Disclaimer: Dune belongs to Frank Herbert. The method of assassination belongs to me.
A/N: Without giving anything away about the plot, this is crazy. Sheer unadulterated craziness. If you can't handle it find a tragic story or something, but please please please don't flame. And now, without further ado—
The Death of Duncan Idaho #37
"Duncan!" Leto roared. "Get Duncan in here at once!" Several people immediately scurried off to do his bidding, giving Leto a momentary feeling of satisfaction. It always made him feel more powerful to have people scurry.
Within minutes, Duncan appeared. Leto noted that he was carrying a small case that he had never seen before. He stared at it curiously, wondering what it was. He would have to make inquiries later, after the present business had been dealt with.
"Yes, Leto?" Duncan asked. "What is it now?" Leto frowned. That was bordering on insubordination. This one would have to go soon…just like the others…Leto repressed a sigh at the monotony of it all. Ghola after ghola after ghola after ghola after…
He shook himself out of his funk. This was no time to be weighed down by depression. "Duncan, faithful friend," he said delicately. "As you may be aware, I have a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-niece about your age—"
"Several, actually," Duncan interjected impatiently. "Which one are we speaking of?"
"Electra," Leto said.
There was a short pause. "I see," said Duncan. That was all he said in words, but Leto knew exactly what he meant; it was common knowledge that Duncan's dislike of Electra was surpassed only by her hatred for him.
"As I was saying, she is about your age and…" Leto wondered how best to phrase this and decided to go for the blunt approach. "Unmarried." Duncan was no fool—it would be an insult to his intelligence to go into further details. Leto waited to see how Duncan would respond.
If he was expecting more insubordination, he wasn't disappointed. "Oh, no," Duncan said slowly, in that flat tone of voice that indicated he was doing his best to keep from shouting. "No you don't. I flatly refuse to marry Electra."
Leto frowned. He had, of course, anticipated this, but he was also sure he would have his way eventually. "Come now, Duncan," he said cajolingly. "It's not so bad—I'm sure love will grow in time—"
"No!" Duncan interrupted sharply. "Anyone but Electra…She would kill me on our wedding night!"
Leto wasn't going to argue that point. "I really don't think you have much say in this, Duncan," he said mildly. "Let me remind you exactly who is in charge here." He cast a pointed glance around him, taking in the elegant surroundings…the state-of-the-art technology…the armed Fish Speaker guards…
"So," Leto continued, ignoring the stony silence from Duncan, "the wedding will take place in two months. I've already made all the necessary arrangements." He smiled, just a touch patronizingly. "I wish you every happiness in your married life."
Duncan snorted. "I don't have a choice, do I." It wasn't a question.
"Now," said Leto, "you begin to understand how these things work." Duncan scowled at him.
Abruptly, Leto felt a foreboding of danger. Something…Duncan had come to a decision…a dangerous decision.
"Duncan!" he barked. "What are you doing?" Duncan had bent down and was quickly opening the mysterious case he had brought in with him. Danger—danger—
"I had hoped you wouldn't make this necessary, Leto," Duncan said through gritted teeth, not looking up at him. "But you leave me no choice." He snapped the case open and produced—
A SuperSoaker X2000. Leto caught his breath in sudden fear. Fish Speakers were approaching from all directions, but would they arrive soon enough? "The Ixians are very advanced in water-pistol technology," Duncan said grimly, taking careful aim.
"Duncan," Leto warned, "put down the gun and nobody will get hurt." This was a lie, of course, but it was worth a try. He looked around wildly, but the Fish Speakers would never arrive in time to stop Duncan. It was all up to him, and he found himself balking at the idea of trying to knock the weapon out of Duncan's hands. Normal projectiles he could handle, but that much water…
His jaw set, Duncan shook his head. "Goodbye, Leto." He pulled the trigger…
Leto threw back his head and laughed. Duncan paled and desperately yanked on the trigger a few more times. It still wasn't working.
"Forgot to fill up first, eh, Duncan?" Leto chuckled. Duncan, in a foolish moment, tried to turn and run, but now the Fish Speakers were within range and cut him off before he had gone more than a few feet. He turned back to Leto.
"Forgive me, I didn't—I'm suffering from schizophrenia, it was my alternate personality—please—"
Leto sighed. "Kill him," he told the Fish Speakers resignedly. They dragged Duncan away, still babbling excuses at the top of his lungs. Apparently he was not only schizophrenic, but possessed by Baron Vladimir Harkonnen as well.
"Another one bites the dust," Leto said ruefully to himself. "Electra will be so disappointed."
A/N: Well. Can we say out of character? Look, I'm not quite a raging fanatic so I don't have the books memorized yet. Mistakes are not only possible but probable, so please tell me if I've gotten details wrong. I've tried to fudge or skip details anywhere I thought I'd make a total fool of myself. So, that type of constructive criticism is welcome. Oh, also if you have a better idea than I do what number Idaho, so to speak, we'd be on about 2,500 years into Leto's reign, tell me that too. Hopefully I'll have more up soon, if not immediately…