For this fanfiction I will say this: I do not own digimon or the song "Sometimes I Think and Wonder". Enjoy!
I Wonder, I Know
Goodness, hope, light, none of those things existed at Myotismon's castle, where evil ruled. The castle was a dark, desolate, and lonely place, filled with fear and anguish, suffering and pain. Nothing good resided there. It was home to him and his Nightmare Army. There was no hope for these soldiers, I being one of them. No hope, no future, no nothing. Just misery and death. But if you did as you were told and did a good job, you may have been lucky to have been spared a beating. Sometimes.
It was me whom I believe was punished the most, though I was among his best ranks. Not because I failed the missions he assigned us, nor that I disobeyed him. No, I was his best servant. It was because of a whole different matter. It was my eyes. Myotismon hated my eyes, so full of hope and rebellion. I would be punished because of them and that's exactly what happened one day.
I had yet again bent sent to his chamber. I was in my room when I heard a knocking on my door. Fearing it was Myotismon, I hurried quickly to the door and pulled it open. Outside the door, hovering in the air, was Myotismon's annoying henchmen, Demidevimon. A bowling ball with wings as I described him. He had obviously been sent by Myotismon to retrieve me.
"Hey fur ball!" he sneered. "The boss wants to see you. Heard you were in big trouble." I sneered back at him and showed off a triumphant smile.
"Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Not like you who's failed all his missions," I said in a mocking tone. I knew all too well that this didn't matter. He would beat you for the most pointless of reasons. For just looking at him. But I wanted to see Demidevimon fail yet again at coming up with a worthy combat.
He glared at me and snarled. "Like you haven't failed anyway?" he yelled at me, to my surprise. "Oh, I forgot. You're the master's little pet so of course you never do anything wrong. And that makes you so special. Look around! No one around here has been punished as much as you. So, think you're so special? Well think again! You're nothing!" My smiled faded and my eyes narrowed into angry slits. My whole body trembled with rage. I had known I was special. I grew up knowing that. But I didn't need to hear it from him!
I bared my fangs and claws, trying to look as menacing as I could be. Before he could say anything else, I pounced at him and swiped him in the face with my claws, leaving three deep gashes. He was hurtled against the hard, stone wall and slid to the floor, looking too stunned to utter a word.
"At least I'm not a bowling ball with wings who is afraid of himself!" I retorted. By this, I was referring to his fear of bats which is quite stupid considering he is one! He didn't dare say anything more, so I left him there and bounded down the corridor on all four paws.
After a few minutes, I came to his study area and poked my head in through the crack in the door. He was sitting at his long wooden desk, reading by a candle light. I hesitantly edged my way into the room. Once in full view, I stood up straight but kept my head bent down.
"Yes Lord Myotismon? You called for me?" I didn't dare look up at him, but I heard him slam his book shut and walk out from behind the desk.
"Ah, yes Gatomon. Indeed I did. And do you know why?" His black boots came into my view, indicating he was right in front of me. I stood straighter, at full attention, but still kept my head bent.
"No sir," I answered.
"Well, you should know that your last mission was unsuccessful. The recruits you brought me were unfitting."
"What?!" I gasped and looked up at him in surprise. A horrible mistake. Instantly his Crimson Lighting whip was out and he lashed me across the face with it. I staggered backwards, my paw held up to my cheek where there was a nasty cut. I didn't dare cry out, even though the pain was excruciating.
"I thought I told you to never look at me with those eyes!" he growled and snapped the whip at me again, this time hitting me on top of my head.
"I….I'm sorry," I stuttered, looking down at the floor. The pain was terrible and made me feel dizzy. "It won't happen again…..master."
"It better not you incompetent little fool!" he bellowed. "If I ever catch you looking at me with those eyes again I will be forced to hurt you. Understand?" I nodded my head, bringing up a fresh wave of pain. "Good. Now get out of my sight, worthless servant!" I was about to turn to leave, when suddenly his whip came out. I didn't have time to react before it struck me in the chest with so much force, I was sent flying off my feet. This time, I let out a howl of pain as the door magically flew open and I went sailing out it. My back struck hard against the stone wall on the other side. I slid down onto the cold, concrete floor, my breathing ragged. As I looked up, I got a glimpse of Myotismon smiling at me evilly before the door shut its self with a resounding bang that echoed off the castle walls. I sat there for a few minutes, waiting for the pain to settle, before slowly getting up and trudged back to my room, keeping close to the wall for support.
