Heart of Mind
Author's note: Well as anyone could've guessed by now, I love Piccolo and the Namek's. And my favourite part of the whole DBZ story is that of Gohan and Piccolo's friendship... I love it so much... anyway... this is my first try of a song fic. Oki, so don't kill me for it all right... I don't own anything and definitely not DBZ or any of it's characters, so don't sue me!
The lyrics are from Linking Park's 'With You'.
***********************************************************************
Quietly he stood there, he watched as the sun rose in the distance. So strange, he loved these moments of calm the most, but today there was something strange with the way he felt... Within there was a emptiness he had tried to ignore for quite some time now... but he couldn't.
~* I woke up in a dream today
to the cold of the static/ and put my feet on the floor
forgot all about yesterday *~
It had been a week since he had heard the 'good news'... from him. A week since Gohan came and told him that he was getting married. Those news had killed him inside.
Slowly he raised a hand and dried away a tear that was running down his cheek. He watched the wet spot on his finger for a long time, then he looked away angrily and crossed his arms again.
"I'm getting weak!" He spat, irritated at himself but inside he could hear a voice utter a sad "Gohan..." so he fell silent.
He knew he missed him and that he was... jealous. Jealous of her... He wished he could kill her for taking Gohan away from him.
Piccolo let out a sigh. He knew that would definitely NOT be the answer to his... problem. That would probably only cause a bigger gap between them.
~* Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy *~
He thought back to that day a week ago when Gohan came and told him... Gohan had been so happy. So glad that even the sight of his smile that would usually be directed to him, had hurt so bad he had have to look away.
"I'm getting married Piccolo-san! I'm so happy! I can't believe it, Videl my wife... You just have to attend, you are, after all, my best friend, Piccolo-san." Gohan's face had been so happy and carefree. So oblivious of the war of pain and heartache inside his sensei's soul.
"I... I'm happy for you." Piccolo had succeeded to push out from behind his clenched teeth. What he really wanted to say was not to leave him. To love only him and be with him forever. But he kept quiet.
~* And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/ slow to react
even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant/ and I can't bring you back *~
Gohan had smiled at him then. A true smile for only him. "I'll see you there then?" Piccolo had been watching him in what felt like forever, then murmured a faint "Sure." Gohan had shone up and embraced his former master and flown of to tell all the others and his parents.
"I love you." The hardest three little words in the whole universe to utter, those three little words Piccolo wanted Gohan to hear spoken from his lips. But he didn't dare.
And he didn't want to destroy that beloved smile with a look of confusion on his former student's face.
He could feel another tear slide down his face, cursing he wiped it away then tried to stop thinking. But it didn't work. His thoughts kept wandering back to Gohan and his happy, smiling face.
Tears started streaming down freely now. He hated it but it was true, he could not live without Gohan. I love him, I love him beyond anything. He thought to himself. Gohan was the only reason for him to stay on earth or even being alive. The only.
~* It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you *~
He turned around and started to walk, he had made up his mind. A cruel decision, but he had to...
Piccolo rose his ki and blasted of into the sky, keeping only one thought in his mind as he flew towards the Son residence. To tell Gohan how he felt and then end his misery.
-----
He landed without a sound on the front yard of the Son house. He could hear laughter from the back of the house. It was more then a few voices. His mind drifted a little and then he snapped back to reality. This was Gohan's wedding-day! As he turned and was about to fly off he could feel the presence of a familiar and loved ki. Turning, he saw what he had expected. There by a tree stood Gohan. His eyes filled with sorrow as he had seen his Sensei about to leave without saying hello.
He was wearing a neat black tux and a white flower was fasten to it over his heart. It looked good on him, Piccolo thought. Gohan's hand rested on the tree, did it tremble? He breathed heavily, his chest rose and sank shaking. Now Piccolo realised that he had been running... As soon as Gohan had sensed his ki he had ran here!?
"Gohan... I..." Piccolo's voice trailed off and he just watched Gohan's sad eyes.
~* You/ now I see/ keeping everything inside
You/ now I see/ even when I close my eyes *~
He couldn't say it. The three words was too difficult to utter, so he just looked away. He couldn't face Gohan's hurt eyes. He knew that he was the reason for Gohan's sadness, he hadn't been there on the greatest day of his young life.
