He stood on her porch, knowing that after nine months without so much as a text, he had no right to be there. The rain fell around him, it had been raining since Tuesday, but he found this to be slightly comforting as the rain was the only constant thing in his life. His relationship with his kids was on and off, similar to that of his wife Kathy. As Elliot paced back and forth on her porch, he noticed the love seat that seemed to taunt him. He and Olivia had spent many nights together on that same love seat. The old love seat now sat there, unused. He recalled the night they took Calvin away and Olivia had called him in tears and he told her to calm down, he was coming. They sat on her porch for hours, him holding her as she sobbed and tried to voice her pain into words.

Now he stood here, unsure of what lie ahead of him. How could he back into her life after such a long time? Surely, he didn't expect to be greeted with open arms, probably somewhere along the lines of a right hook to the face.

He pursed his lips at the sign on her door. Welcome, it read. Yeah, everyone besides me, he thought to himself. He mustered all the courage in his arm and raised it to knock on her door.

It was done, he had sealed his fate.

His heart beat began to race and he suddenly felt like he had made the wrong decision. But it was too late to turn around, he heard her footsteps coming down the stairs. His spine turned cold as heard the sliding of a lock and then the door opened.

For the first time in 9 months, he stood face to face with Olivia Benson.

Olivia stared at him intensely until she felt that he got the message. "Why are you here? Spent nine months alone, couldn't handle ten?" Olivia jeered. To Elliot, that felt like a slap in the face but he knew that the sarcasm was just another way Olivia covered up her pain. What he was about to say would hurt him more than it hurt her, but he had to sink to her level.

"Why aren't you at Dean's house? His wife home?" Elliot said coldly, he noticed a blink of pain shoot through her eyes. "Look Liv, I didn't come here to play games," he explained.

Olivia stood as stiff as a stone and cocked her head to the side. "I wasn't even worth an explanation, El?" she asked, clearly hurt. Olivia knew this game too well, she found someone that she loved and it always ended badly, Elliot, Dean and Calvin... just to name a few.

Elliot's face tightened as he tried to find the words. "You are worth an explanation, that's what I came here to give you," he said, rubbing his hands together. This was the worst rainstorm Manhattan had ever had and she had him standing on the porch explaining himself. "But I'd like to explain myself inside, so I don't catch pneumonia.. if that's alright with you?" Elliot joked.

She threw him another stare as if to say 'You're on thin ice' and stepped aside to let him in. She closed the door behind him and leaned against the door frame. The two stared intensely at each other, both careful not to break the silence until Olivia spoke. "Are you going to keep me waiting another nine months?" she asked, sitting down on the couch. Elliot followed her and took a seat next to her. "Where do I start? This started way before the shooting, that just happened to be the breaking point for me," he explained.

"Anywhere is fine," Olivia said, looking down at her fingers.

"Okay. Well, my life at home was falling apart... Maureen is 19 and was dating someone that's 30, Kathleen was rebelling and refusing to send in college applications .. & the twins were accepted to The Syracuse Acadamey only problem is it's a 4 hour drive and $20,000 too expensive but that's not even the worst of my problems.
Kathy isn't speaking to me. Then one day I look up from my desk and a kid's pointing a gun at the entire precinct. I saw her shoot those three guys and they deserved to die but I just didn't want to think about who might've been next. Liv, I didn't shoot her because it was protocol.. I did it because I was thinking of your safety, your life," he confessed and got up when she said nothing. "Which is why I've been sucking at this job, at life! You are the reason! I always choose you over the job," he shouted, throwing his hands up.

"You're saying it's my fault you left?" Olivia suggested.

"No and yes," he sat back down. "You have always been there for me, you could never stay out of my life. You were there for Maureen when her prom was a disaster, you helped Kathleen through her DUI case and you helped to bring the twins into the world. You never could stay out of my life, could you? And I left because you became almost like an anchor for me, if you weren't at work I didn't see a reason for me to be at work. In a job where you make thousands of decisions everyday I couldn't continue to depend on you like that, so I left," Elliot took a long breath and waited for Olivia's response.

"YOU LEFT THE FORCE BECAUSE YOUR LIFE WAS A LITTLE PISSY? And Elliot don't give me that "anchor" shit, if I was that much of an anchor for you.. I would've been reason enough to stay. Did you even think this through? I miss having someone there to finish my sentences, I miss fighting over the softest bed in the cribs, I miss you bragging that you're a 3rd grade detective and I'm still 2nd..." she trailed off, wiping her tear streaked face.

Elliot stared at her intently and he finally understood. Olivia wasn't mad, she missed him. She didn't want a new partner, or to go to counselling.. she wanted Elliot back. He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her towards him. She laid her head on his chest and poured 9 months worth of tears on his shirt. Elliot hadn't been this close to Olivia in forever. "Don't ever leave me like that again," she choked out through tears.

"I won't, Liv," he said, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Stay with me?" Olivia asked.

Elliot looked at his watch and thought about it for a while. "Till forever," he replied, closing his eyes.