A Darker Point-of-View
I sat on my bed with my knees pulled up in front of me. My hands were on my knees and my head was on my hands with my stringy, unwashed blonde hair sprayed out over my knees, forming a veil around my head. I let out a deep sigh but did not move my head. I was still dressed in my pajamas and even though I had to be at work in one hour I still had no interest in getting out of bed. I had spent the entire day in bed, reading, watching television, sleeping and nursing a headache. This headache wasn't an alcohol-induced hangover, although I wished it was. Instead, I had an emotional hangover. But mostly I spent my time thinking. I was wondering whenever and if ever I would do something just for myself. And I wasn't talking about taking a bubble bath or getting crispy out back under the warm sun. I was talking in terms of life decisions and the company that I keep. I was so freaking tired of always thinking of others first and monitoring what I would say and do based on how others would feel, whether that be freaking people out with my "gift" or not angering the supes with what I really thought of their stupid rules. I was mad at Bill but mad at myself for feeling bad for being mean to him and caring about how he felt. I actually felt guilty for rebuffing his attempts to get in good with me again. It still made my heart ache, even though I wanted nothing to do with him, yet I also couldn't bear to know if he was hurt or upset about something and god forbid if he ever asked me for something. I would of course end up helping him out, against my better judgment.
And Hunter. Just thinking of Hadley's child worsened my headache. Of course I would need to be engaged in his life, especially once he hit puberty. I couldn't just let him grow up without guidance and training on controlling his telepathy like I did. Just thinking of tackling that problem made me let out another sigh. Frankly I wanted nothing to do with the child, yet he is family and there was no way I could live with myself if I didn't help the child out. Even though it put my teeth on edge to help family that clearly wanted nothing to do with me, again. This is my curse. Always doing things for other people, when they clearly not how I wanted to be spending my time.
Thinking of my relationship with Alcide and even Quinn I just groaned. I knew that if I heard of something going wrong in their lives, I would immediately try to help. It was just in my nature to care about others and time and time again it got me beat up, broken and depressed. No matter how many times I had tried to quit my supernatural addiction, it kept coming back to bite me in the ass, literally sometimes, I thought wryly.
And even taking in Amelia – how could I not board the poor witch, but boy did I miss my solitude. While it was nice to have a close girl friend, I would prefer to have to drive to have lunch with Amelia, rather than walk to my kitchen.
And Eric. When my thoughts shifted to Eric I let out a moan and pulled a pillow over my head. Just the thought of the tall blonde Viking made my pulse begin to race and my loins clench. My moan when thinking of Eric had a much more seductive sound then when I groaned about Quinn and Alcide. Now here was a case where I ignored my heart and own desires for the betterment of others and myself. I didn't want to hurt Bill or myself by pursuing Eric, mostly myself. But all I really wanted was to be with Eric. And not just physically, although that would be fantastic. I wanted to be Eric's woman and I wanted him to be mine, and only mine. After Eric recovered from his amnesia, and forgot about our time together, I would fantasize about him remembering our time together, remembering his love for me, sweeping me off my feet and us finally being together. Usually that fantasy ended rather erotically, but also romantically. Alas, he finally remembered everything and it seemed to freak him out and make him want nothing to do with me, at least romantically, although I knew without a doubt he wanted me in his bed!! It was as if the thought of acting remotely humanoid made Eric feel less than the super mighty powerful Viking that he is. But boy did I want that powerful vampire. And oh I could just imagine, and remember the feeling of his body curled up against me, his arm stroking mine, the feel of him gliding inside of me….
I sat up abruptly. I knew I couldn't let my mind go any farther. Despite my frustrations with my giving nature and my inability to cut my feelings off, I knew that I would still go on being myself, because I knew that to be other than myself was impossible and Gran would disapprove.
"Aaarrrrgggg" I exclaimed while banging my fists on my soft mattress. With that release of my anger I swung my feet to the side of my bed to go get dressed to work, despite the throbbing behind both of my eyes. No use being late to work simply because I was throwing myself a pity party for one. I might feel (and look!) miserable today, but I still had to pay the bills.
"Not that Eric couldn't help with that," I grumbled, not really meaning it.
"Having some troubles dearie" Claudine, my fairy godmother asked?
I took a quick gasp and declared "Claudine please stop sneaking up on me! Can't you ring a bell or something before you arrive? You scared the crap out of me!"
"Sorry sweets." Claudine said contritely. "I just felt that you were in distress and I came to help. This time, I have not been sent to you to keep you physically safe from harm, although you have definitely needed me there more often than first though. I am here to help you with any and all of your life's complications."
The fairy was sitting in Gran's old rocking chair in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth as if she had been there for hours. For a simple visit to my bedroom Claudine had really decked herself out. She must have a date later, I mused to myself. Claudine was wearing a skintight black dress with a scooping V-neck and long sleeves which ended in a point. On her feet were a pair of 4 inch red patent leather peep toe heels and her toenails were painted a perfect French manicure. The red heels matched the red beaded choker and stud earrings she was wearing. On anyone else Claudine would look like a hooker, but she looked ready for a classy evening out. I thought idly to myself.
"Clearly you are having some issues today" Claudine began. "Your hair looks like a greasy mop and I can smell that you haven't dressed or showered today. Or yesterday. I'm not even sure that you have been out of that bed today, except for the necessities. What can I do to help, short of hosing you down?"
"I thank you for the sentiment Claudine," I began cliply" but this is one problem that you are unfortunately able to help me out with. I am just bemoaning the fact that I am too nice of a person and I can't cut myself off from people or my feelings for my own wants and desires and it has just given me a huge throbbing headache and I have to go to work in an hour! I am so tired of always thinking of others before myself. If I didn't I wouldn't have those scars from the maenad on my back and I would not be blood-bonded to a vampire! Not that it's necessarily Eric's fault, but I wouldn't have been put in that situation in the first place if it weren't for my giving and giving and giving nature!!!"
