I sat outside his house, contemplating if this was a good idea. It probably wasn't. I had walked away from the house multiple times, even running out of the yard when the lights had come on. I wasn't trying to be creepy! But I didn't know how to approach this. My brain only worked so fast, and it didn't keep up at all once I had stepped into the grass. All the plans I had worked out flew out of my head and I couldn't swallow all of the panic that ran in my veins when the porch light came on. I had decided instead to climb the fence to their backyard and stand outside the window. I quietly thanked whatever god was listening and sat in the grass. Throwing rocks sounded like such a bad idea, but how else would I reach the window?

The old "juke box" trick wouldn't sound so bad… if his aunt and uncle weren't already asleep. I knew I shouldn't wake them up; they worked long hours at the hospital, and it wasn't fair that my stupid, young, teenage heart was wanting to wake up the whole house. Not at this hour. It was nearing eleven, and I knew that I needed to make some kind of move if I was going to avoid looking like a stalker. I spotted his bedroom window and checked to make sure the light was on. It was. So he was still awake!

I pulled my phone from my pocket and stared at the screen, opening up old messages. Mikleo. We were best friends, but I knew I had to do something to change that. We had been talking more and more lately, and I never wanted to lose that. I sent a text, quickly and made sure my ringer was off.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Just cramming for that test tomorrow. Did you study?" Mikleo and his perfect grammar. And that damn test! I hadn't even really thought about it.

"Totes!"

"Liar. Whatever, you can cheat like you always do." Ah, saving grace.

"Thx! Hey look outside."

I ignored the message he sent back and turned my flashlight on, aiming it up toward his window. When the curtains cracked, I rocked my phone back and forth, as if I were waving.

"What are you doing here?" he called down, whisper shouting at me. I chuckled quietly and moved to stand closer to the window.

I had been to this house multiple times, but I had never talked to Mikleo through his bedroom window… not from the outside. "Can you come downstairs? Or… let me in. I know the alarm is on," I responded, whispering back at the same volume. He checked over his shoulder before sighing and disappearing from the window. Before I could even think of what to say, he was downstairs, turning on the kitchen light and turning off the alarm to open the door for me.

"What, Sorey? It's late, we have school-" I grabbed his shoulders quickly, his t-shirt soft beneath my fingers. He gave me an odd look and moved to push my hand off. "What are you doing?"

"Mikleo…" I couldn't wait anymore. I had to tell you… I need you. "You're beautiful." Ah, stupid mouth! His mouth quirked up into a smile as his face twisted into confusion and disbelief.

"Uh, did you hit your head, Sorey? You're not… making any sense." His hands finally pushed mine away, and he dipped his head to look me in the eye. I immediately looked away and sighed, dropping my head even lower. What kind of idiot was I? "Should I get…"

The embarrassment was ebbing and growing and festering. It felt as if I had thrown up and jumped off a cliff all at once. I shook my head silently and then forced myself to meet his gaze. "Mikleo, listen. I… I'm not here for nothing, I promise. And no, I didn't hit my head." I'm just an idiot. "Promise you won't be mad?"

"What did you break?"

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"What. Did. You. Break?" he asked, his words slow and demanding.

"Nothing! Nothing, I didn't do anything. Mikleo, I love you," I managed. As soon as the words were out, I threw my hands up in mock defense.

"I mean… I love you too? Why were you standing in the yard?" he asked.

"No, not like friends. I love you." The silence was deafening. I had never felt such pressure and anxiety before. I stood like a statue, and Mikleo did the same. There were no words at first, everything falling apart. Had I just ruined this friendship?

Mikleo and I had been friends since third grade when his aunt and uncle had transferred to the local hospital to continue their work. The two of us had been inseparable since the day he joined out small class. We celebrated each other's birthdays accordingly with parties as we grew up. We graduated middle school together. We pulled pranks on our classmates together. We… did everything together. What had I just thrown away?

"I mean- um… I'm sorry. I didn't mean like that, I just… uh… Maybe I should go? I'm uh…" I could remember walking into this house for the first time amazed at the architecture and the overall aesthetic of each room. It was so much fancier than my house, and this… would be the last time I walked out of it. "I'm gonna go."

There was no protest as I walked out and shut the door. I had heard a soft "Sorey" as I shut the door but nothing more. It was colder than I remembered it being. My brain was running circles, but my heart… had done nothing but flopped flat in my chest. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped to catch my breath. I hadn't even noticed that I was crying at first until my face got so cold it was unbearable. I dried my cheeks and rushed home, hoping I would beat my uncle back to the house. I was lucky in that at least. The house had been terribly silent, and I swore I could hear my heart breaking.

No, not breaking… falling apart. It had already broken. Sleep had evaded me until my eyes felt so heavy I just couldn't hold them open anymore. Why? Why had I done that? Mikleo had been my best friend… my only friend. And now I had nothing.