Disclaimer: I obviously don't own anything to do with Torchwood, don't I wish though...
Author's note: I got bored and this is what popped into my head so I thought I'd give it a go. For people that don't know, this is kinda my take on when Ianto was talking to Jack while he was in a trance during the audio play 'The dead line' which takes place right before CoE. I loved Ianto's moment of pouring his heart out, but it kinda makes you wish you knew what Jack would of been thinking if he could hear Ianto, and what else could've happened in the end after Jack mention's Ianto not being just a blip in time, so this is what I came up with. Enjoy!
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Jack had to admit, being in a comatose state was not something he could ever get used to, how people survived as vegetables were beyond him, being awake, hearing everything around you, and unable to move, it made him scream in his head, waiting for it to end.
Of course he had to admit it was mostly his fault that he was like this. He had to be stupid and answer one of the ringing phones, despite Ianto and Gwen's protests, and look at what happened? He ended up just like the people they were investigating, trapped in some sort of stange coma waiting for release.
But then he heard a quiet shuffling, as if someone had sat down in the chair beside him. He wished he could open his eyes to see who it was, but instead, he was just stuck, trapped in his own body, unable to do anything but listen and think.
"They say you're supposed to talk to people when they're in a coma. Don't they?" came a wonderfully familiar voice. But it was different, soft, and a tone under laced with worry.
Ianto….. Ianto was sitting with him, waiting for him…. And he couldn't move.
"I have absolutely no idea if you can hear me Jack." Ianto continued after a moment's pause.
'I can hear you Ianto.' he desperately wanted to say, 'I can hear you, really I can!'
"I've never heard of anyone coming out of a coma and carrying on a conversation." he said with a nervous chuckle. Then in a more serious tone, "So, I suspect it's just something the doctors tell us to do, to make us feel better rather then to help you. We don't feel quite so useless and helpless. We get the feeling that there's still some sense of purpose in our lives. We not just waiting. Waiting for the science to work. Or the miracle to happen. Or the nightmare to end. "
'But it can help me, please, keep talking, don't leave me alone.' he pleaded silently in his head, 'please, keep talking. You're not useless and you're not helpless, you're making this somewhat bearable to me.'
"I'm not much a talker, Jack, you know that." Ianto continued after a moment.
'I know, but please, I'm begging you, just this once, open up.'
"But I'll talk to you now, on the off-chance that it helps."
'My Ianto, so selfless.' Jack thought with pride and adoration. 'He hates to talk, but he'll talk hoping it'll help me. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.'
"Just promise me, if you're hearing this, that when you come round, and you're going to Jack, you're going to come out of this." Ianto said, determination in his voice. Then he hesitated a moment. "Just promise me that you'll never bring up anything I say to you now. How that? We got a deal?"
'Well that depends on what I hear.' Jack sighed in his head. 'But of course you'd only talk about your secrets if you think I can't hear, and by the off chance that I could, of course you wouldn't want to know that I knew… but fine, I'll do my best to not mention anything… unless I feel it's really important.' he added to himself in the end.
After a long pause Ianto finally spoke again. "This must be the longest I've ever looked at you and not seen you smile. I've watched you in your sleep, did you know that?"
'No, but did you know that I watched you?' he wondered.
"So many times. Just…. Woken up beside you in the middle of the night and watched you."
"I wonder if you even knew that I do the same thing Ianto.' he said, listening as Ianto wondered about his dreams. 'If you knew that I always watched you because of how beautiful you look when you're asleep and at peace with everything around you.'
"I wondered if you were dreaming about me." Ianto admitted. "I hoped you were dreaming about me."
Jack wished he could smile. How often had he dreamt of Ianto Jones? Too many times to count. Dreams of all sorts, anything from erotic dreams to nightmares about loosing him and everything in between. There was hardly ever a night he didn't dream about Ianto.
"But let's be honest, Jack. I'm…. nothing more then a blip in time for you."
