The Matrix Reloaded Written by someone insane!
Disclaimer: Although I love the Matrix, there is no Matrix ownership for me whatsoever.
Ideas, characters etc... are all owned by the Wachowski brothers.
This is a parody of The Matrix Reloaded, which contains spoilers if you havent seen the film but is by no means accurate to the exact events. Anyways, on with the randomness!
There is a hell of a lot of completely random green code to start with, but eventually it ends. There are two security guards sitting in some place or other talking crap to each other. One leaves, then a motorcycle comes flying through the air and blows the control tower to shit. The fireball is extremely over exaggerated but looks awesome, so no one really cares.
The rider of the motorcycle removes their helmet, its Trinity.
"Check me, I'm in the script so early on" exclaimed Trinity happily.
"Oh my god" said an extra, who wont get another line in.
"I rock, I'm gonna kick your asses!" said Trinity.
Trinity ran forward, and kicked a guard in the face. Then she sneezed and concussed the remaining three. The guard she kicked in the face was whining, so she booted him across the floor.
Randomly the green code appears again, and now we are in a skyscraper. Trinity dives out of a window for no apparent reason; chased by a rather angry Agent Thompson.
"Check me, I have Uzi's" exclaimed Trinity proudly.
She then proceeded to fire them repeatedly at Agent Thompson, who returned the favour with his own Desert Eagle Magnum. He also looked at her rather mockingly, so Trinity sneezed and his shades fell off.
"Bugger" said the enraged Agent, who shot Trinity in the stomach. Trinity made a face like she had just slipped over in the bathroom and fell ass first into a car at the bottom of the skyscraper and died.
But it was only a dream, Neo's dream in fact. He was dreaming about his girlfriend dying, he was obviously abused as a child to be so disturbed. Neo rose from his cheap crappy bed where Trinity was sleeping.
"Oooh, isn't the Nebuchadnezzar exciting," exclaimed a happy Morpheus, who was at the controls flying around in the sewery pipe things underground.
"Yes sir, it is" said Link, the operator
"Wait a minute, your not Tank!" shouted Morpheus.
"No, I'm Link, I'm here to replace Tank because he has died for no apparent reason." Said Link coolly.
"Oh, well if you say so, anyways I need you to do one thing"
"What's that Morpheus?"
"To trust me"
"I do trust you"
"But Link, I'm insane"
"And?"
"Okay then, that's good" finished Morpheus.
The Nebuchadnezzar flew around for a while, and then landed somewhere, who can tell where when all the sewery pipe things look the same.
Link went in to see Neo, who was glancing down at a spoon trying to make it bend. Trinity walked in.
"Oh god not again, your obsessed with spoons!" said Trinity
"No I'm not!" shot back Neo
"Oh yeah, prove it"
"There is no spoon"
"STOP BEING INTOLERABLE!"
"Whoa, calm down Trinity."
Just as they were about to have a slapping fight, Link walked in.
"Hey guys, time to get poles stuffed into the back of your heads and go talk to some other people in a crappy sewer"
"Ok" replied Trinity and Neo.
"This strange holographic thing that I'm going to pretend to understand tells us that there are 250,000 sentinels coming to kill us," said captain Niobe.
"Well that's a bastard isn't it" said captain soreen
"Hello" said Morpheus suddenly
"Morpheus glad you could join us"
"Captain Niobe" said Morpheus to Niobe (possibly proving he is sober?)
"I believe in this crappy prophecy, so shut up and listen to me BLAH BLAH BLAH…"
Meanwhile, outside a dark car pulls up and out steps a tall figure dressed in a black suit. His face is hidden from view by the conveniently placed camera angles and car headlights. Back downstairs, Neo pulls a more vacant expression than usual, and wanders upstairs.
The figure from the car bangs on the door. Some extra character opens it.
"I'm looking for Neo" came the familiar sounding voice
"Who the hell you talking bout mate?" said the extra
"I have something for him, a gift, you see he set me free"
"Oh" said the extra after an uncomfortable pause "are you his lover?"
"No, you freak, I'm his Nemesis!" growled the figure
"Then why the hell are you giving him gifts, are you sure that you don't have repressed urges and feelings towards him?"
"JUST SHUT UP AND GIVE HIM THE PACKAGE!"
The figure slammed the door shut and stormed off in a rage.
Moments later Neo came up the stairs.
"Who was that?" asked Neo as he looked randomly around the room.
"How did you know someone was here?"
"I'm asking the questions because I'm a star character and your not!"
"Fine" groaned the extra "he gave you this"
The extra hands a small envelope to Neo. Neo opens it and an earpiece falls into his hand
"Strange" muttered Neo. "This wasn't on my Christmas wish list…"
Then, without warning, three Agents burst through the door.
"Its him" said Agent Johnson
"Do we proceed?" asked Agent Thompson
"Yes" replied Agent Johnson
"He is still…" Continued Agent Thompson
"Only human" Finished Agent Jackson.
