I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!
Ok so this is just a little thing I wrote because Tonks and Lupin are one of my favorite couples. If you have read my other story Blind then you should know I am still working on it and hope to have chapter seven up soon. I tried to make this sad because I wanted to write something sad and thanks to the Titanic sound track I think it may be mildly sad. I would have had this up yesterday but the site was being stupid! Oh well! Here you go! Enjoy!
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Knock, Knock, Knock!
Her mother was at the door again, but Tonks didn't hear her.
"Sweetie please come out! You can't starve yourself!"
Her mother had tried being nice, comforting, and now forceful. But Tonks didn't care, she didn't move from her bed. At first she had cried, a lot. Her parents had listened from outside her room, unable to get in due to the locking charm she had placed on the door. She had eventually run out of tears and now just lay on her bed in a kind of trance, going over the events of three days ago. Had it only been three days? It could have been forever ago, she supposed idly that this had to be similar to what it felt like after the dementor gave its kiss, except for the constant hurt of course. Maybe it was just like being in Azkaban, always haunted by your worst memory.
She was replaying three days ago over and over again in her head, she couldn't seem to understand. It was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life, of their life, but somehow it had gone horribly wrong. Had she done something wrong? Was this her fault? She looked back over the memory thinking as hard as her brain could in her state.
She had decided that she would tell Remus what she had thought was good news. They had been at her parents' house. She had decided at breakfast would be a good time. Tell them all at one time.
"Mum, Dad, Remus I have some good news to tell you!" they had all looked up, matching expressions of puzzlement on their faces. She had sucked in a deep breath and said the words that would possibly ruin her life forever
"I'm going to have a baby!"
Her parent's expressions first changed to shock then to joy, Remus had just sat there not blinking. Her parents, seeing Remus after, congratulating her, had left.
"What's wrong?" it took him a minute to answer, and when he did his voice was full of sorrow.
"I'm so sorry." What? She couldn't understand his answer. Sorry? What on earth for? She looked at him with bewildered eyes.
"What?" was all she could get out. He looked her in the eye and repeated
"I'm sorry." Tonks didn't have much experience with these kinds of things but she was pretty sure "sorry" was not the right response to the situation. Before she could come up with a response he went on
"I feared something like this would happen. But I went against my better judgment and did it anyway. I'm so sorry I've done this to you. It's all my fault!" Fault? Something like this? There was defiantly something wrong.
"Remus, what on earth are you going on about?" he looked deeply ashamed and when he spoke it was more to himself. He seemed to be panicking.
"What was I thinking? It's bad enough what I've done to you, Dora, and now I've gone and destroyed an innocent life! I'm so sorry Dora! I should have let this never let this happen!" he turned to her "I'm so deeply sorry for what I've done. I knew what I was doing was deeply, deeply wrong, and I'm sorry I've let my actions hurt you in such a way Dora." Ok this was defiantly very, very wrong. She couldn't process what was happening. This was supposed to be a happy moment, she was happy or at least she had been, why wasn't he?
"Remus I don't...understand." yes that was it. She didn't understand what he was going on about.
"Don't you see? I never should have married you! I knew what I was doing and I did it anyway!"
"You...r-regret marrying me?" tears were beginning to fall now, he was sorry he had ever taken up with her because he didn't love her, he didn't want to be tied down to a person he didn't love by a baby he never wanted.
"Yes," he said and she felt herself grabbing the chair for support "look what I've done to you!" he approached her then hesitated.
"Your family is mortified, our world shuns you! All because of me! Because of what I am! And now I've gone and ruined your baby's life as well!" "Your baby". Not our baby.
"Remus you know I don't care about that! I love you! And our baby!" tears fell from her face. She leaned towards him as she tried to make him see how she saw the world, but he stepped away from her.
"I know you do, and I love you too, but that's why I should have stayed away from you! I was weak Dora! And now look at what I've done to you and the child! The child!" he fell into one of the chairs. She looked at him tears streaming down her face, shaking her head wildly.
"No." it was a barely audible plea. He turned and looked into her tear filled eyes.
"It will have my curse, I know it" she shook her head again but he went on "Don't try and deny it. I shouldn't have done this to you Dora." As quick as a flash he stood and walked towards the door, she tried to follow him but her feet didn't want to move and by the time she got there he had his traveling cloak on.
"Remus! Remus wait! Don't go!" she called desperately after him as he walked out the door. She followed him, managing to grab some of his cloak
"Remus stop! I don't care that you're a werewolf! I love you and so will our child!" he grabbed her fingers to pry them off his cloak but she wouldn't let go.
"Remus, this should be a happy moment!"
"Happy? How can this be happy? I've ruined your lives!" she could feel her hands slipping, and as a last desperate measure to try to make him stay she said
"You know I don't give a bloody damn about the fact that you happen to be a werewolf! I love you!" he was still turning away, getting closer to the gate of the fence "I think your just using that werewolf line because you're afraid of commitment!" he stopped for a second and looked in her eyes, he must have seen the hurt and sadness there but he simply pulled her fingers of his cloak and took that last step, all the while looking into her tear streamed face, and spun on the spot without another word.
She had remembered her knees giving out and hitting the soft ground. After a few hours her parents had come out looking for her, they helped her to her feet and asked what was wrong but she just shook her head as more tears hit the ground. It was over, he was gone, she was over. She ran to her bedroom and locked herself in.
That had been three days ago.
At the memory of that day she found her tears, they slid down her face in silence. What was she going to do? She loved her baby and its father. How was she going to raise it on her own? What would she tell it of its father? If she told it the truth it would resent him, maybe even hate him, could she stand to have her child hate the man she loved? At this point she wasn't even sure she would have the strength to leave her room, let alone raise a child. She wept even harder. She was alone. She had fought so hard for him and just when she thought they would have a long happy life with a family it slipped through her fingers.
She stayed like that for the rest of the day, ignoring her mother and father when they came to beg her to come out. It was around midnight she heard it. Her father's voice came from the door
"How dare you! Do you know what you've done to her? She hasn't come out since you left!" and then came the quiet voice she never thought she'd hear again
"I know. I'm so deeply sorry. I realize what I've done. I wont hurt her again." She must be dreaming.
"Look, Remus, I know you feel bad, but you have to get over it. My daughter loves you. She wants to be with you and you should be honored. Don't take her for granted again."
"I won't. Where is she?"
"In her room." She heard feet coming towards the room, and heard another knock on the door, this one quite gentle
"Dora?" and at the sound of that voice speaking her name she grabbed her wand, unlocked the door, and threw herself into his arms.
"Oh Remus!" she sobbed "Y-you c-came b-back to me!" and she burst into fresh tears.
"Shhhh. Its all right, I'm here" he pulled her over to the bed where he held her in his arms, soothing patting her hair while she cried. Only her tears were not sad ones because she was one of the happiest people in the world at that moment.