DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GINTAMA.

Date Uploaded: May 21, 2016- Saturday.

So welcome my second Gintama fic! Another oneshot!

Note: Advanced apologies for the OOC's! It's likely to happen!

Summary: Toujou Ayumu went to Odd Jobs to ask for their help in turning Kyuubei into a real woman in exchange of a monthly allowance for the three. Forever. Will they succeed?

LET'S TURN KYU-CHAN INTO A WOMAN!

In the normal days of the Odd Jobs, they were arguing so early in the morning as usual. Shinpachi would try to calm the two down, if not, he will join them. Definitely the usual. But then a customer comes..

"GINTOKI-SAMA! Please help me!" cried the customer.

"What is it?"

"Please, please! I need help! Koshinori-sama and Binbokusai made an agreement that they no longer need a son to lead the Yagyuu clan! And they want the Young Master to become a female again so that she can marry the perfect man to lead the clan!"

"I don't get the point here." Gintoki said, staring at the kneeling Toujou.

"Yeah, yeah, speak up." Kagura added.

"I AM speaking!" he yelled at Kagura and turns back to Gintoki. "I want the Young Master to finally be a woman, but with the limited time given to us by the Yoshida Clan!" (I made it up for the sake of this).

"Yoshida Clan?" Shinpachi asked.

"Yes. It's the clan that Koshinori-sama had a meeting with regarding the marriage." Toujou stated sadly.

"EH?! Kyuubei is getting married?!" the three said and Toujou tried to hush them.

"No one knows yet. Not even the Young Master herself." Toujou said cautiously. "But I was assigned to secretly turn her into a woman before the designated time of the meeting!"

The three sat in their seats, thinking very carefully about Toujou's dilemma.

"And what do we get in exchange for our help?" Gintoki asked.

"M- Money of course! I'll pay you all you need!" Toujou tried to convince them, not knowing they already are, they are just sneaky and they want more than that.

"All we need?" the three asked deviously.

"A monthly allowance! How's that?"

"A monthly allowance of ¥5,000,000, how's that?" Gintoki tried to push.

"B- But that;s too much!" Toujou rejected. "I'm not even the rich one here!"

"Well then, you can go ask someone else for help. The Odd Jobs are too expensive for such easy task." Gintoki said cockily and leaned on his seat, arms spread on the sofa.

"Yeah, did you really think you can buy us with cheap money?" Kagura played along but exaggeratedly being too obvious about it.

"F- Fine! ¥5,000,000 monthly it is! Just please make the Young Master a woman in three months!"

"Three months?" Shinpachi asked.

"Yes. That's the deadline we were given." Toujou confirmed. "'Yagyuu Kyuubei should be the kind of woman that my son will fall for. Not the kind of daughter who acts more manly than an average man.'" Toujou mimicked the Yoshida Clan's leader.

"Ah I see. Well then, this will be easy!" Gintoki said confidently. "A date with the Yoshida Clan's son would do!"

"But Gin-san, simply having physical contact with men makes Kyuubei go wild." Shinpachi reminded him.

"Crap!"

V- GINTOKI'S SPECIAL PLAN TO GET THE MONEY- TURN KYU-CHAN INTO A WOMAN! -V

"Just calm down Pachi-boy, it's simple. We let her experience what a real date is like, then she'll feel better and won't be sensitive about the touchy touchy stuff." Gintoki tried to convince Shinpachi and himself that it was all possible. For the sake of the money.

"But how are we gonna do it, Gin-san? Who's going to date her?" Kagura asked while striding by their side with her parasol.

"Uhm, well," crap! I haven't really thought about it!

As Gintoki's closest friends, they already decided for him. Evil smirks formed on their faces as they pushed him towards a familiar girl with an eyepatch. Gintoki was in shock as he and Kyuubei fall to the ground together.

Crap! The touchy touchy had begun!

"S- Sorry about that Kyuubei! N- No harm done there!" he said and quickly rolled off of her and offered a hand to help her up.

