HAVE YOURSELF A VERY SMART CHRISTMAS




Thanksgiving, 1974 . . .

Max sat on the sofa, watching the twins as they sat in the middle of the living room floor, gaping in wide-mouthed wonder at the large balloons and marching bands in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
99 came partway down the stairs, hesitated a moment, then jumped off the step, bouncing down onto the sofa. She slipped her arm through his.
"How's it going, Love?"
"Okay," Max said, his voice not in his upbeat, holiday tone. He touched her face, gently brushing her bangs out of her eyes.
"Did you take the foil off the turkey?"
"Yeah, a few minutes ago. The kids helped. It looks great."
"Of course the three of you didn't sneak a bite."
Max gave her an embarrassed smile. "Uhhh . . . well, yeah, we did taste a bit of the stuffing."
"Is there any left?"
Max laughed. "Yes, Sweetheart."
99 tugged at his arm. "Come on, Love. Help me set the table."
"Okay."
The rest of the day went fairly well. After a massive 'turkey with all the fixins' dinner, they watched the Redskins play Dallas. 99 got more involved in the game than the rest, and threw up her hands in disgust when Dallas made a last minute touchdown to win the game.
Max helped 99 clean up while the twins napped on the couch. As they were putting away the last of the dishes, 99 said, "Max, are you really all right? You're awfully quite."
"I'm fine, 99."
"No you're not."
"99, I'm fine," He snapped.
He was immediately contrite. "I'm sorry," He apologized, looking down. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He ran his fingers along the countertop as 99 watched him worriedly.
"I think I'll go for a drive," He said. "I won't be gone long, I promise." He kissed her. "I'll be back in time to help put the twins to bed."
99 hugged him. "Take your time."
Max gave her a gentle smile. "I love you, 99."
"I love you, Max."
99 followed as he put on his coat. "Drive carefully, Love, it's starting to snow."
"I will."
99 watched from the window as Max got into his car. She knew what was bothering him, and where he was going . . .

