratulated his older son, looked at Chris with great sympathy. Chris looked at his hands... they clearly had forgot. Even Wyatt. And with that thought in his head, Chris orbed away...

Would you be mad that I had held the old me back?

Chris sat on the Golden Gate Bridge, thinking. He wasn't good enough for his mother, his aunts... and he would always walk under the shadow of Wyatt. He would have to be something great... like double-blessed...but he wasn't... so he wasn't good enough.

Why can't I be somebody else?

Somebody who isn't too cool to believe it's okay to be just me?

"Chris?" Chris heard voice behind him. "Hi, Dad..." he said. Leo sat next to him. "Chris, I'm so so..." "It isn't your fault, Dad. How could it be your fault? And it's not that big of a deal anyway... I should've known..." Chris cut in with a quiet voice. "It is big of a deal, Chris. You've got every right to be mad!" "Mad? Why would I be mad? Raising two kids is clearly too much for mum. I can't blame her if she for some reason loves Wyatt more than me."

Maybe I was too much

Maybe I'll take it down a notch

"And, you know, maybe I can make myself more lovable. Maybe if I..." "Chris, stop it! You do NOT have to do anything! It isn't your fault! You couldn't possibly be more lovable. You haven't asked any presents since you were a child, you always, ALWAYS bring home an A, you don't argue, you don't get angry... And now you've got every right to be. I'm angry with her! With all of them! I feel like they need a good lesson but I also feel that you should one that gives it to them!"

Maybe I'll have guts to be mad

Chris looked at Leo. He had never been angry with anyone in his family. He had never felt anger towards anyone but demons. Sadness, frustration, guilt, hurt yes... but never angry. And now he did. He felt like kicking and screaming. He wanted to hurt their feelings... But he also wanted to hide... Hide to somewhere where no one could ever bring him back. He wanted to show that he was not going to live in a house where he wasn't wanted. And maybe he would make them feel bad by getting drunk and locked up by Darryl.

Maybe I'll mess me up real bad

Maybe that would make Piper wish that she HAD paid attention when she had a chance.

Maybe I'll make you wish you had the old me back

"Why am I not good enough to her, Dad... What have I done wrong?" And that was when Chris broke down. He put his head down to his hands and sobbed. Leo took him into a warm embrace, whispering comforting words. "You are good enough, Chris. You haven't done anything. It's okay, she'll understand. Everything's gonna be okay, I promise. I love you." Chris cried against Leo's chest, wanting to believe every word he had just said. "...love you, too, Dad", he whispered. Leo rocked him back and forth. "Let's go home."

Why can't I be somebody else?

Somebody who isn't too cool to believe it's okay to be just me

"Good, you found him. Now you can explain what exactly were you thinking leaving like that?" Piper said as soon as they came. "What? Were you worried about me? Or just pissed cuz you had to find me. Which, by the way, you didn't!" Chris said loudly. Piper looked at him, confused. She had never heard Chris talking like that. Like he was angry, hurt... "What is that suppose to mean?" she asked. "It means that I bet that you didn't even care where I went. It would just look bad to your neighbours if one of your sons were missing. So you had to spend you preasuse time with Wyatt to find me. And I still think you didn't even try." Everybody looked at Chris at this point. Wyatt's mouth was opened, Phoebe and Paige looked shocked. Leo smiled with a look on his face that said: 'Let it all out'.

What if I can't remember who I'm trying to be?

"Chris, what are you talking about? Of course I cared!" Piper said. "Oh, yeah, right! I'm not Wyatt so why would you care?" "Hey!" Wyatt yelled. "Sorry, Wy. This isn't about you", Chris convinced, not taking his eyes off his mother. "So what is this about?" Piper asked. "You", Chris said simply. "You only pay attention to me when I bring home an A. You show it to Mrs. Vanlost and then forget me again! You even forgot that I..." Chris stopped talking. He was so angry but still, for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to tell that he turned eighteen about 10 and half hours ago. "Forgot that you what? What did I forget?

Why can't I be somebody else?

Somebody who isn't too good to believe it's okay to be just me?

"Nothing. Forget it, if you still don't remember then I don't think you should know at all. I'll go to my room." Chris was about to leave but Piper got a hold of his arm. "What – did I – forget?" she said. She was more angry that interested, and when Chris saw that, he just snapped. "That it's my birthday! My 18th birthday to be exact. I didn't expect anything big, just a hug would've been nice. But no! I didn't have a baseball game. Now let go of me, cuz I'll leave anyway!" Chris was almost yelling the last words. Piper was too shocked to let go. She stared at her younger son, who looked back angry and little bit annoyed. "Fine!", he sighed and orbed away, leaving Piper stand there.

Just me...!

Chris moved away few days after his outburst. He hadn't talk to Piper and Piper didn't talk to him. Wyatt on the other hand had spent a half an hour saying 'I'm sorry'... Chris didn't blame him... Okay, maybe a little, but he could get over that. He was happy now that he had let it all out. And maybe someday he could forgive his mother... maybe someday she would actually say I'm sorry, too...

THE END

Somebody else, Bleu