Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the movie Zootopia are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Set before When the Ship Comes in. Nick and Judy are not yet engaged.
Fox-Male and Rabbit
Ben Clawhauser smiled as Nick and Judy entered the First together. Arriving together was happening with increasing frequency. And, while nothing was said and he was far too polite to ask, he assumed they had spent the night with each other when they arrived at the same time. Today the cheetah had a warning for the pair. "Alces wanted you in his office, like, fifteen minutes ago."
Judy glanced at her watch, "We're only four minutes late! We'd have been here early if someone... Never mind."
Clawhauser raised his paws in a 'don't shoot me, I'm only the messenger' gesture. "Just letting you know. He was out here ten, fifteen minutes ago looking very impatient."
"He always looks impatient," Nick reminded him.
"I said very impatient. He doesn't always look very impatient."
Nick grimaced, "Ouch. We'd better move, Carrots."
Judy rolled her eyes, "Now you'll hurry, if you had–"
"Alces is waiting, hold that thought," suggested Nick. He felt certain she would hold that thought. He had heard her lectures on the importance of punctuality before and predicted he would hear another.
The captain left them standing. "You two need to move. Special public service assignment. Costume shop at Thirty-fourth and Vine, get fitted for Fox-Male and Rabbit costumes and–"
"No!"
Judy tugged on Nick's sleeve, "It's orders," she whispered loudly.
"I don't care," he retorted.
The moose continued, "After getting your costumes you–"
"Do some stupid commercial extolling the benefits of the police department," finished Nick. "No way, no how. I don't remember the oath to protect and serve having a clause for making a fool of myself – or asking Judy to surrender her dignity."
"But, Nick–" Judy pleaded.
"And you will go to the Children's Hospital on Jude Street. Where–"
"Children's Hospital?"
"Where a seven-year old opossum is dying of cancer. The Grant-a-Wish Foundation has asked you two, or rather asked Fox-Male and Rabbit to visit her."
"Uh, Sir?"
"Yes, Wilde?"
"Can you forget everything I just said?"
"The only thing I heard from you was the question when you should be there. The Grant-a-Wish folk would like you there around ten. I don't know how long it will take to get you fitted into costume."
"We already have our own tails," Judy pointed out.
"Oh, Wilde?"
"Yes?"
"I understand your, um, hesitation... If the request had been for a visit from Mighty Moose. Yeah, I, would not have wanted to put that on."
"Yeah, that one's even worse than the Fox-Male costume."
"So, it falls under that 'serve' part of protect and serve?"
Nick gave a crisp salute, "Yes, Sir, Chief O'Hara," then turned to Judy, "To the fox pole, Rabbit!"
As they left the Captain's office Judy gave Nick a dope slap on the ribs, being too short to deliver it to his head. "It's to the fox den, Idiot."
"That's what I said."
"No, you said to the fox pole."
"But on the show they took a pole down to the fox den and–"
"Pole has sexual connotations. And you telling me 'fox pole' sounds–"
"Point taken. Leave it to a rabbit to see sex everywhere."
Right off the rack Nick fit into the Fox-Male costume. Judy's costume required alterations. "On the television program Rabbit was a buck," the female doing the alterations explained. "They added Vixen to the cast in the final–"
"I know," Judy assured her. "But I don't have the tail for Vixen. Be careful with those pins."
"Now, just go back into the changing room and hand this out. I'll have it sewed up for you in a jiff."
Nick glanced at his watch as the paperwork was finished, "This was fast. We have time to change at the hospital. We don't have to wear the–"
"Taking them off and putting them back on in a few minutes is too much bother. Let's go. Be nice to arrive early for a change."
Nick held the door for Judy. He watched the sway of her hips as she went out and commented as they got in the car. "Who needs Vixen? Your rear looks incredible in those tights."
"And you say it's rabbits with sex on the brain?"
"Well, it was rabbits who brought on my feelings of lust... One rabbit anyway."
"Blame the rabbit. Everyone blames the rabbit."
