Just a small one-shot, or so I'd like to think but it feels pretty solid in its ending to me – for once… Well enjoy reading. In the beginning, I was going to go for second POV but then it didn't quite feel right so excuse me for any mistakes. I am still struggling with English with its many rules. Some things might slip by me. I've read this over five times already and made minor edits.
Heart that you hold
I laid the drumsticks on the floor and stared at nothing in particular, my thoughts were revolving around one person. I didn't want it to be this way. There was this gap between us, unfulfilled and endless in its depth. Maybe I should've put more effort into loving her, but wouldn't it come part us later on in life? I couldn't bear the thought of her staying with me because of my selfishness. To wear the constant facade of happiness when she wasn't, to be sad and lonely - mad with the way things are. I sighed; maybe…I should've been this thoughtful from the start. Maybe I should've observed her before asking her out. I felt like a complete fool. After all, a long-time best friend confessing to me would've thrown me off and one could easily mistake platonic love for "love" love.
I had to leave the clubroom; its silence rang in my ears and unsettled me. I wondered what would await me in the future. Before Mio and I were a couple, we were the best of friends — by each other's side all day long, content and things to talk about never ran out… but now, ever since we got together after I confessed to her, she stopped our talks and became muted. Not exactly mute, but Mio didn't speak to me as much as before… did I make a mistake? Did I push my feelings onto her? My heart jerked at the thought that if Mio ever really felt the same way as I do for her.
I hoped it wasn't so. I didn't want to believe it but all the answers I looked away – no, ran from pointed in that direction. She doesn't feel the same way as I do. As much as it would hurt me, I had to let her go. Mio deserved all the happiness in the world; she deserved someone better than me. With my decision made, I nodded to myself and set out to visit her since she didn't come to school today. Maybe she was sick.
I had left as soon as school ended; my thoughts were listless and frantic. My heart didn't want to let go but my mind was set to free her. It was the best option for both of us, really. I would get over her in time yet something deep down whispered my biggest regret would be to let her go and not fight for her.
I kept quiet, mulled it over and wondered for the last time if such a choice should be one to make. Mio would say something, right? I wasn't certain, all this time, the dates we had— I planned for and had to schedule them ahead of time to see if Mio wanted to take part in them. We went on picnics mostly because the weather was fair and it would be a shame to skip it by staying inside. As for any intimacy, I didn't push Mio; I kept my hands to myself. Mio didn't kiss me ever, I always initiated after making sure I had her permission. And they were feather light, chaste kisses–not the type you'd think was fitting for people on the cusp of adolescence. We never went deeper than lips pressing against another, I mused. It was further proof, which pained me to admit that Mio didn't feel anything other than platonic love.
When I arrived at Mio's house, it felt like hours had gone by even though it was a twenty-minute walk from the school. I knocked on the door and was greeted by her mother who welcomed me in. She mentioned Mio's illness and then I proceeded up the stairs to Mio's bedroom. I took a deep inhale, trying to calm my nerves. What I was going to do would break my heart, I desperately hoped Mio would stop us from this upcoming situation but it was inevitable. Especially with a person as weak as I am, to crumble so easily from doubt but Mio hardly spoke to me of her worries and I had no way to read her mind.
I steeled myself, stand firm, Ritsu, you can do this. The solid push I gave myself helped as I stood beside Mio's bed, her form twisted in the blankets as she slept peacefully. I reached out but she was already awakened.
"Ritsu," She mumbled, sitting up and patting down her bed head hair. I grinned weakly.
"Mio... I think we should break up." I said, my hands clenched and body tense as I awaited her answer.
She stared at me in confusion, blinking as she comprehended my words. The silence kept me from crying out.
"I... don't understand. Why, Ritsu? This is so sudden," she said, her brows furrowed. I sighed, as though I was fed up - just to keep up the act that she wasn't what I expected. It hurt me to the point where the pain in my heart numbed me from the words that came up and the tears that sprang to her eyes.
"I didn't want to be with a cold, unloving girlfriend like you."
"But, Ritsu, I t-thought you loved me," her voice trembled, cracking up. I nearly stopped breathing. I had to continue on. It was the best option for us both.
"I didn't," I said smoothly, unruffled in appearance but wrecked by the sadness in her eyes. My inhumane willpower kept me moving forward. "Mio, you don't love me. I think we're better off as friends. I love you in that way.."
