This was a request from Eyesatrac135. Thanks for giving me the inspiration to write this! I wouldn't have written it if you hadn't asked for it, and I'm glad I wrote it. Very glad.

All the Money in the World

Not even the deep pockets and endless resources of a multimillion-dollar estate can give Seto Kaiba what he truly wants most in the world.

If Seto Kaiba were to make a list of "Things He Has to Do on a Regular Basis," the act of hoping would not be very high up on that list, if it made it onto the list at all. He can usually get whatever he wants with a snap of his fingers and a well-timed scowl, a very well-timed scowl. The day Gozaburo died was the day he vowed to never want for need or need for want again. The self-control it took to keep from dancing on his stepfather's grave was to be his last act of restraint. From that day forward, his life would be dedicated to his own whims and those of his brother.

You can't always get what you want. Kaiba learned this the hard way, long before cards and crowns fueled his hopes and dreams. What he wants most in life can never truly be his, only borrowed, leased like a car, a car that never fails to shift into reverse at the worst possible time. It's an endless game of trap and monster. He can stem the tide, earn himself some extra Life Points, but in the end, it's all a grand waste of time. He and the dream will never meet. He could chase the dream his whole life, and still he would be no closer to it than when he was first born, yet he still tries. He will keep chasing the dream. He can never hope to do any better.

Kaiba suffers despite the promises of a jaded 12-year-old boy, a boy who promised himself he would stop being so jaded by the age of 15. He broke that promise, too. If he hadn't, maybe he wouldn't care so much about the dream. He is jaded, though, and he does care. He cares enough to shoulder the shameful Kaiba secret alone, un-helped by even his brother, who was so young that he wouldn't remember there was a secret to begin with.

Kaiba has no plans to remind him. He would be far too ashamed to do so at this point, but there is no shame in feeling ashamed, he tells himself. His trepidation is only natural.

Joey Wheeler flaunts himself around and knocks over Kaiba's carefully constructed tower of denial. Why should that mutt feel no shame? He is beneath everything Kaiba stands for, and yet there he is, all grins and confidence where Kaiba would only hate himself.

That dog's very existence strikes and hurts in the one secret place that Kaiba hides from the world, right next to a wound that can never heal. There is nothing Kaiba can do to stop the storm. It's too late to feel any differently, to do any differently. He can only live and make do with what he has.

If only he would allow himself to do just that.

He closes his laptop and stops work early that day, makes up some lie to explain to Mokuba were he's going and heads out the door.

Roland keeps his thoughts to himself as Kaiba enters the cellar and takes a seat next to the sink and the handmade concoctions. The young master will come to terms with himself eventually. It'll just take some time.

Kaiba has all the time in the world.

Not one duel has passed between him and his rival where Kaiba didn't stare at the blonde tufts poking out from the forest of red and black. It can't be natural. There's no way nature could produce such a wild affront to all things physically possible. If it did, Yugi's Motou's tresses are the result of Mother Nature barfing all over someone's head.

He wishes those were the tresses he had to deal with at the moment.

"Are you going to make me stand here all day, Kaiba, or are you going to make your move?"

The dog's comments never fail to send him to his boiling point, even when they're relatively tame.

"You want a move, Wheeler? I'll give you a move!" Kaiba shouts. "Behold!" He tosses his arm to the side and a card flips over. The way his opponent's eyes practically bug out of his head soothes Kaiba's anger. This card is the seed to his victory.

It's one of the mutt's more decent efforts, but in the end, as usual, Wheeler's subpar dueling is no match for Kaiba's genius.

As his life points tick away to zero, Wheeler throws his arms up and grips his head. "Ah, man! I almost had you there!"

"No, you didn't," Kaiba spits back immediately. There was one point during their duel where he feared this would be the miserable day that Joey Wheeler bested him at Duel Monsters, but he'll never admit it.

