Why Puck Should Not Listen to Music

Puck had never heard music before.

Well, that would be an exaggeration; he's lived for thousands of years and knows the sounds of lyres, harpsichords, pan flute, lutes, and bongos. He met Mozart, Bach, and the Bee Gees before they were famous.

It would be more accurate to say he has never heard of today's culturally accepted music.*

That is, until he received an iPhone for his birthday.

"Hey, Grimm, look!" Puck shook Sabrina's shoulders violently. "They upgraded the iPhones to version 7.0 and they have this new music app thing!"

Sabrina swatted his hands away and pushed him. "Stop it! And that update came out like a month ago! Where have you been?"

"The Old Lady took my phone away for the month, remember?" He said in a 'duh' manner.

"For hanging Wendell by his underwear on the flagpole at school, right?"

"Yeah. Man, that was funny." He swiped his fingers across his phone and showed her all the pictures he took of poor Wendell.

"That's nice, Puck, now leave me alone. I have to finish my outline for AP class."

"Why don't you just finish it tomorrow at lunch? I would totally do that myself, but lunch is kind of a sacred part of the school day. And time at home is sacred, too, so I don't do my homework."

In all honesty, Puck was actually naturally smart -ingenius, actually. Living for thousands of years really had it's advantages. He could tell his teachers exactly when the Globe Theater caught on fire (he had fired the cannon during the King Henry VIII production) and why there were nuts littered everywhere (-and it totally wasn't because the audience ate nuts during the show and then left them there. Puck had made Shakespeare enforce it that so squirrels were VIPs to the shows). But his laziness affected his grades dramatically, and so, he had a reputation as a dumb slacker.

"And that's why you're not in AP classes," she muttered. Scribbling furiously, she added, "Why don't you go into your room and listen to that music app you were talking about? It would probably be way more interesting than watching me injure my wrist by outlining."

"Sure, whatever." He stuck his tongue out at her and put his earbuds on. Sabrina noticed she could faintly hear the music coming from his earbuds -he must have turned the volume all the way up. He then sauntered out of the room.

Sabrina sighed, and continued her work, complaining as she was doing so. "I don't think Mr. Bargurst will care if I randomly start scribbling song lyrics -he never checks outlines anyways."

After thirty minutes, she slumped back in her chair, exhausted and drained. She felt Elvis nudging her leg and she bent down to pet him. "Hey boy, want a treat?"

He barked happily.

"No sausages, though."

He whined.

She decided to give him some bacon strips (you can never go wrong with bacon), and left him to eat in peace. As she was entering the kitchen to grab a snack herself, Granny Relda saw her and greeted her, "Hello, liebling. Did you get your work done?"

"Not all, but I finished my AP stuff. I still have to work on my Chemistry worksheets and two more pages of my genocide paper-"

"Oh good! That doesn't sound like too much! Could you go fetch Puck and ask him to help me in the kitchen? I know he likes to taste test the food whenever I make my camel hump soup!"

Sabrina internally gagged. "Sure, Granny." She turned and walked into the hallway, coming to the end and reaching Puck's door.

Knocking, she waited for him to open it, but then remembered, 'It's Puck; I don't need to be nice to him,' and she entered the room.

Puck wasn't in her sight when she entered, and all she could see was the greenery of the jungle. She saw Puck's kangaroo sitting in the back of his ice cream truck eating Superman ice cream and his panda taking a nap in his boxing ring.

"Puck," she called out. "Granny says she wants you to sample dinner!" She didn't get a response, so she walked to where his bed was.

She heard rustling far ahead of her and feet moving rapidly across the ground. She become curious when she could hear Puck singing. And it wasn't the smooth, velvety kind. It was like chickens squawking before being butchered.

She halted before she stepped into the clearing. The sight that beholded her was the most terrifying thing she had ever seen.

Puck was dancing.

She blinked rapidly to make sure her eyes weren't deceiving her, and they weren't. 'What am I looking at?'

Puck was shaking his booty as if there was a coconut up his butt that he couldn't shake out.

She could hear him say, "This is my jam! Twenty-first century music is amazing!"