"No way, it's foxes everyone thinks are... I suspect it's weasels who really have it worst..." Nick hesitated, then sighed. "I'm scared. I have no idea what we're supposed to say or do. I mean, we can't ask the youngster how she's feeling. We can't ask what she wants to be when she grows up. I have no idea how to talk with children!"
"You talk with Josh. You're a wonderful uncle."
"Josh isn't dying of cancer."
"You ask him what he's doing."
"And it isn't just lying in the hospital with doctors looking at him, and tubes running into him!"
"Take a deep breath. Relax... Do you have any idea how weird it feels for me to say that to you?"
"Feels pretty weird having you say it, but thanks."
"When you were growing up, did any of your school friends die?"
"I didn't really have any friends but Eric and Truckie... In middle school there was some... I think he was a beaver, I didn't know him, but some brain aneurysm or something – might have happened from a sport's accident... Like I said, I really didn't know him, it didn't make much of an impression. You?"
"High school... She wasn't a close friend, but... It was suicide... We... We were all asking ourselves if we should have noticed something. If we could have said or done something that might have made a difference. The school brought in grief counselors. I'm not sure that will help me know what to say today. That was to help us cope with our feelings. Maybe that's the secret. And maybe the Grant-a-Wish animals will have some suggestions."
They were stopped at a four way stop when a car approaching from the right didn't stop. It slowed slightly, and then sped through. Perhaps if they'd been in a black-and-white the car would have stopped, but the unmarked police car failed to stop the other driver.
"Turn on the flashers," Judy ordered as she took a left and went in pursuit.
"We're due at the hospital."
"We're running early, and that's a dangerous driver."
"It–" Judy was right. He turned on the flashers.
The other driver pulled over quickly. In Nick's imagination the driver was swearing loudly to himself. The fox guessed the other driver was late for something he considered important.
As the other driver rolled down his window Judy hopped from the unmarked police car. The other driver, a red panda, stared in disbelief as a female version of Rabbit approached his vehicle. "Wha...?"
"You saw that stop sign back there. I know you did, you slowed down, but you didn't stop."
"Who are you?"
"ZPD, and you will be cited for..."
"Would you mind if I asked to see your badge?"
"Not at..." Judy began. She turned and called, "Nick? Could you get my badge? It's in the trunk – and my citation book."
The panda glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw Fox-Male getting out of the police car. "Nick... Nick Wilde? Are you Judy Hopps?"
"Yes. Now–"
"Why are you in costume? Can you make this fast, I've got a job to get to."
"Well, trying to skip the stop sign just slowed you down. Nick and I... We're doing something for the Grant-a-Wish Foundation, they–"
"Grant-a-Wish? They're wonderful! I've done work for them."
"You've worked for them?"
"Yeah, a couple times. I'm a magician. I got a big birthday party today. New assistant called and is having trouble setting up, I need to–"
"You need to follow the rules of the road, they're there for your safety and the safety of others."
"You really sound like Rabbit. Can you write the ticket fast? I promise to drive safe."
Judy took a breath and let it out slowly. "How about just a warning? Nick and I need to get to the hospital."
"That one can be tough... Maybe tougher for me. I have kids who ask me if I can cure them with magic. That's... It's rewarding to perform there, but that question kills me. Look, I ran the stop sign. How about I come in some time during the week and you write me a ticket?" He reached down and grabbed a business card to hand to the bunny.
"Not necessary, just drive safe."
"No, I want to bring my daughter – she'd love to meet you. Write the ticket, sign an autograph for her."
"Okay, drive safe now, and keep children safe."
"You got it!" he promised and put the car in gear.
"You didn't write a ticket?" Nick asked in disbelief when Judy hurried back and started the unmarked car. She threw the business card on the dashboard.
"He'll come in for a ticket later."
"He's coming in for a ticket? You believe that?"
"I offered to let him off with a warning. He's done work for Grant-a-Wish. Says his daughter is a fan and wants an autograph."