"That's really sad, how you all know what your gonna say" stated Neo
"Well we are…" began Agent Jackson
"Programs, and therefore…" continued Agent Johnson
"Connected" Finished Agent Thompson.
"Yeah" began Neo "But it's still sad"
"Kill him," demanded Agent Jackson.
The agents run forward and start punching wildly, and trying to pose any threat whatsoever.
"You guys are so lame, I can just kick the crap out of you," laughed Neo
"Quiet you," shrieked one of the agents
Neo smacks all the agents up good, sending one of them into a streetlight and the glass falls down and smashes everywhere. This obviously scares the crap out of Neo as he suddenly looks round, farts and flies off into the air.
A dark figure then walks slowly towards the camera and starts blabbing. Its agent Smith
"Hehe, bet you didn't guess it was me did you? Anyways that went as expected considering I have the script right here"
An exact copy of Smith walks towards the original
"Yes" he says
"It's happening exactly as before," continued the original
"Well, not exactly" completes the clone
The two smile gormlessly at each other for a while and then leave.
Meanwhile, Morpheus complete with Trinity have buggered off into a car, which has randomly spawned from somewhere, and are driving around the matrix aimlessly. Morpheus is on the phone.
"No, mother listen! Stop taking those pills, I need them to free minds… hold on there is someone else on the line. I have to go, bye."
Trinity is trying not to laugh. It turns out to be Link on the other line.
"Hello, I need more screen time so I thought I'd phone you."
Morpheus looked rather angry.
"What, I'm supposed to phone you dammit! Oh well. Anyways what happened back there in the foul unnecessarily rat infested sewers?"
"Oh, agents came along and tried to kill everyone, but Neo kicked the crap out of them and then arsed off"
"Sounds good!"
"Is Neo okay?" added Trinity
"Ok shit, you should have seen him!"
"That actually doesn't answer my question," protested Trinity
"You, quiet. I have to go now, things to do. Bye"
Link hangs up the phone, and now all of a sudden were back to Neo
"Wow" began Neo "these super beans really do allow one to fly. I owe Morpheus $20"
After Neo has finished making pretty patterns with the sky, he goes off in search of the woman who tells you shit that's going to happen, but cant find her.
"Where are you? You promised me cookies!" whined Neo.
TO BE CONCLUDED...
Right, there is the first chapter. If i get positive feedback, I will continue and eventually write the whole thing!
Disclaimer: Although I love the Matrix, there is no Matrix ownership for me whatsoever.
Ideas, characters etc... are all owned by the Wachowski brothers.
This is a parody of The Matrix Reloaded, which contains spoilers if you havent seen the film but is by no means accurate to the exact events. Anyways, on with the randomness!
There is a hell of a lot of completely random green code to start with, but eventually it ends. There are two security guards sitting in some place or other talking crap to each other. One leaves, then a motorcycle comes flying through the air and blows the control tower to shit. The fireball is extremely over exaggerated but looks awesome, so no one really cares.
The rider of the motorcycle removes their helmet, its Trinity.
"Check me, I'm in the script so early on" exclaimed Trinity happily.
"Oh my god" said an extra, who wont get another line in.
"I rock, I'm gonna kick your asses!" said Trinity.
Trinity ran forward, and kicked a guard in the face. Then she sneezed and concussed the remaining three. The guard she kicked in the face was whining, so she booted him across the floor.
Randomly the green code appears again, and now we are in a skyscraper. Trinity dives out of a window for no apparent reason; chased by a rather angry Agent Thompson.
"Check me, I have Uzi's" exclaimed Trinity proudly.
She then proceeded to fire them repeatedly at Agent Thompson, who returned the favour with his own Desert Eagle Magnum. He also looked at her rather mockingly, so Trinity sneezed and his shades fell off.
"Bugger" said the enraged Agent, who shot Trinity in the stomach. Trinity made a face like she had just slipped over in the bathroom and fell ass first into a car at the bottom of the skyscraper and died.
But it was only a dream, Neo's dream in fact. He was dreaming about his girlfriend dying, he was obviously abused as a child to be so disturbed. Neo rose from his cheap crappy bed where Trinity was sleeping.
"Oooh, isn't the Nebuchadnezzar exciting," exclaimed a happy Morpheus, who was at the controls flying around in the sewery pipe things underground.
"Yes sir, it is" said Link, the operator
"Wait a minute, your not Tank!" shouted Morpheus.
"No, I'm Link, I'm here to replace Tank because he has died for no apparent reason." Said Link coolly.
"Oh, well if you say so, anyways I need you to do one thing"
"What's that Morpheus?"
"To trust me"
"I do trust you"
"But Link, I'm insane"
"And?"
"Okay then, that's good" finished Morpheus.
