Disclaimer: All the characters that you recognise are the creation of J.K. Rowling; I am merely a random attempting to live my sad life through them!
A/N: Very random and I didn't want to post this, but my best friend threatened to kill me slowly and painfully with a knife because she (for some random reason) loves it - personally, I think she's on something. So anyway, this is dedicated to my best friend - you know who you are - and everybody congratulate me because I passed my driving theory test today! :whoot: And don't forget to review and let me know what you think!
A Line of Argument
The ink blotted on the parchment as he almost pulled his hair out in annoyance. That was the third time this had happened, and he hadn't even written the title of the essay yet! He glared angrily at the students of the younger years around him and watched with mild satisfaction as they looked away hurriedly. Grumbling to himself, he turned back to the table only to find that he had snapped his quill in half. He sighed exasperatedly.
James Potter was not having a good day.
To start off, he had already woken up forty-five minutes late this morning and when he asked Sirius why he hadn't woken him up, his friend shrugged casually and replied, "Well, you looked like you were enjoying your sleep and I figured it would be rude to wake you up." That same friend had used up all the hot water while taking a shower, leaving James to run to one of the prefect's bathrooms, realise he left his clothes behind and run back again.
As a result, he missed breakfast, not being able to get his daily dose of coffee in the morning and therefore becoming very grumpy. This led to him being ten minutes late for Transfiguration, and it didn't help that Professor McGonagall wasn't in the best of moods, and she gave him a detention for being tardy.
James' day just seemed to decline steadily after his bag split in the corridor on the way to lunch, and Professor Flitwick set them an impossible essay on the uses, cautions and disadvantages of the Fidelius Charm. James was awful at Charms. The only reason he continued it this year was because he needed it to be an Auror and because of Lily Evans.
What brought his day down to an all-time low was the fact that he had yelled at Lily, the love of his life as Sirius called her, for pouring him a goblet of pumpkin juice. She had blanched and he didn't miss the hurt that flashed across her eyes – how could he, she slammed the goblet down on the table and stormed out of the Hall – but he was too busy feeling horrible and sorry for himself.
Now, James was sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, wishing to Merlin he hadn't shouted at Lily because he really needed her help with the Charms essay. Just kill me now, why don't you? he thought, staring up at the ceiling.
Caught up in his thoughts, he didn't notice Sirius come down the stairs and sit next to him until he heard his friend's voice.
"If you keep staring up like that, your eyes are going to roll backwards and fall down your throat," he said, lounging back in the armchair, throwing a couple of grins to the girls around them.
James moved his eyes from the stone ceiling to Sirius and fixed him with a weird look. "Do you know what I reckon?" he asked him. "If you looked up 'idiot' in the dictionary, your picture would be in there."
Sirius raised an eyebrow cockily and replied, "Really? If you looked up 'moody' and 'bastard', your picture would be in there."
"Touché," James remarked, and went back to his essay, attempting to write at least the title with half a quill. He looked up as an envelope fluttered past his face and saw Sirius nodding towards it.
"For you," he said to the inquiring look on James' face. "One of the school owls came knocking on the window while I was upstairs."
James looked at it curiously. His name was written in neat cursive handwriting on the front of the envelope – it looked familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on whose it was. Obviously female, since he didn't know any male who had such beautiful handwriting, and he glanced up at Sirius questioningly. The latter shrugged, urging James to open it.
He slit open the seal carefully, so as not to rip whatever was inside the envelope, and he pulled out a sheet of paper – Muggle paper – with a lily embossed in the top right hand corner. James' heart leapt into his throat as he immediately recognised it as Lily's signature paper, and eagerly began to read the contents of the letter, his eyes growing wider with every word he read.
… a line of argument …
Lily felt a bit stupid standing here waiting for him. What if he didn't come? She would be shamed and embarrassed forever, and people would laugh at her as she walked through the corridors … James would laugh at her!
This thought struck her as unbearable, and she buried her face in her hands, shaking her head and muttering to herself. "Oh Lord, why did I send that letter? Why?"
… a line of argument …
James,
I feel slightly stupid writing this letter to you, considering I could just tell you but that wouldn't really work because I tend to get tongue-tied whenever this particular topic comes up. I can't actually believe that I am the one writing this letter to you, of all people – not that there's anything wrong with you, it's just that you were the last person I thought I would write this sort of letter to. At least, that's what I thought up until about … a while ago.
This may be difficult for me to say – or rather, write – so I'm afraid this letter might be long-winded and not exactly to-the-point. You're going to have to bear with me.