"A fan of Rabbit, or a fan of Judy Hopps?"
"Apparently a fan of Judy Hopps."
Nick reached forward and took the business card. "Carnac the Magnificent? You took a fake business card and think he'll show up at the station for you to write him a ticket? You are far too trusting."
"And you are far too cynical."
"I prefer to see myself as a realist. Hustler's motto – trust no one."
"You trust no one?"
"Well, one animal."
"I assume you mean your mom."
"No way!"
"You don't trust your mother?"
"You trust your mother? You tell her everything? Every dark little secret?"
"Of course. And I have no dark little secrets."
"So... All the details of that rabbit you dated in high school? The jerk who patted your ass when you took me to Bunnyburrow?"
Judy let her breath out slowly, "Ian. Okay. I don't tell mom everything."
"Would you tell me?"
"I..."
"I'm not asking about Ian. I'm asking how much you trust me."
"I'd... I'd tell you anything. But I don't want to talk about Ian and some of the stuff I did in high school."
"Fair enough. And you are the one animal I'd be willing to be completely honest with, if I had to be honest. But don't trust anyone whose calling card says 'Carnac the Magnificent'."
"Stage name. He's a magician. Says kids ask him to cure them when he's done shows... At least we won't face that."
Nick paused for a minute, thinking, "Well, if he's telling the truth it's true we won't get asked that. But perhaps all we know is that he can spin a good story on the spur of the moment. He shows up with a daughter and says to write him a ticket I take you all out for canolli. How does that sound, Old Chum."
"Old Chum?"
"Don't you remember, Fox-Male said–
"I'm not sure I like being called Old Chum."
"We got to get in character. And you need to work on stupid puns and your holies."
"Holies?"
"You know, Holy Guacamole, or Holy Illegal U-turn... Stuff like like."
They drew the stares and laughs Nick had feared when they arrived at the hospital. He wondered how many pictures would be posted to SpaceBook™ and ViewTube™. Maybe the mask obscured his features enough that he could deny he was the animal wearing the stupid costume.
The Grant-a-Wish animal gave them fast suggestions before introducing them to Annie. Don't bring up her illness. Listen if she choses to talk about it. Try and be up-beat as much as possible. Don't lie. Listen. They were given suggestions of some questions that were usually good to ask children, and one or two that might be especially good for Annie. "And, most importantly, listen," the ewe finished.
"You said that already," Nick reminded her. "Three or four times."
"That's because it's most important."
The young opossum was not dying in bed with a number of tubes running into her, as Nick had feared. She had an IV drip, but was sitting in a wheelchair. And Annie beamed as Nick and Judy entered her hospital room, "Cool! Rabbit number three!"
"Rabbit number three?"
"Carrie Kelley."
"Rabbit was a buck."
"There've been several Rabbits. Some animals think Carrie Kelley shouldn't count but... You don't know the comics?"
"Uh, we're, uh..." Nick stammered.
"You just know the TV version, huh?" Annie sighed. "I should have known from the costumes."
"They didn't tell us how smart you were," Judy told her. "There was really more than one Rabbit, and one was a doe?"
"Yeah, want to hear about her?" Annie asked enthusiastically. "And can you push me around the hospital, please?"
Nick glanced at the nurse, who nodded 'yes' to show it would be okay. "Sure. Any place in particular?"
"And I do want to hear about the female Rabbit."
"For sure," the possum promised Judy. She told Nick, "There's a room on the second floor. We got to stop there. He says there was never a female Rabbit, and I have one!"
"How do you know so much about Fox-Male and Rabbit?" Judy asked as they started their tour of the hospital.
"There was this marathon on television first time I was here, and then I started reading the comics, and reading about them!" Annie told them. The obsessed little possum then began on a history of the crime fighters: comic books, comic strips, movie serials...
Nick found he needed to say less than anticipated. The occasional "Really?" or, "I never knew that," kept Annie going.
Judy glanced at a clock on the wall, they had been warned not to stay too long for fear of tiring the young possum.