"Uh, Gintoki, I was actually looking for you." she said casually as if he did not just land on top of her earlier. She reached for his hand and got back on her feet. "I guess you found me instead."

What is with all this formality?! Did she turn into a woman already?!

"Oh well, why would you be looking for me?" he tried to play along.

"Uhm about that.." Kyuubei let go of his hand shyly looks away.

Oi oi, what's with this? I haven't even started and she's already a woman!

"Kyuu-chan! You're doing a good job!" cheered a very familiar voice behind Gintoki.

No way, don't tell me! Fearing who it could be, Gintoki slowly turned around to face the familiar brunette with brute strength and terrible cooking. No doubt about it! Otae-san! What is she doing here?! Don't tell me she's also here for..?!

Otae ran towards Kyuubei and was patting her head, telling her she did a good job and Kyuubei would blush.

"That was a good one! Keep it up and you'll gradually become a fine woman!" she added and Kyuubei was out of words.

I KNEW IT!

Otae hugs Kyuubei, congratulating her further before turning to Gintoki with a sinister look on her face and an evil smile. Gintoki nervously forced a smile and slowly walks away from her and Kyuubei. Just by looking at that version of Otae is sending shivers down his spine.

No doubt about it. Otae-san knows about the money. But how?

Gintoki reunited with Shinpachi and Kagura to meet up with Toujou, grabbing him and throwing him at a corner.

"Hey you double-crosser! Why did you hire Otae-san too?!" Gintoki yelled, obviously irritated at how Otae was making more progress than he is.

"W- What are you talking about? I didn't hire that woman! W- WHy would I?!" Toujou yelled back.

"Then explain to me why she's currently sending Kyuubei to start random conversations with a girly attitude!" Gintoki said and points at the street where he bumped into her. "Don't screw with me here! I almost got myself killed if Otae didn't reveal herself!"

"B- But I really didn't!"

"That's a good lie, but not good enough." Kagura said and walked towards him while cracking her knuckles.

"You weren't planning on paying us after all." Shinpachi added, also having the same sinister look as his sister's and Toujou is most definitely creeped out by them.

"I swear that I have nothing to do with that woman!" he knelt down and lowered his head until it reached the ground. "I don't trust anyone else to fulfill this job better than you, the Odd Jobs!"

"That would be because, I was the one who hired Otae-san to do the work."

The four looks up at the rooftop to see the new arrival, the person who spoke. He has a short red hair and he was surely confident of himself. His arms were crossed as he looks down on the four people below. Minamito Sui.

"Oh the dick-face!" Kagura exclaimed and immediately Sui lost his cool and jumps down to argue with her.

"Who are you calling dick-face you pig?!"

"Hey! Only that sadist prince can call me that you dick-nose!"

"Stop adding dick to everything!"

"I can call you dick-everything all I want! You dick-headed, dick-brained, dick-faced, dick-mouth-"

"Kagura-chan, maybe that's enough." Shinpachi tried to calm them down but then Toujou arouse from his position and punches Sui in the face. It was so strong that Sui's nose bled.

"YOU!" Toujou yelled. "How could one of the Four Devas hire an outsider to do the job tasked to them?!"

"Look who's talking! You hired the Odd Jobs to do our job!" Sui argued back.

"At least I didn't hire a monster cook!"

"Of all people she's the only one that Young Master lowers her guard to! So she's the best choice! Not some group of lazy people who get paid for showing up and saying crappy jokes!"

Really now?

Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi didn't have to tell each other what to do. They already know. They will beat the crap out of Minamito Sui. As they mercilessly do so, blood splattered everywhere and Toujou was getting worried.

"H- Hey maybe that's enough!"

"To warn you.. I'm not the only Deva.. who.. who hired outsiders, Ayumu.." Sui said before 'dying'.

"What does he mean?" Kagura asked and turns to Toujou.

"It means that you three will have to work fast or someone else will get the money." To make it short, that's how it is.