Then Piccolo noticed that Gohan was suddenly in front of him, looking at him. "I..." he stammered again but his words was cut of by a hard hit in his face. This struck Piccolo of guard and so he hit back. Stumbling, Gohan hit the ground with tears in his eyes, he kept his eyes fixed at his sensei.
~* I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor/ the rest of the day stands still *~
"Why did you try to leave." The young Saiya-jin said calmly. His hand rested on the sore spot after Piccolo's punch. "I've missed you... I really wanted you to be here." He still kept the Namek's eyes with his, did he see sorrow in them?
"I... I couldn't." Piccolo's voice was barely a whisper, the faint words trailed out of his mouth before he could do anything. "I… I just couldn't stand… the thought…" Piccolo looked at Gohan then, he couldn't say anything more.
"I couldn't see her take you away from me!! I... I..." The words wouldn't come. He couldn't utter them. They were there but they wouldn't come. Instead he turned and with his back to Gohan he whispered softly with a small smile over his lips.
"I couldn't see her take you away from me because... I love you." The words came! But it didn't matter anymore. His heart was broken. It was too late now. Gohan had his own life and family now and he, Piccolo, couldn't bare to be a part of it. It hurt too much, so he fled.
~* Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real *~
Air rushed by him, all he could hear was the wind in his ears. That felt nice, not to be able to hear his own thoughts. He had lost. This battle was one he'd lost, this was something he could never repair so he had fled. Tears streaming down his face, they were so bitter and painful, he had lost his life, his everything. His Gohan.
~* Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/ slow to react
Even though you're close to me
You're still so distant/ and I can't bring you back *~
"Gohan... GOHAAAN!!!" His cry echoed through the mountains, a cry of bitterness, of utter defeat. He landed by a small glade in the rocky dessert, this was where he had trained Gohan, his most precious place. This was where he had learned how to feel, and it was all because of him... of Gohan.
Piccolo threw himself to his knees and started crying, his sobs echoed around along with his heart tearing cries of loss. He wailed himself to a state of sleep in which no dreams could haunt him.
A day later he woke up by a ki nearing him, always a warrior. He rose to his feet and gazed of into the direction of the fast approaching ki, all his senses on alert, he soon relaxed a bit though when he recognised the ki. It was Gohan. Almost as fast as his brain registered that thought he tensed up again. It was Gohan!
As if paralysed he only stood there looking into the distance where he saw Gohan approach him. A moment later the young Saiya-jin landed in front of his sensei. He looked at him, his appearance a mingle of emotions, Piccolo couldn't make out what his former student was thinking at all. Gohan walked up to his sensei and stood before him a long time before he finally threw himself into the Namek's arms, with tears falling down his tanned skin.
"I... love you too, Sensei. Why, oh why didn't you tell me before! Why!?" the young Saiya-jin clenched his fists over the white cape Piccolo was wearing and sobbed heavily into the Namek's shirt. Slowly Piccolo regained his normal composure, the one he had had before he got the news. And so he folded his arms around the Saiya-jin with the brightest smile on his lips that had ever decorated his handsome features. This was what he wanted to hear, that Gohan loved him...
"I didn't dare, Gohan-san. I just thought you would think I was weird or creepy and stop talking to me... I'm so sorry." Piccolo leaned down and gave the young man's forehead a brief kiss. "I love you, but I couldn't hurt you." He gave out a sigh as he knew that he had probably made things worse the last day.
"You did... but I know why now, Piccolo-san. I know..." Gohan used his ki and rose himself of the ground just high enough to level himself with his former master's face. And there he gave piccolo a deep kiss. Their tongues played with each other, Piccolo's mind was taken aback so he suddenly moved away from Gohan, staring in disbelief at his former student.
"You've just got married! Gohan-san... I... don't think this is right... She is your wife now..."
Piccolo was surprised that he said it. But it was true, Videl was Gohan's wife and she deserved to be respected at the least. "Gohan... You--"
"I cancelled the wedding!" Gohan's words interrupted Piccolo in the middle of his sentence, and shocked him.