*****

Max stood in the cemetery, looking down at the Chief's grave. It was cold and quiet.
"Hey, Chief, Happy Thanksgiving," He stood quietly for a moment. "I missed our Chess game today," He smiled. "I only beat you once, remember? You made such a pitiful move, I couldn't believe it."
The snow started falling heavier. Max glanced up at the steadily darkening sky and pulled the collar of his coat around his neck. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out, rolling it around in his hand.
Max knelt beside the grave and scooped out a shallow depression.
"This is the piece you beat me with in our last game. As a matter of fact, it's the piece you beat me with in most of our games. I've been meaning to bring it for a while, but . . ." He sat down on the ground, rubbing his eyes, trying in vain to stop the tears.
"We got a beautiful house with the money you left us. I never thought I'd have what I have now. 99, the twins . . ." He was stopped again by the tears.
"Max . . .?" 99 sat beside him and put her arms around his neck.
"99, what are you doing here?"
"I was worried about you."
"Where are the twins? They're not sitting in the cold car, are they??" Max asked.
"No, Max, I took the train and walked the two blocks from the station."
Max looked confused. "99 . . . where are our babies?"
"At home."
"By themselves?" Max's voice went up several octaves.
99 laughed. "Of course not, Max! I'm surprised you would ask such a question. Larabee stopped by and I asked him to stay while I checked on you."
"Oh . . ."
"What are you doing out here in the cold?"
"Just talking to the Chief," He held up the Chess piece. "I'm going to leave this with him. Is that crazy?"
99 kissed him on the cheek. "No, my Love."
Max laid the piece in the hole, covered it and patted it down.
"I love you, Chief . . ." He said softly. He pulled 99 close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I don't know what to do, 99," He said sadly, his voice slightly muffled by her coat collar. "I love you. I don't want to ruin Christmas for you and the twins, but I feel so awful."
"I feel awful too."
"There's more, 99."
"What?" 99 asked suspiciously.
"Control is out of business."
"What!? Where did you hear that?"
"The President called yesterday. I guess 'absorbed' would be a better word. He said there weren't enough resources to keep us going. The lab guys and some of the people down in the record section will merge with the CIA."
"When?"
"The first of the year," Max replied.
"Nice Christmas present."
"Yeah . . ."
"What are we going to do, Max?"
"Well, I've been offered a job with the government as a . . ." He paused. "Uhhh . . . Oh! A 'Protocol Officer'."
"What's that?"
"I really have no idea. I know I cover for government officials at ship christenings, funerals, the crowning of kings, stuff like that. Sounds like fun," He finished sarcastically.
"Are you going to take it?"
"I've got you and the twins to think about, I don't have much choice."
"What about me?"
Max gazed at her sadly. "You're out of work, 99."
99 was silent for a moment. "Max, I'm freezing. I'm going to sit in the car."
"Are you all right?"
She shrugged, but looked very sad. "I'm fine, Love."
"You can work, 99. You know I would never object to that."
"It wouldn't be much fun not working with you, Max."
"I'm going to miss working with you, too." He shook his head sadly. Then he looked up and grinned. "We sure have had some interesting times, haven't we?"
"We sure have." She put her hand on the back of his neck and gave him a soft, lingering kiss on the lips. "There's more where that came from later," She said mischievously.
Max gave her a seductive wink. "I'm looking forward to it."
He watched as she made her way to the car. Before she climbed in she turned and gave him a half-wave. He waved back.
"Lord I love her . . ." He thought.
He turned back, but a movement to his left caught his attention. A teenager, perhaps fifteen years of age, dropped a small suitcase and knelt in front of a large headstone. As Max watched, the young man pulled something out of his pocket and, in an almost identical replication of what Max had done, buried the object at the base of the headstone. He was visibly upset, so Max walked over.
"Is there anything I can do?" Max asked.
"I don't know what you could possibly do, but . . ." He turned around, " . . . thanks for asking." He noticed Max's sad expression. "You've lost someone recently too, haven't you?"
"Yes, a very dear friend . . . really the only father I ever had. I miss him."
The teen pointed to the small marker. "My Mom,' He said. "I can't even afford a stone . . ."
Max's heart went out to the young man. "I'm so sorry."
"To make matters worse, I'm stuck in the orphans home. There's not much chance of adoption for kids my age."
"What about your Dad?"
"I never knew him. He and my Mom broke up before I was born."
Max held out his hand, "Maxwell Smart."
The young man took his hand. "Thaddeus Armstrong Clark."
When Max heard the name, he was immediately on the alert.
"What was your father's name?" Max inquired.
"Thaddeus Harold Clark. Why?"
Max stared at him in shock. After the Chief died, they had discovered that the cover name he had used for years had been his real name.
"Come with me, I want to show you something."
Thaddeus followed Max over to the Chief's grave. Max motioned toward the stone - Thaddeus Harold Clark, Our Beloved "Chief".
"Is this a joke?" Thaddeus asked.
"I wish it was. Was your Mother's name Mary Jack Armstrong?"
Now it was Thaddeus's turn to looked shocked. "How did you know that?"
"The love of my friend's life was a woman named Mary Jack Armstrong. He met her in 1956. He said she told him she was pregnant, but she didn't want to have the baby, so
she left. The Chief never saw her again."
"My Mom told me it was her decision to break up with him. He was working for a company that kept him on the road a lot. Same with her job, they hardly saw each other. It escalated into a fight one night and she blurted out that she was pregnant with me and was going to get an abortion. Then she left him. She changed her mind and raised me by herself. She saw him one other time . . ." He lower his head. "Unfortunately, she was under arrest for kidnapping some king with a lot of wives and oil. Something about his weight. He personally took her to jail, but let her escape. We lived in England for a while before coming back to the States in 1972. She said he was a 'Chief' . . . Oh, my God . . ." Thaddeus paused for a moment to stare at the stone.
"She never told him about me," He continued. "She said it would have compromised his job as head of Control, her being a Kaos agent and all . . ." Thaddeus stuttered to a stop. He put a hand to his nose, squeezing it. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."
He pulled a large, stuffed binder out of the suitcase and handed it to Max. "Since I already opened my mouth, take a look."
The two stood in the falling snow as Thaddeus showed Max his birth certificate, an assortment of pictures, some of the Chief and his mother and, in the back, an assortment of paperwork with the Kaos insignia stamped at the top.
Max had confided to 99 that he was certain the Chief had planned Mary Jack's escape. But had no proof. Now he knew . . .
"It doesn't matter anymore," Max replied with a shrug. "The government has put Control out of business."
"Now that's bizarre, Kaos went out of business just last week. They were running short of funds and there weren't enough agents left to do anything about it."
"Your kidding! Were you with Kaos?" Max asked innocently.
"Good God, NO! I tried to get Mom to quit, I said we were Americans, we should defend our country, not fight against it. She agreed, but she said she was in too deep, she couldn't. She didn't want me to lead the kind of life she had. Then she told me she had heard that my father passed away in April. After that, she seemed to give up. In August she developed Pneumonia from a summer cold and couldn't shake it. She died in September."
99 had been watching from the car Her curiosity finally got the better of her and she climbed from the warmth of the car and went over to Max.
"What's up, Love?"
"Thaddeus, I'd like you to meet my wife."
Thaddeus's jaw dropped. "You've got to see this!" He flipped though the binder, then handed it to Max and 99, pointing at a picture. "Here's a picture of my father with his two best friends. Mom was kinda peeved when he told her that he loved these people, they were like kids to him."
Max and 99 looked at the picture, at each other, then at Thaddeus. The picture was of them and the Chief, taken in 1966 at Control headquarters.
"Mom said she took it with her ring camera. She took a lot of pictures that day. They're all in there."
"Max . . . what is going on?" 99 asked, confused.
"99, you aren't going to believe this . . ."