"Sure I did," Wheeler says, and there's mirth there. "If it hadn't been for Enemy Controller, you'd be toast!"

Cocky brown eyes stare into seething blue ones as the dueling platforms begin their descent to the ground floor, where Mokuba and the geek squad are waiting for them.

"That was a really great duel, guys," Yugi says, positive attitude shining brighter than ever. "You had us all on the edge of our seats."

Wheeler and Yugi share a high-five as Mokuba pats Kaiba on the back. "Way to go, Seto."

"Yeah, yeah. You beat me fair and square and all that," Wheeler admits, shaking his head. "How about a rematch?"

"As much as I love putting you in your place," Kaiba says, turning to leave, "I have more important things to deal with."

"Come on. You've got the rest of your life to run your company. One rematch won't take long."

Kaiba smirks. "No. It wouldn't take long at all."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Yugi comes to stand between them before a fight breaks out, his hands on either of their shoulders, or, more correctly, one hand on Joey's shoulder and the other on Kaiba's elbow. "If he's busy, he's busy, Joey," he says with a small smile. "You'll have plenty of other days to duel him."

Wheeler draws back his fists and crosses his arms. "Fine then. But you better be ready next time, Kaiba!" He jabs a finger at him, his teeth bared in a toothy grin. "I'll have plenty of new tricks up my sleeve next time."

"Let's hope so," Kaiba says, and with that he stalks away, his brother trailing close behind.

"It was a good duel, Bro," Mokuba says once they've made it to the lobby. "And you have to admit Joey's gotten a lot better since the last time you dueled."

"'Better' isn't saying much when it comes to him, but it does look like he's been practicing. He probably got help from Yugi."

"Yeah, probably."

Mokuba waits for his brother to say more, to go on a tirade about Joey's mediocre dueling skills, but he only finds silence.

"Seto?"

Mokuba looks up to find his brother's attention fixed on his own thoughts. Those famous gears are turning. Seto is lost in his latest obsession, and Mokuba opts to remain silent for the rest of the walk back to the car. Whatever Seto is thinking about, it must be pretty important and complicated to draw out that look in his eyes.

It isn't the kind of thing anyone would ever expect Kaiba to expend time or brain cells thinking about. In fact, if anyone knew what was going through his head, they might question Kaiba's sanity before immediately questioning their own.

Kaiba is perfectly sane, though, as sane as it's possible for him to be. It's all a matter of perspective, but he may very well go insane. His entire world has gone lopsided, threatening to collapse, and all because of a brief instant. Back there, under the dim lights in the dueling arena, hidden away so that none shorter than Seto Kaiba could see them, Joey Wheeler's roots were showing.

Kaiba has to know if his hatred is unfounded. He has to know if three years' worth of insults tossed back and forth was meaningless, if every time he bristled upon setting eyes on the mutt was all for nothing. He has to know if Joey Wheeler is a natural blonde.

He can't very well walk up to his classmate and ask, "Hey, you're not dyeing your hair, are you? Just checking." An image flashes through his mind of him going down such a line of questioning, and he shudders. He's definitely not doing that, but there has to be some way to find out what he wants to know.

The opportunity presents itself a week later after gym. The locker room is awash with the scent of chlorine and wet tile, and the only people left are Wheeler, a few stragglers and Yugi Motou. Kaiba watches out of the side of his eye as Yugi shares a few words with his friend, waving and taking his leave. It isn't unusual for the smaller duelist to be dressed and gone before his friend. Kaiba hasn't decided yet if he thinks it's because of Yugi's smaller size or Wheeler's inherent slowness. He'd like to think it's Wheeler's inherent slowness. It could also be that Yugi, despite being the nice guy that he is, can't stand to be around Wheeler and that other guy for more than a set amount of time per day, and takes off every day thinking they're both fools. He'd really love to think that's the case.

"Like what you see, Kaiba?" Damn it. He's been caught staring. "I don't swing that way, but hey. A compliment's a compliment."