"Well," Claudine smirked, "I may not be able to help you with your personality, but I can help you with the headache!" Claudine rummaged in her red sequined purse and pulled out a vial. How Claudine fit the vial in her tiny clutch, let alone lipstick or keys, I would never understand. "Here this is a magical brew that I concocted up after the last time I saw you. You seem to get more headaches than anyone I know, between your telepathic, supernatural and romantic tangles! Just down this vial and within minutes you should feel better. If it works I will make you some more!"
"Thank you so much" I gushed. While the liquid looked rather brown and icky, with what looked like something sparkly green swirling inside, I trusted Claudine, since she had never steered me wrong before. I worked the cork out of the vial and stared at the liquid. It was whirly and swirling like the surface of a nasty pond after a child has thrown a rock into it. Shrugging to myself that it is just fairy magic I downed the liquid like a shot of amaretto. It tasted exactly as it looked: disgusting! I turned to complain to Claudine and immediately felt woozy; the room seemed to spin around me in slow motion. My last thought before falling unconscious on the bed was to wonder where Claudine had gone.
* * *
Eric was impossibly more bored than he looked. He was sitting on his "throne" in Fangtasia and lamenting that nothing new or interesting had happened in weeks. Everyone had adjusted to the new regime and their new king. No conflicts with any of the shifters or new vampires had arisen. Business had been steady, not crazy busy or slow, just steady. Tonight was even worse because he knew everyone in the bar by sight. Despite his look of boredom, Eric always catalogued all of the faces in his bar. After his various violent run-ins with the Fellowship of the Sun, Eric always made sure to be at least visually familiar with all the humans in his bar, especially the repeat offenders. And tonight that's all it was: regulars. Eric was mildly disgusted to realize that he even knew the name of some of the humans.
Eric knew that one of the sources for both his boredom, and his feeling out of sorts, was that he had not seen Sookie in weeks. Whenever he was around her interesting and exciting things always seemed to happen, whether it was the soda bomb prior to the hotel bombing or even that simple and tame orgy he went to with her which made him chuckle. When he realized that several of the fang-bangers were taking his smile as an invitation he curved his face into a scowl and growled low and threateningly. Pam, sitting to his left, shook her head at them slightly. Cowed by his growl and the warning from his Second, the fang-bangers retreated into the din of the bar.
As Eric contemplated his strange mood he realized that it didn't all stem from missing the excitement that usually accompanies Sookie. He realized that he actually missed her, which was something that he had been denying to himself since he remembered their time together. He misses the smell of her sun-kissed skin and the quaint innocence that she both carries around herself and in the style of clothing that she chooses. The thought that she believed the seductive sundress that she wore to Fangtasia on her first visit with Bill was sexy still makes him chuckle again – although he keeps the smile on the inside this time. The naiveté that she wore that dress makes it that much more attractive to him. It was clear she had no idea what was really considered sexy. The purity of her innocence, and the thought of introducing her to the bedroom drove him nuts that night. The thought that Bill was the one who deflowered her still makes him crazy with frustration. Fortunately he was the second person to grace her beautiful body, even if he wasn't quite himself. Just the mere thought of being with Sookie made him grow hard and he needed to shift to hide himself; although, glancing at Pam and noticing her slight smirk at him made him realize that perhaps he wasn't subtle enough.
"I really need to do something about this" Eric mused barely out loud to himself. "I guess there really is something to the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Pam sent him a quizzical look since she couldn't quite make out what he said, which he ignored. Eric decided that he had had enough of putting off seeing Sookie and dealing with his feelings for her. Obviously these feelings weren't going away and since he wasn't a coward, Eric decided to go see Sookie and confess his feelings for her once and for all. Obviously being with her would cause some concessions on his part, such as monogamy, but he feels like she would be worth it. His mind made up, Eric decided it was time to head out to Bon Temps. Before he could even stand up he heard a commotion by the front door.
"Check it out" he barked to Pam. Before she could move from her chair he could see people moving to the sides of the room, clearing a path for someone. Expecting a confrontation, either verbal or physical, Eric's fangs slid out and he readied himself for a fight. Instead of a ferocious supe itching for a battle, Eric saw the top of a blonde head marching towards him. Eric straightened out of his crouch and began to ask Sookie what the heck she thought she was doing and then he got a look at her and the words died in his throat as the thousand+ year old vampire's mouth dropped open and he was rendered speechless.
Sookie strutted the last few feet across the bar to stand in front of him. She had poured her body into tight black leather pants that sat low on her hips and exposed her smooth tanned stomach and belly button. Barely covering her breasts was a black leather bustier with red laces keeping it closed over her ample bosoms. The seams on the edges of the bustier were also red, which matched her bright red lips and the fire engine red platform pumps on her feet, which looked like plastic stripper shoes, Eric thought absentmindedly to himself. Sookie's eyes were lined with dark black eyeliner and were smudged for a smoky look. Her hair was teased out so it had more volume than it usually did and hanging from her earlobes were huge silver hoops. Clearly Sookie was dressed up for something.
Sookie lifted her left foot and placed it directly on his crouch, with the spike of the heel resting delicately over his manhood. One wrong move by either one of them would be very unpleasant for both of them, especially Eric.
"I want to see you in your office now" Sookie demanded of him. With that she arched an eyebrow and sauntered off in the direction of his office, without even looking to see if he would follow her, and after an entrance like that, what choice did he have but to follow her.