Mio sobbed, "I-I l-love you, though. I thought you knew that, R-Ritsu." Her stuttering cries made me falter at her confession. Did she really mean that? But I shook my head, after days of cool attitude and the most superficial of greetings to me had said otherwise. If she felt the way I did, why didn't she say so sooner? I was mad; she had the gall to make me a fool.
"You thought I knew?" I said mockingly, "I can't read minds you know. And not to mention, you kept avoiding me at school and I had to initiate everything in this… relationship of ours." I sighed sadly, my eyes burned with the need to cry as my anger whittled away.
"You didn't love me." I insisted, convinced of the fact.
Mio shook her head fervently, "I do, Ritsu but I-I can't say it to you because you scare me."
"Well, last chance, Mio." I murmured. "I am in love with you but I cannot continue this if you can't say it to my face. Do you know what I went through every time you ignored me? Your silence hurt me the most," I said. "I cried day after day and when it finally came to this, you dare to speak your feelings?"
"Ritsu, I'm s-sorry," Mio cried out, tugging me to fall into her arms. "I love you," she whispered many times over, her voice raw and desperate.
We laid together, Mio kept her embrace held me close and I felt soothed by it. Yet doubt poked at me, would she hide things from me again? I tensed and she shifted so she could look at me.
"Ritsu," She said curiously, prompting me to continue on.
"Mio... I don't know this pained me too much. I can't believe you anymore." I said. I was panting lightly as my chest tightened at the rush of emotions.
She gazed at me, her beautiful face made me weak and she knew it.
She caressed my face gently, "I'll prove myself to you then," and then pulled my chin up slightly to kiss me deeply. It was the first time I felt her tongue — and she initiated the kiss too! Her warm muscle invaded my mouth, dominating me in a way where I didn't bother to put up a fight but succumbed to her. Her other hand trailed down my side, leaving tingles and sparkles to follow afterward. I gasped when her hand slipped under the shirt; it splayed itself across my abdomen and just laid there.
It felt strangely erotic, the warmth and minuscule twitches of her hand against the lower portion of my torso. She pulled away from me, allowing us to breathe but as deep as I sucked the air into my heaving lungs, she kept her hand there and then dragged her fingernails upward, goosebumps trailed in its wake. I arched into the touch, a gasp falling out my mouth as my abdominal muscles contracted and echoed down lower. Mio stared at me with dark eyes as she licked her lips. I was entranced by her. But I grasped her hand, she couldn't prove it to me in this manner, I had to see her work for it. Nothing less would satisfy me otherwise. And if…it evolved to this situation again, I wouldn't dare stop it. Not when I burn for her touch so.
Mio stared at me, gauging my expression and then smiled shyly. "Can I…. take you out on a day this weekend?"
I sat up, and then cocked my head, pondering on my answer. Should I say yes? Or hold my answer off for another day? It was the first time I've been asked out to a date, especially by Mio. I wasn't sure how to react; her constant distance made me weary and I had to piece myself together before we could build up our relationship. Of course, I still loved her but… I was going to be more careful in the way it showed itself.
The longer I went without replying, Mio's shy, beautiful smile disappeared and her brows pinched together in worry. I sighed.
"Can you give me more time to think on it?"
She nodded. I took her hand between mine and looked into her eyes. "Do not think I am rejecting you. I just need time. Mio, I am in love with you. I had been for a while now, but our relationship wasn't what I expected it to be. Your attitude towards me was distant, as though you cared no more of me than a friend. As much as it pains me to admit, if you hadn't confessed to me, I was going to ready myself to let you go and move on."
Mio gasped, the sharp inhale of her surprise relieved me. It told me she didn't think she was that close to losing me and was willing to fight for me. But it also meant my love was taken for granted. Did she not know she held my entire being in the palm of her hands? Handle me carefully, I thought, giving her a small smile.
"Ritsu, I wouldn't dare let you go." She cupped my face, drawing me in for a quick kiss. It warmed me to feel her love. "I am in love with you; I would chase you to the ends of the earth." She murmured. Her voice flowed into my ears like honey.
She pulled me back down to her side, trapping me in the warmth of her arms. "That's good to know." And I meant it. All this talking that stemmed from the threat of our break up woke up Mio – and in a way, it woke me up, too. I stared at her face, the soft curve of her chin, the delicate bow of her top lip, her small nose, those dark, loving eyes – I soaked it all up. What a precarious line relationships balanced on: trust, love, communication and various small things kept its foundation solid, firm. But as long as Mio was by my side and willing to build the foundation with me, our young relationship as a couple would be alright.
I would take the offer of that date sooner or later. I just knew it.