"W... What... What did you just say?" He stammered as he stared at his former student. 'This is a trick... a cruel trick!' he told himself in his mind. This couldn't be true.
"I cancelled the wedding. I never knew you loved me that way, Piccolo. If I had, I would never had answered 'yes' to Videl's proposal. I would choose you, Sensei." Gohan moved closer to his Sensei and wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist and leaned against him. He gave out a sigh of content and closed his eyes and with a smile on his lips he nuzzled closer to Piccolo's warm chest, whispering softly:
"You are the one and only for me, Sensei. I love you, Piccolo."
Those words warmed. Piccolo could feel his soul melting with those words. He slowly wrapped his arms around Gohan's smaller body, getting him even closer to him. This felt so good, so... needed.
"I love you too. The wedding's off then?" Piccolo felt Gohan shift a bit then nod into his chest. "Yeah... it's off." He mumbled, then Piccolo could feel a wetness against the bare opening in his gi, the Saiya-jin was crying.
Care fully he tilted Gohan's head up so that he could see the tear drenched face of his former student. He lifted a eye ridge, looking confused. Why was he crying? "Gohan..?" he said about to continue when Gohan stammered, "I... I'm just happy."
Folding his arms back around Gohan's body, Piccolo let out a sigh and stopped thinking, the last think he wanted to think about was about what the others would say. This was his moment of triumph. And when he thought about it, it was the best ever.
~* No
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you *~
The best ever...
END!!!!!!
***********************************************************************
NO ONE COULD'VE GUESSED... o_O *Giggle*
Well... what do you think??? Oki? Bad? Great? Hm, Piccolo became a wimp again but who cares, eh? Gohan cancelled his wedding with Videl to be with Piccolo instead.(WooHoo) Isn't that nice?? From the beginning this was to be a fic of how Piccolo came to take his life in the fic Ribbons of blush and indigo by Velasa, (she's a great writer by the way ^_^) but I just couldn't kill Piccolo-sama.. anyway check her out and leave lots of reviews on this fic oki... (I need reviews see... can't... live... without... reviews... (+_+))
~(o_o)~
**// BlueRaven \\**
~~**~~
Author's note: Well as anyone could've guessed by now, I love Piccolo and the Namek's. And my favourite part of the whole DBZ story is that of Gohan and Piccolo's friendship... I love it so much... anyway... this is my first try of a song fic. Oki, so don't kill me for it all right... I don't own anything and definitely not DBZ or any of it's characters, so don't sue me!
The lyrics are from Linking Park's 'With You'.
***********************************************************************
Quietly he stood there, he watched as the sun rose in the distance. So strange, he loved these moments of calm the most, but today there was something strange with the way he felt... Within there was a emptiness he had tried to ignore for quite some time now... but he couldn't.
~* I woke up in a dream today
to the cold of the static/ and put my feet on the floor
forgot all about yesterday *~
It had been a week since he had heard the 'good news'... from him. A week since Gohan came and told him that he was getting married. Those news had killed him inside.
Slowly he raised a hand and dried away a tear that was running down his cheek. He watched the wet spot on his finger for a long time, then he looked away angrily and crossed his arms again.
"I'm getting weak!" He spat, irritated at himself but inside he could hear a voice utter a sad "Gohan..." so he fell silent.
He knew he missed him and that he was... jealous. Jealous of her... He wished he could kill her for taking Gohan away from him.
Piccolo let out a sigh. He knew that would definitely NOT be the answer to his... problem. That would probably only cause a bigger gap between them.
~* Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy *~
He thought back to that day a week ago when Gohan came and told him... Gohan had been so happy. So glad that even the sight of his smile that would usually be directed to him, had hurt so bad he had have to look away.
"I'm getting married Piccolo-san! I'm so happy! I can't believe it, Videl my wife... You just have to attend, you are, after all, my best friend, Piccolo-san." Gohan's face had been so happy and carefree. So oblivious of the war of pain and heartache inside his sensei's soul.
"I... I'm happy for you." Piccolo had succeeded to push out from behind his clenched teeth. What he really wanted to say was not to leave him. To love only him and be with him forever. But he kept quiet.