The Nebuchadnezzar flew around for a while, and then landed somewhere, who can tell where when all the sewery pipe things look the same.
Link went in to see Neo, who was glancing down at a spoon trying to make it bend. Trinity walked in.
"Oh god not again, your obsessed with spoons!" said Trinity
"No I'm not!" shot back Neo
"Oh yeah, prove it"
"There is no spoon"
"STOP BEING INTOLERABLE!"
"Whoa, calm down Trinity."
Just as they were about to have a slapping fight, Link walked in.
"Hey guys, time to get poles stuffed into the back of your heads and go talk to some other people in a crappy sewer"
"Ok" replied Trinity and Neo.
"This strange holographic thing that I'm going to pretend to understand tells us that there are 250,000 sentinels coming to kill us," said captain Niobe.
"Well that's a bastard isn't it" said captain soreen
"Hello" said Morpheus suddenly
"Morpheus glad you could join us"
"Captain Niobe" said Morpheus to Niobe (possibly proving he is sober?)
"I believe in this crappy prophecy, so shut up and listen to me BLAH BLAH BLAH…"
Meanwhile, outside a dark car pulls up and out steps a tall figure dressed in a black suit. His face is hidden from view by the conveniently placed camera angles and car headlights. Back downstairs, Neo pulls a more vacant expression than usual, and wanders upstairs.
The figure from the car bangs on the door. Some extra character opens it.
"I'm looking for Neo" came the familiar sounding voice
"Who the hell you talking bout mate?" said the extra
"I have something for him, a gift, you see he set me free"
"Oh" said the extra after an uncomfortable pause "are you his lover?"
"No, you freak, I'm his Nemesis!" growled the figure
"Then why the hell are you giving him gifts, are you sure that you don't have repressed urges and feelings towards him?"
"JUST SHUT UP AND GIVE HIM THE PACKAGE!"
The figure slammed the door shut and stormed off in a rage.
Moments later Neo came up the stairs.
"Who was that?" asked Neo as he looked randomly around the room.
"How did you know someone was here?"
"I'm asking the questions because I'm a star character and your not!"
"Fine" groaned the extra "he gave you this"
The extra hands a small envelope to Neo. Neo opens it and an earpiece falls into his hand
"Strange" muttered Neo. "This wasn't on my Christmas wish list…"
Then, without warning, three Agents burst through the door.
"Its him" said Agent Johnson
"Do we proceed?" asked Agent Thompson
"Yes" replied Agent Johnson
"He is still…" Continued Agent Thompson
"Only human" Finished Agent Jackson.
"That's really sad, how you all know what your gonna say" stated Neo
"Well we are…" began Agent Jackson
"Programs, and therefore…" continued Agent Johnson
"Connected" Finished Agent Thompson.
"Yeah" began Neo "But it's still sad"
"Kill him," demanded Agent Jackson.
The agents run forward and start punching wildly, and trying to pose any threat whatsoever.
"You guys are so lame, I can just kick the crap out of you," laughed Neo
"Quiet you," shrieked one of the agents
Neo smacks all the agents up good, sending one of them into a streetlight and the glass falls down and smashes everywhere. This obviously scares the crap out of Neo as he suddenly looks round, farts and flies off into the air.
A dark figure then walks slowly towards the camera and starts blabbing. Its agent Smith
"Hehe, bet you didn't guess it was me did you? Anyways that went as expected considering I have the script right here"
An exact copy of Smith walks towards the original
"Yes" he says
"It's happening exactly as before," continued the original
"Well, not exactly" completes the clone
The two smile gormlessly at each other for a while and then leave.
Meanwhile, Morpheus complete with Trinity have buggered off into a car, which has randomly spawned from somewhere, and are driving around the matrix aimlessly. Morpheus is on the phone.
"No, mother listen! Stop taking those pills, I need them to free minds… hold on there is someone else on the line. I have to go, bye."
Trinity is trying not to laugh. It turns out to be Link on the other line.
"Hello, I need more screen time so I thought I'd phone you."
Morpheus looked rather angry.
"What, I'm supposed to phone you dammit! Oh well. Anyways what happened back there in the foul unnecessarily rat infested sewers?"
"Oh, agents came along and tried to kill everyone, but Neo kicked the crap out of them and then arsed off"
"Sounds good!"
"Is Neo okay?" added Trinity
"Ok shit, you should have seen him!"
"That actually doesn't answer my question," protested Trinity
"You, quiet. I have to go now, things to do. Bye"
Link hangs up the phone, and now all of a sudden were back to Neo
"Wow" began Neo "these super beans really do allow one to fly. I owe Morpheus $20"
After Neo has finished making pretty patterns with the sky, he goes off in search of the woman who tells you shit that's going to happen, but cant find her.
"Where are you? You promised me cookies!" whined Neo.
TO BE CONCLUDED...
Right, there is the first chapter. If i get positive feedback, I will continue and eventually write the whole thing!