******

Despite his protests, Max and 99 insisted that they take Thaddeus back to the orphanage. Max asked to borrow his binder, promising he would return it in a couple days. Thaddeus agreed. Max tried to be sly and slipped him a twenty, thinking 99 didn't see. Then they drove home.
Larabee had already gotten the twins into bed and was snoozing on the sofa.
"Thanks, Larabee," 99 said, giving him a hug.
"No problem. We read "The Night Before Christmas". They fell asleep before I finished." He patted Max on the back. "You okay, Max?"
Max nodded and to 99's surprise, he gave Larabee a hug. "Thanks, Buddy. The twins love you. Don't be a stranger just because we won't be working together."
"I won't. See you tomorrow."
After checking on the twins, Max and 99 got ready for bed. Snuggling close under the reading lamp, they studied the binder from front to back, and top to bottom.
"Max, could this be a Kaos plot?"
"I don't think so. Didn't you see?"
"See what?"
"99 . . ." Max said, slightly exasperated. "You notice everything. Tell me what you saw."
99 closed her eyes for a moment, then shook her head at her naiveté. "He looks just like the Chief."
"That's not all . . . did you notice his movements? His voice?"
"Yes."
"The way he put his hand to his nose . . ."
"Oh, Max, did he do that?"
"He did." Max looked 99 straight in the eye. "What do you think, 99?"
"I think the first thing we need to do is get these papers checked to make sure they're authentic and we need to see if he'll agree to have his blood drawn so we can check it against the Chief's."
Max agreed, and they fell into a fitful sleep . . .

******

After two days of intensive, meticulous investigation, Hymie came into Max and 99's office with his report.
"Well, Gang . . ." Hymie said handing them the binder and a file folder. "The blood test was conclusive, and all the paperwork is in order. There's no doubt about it."
"So he really is the Chief's son," Max said softly.
"Looks that way," Hymie said. "I've got to go. I have a date with the ice cream machine on the second floor."
"What you going to do?" 99 asked with interest.
"Go out for ice cream." Hymie said.
99 looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "I see . . . Well, have a good time."
Hymie waved and left.
"What are we gonna do, Sweetheart?" Max asked. "This is a major decision. Thaddeus is fifteen and the son of a Kaos agent. We have two six-year-olds at home. That's a lot to consider."
"But he's also the Chief's son, Max."
"I know that, 99 . . ." Max said. "Kaos is out of business. Control is going out of business . . ." He continued to mutter under his breath as he paced the room.
"Max?"
Max continued to pace, deep in thought, his brow furrowed.
"Max."
He stopped and looked at her.
"You loved the Chief?"
"What kind of question is that? You know I did!"
"Then you know the answer as well as I do, Love."
He gave her a smile. "I guess I do. Let's go to the orphanage . . ."

******

The head of the orphanage, a Mrs. Marco, was thrilled that Max and 99 wanted to foster and possibly adopt a child as old as Thaddeus. 99, not wanting anything to get in the way of the possible adoption later, told her the story of how they came to know him . . . leaving out the part about them being spies, naturally. This made the woman doubly happy. Max and 99 signed the papers and were told it would take a few days for the background check. At that moment, the phone rang. Mrs. Marcos' eyes opened wide in surprise.
"Yes, Mr. President . . ."
Max and 99 looked at each other, perplexed, and watched as Mrs. Marco was barely able to get a coherent word out of his mouth.
"Yes, Sir. I understand, Sir," She paused. "With that type of endorsement, there will be no problem at all. Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. And a Merry Christmas to you too." She hung up.
"Wow, you two know some influential people! I guess you know that was President Ford. He told me you would be the perfect parents for Thaddeus and it would be a great favor to him if we could push the adoption through before Christmas. You really know the President?"
"I've worked with him on several occasions," Max replied.
"My, my! Well, let's get Thaddeus packed. He'll be so happy. He's done nothing but talk about you for days!"

Christmas Eve . . .