~* And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/ slow to react
even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant/ and I can't bring you back *~
Gohan had smiled at him then. A true smile for only him. "I'll see you there then?" Piccolo had been watching him in what felt like forever, then murmured a faint "Sure." Gohan had shone up and embraced his former master and flown of to tell all the others and his parents.
"I love you." The hardest three little words in the whole universe to utter, those three little words Piccolo wanted Gohan to hear spoken from his lips. But he didn't dare.
And he didn't want to destroy that beloved smile with a look of confusion on his former student's face.
He could feel another tear slide down his face, cursing he wiped it away then tried to stop thinking. But it didn't work. His thoughts kept wandering back to Gohan and his happy, smiling face.
Tears started streaming down freely now. He hated it but it was true, he could not live without Gohan. I love him, I love him beyond anything. He thought to himself. Gohan was the only reason for him to stay on earth or even being alive. The only.
~* It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you *~
He turned around and started to walk, he had made up his mind. A cruel decision, but he had to...
Piccolo rose his ki and blasted of into the sky, keeping only one thought in his mind as he flew towards the Son residence. To tell Gohan how he felt and then end his misery.
-----
He landed without a sound on the front yard of the Son house. He could hear laughter from the back of the house. It was more then a few voices. His mind drifted a little and then he snapped back to reality. This was Gohan's wedding-day! As he turned and was about to fly off he could feel the presence of a familiar and loved ki. Turning, he saw what he had expected. There by a tree stood Gohan. His eyes filled with sorrow as he had seen his Sensei about to leave without saying hello.
He was wearing a neat black tux and a white flower was fasten to it over his heart. It looked good on him, Piccolo thought. Gohan's hand rested on the tree, did it tremble? He breathed heavily, his chest rose and sank shaking. Now Piccolo realised that he had been running... As soon as Gohan had sensed his ki he had ran here!?
"Gohan... I..." Piccolo's voice trailed off and he just watched Gohan's sad eyes.
~* You/ now I see/ keeping everything inside
You/ now I see/ even when I close my eyes *~
He couldn't say it. The three words was too difficult to utter, so he just looked away. He couldn't face Gohan's hurt eyes. He knew that he was the reason for Gohan's sadness, he hadn't been there on the greatest day of his young life.
Then Piccolo noticed that Gohan was suddenly in front of him, looking at him. "I..." he stammered again but his words was cut of by a hard hit in his face. This struck Piccolo of guard and so he hit back. Stumbling, Gohan hit the ground with tears in his eyes, he kept his eyes fixed at his sensei.
~* I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor/ the rest of the day stands still *~
"Why did you try to leave." The young Saiya-jin said calmly. His hand rested on the sore spot after Piccolo's punch. "I've missed you... I really wanted you to be here." He still kept the Namek's eyes with his, did he see sorrow in them?
"I... I couldn't." Piccolo's voice was barely a whisper, the faint words trailed out of his mouth before he could do anything. "I… I just couldn't stand… the thought…" Piccolo looked at Gohan then, he couldn't say anything more.
"I couldn't see her take you away from me!! I... I..." The words wouldn't come. He couldn't utter them. They were there but they wouldn't come. Instead he turned and with his back to Gohan he whispered softly with a small smile over his lips.
"I couldn't see her take you away from me because... I love you." The words came! But it didn't matter anymore. His heart was broken. It was too late now. Gohan had his own life and family now and he, Piccolo, couldn't bare to be a part of it. It hurt too much, so he fled.
~* Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real *~
Air rushed by him, all he could hear was the wind in his ears. That felt nice, not to be able to hear his own thoughts. He had lost. This battle was one he'd lost, this was something he could never repair so he had fled. Tears streaming down his face, they were so bitter and painful, he had lost his life, his everything. His Gohan.
~* Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/ slow to react
Even though you're close to me
You're still so distant/ and I can't bring you back *~
"Gohan... GOHAAAN!!!" His cry echoed through the mountains, a cry of bitterness, of utter defeat. He landed by a small glade in the rocky dessert, this was where he had trained Gohan, his most precious place. This was where he had learned how to feel, and it was all because of him... of Gohan.
Piccolo threw himself to his knees and started crying, his sobs echoed around along with his heart tearing cries of loss. He wailed himself to a state of sleep in which no dreams could haunt him.
