A/N: Why isn't there a Kiznaiver section on this website? It's terrifying that there isn't one. Anyway, made a one-shot, and I hope you enjoy. More one-shots to come, I'm sure, because this series….dear god, I love it.

Irrelevant Circumstances

That feeling that welled up in my heart that day was distant, despondent, completely and utterly inexplicable. Was it relief? Or just more sadness? Something playing the part of a reasonable outlet at the time?

Who knows?

And whether or not I ever forgive myself is irrelevant. It won't bring her back, or justify the reason that I caused everyone so much pain in the first place.

It won't fix anything.

"You should have something to drink." – What is she, my mother?

And this person insists on being difficult too, invading my space, and dragging away my conscious effort to hate myself. To force everyone to hate me, that's been the only balm I've ever known.

"Go away."

Recovery, what I thought I might find died away in that once blissful moment. Why? Well, because life goes on. Ruru's blessing or not. Her forgiveness or not. It's all a condition, and I now understand the ramifications of my actions. Still, I don't think I made the wrong choice.

I think I was entitled to my selfishness, because she would die, and I would have to live. I knew that, and in the end, that was all that mattered. My own feelings. My own ability to cope.

Everything else, every tiny bit of pain, every small fear, every word left unsaid…

It was all Irrelevant too.

"You're going to catch a cold." – That's not her concern. It's not anyone's concern but mine.

"I don't care. I meant what I said. I don't want friends, or lovers. Just because we share the same burden doesn't give you the right to invade my space."

"I don't want to be alone right now. Isn't that enough?" - What a lame excuse.

She's just saying that. So why then? Why do I find myself in another position that leaves me aching? Why can't I push this person away? I know for a fact that this kind of kindness won't last. She's drying my hair, making me tea, humming a stupid nonsensical little tune that I just can't stand.

And she doesn't even give me an exact reason why.

"Chidori, I'm a freak. Okay? A freak."

"None of us are exactly normal." - Her voice is too soft, way too soft.

Damn her. She's torturing me, doesn't she realize that!

"If you stay here, I swear I'll-"

What the hell…?

Why would she kiss me?

What kind of wacko is she?

I push her away, but the damage has already been done, and for some godforsaken reason I can't explain, my chest hurts. I feel ill. Violently ill, like I'm about to puke. There's tears in her eyes…tears…in…her…

Shit….I did it again, didn't I?

"Chidori…"

I can't say anything else, can I?

"Do you understand now, Maki?" – Why do these things always happen to me?

I take her hand in mine. It's all I can do right now, I can't even bring myself to look at her.

"We're Kiznaiver…that's all."

"That's fine…as long as I'm the only one you ever kiss."

There she goes with the stipulations. I guess I'll just have to go along with that too, now won't I?

I haven't felt this kind of irrelevant feeling in a long time, but this time, I guess I'll tolerate it.