"Don't flatter yourself, Wheeler," Kaiba shoots back instantly. "You'd be lucky enough to catch the attention of a gnat."

"Ouch. That one kind of hurt."

Kaiba gives a thin glare and lets his eyes flicker up to Wheeler's hairline and the crease of his part. It's all blonde now, with no traces of darker regrowth. Another person might think that they had made a mistake, but Kaiba's eyes are sharper than that. It wasn't a mistake. He knows what he saw.

"Earth to Kaiba. Are you in there?" He claps a hand to his forehead and laughs a little. "You've been huffing the hologram fumes again, haven't you?"

There's no hatred there. It's all teasing. He's left the strife on the dueling field, unlike Kaiba on many a day, and it only makes him feel even worse.

"You got something to say? If not, I'd like to get dressed."

"Do whatever you want," Kaiba says, and he turns back to his locker.

Wheeler does the same, though not before shaking his head and snorting. Kaiba smirks. If he's going to get Wheeler to give him the answers he wants, he might as well have some fun while doing it.

"It must be hard for you when we have to swim every day of the week," Kaiba says loudly. Wheeler starts and turns back to face him, feeling around in his locker without looking. "Being blonde and all."

"Uh…not really," Wheeler replies. He pulls out a stick of deodorant and lathers on a generous amount. "You just gotta rinse it out really well. Why do you care?"

Kaiba ignores the question. "Of course. I've never seen you running around with green hair before."

"That makes one of us."

Kaiba frowns as Wheeler continues to meet his eyes, waiting for him to get around to that oh-so-elusive point. He won't have to wait long. Here comes the hook.

"I guess the key is authenticity. Your hair's been blonde all your life. I assume you would have figured out how to take care of it by now."

Wheeler stops midway to buttoning up his white shirt. "What do you want, Kaiba?"

"Nothing." Kaiba chooses the perfect moment to look away and close his locker. The dog won't be able to resist. "I was just curious."

With that, Kaiba adjusts the collar of his uniform, closes his locker, and glides past Wheeler without looking at him. He can feel the mutt's eyes on the back of his head.

"Whatever game you're playing, I don't have time for it," Wheeler calls just before Kaiba would reach the doorway.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Kaiba." He spits the name with venom. "Don't make me beat the answer out of you."

"No violence, please."

There's a long silence in which they do nothing but glare their respective brands of spite at each other.

Finally, Wheeler gives with a quick, "We'll talk after class."

"Fine by me."

Kaiba leaves for real this time, merging with the throng of classmates and feeling wholly satisfied with himself. He's planted the seed to his victory yet again. He just has to wait for it to sprout.

Joey feels like a stupid kid, not because he let Kaiba and his stupid mind games get to him again, but because he's got himself all worked up worrying that Kaiba knows. He sure looked like he knew, but Kaiba is a master strategist and a master bluffer.

Joey leans his shoulders against the worn metal fence and taps an impatient finger against his arm. So what if he knows? What's it to him? It doesn't seem like the kind of thing Kaiba would care about at all, but if he does care…

Joey gulps. If Kaiba cares about the one thing he's tried to keep hidden for as long as he can remember, it's because he wants to use it to make his life miserable. If Kaiba wants to make him a laughing stock for the rest of his life, he can, and there won't be a thing Joey can do about it.

To think he was having such a good day before Kaiba decided to go and show his mug. He and Yugi were supposed to head over to the arcade and check out that new game all the dueling blogs have been raving about. They still can if Kaiba has the decency to get up to the roof before next year.

As soon as Joey has the thought, Kaiba's head of dark hair pokes out of the stairwell across the way. Joey grits his teeth.

"Out with it, Kaiba," he calls, closing the distance between them in a few strides. "What do you want?"

For the first time since Joey has known the guy, Kaiba looks like he doesn't have anything to say back.

