'Selfish and Senseless Desire'

HP

The end of year feast is in full swing. Students gorge themselves on supple honey roast pork and juicy steaks; there's creamy potato mash and roasted vegetables piled high; fresh bread rolls and steaming chicken and leek pot pies. The Professors drink elf-made wine while students slurp down goblets of pumpkin juice. Faces are animated as people tell tales of the school year just passed and laughter dances around the room, almost tangible it's so infectious. It's quite the atmosphere of jubilance.

Though there is one student who seems unaffected by the warm candle light, the hearty feast and the contagious laughter of others. This is no surprise. As always he stares across the hall towards the Gryffindor table as though deaf and blind to all but one student.

She's laughing now; and looking very pretty while she does so. Her head is thrown back and the young man's dark eyes trace the line of her pale neck hungrily. It appears that she is oblivious to him; never looking ahead to catch his eye while he stares, but he knows better.

Lily Evans is well trained in the art of avoiding his stares now. She knows not to look for things that she doesn't want to see.

In his defence, he seems angry at himself for watching her so devotedly. He outlines her features in his mind again, silently reinforcing the picture she paints at this very moment. He engrains it in his mind, perhaps in his heart, forever. Her hair's thick and long; candlelight bounces off the dark red waves - how he wishes to be close enough to her to smell just one more time her apple shampoo (a smell he only encounters via a cauldron of amortentia these days). She's got pale skin, though her cheeks are flushed and her nose is a bit pink right now. Her features are delicate; she's beautiful from all angles and her smile is cheeky and wide - it would be blissful oblivion to have her beam at him one more time. Her ears are pierced, and lately she's taken to wearing little emerald studs; someone must've told her it brought out the green in her eyes (they were right). Her violently green eyes were truly disarming.

Severus Snape was obsessed; hopelessly infatuated with a girl who he did not deserve, and it haunted him every day.

So intense was Severus' gaze that he startled slightly when he realised she'd gotten up from the table and was heading out of the Great Hall. He waited only a minute before slipping out behind her and following the echoing sound of her footsteps up the main staircase.

Lily slipped into an old classroom, sat herself on the teachers desk; bare legs swinging idly, and she waited.

Severus paused outside the door, debating whether he risk her sure anger and enter. How desperately he wanted to talk to her. Maybe this time he could make her understand.

The sounds of footsteps, much heavier this time; surely a males, pushed Severus into an alcove beside the door where he slipped into hiding behind an old suit of armour, casting a quiet disillusionment charm on himself.

When he saw who had arrived Severus sneered. Ofcouse it would be James fucking Potter who followed her out. He watched with a racing pulse as Potter slipped into the classroom and closed the door behind him.

That would not do. Severus worked quickly, casting three charms on the stone wall in front of him in a quiet whisper. First a transparency spell which rendered a few stones of the wall see-through; then a sound amplifying charm so he could clearly hear their dialogue; and finally a notice-me-not protection to make sure that from inside the classroom his window of vision was not obvious. Satisfied, Snape watched.

'You found me quickly,' Lily remarked.

'You seem confident that I'd follow you.'

'You're predictable,' Lily snapped back. 'Easy to manipulate.'

'You're desperate,' James countered quickly.

They stared at each other for a long period of time.

Severus tried to convince himself that they were truly arguing, but he had a bad feeling that the conversation was more flirty than fierce.

'I'm not desperate.' Lily finally replied.

'Too scared to come and ask for a word with me in front of my mates, or the rest of the school, for that matter,' he fixed her with an accusing look, 'but you'll happily entertain me in private.'

'It's complicated.'

'No its not. You're just too scared to let anyone see you in cohorts with the local devil Potter after so many years spent crusading against him.'

'You think you've got me all worked out don't you?'

Jame's reply was fast; 'I do.'

'I knew you'd say that,' Lily said with a little grin. 'You're an arrogant berk, you know that?'

'I could be your arrogant berk if you just swallowed your pride, Evans.'

'What's got you thinking that I'd want you to be mine, huh?'

They were definitely flirting Severus conceded, his heart heavy as he evesdropped.

'The way you kissed me the other night felt an awful lot like you wanted me,' James' stare was intense. 'All wrapped up around me like nobody's business you were, grabbing at my hair-'

Lily cut across him, a flush on her cheeks. 'Shut up. You're a tosser.'