A day later he woke up by a ki nearing him, always a warrior. He rose to his feet and gazed of into the direction of the fast approaching ki, all his senses on alert, he soon relaxed a bit though when he recognised the ki. It was Gohan. Almost as fast as his brain registered that thought he tensed up again. It was Gohan!
As if paralysed he only stood there looking into the distance where he saw Gohan approach him. A moment later the young Saiya-jin landed in front of his sensei. He looked at him, his appearance a mingle of emotions, Piccolo couldn't make out what his former student was thinking at all. Gohan walked up to his sensei and stood before him a long time before he finally threw himself into the Namek's arms, with tears falling down his tanned skin.
"I... love you too, Sensei. Why, oh why didn't you tell me before! Why!?" the young Saiya-jin clenched his fists over the white cape Piccolo was wearing and sobbed heavily into the Namek's shirt. Slowly Piccolo regained his normal composure, the one he had had before he got the news. And so he folded his arms around the Saiya-jin with the brightest smile on his lips that had ever decorated his handsome features. This was what he wanted to hear, that Gohan loved him...
"I didn't dare, Gohan-san. I just thought you would think I was weird or creepy and stop talking to me... I'm so sorry." Piccolo leaned down and gave the young man's forehead a brief kiss. "I love you, but I couldn't hurt you." He gave out a sigh as he knew that he had probably made things worse the last day.
"You did... but I know why now, Piccolo-san. I know..." Gohan used his ki and rose himself of the ground just high enough to level himself with his former master's face. And there he gave piccolo a deep kiss. Their tongues played with each other, Piccolo's mind was taken aback so he suddenly moved away from Gohan, staring in disbelief at his former student.
"You've just got married! Gohan-san... I... don't think this is right... She is your wife now..."
Piccolo was surprised that he said it. But it was true, Videl was Gohan's wife and she deserved to be respected at the least. "Gohan... You--"
"I cancelled the wedding!" Gohan's words interrupted Piccolo in the middle of his sentence, and shocked him.
"W... What... What did you just say?" He stammered as he stared at his former student. 'This is a trick... a cruel trick!' he told himself in his mind. This couldn't be true.
"I cancelled the wedding. I never knew you loved me that way, Piccolo. If I had, I would never had answered 'yes' to Videl's proposal. I would choose you, Sensei." Gohan moved closer to his Sensei and wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist and leaned against him. He gave out a sigh of content and closed his eyes and with a smile on his lips he nuzzled closer to Piccolo's warm chest, whispering softly:
"You are the one and only for me, Sensei. I love you, Piccolo."
Those words warmed. Piccolo could feel his soul melting with those words. He slowly wrapped his arms around Gohan's smaller body, getting him even closer to him. This felt so good, so... needed.
"I love you too. The wedding's off then?" Piccolo felt Gohan shift a bit then nod into his chest. "Yeah... it's off." He mumbled, then Piccolo could feel a wetness against the bare opening in his gi, the Saiya-jin was crying.
Care fully he tilted Gohan's head up so that he could see the tear drenched face of his former student. He lifted a eye ridge, looking confused. Why was he crying? "Gohan..?" he said about to continue when Gohan stammered, "I... I'm just happy."
Folding his arms back around Gohan's body, Piccolo let out a sigh and stopped thinking, the last think he wanted to think about was about what the others would say. This was his moment of triumph. And when he thought about it, it was the best ever.
~* No
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you *~
The best ever...
END!!!!!!
***********************************************************************
NO ONE COULD'VE GUESSED... o_O *Giggle*
Well... what do you think??? Oki? Bad? Great? Hm, Piccolo became a wimp again but who cares, eh? Gohan cancelled his wedding with Videl to be with Piccolo instead.(WooHoo) Isn't that nice?? From the beginning this was to be a fic of how Piccolo came to take his life in the fic Ribbons of blush and indigo by Velasa, (she's a great writer by the way ^_^) but I just couldn't kill Piccolo-sama.. anyway check her out and leave lots of reviews on this fic oki... (I need reviews see... can't... live... without... reviews... (+_+))
~(o_o)~
**// BlueRaven \\**
~~**~~