Suddenly the hospital's loud speaker announced. "All security personnel, to the pharmacy area. This is not a drill. All security personnel to Hall C. Hall C currently closed to all non-security personnel. Medical personnel verify the safety of all patients."
"We'd better go to Hall C," Judy told Nick. She looked at the nurse who accompanied them. "Where is that?"
Annie spoke up, "You're not really Fox-Male and Rabbit! You need to–"
"We're police officers."
"But the only rabbit on..." Annie's jaw dropped open in disbelief, "You're Judy Hopps?"
"Judy's right," Nick told the nurse, and passed the chair to her. "Which way?"
"That stairway," she pointed. "Down two floors, take a right."
"Can I see what–" Annie tried to ask.
"You're going back to your room, now."
"But that's Judy Hopps! She's a hero!" The nurse simply pushed the wheelchair in the opposite direction.
As they descended the steps Judy asked, "Why does everyone know me, and say I'm a hero? Why don't they mention you?"
"You're the hero, remember?"
"You did as much as I did."
"You got the news coverage."
"I didn't ask for it! You deserve to be–"
"I don't mind. I'd rather stay out of the news. We'll talk later, save our breath for... Whatever."
A hospital security guard stared at the costumed duo as they tried to join the small group of uniformed personnel, and told them to get lost.
"ZPD," Nick told him. He reached into his utility belt and produced IDs for Judy and himself.
The guard let out a low whistle, "Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde? What are you... Never mind."
"Can we help?" asked Judy. "What's going on?"
"Capybara in the hospital pharmacy. He's not very coherent, maybe mental issues, maybe strung out on dope, maybe both. Our guess is he wanted to steal drugs and did it badly. Pharmacist is being held hostage, the assistants got out."
"Armed?"
"We're not sure. He's got a knife at the goat's throat. He seems to realize that if he kills the pharmacist he's got no leverage – at least that's our hope. Like I said, he's not very coherent."
"What's being done?"
"We've got a hostage negotiator on the way, and a SWAT team. We'd like it to end with no bloodshed, but can't tell who'll have more success. If either of you have an idea I think we'd all want to hear it... Fox-Male and Rabbit? Rabbit was male."
"You obviously only know the TV show," sniffed Judy. "There were several Rabbits. Can you draw us a diagram of the pharmacy? Is that the only door in?"
"Let me get a piece of paper." He sketched quickly. "That's only door in. Pharmacy has lot of security, we don't want drugs stolen."
"The little rooms back there," Nick said, pointing at the diagram. "No other doors to them?"
"No. Office, break room, bathroom. Only access is through the pharmacy."
"The only doorway," agreed Nick. He glanced up, "Dropped ceilings. Could you get in from above?"
"I doubt it. Like I said, the security... The vault with medicine is definitely secure from above. The break room..."
Judy called an antelope, the tallest of the security animals there, and asked him to lift her up. She pushed aside a ceiling tile and climbed up. A few seconds later she was back. "I can flank him," she promised. "I can get into the bathroom."
"Do it quietly," Nick warned. "We need a distraction. I can..." He looked at the guards, who were staring at him hopefully. "This is your place. Can Judy and I try something? Would you rather wait for the negotiator and SWAT team?"
After a couple seconds of chatter one guard told them, "We want to end this as soon as possible. We can't afford a prolonged hostage situation. Children need their medications. You two have pulled off miracles."
"If we could do miracles you wouldn't need this place," muttered Nick. He walked over to where Judy peered down from overhead. "I'm going to try and talk with him, distract him. Don't try any stupid heroics if I'm getting nowhere. Everyone wants you and the pharmacist out in one piece... Er, we want each of you out in one piece. Two pieces, total."
"Got it, Old Chum," Judy promised. "Holy let's all stay in one piece."
Judy disappeared and Nick gave her a minute to locate the ceiling for the bathroom before knocking on the door. "Your entertainment is here."
"What! Go away!"