When I finally made it back to my room, I saw that Demidevimon was gone. Good, I thought. He would probably laugh if he saw me like this. I slowly swung the door open and collapsed on the other side. Pulling myself up off the floor, I shut the door and climbed up on my bed which sat in a corner of the small room.
As soon as my back hit the stone-like mattress, pain shot up through my body. Unbearable, agonizing pain. My head throbbed so badly, I thought it would explode and my chest felt like it was on fire. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Tears welled up in my eyes and I let them roll freely down my face for no one was watching. The salty tears stung the cut on my cheek, adding to the pain. But I didn't care. Their words hurt worse than the wounds. What was that phrase? Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. This didn't seem true to me. Their voices played back in my head, over and over again like a broken record.
"You're nothing special!"
"You worthless servant!"
More tears came and flowed down my cheeks like a waterfall. But, weren't they right? Of course they were! I wasn't special, I was worthless! My eyes must tell it all, I thought. Myotismon hates them so much. Oh, how ugly they are! "Is there no hope for me?" I thought aloud. "No light in this place of darkness? I'll probably die here, miserable, worthless." I felt despair wash over me like a wave collapsing onto a shore. "If only…"
I jumped slightly as I heard a gentle knock at on my door. I knew it wasn't Myotismon. He would have burst through the door without even bothering to knock. Did he send someone else to get me? I wiped the tears away with the back of my paw.
"Come in!" I called in a strained voice. The door opened and a familiar digimon walked in. "Wizardmon!" I exclaimed in a happy tone. He put a finger to his covered-up lips to shush me, then quickly but quietly closed the door.
"Gatomon, are you alright?" he asked as he hurried to my bed side.
"Fine," I replied through clenched teeth. I looked up into his deep, forest green eyes and could tell that he didn't buy it. It didn't help to convince him with my bleeding wounds.
"Let me heal those for you." I sighed and nodded my head, bringing in a fresh wave of pain. He knelt down beside the bed and closed his eyes. As I waited patiently for the spell, he made three hand signs. Then his eyes snapped open and his hands shot out, palms facing me. A green light sprang from his hands and bathed my body. I felt the pain immediately leave, and the wounds closed up. The light faded away and I sat up to inspect myself. There wasn't a scratch left on me.
"Thanks," I said as I turned to him, a small smile on my face.
"That's what friends are for." He got up off the floor and sat don beside me on the bed. "Was this Myotismon's doing?" he asked, suddenly.
"Yes," I casually replied. "I was punished."
"What for?" I quickly averted my gaze and looked at the floor.
I hesitated before answering, "I….I failed at a mission…..to get more recruits. They didn't satisfy him."
"But that's not the reason why you got whipped." Drat! He must of have been reading my mind! He does that often. I kept my gaze to the floor, refusing to respond. "Gatomon, you can tell me. I'm your friend, you can tell me anything." I sighed, letting my irritation out.
"My eyes," was all I said. That simple reply was enough. Even Wizardmon knew of the hatred Myotismon had towards my eyes. The tears welled up again and I found myself crying uncontrollably. I felt his arm wrap gently around my shoulders and I hugged it.
"Their ugly, aren't they?" I sobbed.
"What? Of course not!" he exclaimed.
"Yes they are!" I snapped and pushed his arm away. "Why else would Myotismon hate them so much?!" The bed shifted as Wizardmon scooted closer to me. He took a hold of my shoulders and forced me to turn around and look at him.
"Gatomon, I think your eyes are beautiful. Myotismon hates them because they show the hope you have. They tell how special you are." I glared at him, then turned my head away.
"I'm not special. Nothing like that." He grabbed my chin and turned my head towards him.
"And did he tell you that?" I lowered my eyes down to where I was looking at his stomach instead of his face.
"Yes. Him and Demidevimon." I thought he was going to tell me how stupid I was for listening to them, but he didn't do that at all. He pulled me in close to his body and wrapped his arms tightly around me.
"Oh Gatomon, you are more special then even I can imagine." I laid my head against his chest and felt his hand softly stroke my fur. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I broke the silence. "I certainly don't feel special," I stated, in more of a whisper. He stopped petting me and swiftly broke away from the hug. He stood up in front of, making me confused.
"Wizardmon?"
"I think I have something that might change your mind. Just sit there and listen." I did as I was told, although I was still confused, and waited patiently as he closed his eyes. A few seconds went by and I began to hear something. My ears perked up as I began to hear a sweet, melodious tune. One of peace, tranquility, and mystery. It drifted through the room, but I didn't know where it was coming from. Then, the unexpected happened. My eyes grew wide, my mouth hung open, and my heart began to beat faster.