I always used to think that you were arrogant and cocky, and that your head was too inflated with your enormous ego for you to even see straight. What I never realised that I was the arrogant and cocky one with an ego too big to manage to think that I could be immune to the famous James Potter charm. Everyone told me I'd give in one day, but I was never prepared to believe it. I didn't think there was any way on another planet, let alone our own, that I would ever have feelings that were beyond platonic for you.
I was told that denial was the first step towards acceptance, and I fought and fought against it. I tried to convince myself that this wasn't denial, this was genuinely me not having feelings for you. I was denying my denial, which made everything ten times worse.
But then the day my parents died … suddenly, I didn't want to deny my denial any more. I didn't want to think it was impossible to have feelings for you because I did feel something for you that day. Whether it was gratitude for your help or something else, I don't know. But from that day, I realised that I was in denial. About you, about my feelings, about everything everyone was saying about us.
I tried to hide and suppress my feelings, but it only really served to intensify them. With each day, I found myself liking you even more, and while I tried to convince myself that these were strictly platonic feelings, that didn't work either. My heart was making a new path for itself, and I had no idea where it was going, but that wasn't what shocked me. What made me open my eyes was the realisation that I didn't mind. I liked these feelings because they made me feel … I don't know. It was a completely new experience, and I wanted to see where it was going to take me. I wanted my heart to decide, not my head.
I don't know if you feel the same anymore, James, but I just wanted to let you know about me.
I feel strangely incomplete when you're not around me. I feel lost and alone. I want you by my side to guide me through this. I want you to need me, like I need you. I want you to love me.
Like I love you.
Yours always,
Lily
… a line of argument …
He wasn't coming. It was all a huge disaster.
Lily stared out over the grounds from the roof, letting the wind blow her hair about her face, letting the chill seep into her skin through her clothes. She couldn't describe the disappointment, anger, embarrassment but most of all hurt that she felt. She genuinely felt that he would have understood; his feelings had never been a secret to her, or the rest of the world for that matter, but now she was beginning to think that it had all been a joke.
He had never really cared about her, he just wanted to conquer the unconquered. And he's done it, Lily thought sardonically. He's conquered the unconquered.
… a line of argument …
"Oi, Prongs! Mate, snap out of it!"
Sirius snapped his fingers in front of James' eyes, attempting to wake him up from the trance he had been in since he looked up after reading the letter. Sirius himself had then snatched the letter, demanding to know what someone had written that had made his best friend lose his focus completely. Of course, after reading what Lily had written, Sirius did a victory dance around James' table, bowing to his applauding audience once he had done it, and was now fruitlessly trying to bring James back to earth.
"OI! Prongs!"
James blinked, shook his head and looked around wildly. "What? I'm here, I'm here!" Looking down at the letter on his table, he skimmed through Lily's writing until he found the words he was looking for.
I need you. I love you.
He stared at those words, reading them over and over again until they were imprinted in Lily's cursive print in his mind. He still hadn't fully processed what was happening, what Lily had written. She, love him? Was she insane? When did this happen? How did it happen?
He couldn't believe that Lily Evans, the girl he had been after for years, the girl who had made him change, the girl he had shouted at this morning, had admitted that she loved him. She loved him, James Potter. Lily Evans loved James Potter.
Now what was he supposed to do?
Sirius sat watching his friend, amazed at the lack of reaction. He had expected James to get up and shout it out to the common room, run to the Headmaster and inform him, tell McGonagall just because he was her favourite, and then go and snog Lily senseless.
Not sit there with a blank expression on his face.
Sirius sighed exasperatedly. "Erm, James? I'm not sure if you've actually read and processed what Lily's written in that letter of hers, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you haven't. Therefore," he said, at which James turned to look at him disbelievingly, "I'm going to do you the liberty of spelling it out for you."
He leaned forward in his chair and beckoned James closer. Putting his mouth to his ear, he shouted at the top of his voice, "She loves you, mate!"
He pulled away to see a silly grin forming on James' face and he smiled, relieved that his message seemed to have gotten through that messy mop of hair on his head and into his brain. Watching as James stood up and began searching furiously for someone through the crowd in the common room, Sirius frowned slightly.
"This isn't the reaction I expected, Prongs," he said, slightly worried that maybe his message didn't penetrate through James' thick head. "Lily Evans loves you; you know, the girl you've been worshipping for years? Ring a bell?"
With a soft smile, James turned to his best friend and nodded. "I know," he replied. "But I want to hear it from her. Hey, Fiona!" he shouted across the room. "Where's Lily?"
