A/N: Okay, here is the deal: Prom never happens. Meredith walks away. So, what happens now? Does Derek break up with Addison? Does Meredith break up with Finn? How will Derek react to Meredith walking away? How will Meredith react? So many questions…and only I have the answers. MUWAHHHH!!! Haha, seriously, I have very high hopes for this fic. So please review, it's the only way to know if I should continue.
Disclaimer: Nope, Greys aint mine, and I'm very glad it's not cause-wow-Shonda must get constantly bashed. But if I did own it, it would be called Grey and Shepherds Anatomy-cause that would be the whole show.
Meredith
Oh God, he's looking at me…WHY is he looking at me?! I replayed that line over and over in my head as Derek Shepherd stared at me from across the room. It was prom night, well not really prom night considering the punch was not spiked, men in their 60s were dancing with woman in their 50s, and we were in a hospital lobby instead of a fancy, ornate gym. But there he was. Derek Shepherd (with his wife I may add) STARING at me with his intense stare. The one you see in the movies that makes you literally faint. And that's the one thing I wanted to do…faint. I could barley breathe as it is! Why did he always make things so damn complicated? I was fine, more than fine, actually. I was happy for once! I finally got a boyfriend, who was perfect, I was on good terms with Derek (until he called me a whore, but that's a whole different story), and I was loving life. Seriously, I was. But now, oh now, with him looking at me…DAMMIT! I have to stop this or I seriously will faint. Pulling away from Finn-and breaking my gaze with Derek-I quickly told him I needed to splash some water on my face. That was a good excuse. And it was true, well kind of…not really. I just needed to get out of there! Away from Derek. As I ran down the hall, I heard his voice. Why the hell was he following me?!
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted.
I quickly slammed the door as I ran into an empty exam room…but, of course, that was too easy. He followed me in and told me he just wanted to make sure I was alright. SERIOUSLY?! Did he seriously think I was alright?! By this point, I had lost it.
"NO! I'm not alright…okay?! ARE YOU SATISFIED?! I'M NOT ALRIGHT! BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WIFE AND YOU CALL ME A WHORE, and our dog died, and now you're looking me! Stop looking at me!"
Wow. I was really yelling (and believe me I'm definitely not a yeller.) He quickly defended himself saying he was not looking at me, which was a complete and total lie. But I fired right back. "YOU ARE LOOKING AT ME! AND YOU WATCH ME! AND FINN HAS PLANS! AND I LIKE FINN HE'S PERFECT FOR ME AND I'M REALLY TRYING HERE TO BE HAPPY AND I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE WITH YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT SO JUST STOP!"
Did I seriously just say that? I told him that I can't breathe when he looks at me! Like that wasn't enough to give away that I was still in love with him-even though I really didn't want to admit it. But that wasn't the end of this fight or whatever…he told me some things. Some really deep, personal things. Some things I probably didn't even want to know. For starters, he said that I drive him crazy, that I make it impossible for him to feel normal, that it makes him sick watching Finn and I, and that he would give anything not to be looking at me. Normally, I would've kissed him right then and there. Normally, I would've professed my love for him right there in that exam room. But for some strange reason, I didn't. Instead, I said the only thing that came to my mind… "Then stop looking at me."
Derek
I guess I deserve it. Karma is a bitch. But she just left. After I told her ALL of that, she said to stop looking at her then left. I told her I was jealous! I actually admitted that, and she left. God, why did I have to be so stupid! I should've never judged her…calling her a whore and all, but I was so mad, so enraged. And I had no clue why. You see, I thought I was over her. Really, I did. Sure I still flirted with her, and she flirted back. But I thought I lost all those feelings. I guess you can never really fall out of love with someone- no matter how much you want to let go. I didn't want to let go. I knew that when I told Addison I was staying with her. I knew that when I told Meredith I was staying with Addison. Heck, I knew that when Addison showed up for the very first time, ruining everything. But I can't blame her. I can only blame myself, and that really sucks. Now I'm sitting in this dark, empty exam room…praying that maybe she'll come back. But I know she won't. I know Meredith. Her pride is too big-just like mine. And you know what? I deserve it. I don't deserve Meredith. After the way I've treated her, I shouldn't expect her to even look at me again-now THAT would really suck, because there is nothing more comforting than staring into those gorgeous green eyes of her. I always lose control when I look into them…I know that sounds ridiculously cheesy…but it's true. All thoughts of Addison are replaced with thoughts of Meredith, and that really shouldn't be happening. But it doesn't matter anymore. She walked away. It's what she should have done. I should be okay with it. But I'm not. And for the first time, I finally realize why I have been so depressed lately. I'm in love with her. No, not just in love…REALLY in love. So in love, it's scary. But, she probably isn't even in love with me, and to tell you the truth, she shouldn't be.
A/N: Okay, expect a lot more angst. This was just the prologue and I really hope you guys like it!!! What do you think? Continue?