Joey doesn't miss the way Kaiba throws the briefest glance at his hair. Oh yeah. He knows. Then Joey realizes, no, he doesn't know. He thinks he knows, if his inability to speak has anything to say about it. Well, he may not be Seto Kaiba or Yugi Motou, but Joey Wheeler can still strategize with the best of them. The rest of his life may go his way after all.

"Is this about my hair again?" Joey asks. "Because if you wanted to know, yes, I do dye it. What do you care?"

There. Kaiba can't use dirt he can't toss.

Instead of looking sour, though, Kaiba sucks in a breath.

It must have gone down the wrong pipe. He doubles over with a stream of coughs and curses coming out of his mouth.

"Uh…you all right, Kaiba?" Joey asks. He never thought he'd ever say the words, even on the times when they were both trapped in dangerous virtual worlds.

Once he's recovered, Kaiba lets out a thin, raspy, "Why?"

Joey locks his fingers behind his head and goes back to leaning against the fence. For some reason he feels like being honest. "Because I hate my old man."

Kaiba joins him at the fence, crossing his arms over the front of his uniform, which is buttoned up. The stiff. "Going through a rebellious stage, are we?"

"Nah. It's because my hair's the only thing on me that belongs to him."

Kaiba is smart enough to get what he means. He wouldn't know anything about Joey's home life, unless Yugi told him at some point, which would be really weird. Whatever the case, that look is enough show he understands, and Kaiba's face is the last place Joey would ever expect to see that look.

"Seto Kaiba, are you actually sympathizing with me?"

Kaiba's hands turn to fists. "I'm going to tell you something and you're not going to tell anyone else."

Joey has stared down enough people who wanted to hurt him to read the threats in that voice. "O…kay. Shoot."

"I'm naturally a blonde."

Joey doesn't nearly choke himself to death the way Kaiba did, but it's a close call. He doesn't bother to keep his flailing arms in check. He's sure he must have a stupid expression on his face. "You're kidding, right?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding, Wheeler?"

"Ah…I…hm…" This changes everything, or maybe it doesn't. Joey's brain isn't sure what to make of it. "Does it belong to your father?" he tries to joke.

"My mother."

Oh. Joey definitely knows enough about Kaiba's life to get what that means, at least a little bit. He makes sure to keep his features neutral. Kaiba sure as hell doesn't want his pity, and he isn't really inclined to give it to him either.

"You dye it because it reminds you of her."

His silence is a yes. Sheesh. Seto Kaiba is the only guy he knows who can turn hair dye into a soap opera.

"I thought it would get darker when I got older," Kaiba says, but he looks like he's talking to himself more than Joey. "I was always doing things to try and get it to darken up."

"That explains why your hair was green when we first met."

A long silence.

"Do you want to know why it was green?"

"I always thought that was your punk rocker stage."

Another long silence.

"It was a very bad case of swimmer's hair."

"Swimmer's hair?" Joey is no stranger to swimmer's hair. Each summer is a battle to keep his hair the color it's supposed to be, but he's never heard of anyone's hair turning such a radiant shade of green. His eyes narrow suspiciously. "Seriously. You're kidding, right?"

"I don't 'kid,'" Kaiba insists. His mouth gets a little less tight. "I've been known to joke occasionally, but never kid."

"Right," Joey says, brushing past Kaiba's nonexistent sense of humor. "So let me get this straight. You let your hair get that green because you didn't like being blonde?" Kaiba nods. "But to do that you'd have to swim, like, every day."

"I did."

"And what? You never rinsed ever?"

"I did," Kaiba says again. "I just waited a day before doing it."

Kaiba is officially a lot crazier than Joey ever thought. "Seems like a lot of work just to change your hair color."

"It was," Kaiba agrees. "That's why I switched to dyeing it."

"Oh." Joey doesn't usually know the right thing to say when it comes to Kaiba, but for some reason, the right answer comes to him easily. "I guess we're just a couple of guys trying to hide from the truth, huh?"

