Concerning Elves
After arriving in Loth lorian, the hobbits have some questions for Galadriel and Celeborn.
Sam: Why are you all blonde? I've never seen a redheaded elf.
Celeborn: Recessive genes. And bleach bottles.
Sam: What?
Celeborn: We all bleach our hair blonde. It's one of the many advantages of being an elf. Nobody questions you for wasting lots of time fixing your hair. Except the hippie Arwen. She's all into "all natural" and "organic" food and hair products. As a result, her hair is not nearly as pretty as mine!
Pippin: Like nobody questions a hobbit for spending all their time eating?
Galadriel: Or smoking hobbit weed.
Merry: What's "organic" mean? Does it come from ogres? Or trolls?
Legolas: No, you stupid hobbit. It means it's good for you and makes you pretty. I use organic products, and as a result, I'm way prettier than Celeborn!
Celeborn: At least I don't wear spandex!
Galadriel: Celeborn, you're wearing a dress.
Celeborn: It's not a dress! It's a gown!
Gimli: Isn't a gown a dress?
Celeborn: NO! A gown is a much more manly dress!
Galadriel: He's just angry because he can't get his hair to curl.
Frodo: So if I use your organic shampoo, will I have long, flowing blonde hair?
Legolas: Sure, but you'd step on it with your hairy hobbit feet.
Frodo: Would I have to wear a dress?
Celeborn: you would have to wear a gown! cries
Sam: Why do you all have pointy ears?
Galadriel: Because they're pretty!
Merry: I have pointy ears, am I pretty?
Everybody: No!
Gimli: Why don't you elves have facial hair? Beards are a great thing!
Legolas: They hide our pretty faces! And they don't make organic shampoo for you to wash your beard.
Aragorn: Why would you use shampoo in the first place? Washing it with dirt has been fine for me!
Celeborn: And that you are not as pretty as an elf!
Pippin: Does bein' an elf mean you have to be gay?
Celeborn: We are NOT gay!
Pippin: but you're wearin' a dress!
Celeborn: It's a GOWN!
Borimir: I haven't gotten to say anything yet!
A/N: what do you think? Is this funny? If you think it is I'll write some more. And if not, I'll probably write some more anyway. Review please!