'I could be your tosse-'

'Yes! YES! I know!' Lily exclaimed. 'I could be your tosser,' she said in a mock deep voice. ' Just give up the brave face and admit you fancy me Evans. Stop dragging me off into empty classrooms for no reason but to stare at my lovely face. You want me, you want me. Blah blah blah.'

Potter was laughing. Severus hated the way she smiled without meaning to as she watched him laugh.

'You and I, we've got the same baritone, don't we?' James remarked dryly.

'Your pitch is a little higher than mine if were being candid here.'

'Oh no I think your voice was decidedly higher than mine the other night; all the sweet sounds you were making while I-'

'Stop it!' Lily laughed. 'You just say stuff like that to embarrass me! You're shameless.'

'Shamelessly into you, Evans.'

Lily was by now leaning forward on the desk she sat atop, and Potter had also gravitated towards her; elbows on his knees and fists under his chin as they bantered. Their faces were merey two feet from each other. Severus knew he should walk away, but morbid curiosity and all-consuming jealousy held him firmly in place, watching and hoping desperately that his eyes and ears were deceiving him.

'Seriously though, the last month has been beyond fun with you; running around in secret classrooms and behind greenhouses when no one's watching. But I can't lie to my friends anymore; they all know what I'm upto and have taken it personally that I haven't come running into the dorms chanting 'I snogged Evans!' Lily gave a little laugh, and James continued. 'I want you all to myself all the time. Next year we'll be seventh years. If you can't bear to be seen under my arm in public, I don't know if I'll be allowing you to continue to seduce me in secret, as much as it brightens my day. I want more.'

Lily stood up and closed the small gap between them. James sat up and watched her as she slipped in between his legs and wound her arms around his neck. Their faces were inches apart; noses nearly touching. Lily was pressing herself into his groin and his hands were tight on her waist.

Severus could not bear this. He wanted to curse Potter. How dare he. How dare Potter take Lily from him. How dare Potter make her this happy. It should be me, Severus thought in a haze of irrational want.

James began speaking again, talking more quietly this time. 'I want you to sit next to me in the mornings at breakfast and we can share a cup of tea; black with three sugars,' Lily grinned at him - this was obviously a cause of debate between them. 'I want to slap your arse when you pass me in the corridors and blow you kisses when you catch me staring at you in Potions.' Lily snorted. 'We can lay on the grass by the lake with our feet in the water and talk about where we should travel to and what our bedroom will look like. You can sneak into my dorm on friday nights and throw things at Sirius with us boys; we can charm Remus' books to fill with dirty words and pile objects onto Pete when he predictably falls asleep first.' Lily laughed again, enchanted with the future James offered her. 'Imagine the sunday mornings when we'll wake up in my bed together, you're tucked in under my arm, looking like an angel. We can-'

And then Lily was kissing him. Their chests were bound together as though by some invisible force, her hands had flown in to cup his jaw, Potter was almost lifting Lily off the ground with the severity of his hold on her. It was an immediately deep and passionate kiss and Severus watched with hot molten lava coating his insides as Lily Evans groaned into Potters mouth and slid a hand under his untucked shirt to claw at his back.

This was hell. There could be nothing worse than this, Severus furiously thought as he removed the charms on the stone wall and stalked off. Such was his rage that he did a complete loop and passed the doorway ten minutes later to see Potter and Lily exiting together, cheeks flushed and arms around each others bodies like they were fucking siamese twins.

James' face hardened as he caught sight of Severus and a second later Lily has seen him too, she immediately dropped her eyes from his furious glare. James made to remove his arm from Lily's waist, but she held it there firmly. She turned her back to him, standing in front of James but not even coming up to his shoulders as small as she was. She placed a hand on his chest and a second later they were turning and walking down the corridor together.

Severus watched as Potter slid his hand down and squeezed Lily's arse blatantly. The message clear. Mine.

Severus felt sick. The indifference was worse than a thousand cursed being fired his way.

It should be me, Severus thought, selfish and senseless with desire.

HP

Authors Note: this is the first fic I've completed in a while! Please leave a review, you can't imagine how motivating they are :)