Kaiba looks at him full on. Joey has never seen that expression on that face before, not when it's looking at him, anyway. Is that…camaraderie? He is so telling Yugi about this later.

"Yeah, I guess so." Kaiba uncrosses his arms and kicks off the fence, and in the next instant the "camaraderie" turns to icy steel. "If you tell anyone about this, you'll regret it."

"Jeez, Kaiba. Keep your hair on," Joey says, and he laughs at his own joke. "I'm not that stupid." All right. He'll tell Yugi about this minus everything that'll get him killed. "You'd tell everyone I dye mine in an instant. By the way, when did you figure it out?"

"Last weekend when we dueled," Kaiba replies. "Your roots were showing."

"Darn. I knew I shouldn't have let it go that long, but that stuff's expensive, you know what I mean?"

Kaiba just stares, and it takes a second for Joey to catch up.

"Well, it is for some of us. Not all of us are loaded, Moneybags."

At this point he's talking at Kaiba's back, but he doesn't let it bother him. He's had worse endings to conversations with Kaiba. When Kaiba makes it to the stairwell though, he pauses in his stride, and it doesn't surprise Joey to see him turning back around.

"I have a proposition for you, Wheeler."

"A proposition?" He's not sure he wants anything to do with a proposition from Kaiba. Those usually don't end very well, but he bites anyway. "What is it?"

"If you stop dyeing your hair, I'll stop dyeing mine."

"What?"

"You scared?"

For whatever reason, Kaiba has turned going au naturel into a challenge. Joey Wheeler never backs down from a challenge.

"What the heck? You've got yourself a deal, Kaiba."

"Good. Oh. And one more thing." Joey starts when Kaiba turns around yet again. "Does…Yugi dye his hair too?"

Joey blinks. He tosses his head back and laughs. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I'm not even sure I believe me."

A smirk comes to Kaiba's face, one that doesn't make Joey want to punch him out. "Okay."

Joey waits until he can see Kaiba exiting the school and disappearing down the street to make his way down. He's not sure what he just got himself into, but he can worry about that later. Yugi's got to be wondering where he is.

Lucky for Joey, Yugi is still milling around by the patio where they agreed to meet. "Hey, Joey!" Yugi calls. "I was just about to head home. What took you?"

Faced with Yugi's wide, curious eyes, Joey's resolve leaves him. Screw Kaiba and his threats. Yugi knows how to keep a secret. The little guy will get a kick out of this.

There. Problem solved. In only a matter of months, he'll never have to set eyes on those blonde tresses again. Granted, it also means he'll have to face the reality of his own hair situation, but he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it. For now, Kaiba is actually happy with the way things turned out.

Still, it brings up a few questions that he isn't sure he wants to know the answers to. Does this mean that he and Wheeler no longer have any reason to go at each other's throats? Is Kaiba actually going to have to start being nice to him? He shudders at the thought, but again, he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it. There's no use worrying about it now.

"You're looking well, sir," Roland suddenly says, and Kaiba can feel those sunglasses eyeing him through the rear-view mirror.

Kaiba shrugs, but it doesn't come out as uncaring as he would like. "I feel well," he says simply.

"That's good."

Roland doesn't know what happened today, but the young master has taken a small step toward coming to terms with himself. It fills him with joy.

They ride back to the Kaiba Estate in silence.

A year later, when Seto Kaiba and Joey Wheeler have inexplicably swapped hair colors, the dueling gossip rags explode with the news that they've entered into a relationship.

It was an unintended consequence.

Author's Note: An unintended consequence indeed. Like I said, this was a request from my good friend Eyesatrac135, who asked me to write a story where it turns out Kaiba is actually blonde and has been dying his hair this whole time. Bringing Joey into the mix just seemed to fit. I love making things dramatic. Hope you liked it Eyesatrac!