To Max and 99's surprise, Thaddeus, Zach and Maxine hit it off immediately. Thaddeus had his father's knack for patience and never tired of playing with twins. He did well in his new school, but turned out to be a loner. He seemed to enjoy hanging with his new brother and sister more than trying to make friends.
Arriving home later than he had hoped to on Christmas Eve, Max found 99 in the family room overlooking the back yard. A foot of snow covered the ground. The flood lights were on and the kids were in the back yard. A fort had been built. Thaddeus and Maxine were defending the fort against the scheming forces of a demented Zach, who was creeping around the yard, trying to find entry.
Max tapped 99 on the shoulder and motioned her to follow. She followed him downstairs where they put on their coats, boots and gloves. They went out the front door and crept around back. Max picked up some snow and patted it into a snowball. He held it up to 99 with a twinkle in his eye. They made a dozen or so snowballs and crept around the garage, coming up behind the fort.
Zach was trying his best to get near the fort. He hide behind a tree and pitched a couple of snowballs. When Thaddeus and Maxine ducked, he made a mad dash to another tree, closer and off to the side of the fort. As he peered from behind the tree, planning his next move, he saw his parents sneaking up from behind. He quickly lobbed several snowballs as a deterrent, giving Max and 99 the opportunity they needed.
The occupants of the fort had no chance. The were pummeled with snowballs from every direction. Max and 99 charged from behind as Zach charged from the front. The fort was easily overrun and the hapless victims taken hostage.
"You are now our prisoners. Come with us . . ." Max said.
"Where are you going to do?" Maxine asked.
"We're going to torture you and force you to give us valuable information," 99 said.
"What valuable information?" Thaddeus asked.
"Come on, come on. Move . . ." Max said, bouncing a snowball up and down in his hand.
They tromped across the yard and into the warm kitchen. They took off their wet coats and boots. 99 pointed at the table. "Sit. Stay." She said.
"What are we? Dogs?" Zach whispered.
"I heard that," 99 said, pointing at him. "No talking."
Max, snowball still in hand, leaned across the table. "Now, tell us what we want to know."
Maxine put a had on her Dad's arm. "I love you, Daddy."
Max smiled. "That's it." He said, winking at 99. "Hot chocolate for everyone!"
They were soon warmed by the hot chocolate.
"Hey, Santa comes tonight!" Thaddeus said.
"Santa?" Zach asked. "You still believe in Santa?"
"Sure, don't you?" Thaddeus gave Max and 99 a look.
"Heck, no. We snuck downstairs and saw Mom and Dad putting together our bikes last Christmas." Both of the twins laughed. "You should have seen it, Thaddy. They must have lost the . . . the . . ." Zach shook his head.
"In-struct-ions," Maxine whispered.
"Yeah! That's it! The in-struct-ions. Anyway, It was funny to watch them. They had a hard time and told us on Christmas day that Santa put them together himself . . ."
Everyone looked pointedly at Max and 99. They looked at each other and shrugged.
"Okay, kids, it's late. Off to bed. Santa won't stop if he sees you're awake," Max said.
"Dad . . ." Maxine said. She rolled her eyes in such a perfect imitation of her mother that Max burst out laughing.
"Come on kids, off to bed," 99 said. The twins jumped up and nearly trampled each other as they raced up the stairs.
Thaddeus stood at the table, his hands in his pockets, looking at the floor.
"Thanks for taking me into your family. What a great Christmas present."
He gave them each a kiss on the cheek. He went to the door, then stopped for a moment.
"Merry Christmas!" He smiled at them and bounded up the stairs.
When he smiled he looked so much like the Chief that Max and 99 were astounded.
"Did you see that, 99?"
"Yes, Love."
She got up and they put the dishes in the dishwasher. Then she took his arm. "Come on," she said. "Let's look at the tree."
The walked into the family room where the eight foot tree stood sparkling by the window.
"You picked out a beautiful tree, Max," 99 said.
"Heck, you and the kids helped."
"Yeah, but you saw it first."
While Max went to check on the kids, 99 turned off all the lights and built a fire. Max was back in a few minutes and sat beside her.
"All tucked in?"
"All tucked in."
They sat in silence for several minutes, just looking at the tree and enjoying the warmth of the fire.
"I miss him, 99."
"Me too, Max. Do you think it's fate that we found Thaddeus?"
"I don't know, Sweetheart." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "All I know is we have him in our hearts forever and now we have his son." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "I love you, 99," He said.
"I love you. Merry Christmas, Love."
"Merry Christmas, 99."
"Hey, 99 . . . ?"
"Hmmmm?"
"Are you sure there's no Santa Claus??"


Jodi Goldfinger 12/02