Wizardmon was singing!
"Sometimes I think that there might be
Some finer thing inside of me.
Some better thing than I now know,
Some seed perhaps that wants to grow."
When I heard him sing, my first thought was that he didn't sound that bad. In fact, I was so transfixed in the music and how wonderful his voice sounded, that I didn't notice he had stopped singing.
"And do you know what that seed is, Gatomon?" he asked me. I snapped out of my thoughts and shook my head. He continued to sing.
"A seed of love,
A seed of sight,
Of songs to sing, of words to write
A seed of good,
A seed of light,
Of nobler deeds, of wrongs to right
Oh sometimes I think and wonder."
The song sounded so beautiful, so sweet to hear. I was loving every moment of it. But what did the song have to do with me?
"Wizardmon I….." But I didn't get to finish. He put a finger to my lips to shush me. I glared at him, but didn't make a move. I truth, I just wanted to hear him sing. He took his finger away and began to sing again.
"Sometimes I think the same of you
I think that you may have it too.
Some better thing than you now know
Your own small seed that wants to grow.
A seed of love,
A seed of sight,
Of songs to sing, of words to write
A seed of good,
A seed of light,
Of nobler deeds, of wrongs to right
Oh sometimes I think and wonder."
The lyrics he sang filled my ears, flooded my mind, and lifted my spirit. Does he really think these things about me? Does he really think that I have something special in me? I was finally starting to understand why he was singing me this particular song. And as he sang the last verse, it sounded as if it was coming from my mind and not his mouth. I also thought I heard my voice mixed in with his, singing those beautiful words.
"Sometimes I think that there might be
Some better thing in you and me
Sometimes I think and wonder."
The music that seemed to hang in the air disappeared, leaving only the silence and usual sounds of the castle. Wizardmon dropped down onto one knee and gently grabbed me by the shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.
"Gatomon, promise me you'll never forget that song. And when ever you feel like your worthless, think about that song." I couldn't speak. The magic of the music and his voice still had a hold on me. Instead I nodded my head. I couldn't see it, but I could tell from the shine in his eyes that he was smiling.
"Good. And don't listen to anything they have to say about you." I nodded again, smiling. He stood up and turned to leave. As he made his way to the door, I quickly jumped up from my spot on the bed and ran after him.
"Wizardmon, wait!" I yelled, lucky that no one had heard. He was about to put his hand on the door knob, but stopped when he heard me and saw me run up to him. He lowered his hand from the knob and looked down at me. "I….I want to say thank you," I stammered, nervously. "Did…did you mean what you said? About me being me being special?" He stared at me for what felt like an eternity and I began to nervously fiddle with tail ring. Though finally, he bent down in front of me and hugged me. I threw my arms around his neck, returning the hug.
"Of course," he said in a gentle voice. "I think you're very special. No, I don't think, I know. From the first time I saw you and looked into your eyes, I knew you were a special digimon." My eyes began to fill with tears, but I blinked them away and hugged him harder.
"Thank you," I whispered in his ear, passionately. He gently unhooked my arms from his neck and got up.
"I'm afraid I must go before Myotismon catches me here. Goodbye Gatomon." He opened the door and was about to walk out when he turned to me once more. "Remember the song," he said, tapping his head, and walked out. I leaned my head out the door and watched him walk down the hall until he disappeared behind a corner, then I gently shut the door.
For a time I had forgotten the song, courtesy of Myotismon and the beatings he gave me, and went on as usual. It wasn't until we were on Earth that it all came back, along with the memories of my past. Since then, I've held those words close in my heart, making sure I never forgot them. It was at his death that I remembered them most clearly, the words he sang to me.
And even now, as I am standing in the place where he died, I still remember the song. As clearly as if he were singing it to me right now. But there is something that I can't help but wonder. He sang that song as if it only applied to me, but I think that song was talking about the both us, as if it were specially written for us.
For he said I was special and I feel the same way about him. If it wasn't for him then Kari and I would be dead. He saved my life. He was, is still, my best friend. He is very special indeed.
So as I stood there, remembering everything he had done for me, I began to sing the same song that he sung for me. The last verse I sang out in a very clear voice.
"Sometimes I think that there might be
Some better thing in you and me
Sometimes I think and wonder."
I know.