A knowing smirk made its way on to Fiona's face; so Lily had sent the letter. After all, why else would James be looking for her with that idiotic grin on his face? Shaking her head, she told him to look for her at the Astronomy Tower. As he waved his thanks and began heading out of the portrait hole, Fiona reminded him not to be back too late; "as Head Boy and Girl, you two should be setting a standard!" she had said, wagging her finger at him playfully.
James threw her a cheeky smile and left the Gryffindor common room, thoughts of Lily swimming in his mind.
… a line of argument …
"… and the incy-wincy spider climbed up the spout again," Lily sang, her voice slightly shaky and thick from her tears.
It was now half past nine, half an hour after curfew, and James still hadn't turned up. She had waited and waited and waited, hoping against hope that maybe he would come, maybe he'd agree with what she wrote and that would be that.
But he hadn't come, and Lily was feeling worse by the minute. She had cried so much, she didn't think it was possible to cry anymore, but the tears kept coming and she kept sobbing and the pain of rejection never subsided. So she had resorted to singing nursery rhymes to make herself feel a bit better, but all it had done was to upset her even more because it reminded her of her mother.
Sniffing loudly, Lily sighed and decided it was time to return to the common room. Yes, it was likely that she would be the laughing stock of the school for centuries to come – she would be known as "The Girl Who Rejected James Potter Only To Be Rejected By Him Later" – but she would have to face it one day. She couldn't spend the rest of her life in the Astronomy Tower, even though that corner looked especially inviting, particularly now since all she wanted to do was curl up and die.
"Ahem."
Lily jumped and spun around, only to see James Potter himself leaning against the doorframe, looking irresistibly gorgeous with his hair blowing in the wind. He grinned down at her, making her stomach do a few flip-flops, and walked forward, unbearably slowly. He continued to grin at her and take steps at such an antagonizing pace until, after what seemed like a millennium, James came face-to-face with Lily.
Her heart thumped wildly against her ribcage as he looked down at her, eyes red and swollen from crying. "Have you come here to mock me?" she asked, wiping her face on her sleeve. She could probably put up with the rest of the world making fun of her, but to deal with humiliation from James himself was something she wouldn't even wish on her worst enemy.
His grin turned into an expression of confusion and his brow creased. "Why would I mock you, Lily?" he asked, puzzlement evident in his hazel eyes.
"Because of my stupid letter," Lily said reluctantly. "You've come to make fun of me for writing that letter, haven't you?" She was already miserable, and now he was going to come and pretend he knew nothing about it and draw out the torture for her. Curse him.
James, on the other hand, was genuinely confused. He looked so adorable to Lily with that perplexed look on his face, if she wasn't afraid of embarrassing herself even more, she would have kissed him, there and then. "Why would I make fun of you for your letter?"
Lily gritted her teeth and replied, "You're really going to make me suffer, aren't you? Because you obviously don't feel the same and think that I'm stupid for even considering a relationship with you."
Comprehension dawned on James' face. So … she thought he didn't love her and that he was here to rub that in? On the contrary.
"Actually," he began, "I'm here to let you know that I thought your letter was great-"
"Because, you know, I really don't think it's fair that you make fun of me like this, I mean-" she said, not listening to a word he was saying.
"-and that I'm sorry for shouting at you this morning-"
"-do you really have to rub it in? It's really not doing anything to boost my self-esteem here, James-"
"-and I love you too," James finished, looking at her expectantly.
"-and I think it would be best if you just – what did you say?" Lily stopped in mid-sentence and redirected her words.
"I love you too," James repeated, smiling.
"Wh – I – you – lo – Are you serious?" she finally asked, incredulous and surprised by what he said.
James took her hand and entwined their fingers, squeezing hers reassuringly. "Would I lie about something as serious as this? Of course I love you; how could you think I felt any different?"
Lily had turned a bright shade of magenta and was now expertly avoiding James' eyes, mumbling her response. "It wasn't that obvious to me," she muttered, staring at their entwined hands, not believing that this was happening. She felt his hand come and cup her chin as he gently forced her to look at him.
"I seem to remember you writing something containing the words 'I', 'love' and 'you' in the same sentence," he said, grinning cheekily at her. "Please refresh my memory as to what it was."
Lily's cheeks flamed red and she smiled shyly at him, leaning up to whisper in his ear, "I love you." She pulled back and waited, her hands placed tentatively on his shoulders, unsure of what to do next.
"Right," James smirked down at her. "So … what are we waiting for?"
Tugging her closer to him, James wrapped his arms tightly around Lily's waist as her hands entangled themselves in his hair, and he kissed her. Like an electric shock, something jolted through the both of them and their kiss deepened, being the first of many to follow that night.
A/N: Apologies for the icky cliches. :shudder:
:hands homemade choc chip cookies out to all readers:
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