Oh god. What was he listening to? She didn't think about it too much; she was still too horrified by Puck's spastic and uncoordinated dance moves. Sabrina was almost certain that he was 'twerking' and didn't know he was.

After she left his room, she would be sure to tell Granny to confiscate Puck's phone. And if Granny didn't take it away, she would take it away herself and put it out of its misery with a hammer.

Poor phone. It didn't deserve to be the cause of Puck's jamming out. Technically, it was whatever song he was listening to that was the cause of Sabrina's burning eyes.

Sabrina was deeply curious to know what song had Puck dancing so erratically. She crept closer to see if she could hear any sound coming from his earbuds, but she was still too far away.

She took another step, leaning closer and-

"OOH OOH AHH AHH!" Steve the chinpanzee's head popped out of the bush next to her and screamed. "EEEEKKK!"

"Steve!" she shouted, falling over. She looked up to see Puck turning around. Before anyone could register what was happening, she had rolled into the bush Steve was hiding in, and clamped her hands around his wide mouth.

Sabrina held her breath as Puck took out an earbud, looking at the bushes she was hiding in closely.

She didn't dare breathe.

Puck squinted, narrowing his eyes.

Sabrina let out a small hiccup.

He then shrugged, turning back and putting his ear buds back on.

Sabrina then threw Steve as far as she could (not too far to kill him of course), and she ran out of the room, slamming it behind her.

She slid down and stared into space, not knowing how to describe what she saw.

"Sabrina, liebli- oh! Sabrina! Are you all right?" Granny Relda asked, pulling her granddaughter to her feet. "You look like you saw a ghost."

'I would have rather looked at a ghost.' Sabrina shook herself out of her reverie. "I'm okay, Granny, I just...am surprised that Puck said he didn't want to come out and taste test your food today," she lied.

Granny Relda looked shocked. "Is he sick?"

"I don't think so; maybe he's still going through his puberty stage?"

"You could be right," her grandmother mused, still speaking in a disbelieving tone. "Do boys these days start to think that taste tasting your granny's food is unhip?"

"You betcha," Sabrina said with a nervous laugh. "None of my guy friends 'sample' their grandmothers' food anymore -they just swallow it whole. Men fill up their stomachs in one sitting, you know?"

"Well, I guess that makes sense..."

"Haha, yeah! Well, I'm going to go and finish my homework, okay, Granny?"

"Okay, liebling, go on ahead." Sabrina didn't look at her grandmother's unconvinced expression as she passed by her.

Sabrina went back to the table and took out her Chemistry worksheets. As she scribbled, all she could think about was how she would never be able to get that scene she just witnessed out of her head. Not even the song that she heard when Puck pulled out one of his earplugs could escape her mind.

"Talk dirty to me, get jazzy on me!"

And what she regretted most of all, besides stepping foot in his room, was that she didn't record the whole thing.

A/N. *By culturally accepted, I'm going by America's standards -I know not all places listen and love inappropriate songs, but America definitely does. Honestly, if I turned my radio at this moment, there would either be the word, 'drunk', 'love', or any variation of 'girl' in the lyrics. Whether it was a country song, or rap song, or pop song...I don't know about rock :3 At the moment, I'm happy with the Billboards Top 10 list (LET IT GO IS STILL IN WHAT!), but the dirty, inappropriate songs are still scattered among the top 100. And the song Puck is listening to is one of them, haha. (Talk Dirty to Me by Jason Derulo) -Really though, I have no idea where this story idea came from; I just wanted to write a story where Puck dances and Sabrina freaks out.

[I know my absence has been really long, by the way, but I explained it in a long message on my profile with explanations and future information if you're really that curious. :)]

This was randomly inspired and probably has a lot of mistakes, and probably isn't very good BUT I hope you got a laugh out of it. :)

And I apologize if it seems my ability to write has decreased -I haven't written for fun in about four months and it's really taken its toll. :(

But yes, the Globe Theater really did catch on fire (in 1613) and was rebuilt again the next year. And the audience really did eat nuts while watching, but I'm not sure if Puck really enforced Shakespeare to give squirrels the VIP section. ;D

Thanks for reading!

-Lara