'No! No that's not true!' Jack wanted to scream. 'You're so much more to me then that!'
"Everyday, I grow a little older. But you're immortal, you've already lived a thousand lifetimes. How could you watch me grow old and die? How can I watch you live and never age a day?"
Jack felt a sharp pain in his heart as Ianto voiced his worst fear. How could he live like that? Watching as his lover grew old and tired, while he developed maybe one gray hair or a couple fine lines for every hundred years?
But it appeared Ianto had already thought of that when he said, "I suppose we both know that will never be a problem. Not in this Job."
'Ianto…..'
"No one in Torchwood ever lives to draw their pension do they? Even if by some miracle I survive to see my hair turn grey, or…. God forbid, fall out, I don't kid myself that you'd still be around to see it."
'Ianto, please…. Don't think that way….' Jack thought desperately. 'Please, if you manage to live that long, and I pray to God you do, I will still be there for you, I just wish I could make you understand that. Tell you how I really feel, but… I'm so scared to do so.'
"One day, you'll go again, just like you did before."
Jack wanted to cry as he heard Ianto's voice catch, trying to bite back a tiny sob.
'I never want to leave you Ianto, and if I do, it won't be by choice.'
"And this time you won't be back."
'Yes! Yes I will! Don't say that! I'll always come back Ianto, I'll always come back for you, no matter what it takes! I promise! I swear! I'll always come back!' Jack cried in his mind, wishing he could just wrap his arms around his young lover and whisper all the words that would chase his fears and doubts away.
"Maybe that's what you're dreaming about those nights, when I watch you sleeping." Ianto said after taking a deep breath. "Maybe that's why, even while you sleep, I see you smile."
'That's not what I dream about Ianto, I dream of you, and it's because I dream of you that you see me smile in my sleep. Because I dream of you, and I know that, while it won't be forever, for now, I'll always wake up to find you in my arms.'
"But you haven't gone yet, Jack. I know that. I know that you're coming back to me."
Jack suddenly felt a bit lighter at those last words. At least Ianto knew that he was going to come back. Even if he only believes it for this one time. He knew that when this was all over, he was going to let Ianto know, that he was always going to come back and that he was more then just a tiny blip in time for him. He was going to try and at least explain his feelings enough that Ianto wouldn't have to worry and doubt so much. He swore to it.
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It had been a long wait, but finally Ianto managed to disrupt the connections between the strange phones and the victims and finally he was back.
After a brief conversation with Gwen and his old friend Stella Courtney including a brief mention of his dance skills in the 70's, "they weren't that bad!" he had protested, he was finally alone with Ianto.
"So….. You don't remember anything about the trance?" Ianto asked slowly.
"No." Jack fibbed. "Did you talk to me while I was out of it? They say that's what you should do."
'The question is will you acknowledge what you told me?' he thought with a silent sigh.
"I… talked." He said slowly. Then he quickly added, "A little, but I'm not really much of a talker."
"I know," Jack admitted, wishing he could say something, anything, about what he had heard.
"That's just me." Ianto said with a shrug and a ghost of a smile.
"Yeah….." he muttered. Then he paused thoughtfully before adding, "But you will never be just a blip in time Ianto Jones. Not for me."
He saw Ianto stiffen slightly, a tiny look of surprise on his face before he gave Jack a blank look.
Jack sighed. Then he pulled Ianto into a hug and gently kissed his forehead. "Don't ever think of yourself that way." he whispered. "Because you're so much more, and you're someone I'd remember for all of eternity."
Ianto said nothing, but Jack felt Ianto's arms snake around his waist and pull him closer.
"Thanks for the reassurance." Ianto whispered, his voice muffled since his face was buried against Jack's neck.
And with that, Jack pulled back just enough to tip Ianto's chin up and kiss him gently on the lips. "Anytime." he said with a tiny smile, and with that they left the hospital together, ready for whatever challenge may come next.
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Ginger: Okay, I hope you guys enjoyed this and if you did let me know and leave a review.