"Going to open the door, and stand in the doorway."
"No! Go away."
"I'm opening the door real, real slowly," Nick warned and very slowly opened the door.
The capybara stared in amazement as the door opened to reveal Fox-Male. "What are–"
"So, would you rather I close the door behind me or leave it open so the police can get a clear shot?"
"Close the door! Close the door!"
Nick closed the door behind him, now standing in the hospital pharmacy with the capy and the goat.
"Who are you?"
"Behind the mask? I'm not allowed to say. Super hero oath. I might be from another planet – perhaps as a baby my father stuck me in a rocket and sent me here before my home world exploded... Or maybe the son of a bitch was just tired of changing diapers. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. Mom probably gave him hell when–"
"Shut up! Just shut up!"
"Don't want to hear my life story, huh? That's okay. I've heard it before. I'd offer to show you some card tricks, but I suspect you wouldn't like it if I reached for my utility belt." Nick had no idea if the latch on the door behind the capybara made a sound as it was opened, but he tried to speak loudly enough to hide one, if there was a click, and to keep the focus of the capy.
"Don't move your paws!"
"Wouldn't dream of it. Of course it makes it hard to do card tricks. Oh, I've got some self-working tricks! I could hand you the cards and... Ah, wait I'd have to take the deck out first. Never mind."
"Get out! Get out!" screamed the huge rodent.
"Jokes! How about a joke," Nick suggested as Judy slowly and quietly moved in. "Two bears walk past a bar... Well, it could happen. Light bulb jokes? How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? Three, one to hold the bulb and the other two to get drunk until the room spins. Hey, stop me if you've heard this one–"
The goat coughed gently, "I don't think you're helping," the frightened pharmacist said, trapped between two insane animals.
"A wolf, a weasel, and a fox are thrown over a cliff – which one hits the bottom first? The fox, he knew a shortcut. Who hits the ground last? The wolf, he had to stop and ask directions."
"GET OUT! GET OUT!"
"Okay, I'll leave, but I have to give you a warning first."
"A warning?"
"Yeah, my partner, Rabbit is sneaking up behind you."
"There was no one in those back rooms," the capybara told him, keeping eyes glued to Nick.
"We super heroes do amazing stuff, just turn around and look behind you for a second or two. Take three if you want."
Judy cursed inwardly. What was Nick thinking of, asking the capy to turn around a look at her, she was almost close enough... Why didn't the fox keep his mouth shut?
"I promise not to take anything from my utility belt," Fox-Male assured the capybara. "C'mon. Take your eyes off me for a second. I'd like two. Hey, I'm willing to take advantage of half a second. Rabbit is almost at your back. You really need to check it out."
"OUT! OR I–"
The threat wasn't finished. Judy grabbed the arm holding the knife and pulled it away from the pharmacist.
The grateful goat dropped to the floor. The angry goat then kicked a leg of of his former captor.
As the startled capybara toppled the rabbit, struggling to gain control of his arm with the weapon, almost lost her hold. Almost.
The fox pounced. The capybara was huge, but a lot of it was fat from lack of exercise and the rodent was subdued by the time security officers flooded the pharmacy.
The officer who had questioned Nick and Judy when they arrived, caught the fox's eye as the capy was taken away to another hospital for physical and psychological evaluation. "You're fucking crazy, you know that?" he laughed. "In a good way, of course."
"That was terrible, terrible," an animal Nick hadn't seen earlier complained. "You should have waited. I could have calmed him down."
"Who are you?"
"I'm a hostage negotiator. I arrived while you were... You had no business in there!"
"I wasn't trying to calm him down. I was trying to get him angry and focused on me so my partner–"
"That isn't the way it works!" sputtered the negotiator.
"But it worked," the goat insisted. "Worked great!"
"But–"
"Hey," Nick asked one of the hospital officers, "Judy and I were here for Grant-a-Wish. Can we say goodbye to the little possum we were here for?"
"Probably. But you should back to the Reception Desk again and check," he pointed right. "That way, then first left."
