After a year, I thought things would be different.
I hoped that feelings would change, people would be forgotten, and memories would fade.
But hopes falters and crashes down like a plane without fuel.
I know it's my fault. I'm the one who left, but I had my reasons. It was a necessary action to save, not only myself, but the ones around me.
It was selfish, or so I heard. There were quiet murmurs after that spoke that I must be the biggest jerk ever. Some said she cried, some said she was better off.(And I was dying to know which but I couldn't ask. I kept my mouth shut.) But either way, everyone hated my after I left. I was no longer the most popular and charming guy in Miami. I became just like every other guy on the whole planet, not worth anyone's time.
But what they think or say, especially behind my back doesn't affect me like everyone think it should. I kept on going, trying to forget everything and everyone I left behind, while fighting with my career.
I kept arguing with myself as if I was my own immortal enemy. Whether to go back to the place I miss so much or stay in the dread of any other city doing business work without the comfort of home. The easiest answer was to go back to Miami but there was something stopping me like a big road sign in the middle of the straightest of asphalt.
Her.
The only person in the world that meant anything to me. And she still does.
It's been a year and I silently prayed on my plane ride from Denver to the big city in Florida that she moved on.
Again, I thought I'd be over her. I thought that after a full year of no communication and endless hours of late night paper work and a few calls to a taxi begged to bring a hopeless soul from the local bar home that this girl would not still invade my mind or matter to me at all.
But things change, and after a slim year, things don't change that much.
And as she's standing there, just a maximum of six feet away from me, she's still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Ally, you're still gorgeous. In her deep blue gown, ready for her named to be announced so she can scurry across stage, stumble over her words a few times and almost trip over her own two feet, she looks ravishing. She looks happy.
Ally, are you happy without me?
Her friends are gathered around her, giggling and whispering encouraging words.
"You can do this, Ally."
"Ally Dawson, you got this."
"Just take one step at a time and breathe."
Her friends seem nice but I only recognize one. Trish De La Rosa. We used to be close a year ago, good friends. But I made sure to never talk to her again after I left.
Ally, turn around.
Trish notices me first. A cloud of confusion hangs in her black eyes as her eyebrows furrow. I always used to laugh at that, because it looked like two caterpillars slowly crawling together. A glint remains until sparks fly and she recalls who I am. She gasps loudly.
Ally, please look at me.
Ally turns around to see the horror her best friend had suddenly caught the attention of. It could be anything. Two pink shoes that so do not go with another girls dress, a loose hair clip, or just a really cute guy because that's how Trish's mind works.
But none of that is evident. She spots the one thing that she never thought would ever vision in front of her again.
The one guy that she gave everything too. The one guy she was happiest with. The one guy that left her when she thought times were the best. The one guy that broke her.
For a second, she seems excited- surprised but excited. The corners of her mouth tilts up, and her eyes sparkle in a way they haven't in a while.
Ally, you still feel the same way? We can make this work. Forgive me for everything I have done but I promise-
Then a cold shiver creeps down her spine like a snake climbing down a tree, and her whole body shakes. Her face resembles the presence of disgust and sadness. And the start of tears gather up in the base of her eyes, threatening to fall.
Her whole day is ruined now, because of me. I never wanted to be the cause of her pain, the reason of her tears, but now I am. And I am forced face that and take on the hurt. It wallows me up and I battle against, try to claw my way out.
But then unexpectedly, she takes a deep breath, carves out a fake smile, and gently waves. Her fingers look frail as if they are going to break off at any minute. Her shoulder turns towards me.
Out of the corner of my eye, Trish shakes her head at me, almost in disapproval.
My head is aching, my legs are wobbling, and my heart feels like its crumbling like dry pastries. It shouldn't be this way. Maybe she's doing better, but my feelings were brought with me every where I went. Nothing has changed for me. The beauty of what existed a year ago still lingers on my skin, my lips, my heart. The taste of what we had never left even if I tried it hide it.
Allyson Marie Dawson, I'm still madly, deeply, and unavoidably in love with you.
"Ally Dawson!" Her name is proclaimed and she is asked to walk across the stage. She tears her gaze away from me, turns her body, and walks away.
The same as I did a year ago.