I do not own anything to do with TSOSF and I make no profit from my fan fic endeavors. All writing is done for fun, enjoyment and skill improvement.

A New Purpose

It was the spring following the Tannenger trial, the tragic event that placed a hole in the heart of Inspector Steve Keller and an exclamation point at the end of his six year career with the San Francisco Police Department. As a much sought after addition to the University of California - Berkeley Criminology Department, Keller moved on to a new professional life. His former partner, Lieutenant Mike Stone moved on as well, now mentoring another young man, Inspector Dan Robbins who, while similar in some ways to his predecessor, also distinguished himself with different interests and skills.

Influenced by his new partner's chief extracurricular interest of healthy living, Mike Stone suggested that he, along with his daughter Jeannie, Dan and Steve, spend the weekend camping and enjoying the fresh air away from the stresses of the city. It had been one of the first times the four had been together for any length of time beyond a quick dinner or cup of coffee. It was also the first real social engagement of any magnitude that Steve had attended since the shooting.

Arriving at Muir Woods, the foursome selected a remote and level campsite with great views of the woods and a small lake nearby. Trails, wildlife and California's prized redwoods surrounded them. The group set up two tents: one for Mike and Jean; the other for Dan and Steve. The fresh air was welcome to all, but especially for Steve who appeared to benefit the most.

Indeed, his first night's sleep in the tent was the best he'd had since perhaps before his time on the force and certainly after the shooting. The last awake, he greeted his fellow campers at breakfast and eagerly enjoyed the bacon, eggs and coffee that Mike had made for three of the four campers. He was amused at Dan, who enjoyed a bowl of oatmeal and wheat germ with fresh fruit.

Later, when Dan mentioned the five mile hike on nearby marked trails, Steve replied that he still wasn't up for that much physical activity and would need to take a pass. Mike jumped in. 'Yes, we figured that, but no worries. That's why you and Jeannie are going to do the fishing and catch us something for lunch while Dan and I go.'

Stunned that he and Jeannie were left to provide food for the group, Steve glanced at his fellow fisherman with a 'what are we going to do?' look. Already prepared, she smiled as she handed him a pole set with bait. In no time, they walked down to the small lake together in search of trout and blackfish.

The first hour of their endeavor was focused on picking the right location and establishing a good rhythm with the fishing. They had good success. Jeannie, no stranger to the outdoors, held her own and caught three blackfish compared to Steve's two. When things quieted down, Jeannie wanted to ask Steve something that had been on her mind for some time: how he was really doing.

He, of course, said, 'Fine' and pretended not to understand what the concern could be.

Jeannie called him out. "I don't believe you. You're not nearly as active as you used to be and you're a lot quieter. Come to think of it, you're not as active as when you first came out of the hospital. What gives?"

Hemming and hawing, Steve eventually admitted that everything changed for him after the shooting. "I'll never be 100% of what I was."

"What do you mean?" Jeannie asked, surprised at the tinge of bitterness in Steve's answer. In the months following his departure from the police force, he had done nothing but portray an optimistic view of his future but then had gone quiet in recent months.

"I can't do anything very strenuous and there's always going to be that risk that something may happen," he responded nervously.

"But they fixed your heart, right? There was little damage." Jeannie was the eternal optimist.

"They did what they could, but yes, there was more than a little damage. There could be problems down the line," Steve sighed as he paused for a moment. "I just feel like my future is limited. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be alive and I am in a good spot with my new job, but outside of that, there are limits."

Jeannie felt as if he was bordering the line between reasoning and resignation. "Well maybe you won't run any marathons, but I think you can have a normal life. You can marry, have kids, run them all around and we'll make fun of you as we watch your hair turn grey just like everyone else." Expecting a laugh or at least a smile, Jeannie was surprised at the seriousness in Steve's voice.

"I doubt it. Jeannie, I can't see burdening someone with my heart condition. I may not be there for them in the long run." Steve fixed his gaze at the lake looking to see if there were any fish trying to bite. He could feel Jeannie's stare almost as intensely as the sun heating the back of his shirt.

Not knowing what to say, Jeannie sat still holding her fishing pole tightly, fighting back the urge to shed a tear or two. She didn't realize that things were that serious. "But that can't be. You're Steve Keller. You've survived everything that's been thrown at you. You can't stop living now. You could have 50 years or you could have five. We're all in that boat. You should enjoy it as best as you can."

"Yes, but I can't get involved with someone only to let them down. It's only fair."

"You don't know that you would let them down."

"There's a good chance. Oh, I'm not saying that I'm going to be a monk," he admitted with a sly grin. "I'll probably turn into a bigger cad than I already am. Maybe instead of a relationship lasting two months, I'll end it at one."

"I thought you couldn't do anything very strenuous..." Jeannie countered, trying to make light of a situation that was breaking her heart.

"I'll let the ladies do the work," he joked but then felt immediately badly about the remark. It was an uncomfortable thing to say in front of the young woman whom he secretly treasured. "Sorry."

Jeannie's eyes widened. Instead of chuckling as she normally would, she simply nodded her head and tried to keep focusing on fishing. "But what if you meet the right woman? Are you going to deprive her and you of what may be destiny?"

"Destiny?" Steve asked bitterly. "I'll give you destiny. I believe I was given mine when I made the mistake last September. You remember the one – letting my guard down on a vicious killer simply because she looked so innocent? You know, Jeannie, Barbara Ross didn't succeed in killing me, but I have paid for that mistake with my life."

Jeannie held her breath as he continued.

"There's not a day that goes by that I don't relive that night. The flash of the gunshot, the pain. Oh my God, the pain. The bullet broke my sternum and then if that wasn't bad enough, the surgeon cracked my sternum from top to bottom to get to the bullet. You will never know the pain it was for that bone to knit back together. But the worst is that I see the scar every day - it goes up to my collarbone and then practically down to my navel. It's a reminder of that horrible night that tells me I shouldn't even be here. When I think about it, I'd probably scare some poor girl to death the first time she saw it."

Jeannie fought back tears as she heard Steve berate himself and deny his own future. "Stop! Just stop, okay?" A few tears spilled over. She whipped her head around to deny him the chance to see her cry.

Her actions failed. He saw the tears and immediately sunk in shame. "I'm sorry, Jeannie." He took a deep breath and laid a hand on her shoulder. "I would never want to hurt you," he whispered. He sat in silence, but then finally laid the fishing pole to his side, got up and walked away.

Seconds later, Jeannie heard Mike and Dan's voices booming through the woods. "Steve?" she called out before Mike and Dan could appear. Steve turned to her and they eventually met in an embrace as she caught up with him.

Before she could speak, he apologized again. "Jeannie, I'm so sorry. Look, forget I said anything. You're right. I'm the same old Steve. It just gets to me sometimes, but I'll be fine." He was lying through his teeth, but it broke his heart to see her cry.

It only underscored what he had been thinking all along the last few months. I can't hurt Jeannie or Mike more than I already have.