When they were cleared to return to the cancer ward the nurse warned them, "Annie loved seeing you, but the morning took a lot out of her. She's in bed–"
"We can leave if you think it's best."
"No, she was worried about you. But you can only stay a minute. Oh, on your way out, her mother is in the family waiting room and would like to thank you – if you have time."
"You're really Judy Hopps?" the little opossum asked when they entered the room.
"Yes."
"Oh, wow! That's... You're even neater than Rabbit. Can you tell me what–"
"The nurse says we can't stay," Nick told her. "Said you need your rest. But Judy wanted to say goodbye."
Annie looked up at Judy and asked timidly, "Can you give me a hug before you go?"
"Sure, Sweetheart." Judy hoped the child didn't see the tears in her eyes as she hugged Annie. "And now Fox-Male and I have to get back to the Fox Den."
"Thank you for coming to see me."
"Thank you for asking to see us."
"Shake your tail, Rabbit. Nurse Ratched is on her way, and she's carrying a baseball bat."
Taking time to say goodbye to Annie, and meeting the little possum's mother, meant the media had arrived by the time the dynamic duo were ready to leave.
"Give us the story!" "What happened!" "Why are you dressed like that?"
Nick held up a paw for silence. "Gentle animals, my partner and I were here today on an important assignment. We can't say much, for fear of revealing our secret identities, but–"
"Give us a break, Nick. It's you and Judy."
"You never know who's under the mask," Nick insisted. "And now, my lovely partner in fighting crime will answer your questions while I bring around the Foxmobile. Ask fast, I'll be back in four minutes,"
"You dirty..." Judy whispered. "You know I panic when a mike gets shoved in my face."
"Love you, Carrots, but you know I hate cameras on me," whispered Nick. "And I have the car keys in my utility belt." He held the cape up to obscure his face and ran for the car.
A flustered Judy was answering questions as best she could, given the numbers of questions being thrown at her, when the blast of a car horn forced the reporters to move or face of the threat of becoming roadkill. Nick had the window on the passenger's side rolled down, and Judy dove in. The fox drove away, reporters cursing at the retreating vehicle for not giving them enough time.
Judy oriented herself, and put on her seat belt. "Holy life-is-hectic, Fox-Male, it's been quite a day."
"Only half a day, Old Chum," Nick reminded her and pointed at the clock on the dashboard. "I'm betting Alces will skin us alive if we don't come in."
"At least we can take off these costumes."
"Ahhh, do we have to?" Nick whined.
"You think it's a stupid costume. You told Alces you wouldn't wear it when he gave us the assignment!"
"My Fox-Male costume is dumb. I had no idea there had been a female Rabbit, and that spandex really shows off your sexy rear."
"You say things like that often enough that I'm starting to believe you really mean it and aren't just saying it to reassure me that you don't mind I've got no tail."
"Then I'll keep saying it. And you have a tail. It's the perfect tail for you. Doesn't hide the view."
"I won't check the fox pole to see if you're telling the truth. So... You want all the males at the First staring at my rear if we show up in costume?"
"Good point, Rabbit. I think we should resume our secret identities before returning to work. And get some lunch... I may call the costume shop and ask how much it would be to buy your costume."
"You like it that much?"
"I like how it shows off what's inside that much."
"You want to see how much it would cost to buy the Fox-Male costume?"
"Does this have anything to do with my fox pole?, I ask hopefully."
"It has more to do with thinking we might get asked to visit the hospital again, or invited to a costume party or something. You don't need to be wearing a costume for what I have in mind tonight... You don't need to be wearing anything."
"Ummm, With that in mind I definitely need to get out of these tights before we head back to the First."
Gathering evidence at a convenience store robbery took most of the afternoon.
That evening, curled up beside Nick in his bed, Judy purred, "Holy after-glow, Fox-Male. What a day! Know what I want now?"
"Again?"
"You have a one-track mind. Turn on the news. Let's see how they covered us."