Usopp was flushed and still struggling to catch his breath when he dropped down, rather uninvited, next to a nearly drowsing Zoro.
"Did you SEE that?"
A disagreeable sound that was something between a snore and an annoyed grunt answered him. Usopp took that as an eager invitation for him to continue.
"I mean, the look on Sanji's face when she pulled that out of her mouth! And the way she tied that little stem into such a perfect little knot? Nami sure is unbelievable sometimes. Its going to take Chopper hours to mop Sanji up off of the deck."
Zoro, realizing that he was going to have to participate at least a little bit in the conversation if he held any hope of it ending, responded in gruff exasperation.
"Its not that unbelievable, and I certainly don't see what the big deal is about. The woman's damn tongue never stops wagging for more than five minutes, so of course its stronger than most. Maybe if we stuck cherry's in her mouth more often to shut her up we'd get a little peace and quiet around here."
Usopp poked Zoro in his side and smiled suggestively, "Ooh, listen to you, having such naughty thoughts about Nami."
"What!"
"I can fart the alphabet, you know. Wanna hear?"
Zoro allowed himself to follow the swiftly and wisely offered distraction rather than dwell too hard on the nauseous feeling in his gut that developed whenever the words 'naughty thoughts' and 'Nami' ran too closely together in the same sentence.
"I already heard it last week."
"Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that. Pretty impressive, huh?", the other man didn't answer, which Usopp interpreted as awed silence. He pulled a knee up and leaned forward with one eyebrow raised in an exaggerated conspiracy manner, "I can also do it in tw— I mean, seven hundred other languages. Most of which, I might add, are unknown to any living person today except for me. If you want, I can…" he let his voice trail up and off, and for effect, dropped a slow wink.
"No," was the short reply, "And don't wink at me."
"Ah, well, I understand," the sniper laughed while patting Zoro with great condescension on his broad shoulder, "I don't want you to feel inferior or anything, seeing that we all seem to have hidden talents around here except for you. I mean, did you see last week how Robin—"
"Don't. Talk about it."
Usopp leered as a small trickle of blood ran unnoticed from his nose, "But did you see how she—"
"I said stop." Zoro shuddered slightly and mumbled, "Twisted woman."
"Twisted? I'll say! One day I'll compose the most gorgeously sensual ballad about the way she's able to twist that glorious—"
Usopp wisely cut himself off when he saw the swordsman's hand move towards his sword hilts.
"Well, er, anyway, it's a good thing Sanji wasn't around for that one, or else he probably would have exploded into a million lusty little pieces on the spot. I actually saw that happen to some poor soul once. We might have found ourselves without a cook."
"That at least would have been worth seeing."
Usopp chuckled but his curiosity got the better of him.
"So, Zoro, what is your hidden talent anyway?"
"I don't know. I guess don't have one."
Being well-acquainted with the ways of fibbing, the sniper could smell one a mile away.
"I don't believe you!" he sing-songed. Zoro looked close to violence, which in itself was not that unusual. Not being the smartest of men, Usopp ignored this. After a bit, when it was perfectly obvious that the artist was not going away, Zoro's eyes shifted to the side before he responded with unusual hesitation.
"….Nami's not the only one with flexible body parts."
Usopp's eyebrows rose when Zoro offered no elaboration.
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing." Zoro stated and crossed his arms tightly across his chest.
"Come on!" Usopp had never claimed to be above wheedling, "You have to tell me!"
"No I don't. I don't have to do a damn thing."
If Usopp didn't know any better, he would have sworn that there was a small flush spreading across his friend's cheeks.
"Its too late to turn back now. Come on, 'fess up!"
"NO. And quit bugging me. I don't have time to fool with you or your dumb little games. I need to nap."
It was obvious that the swordsman considered the subject dropped on his part, and the sudden dismissal stung Usopp more than he care to admit even to himself. He stood up suddenly, stiff with insult.
"Fine. Don't tell me. Keep your stupid secrets."
Just as he turned to walk away, a hesitant, "Wait," stopped him. He looked at Zoro, who was most definitely pink and staring at the deck. The swordsman quickly looked up and around, checking to see if anyone else on the crew was in viewing distance. Once satisfied that they were alone for the moment, he released a long-suffering sigh, before leaning back slightly, lifting one leg, and then to Usopp's utter shock and amazement, raised it up and back before it finally came to rest with one ankle tucked behind his head.
Time seemed to slow. The sniper's jaw dropped. A small bit of drool gathered in the corner of his open mouth. Nearby flies circled and eyed the wide open space lustfully. Zoro began to lift the other leg, which is when Usopp began choking to death on his own drool.
"Its not that big of a deal!" Zoro insisted as the other man gasped for breath. He rushed forward with his justification, all the while seeming to have forgotten completely that he had his right leg tucked behind his head, "I mean, I've spent most of my life training my body, so of course I'm pretty flexible. Its not like I learned to do it on purpose or anything. Anyway, it was actually Johnny who discovered that I could do it. Well, Johnny and Yosaku actually both discovered it at the same time one night-- why is your nose bleeding?"
Usopp quickly clamped his hands over his face, but blood continued to gush from his betraying nose. He stared wordlessly at Zoro, who was now absolutely scarlet, and who looked about as lost as he himself was feeling.
"Don't you tell anyone!" Zoro demanded in a voice that could almost be described as 'squeaky' and he quickly brought his leg down and tucked both of them defensively beneath himself. Usopp had no idea if he was talking about the newly revealed 'hidden talent' or its subsequent effects, but he found himself nodding vigorously in agreement. He looked down at the red-stained deck, and figured it was about time to get the hell out of there and search for any bits and shreds of his dignity. He seriously doubted there were any left to be found. He turned to flee, being careful not to slip and fall in the slick crimson puddle at his feet, when he was once again stopped by a diffident voice.
"But…I mean, uh….," the hesitation was edged in painful desperation and reluctant decision, "I guess I sorta don't mind that you know."
There was so much there in that offered statement, and Usopp knew that if he didn't present some sort of appropriate response, then some yet nameless opportunity would be lost forever. Summoning all the courage he had, he turned back to face Zoro, took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and then promptly passed out.
It took Chopper hours to mop him up off of the deck.