The three exchanged looks and ran back to the streets in search for Kyuubei. For sure the others will be coming to take the spotlight if Otae-san will fail. If there's even a slim chance that she will!

At nightfall, Gintoki found Kyuubei sitting in a bench alone. His eyes scanned for any familiar 'monster' nearby. When the coast was clear, he sighed and tried to act normal as he approached the young samurai.

"Oh hey Kyuubei-san! What are you doing here?" he said but his voice was definitely shaky.

"Gintoki?"

"It's been a while, huh?" he said and sat beside her.

"We just bumped into each other earlier." Kyuubei reminded him but he disregarded i and reached for a lollipop in his pocket.

"Want one?"

"No thanks. I'm actually waiting for Otae-chan to-"

"Oh look! A lovely balloon!" purposely cutting her off, Gintoki didn't care if it was awkward or wrong. The allowance was right there in his hands and all he had to do is get her attention and make her a woman. Kyuubei clenched her fists and hits Gintoki in the head.

"I wasn't done talking!"

"S- Sorry." he sat back beside her after recovering, ignoring the his aching head. "I- I just-"

"I know you're all doing this for the money." she said and Gintoki's act immediately dropped.

She knows?

"W- What are you talking about? I mean- we're friends aren't we? Is it bad to talk to you when-" I won't give up!

"Sa-chan, Kondo-san and everyone else spoke to me this day. All of them were acting really weird, but weird isn't supposed to be an odd word since everyone here in Kabuki Disctrict is really weird."

Aren't you also from here?!

"They were all doing this because Toujou and everyone else wants to turn me into a woman. A real one." when she stopped speaking, Gintoki heaved a sigh and gave up. She knows and the scheme is over.

"I'm sorry about that Young Master. It seems that it makes us bad guys for doing this for money." he said and looked up at the sky. "So you were just playing along for Otae's sake?"

"For everyone.. I don't know how to tell them that I'm happy with just being me.. I don't get why they had to take extreme measures to change me."

Oi oi, don't tell me you know about the money but you don't know about the marriage?!

"T- That's now how it is. You see, uhm, well.." how do I explain this?

"I know Tae-chan is trying her best.. I'm also trying but.. every time we move to the next phase, I would always throw the guys away. She looked really troubled." she said sadly. And Gintoki was having more problems how to bring up the marriage. Or should he?

"Well then, how about we try something out?" he said and took her hand.

She gasped silent and looks at Gintoki, being surprised by a kiss from him. It was a death wish for the silver-haired samurai but it was worth a try.

Am I still doing this for the money? What am I doing this for?

The kiss started simply by both their lips touching each other, but seconds after it passed and Kyuubei remained frozen in place, Gintoki took it to the next step and slides his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him, inserting his tongue inside her mouth and explored her caverns. It was a one-time chance and he will go through with it.

Why isn't she throwing me? Does she like it? Or is she waiting for me to stop?

J- Just a second why am I even kissing her?!

"Kyuu-chan I'm-" Otae kept herself from coming closer when she saw the two in such a moment together. She smiled and hid her presence. "I guess I really am no match when he gets serious." she muttered to herself.

She glanced at them one last time before walking away, giving them privacy.

Gintoki felt Kyuubei's hands gripping on his clothes, their tongues were fighting and he was feeling an unusual feeling of ecstasy right now.

Crap who would've known this lesbian is a good kisser?! I have to stop before she awakens the monster in me!

As if his cry was heard, Kyuubei pushes him away. He expected to be thrown, stabbed, have his head cut off, beaten up, receive a barrage of punches and kicks.. but none of these happened. They just parted from the kiss but the young samurai said nothing nor did she look at him in the eyes.

Oi, now what did I do? Say something, it's getting awkward!

"Uhm, Kyuubei-san? Did I..? Huh?" he blinked and rubbed his eyes. He wanted to know if what he was seeing is true.

Kyuubei-san is..! She's..!

CRYING!

Tears were falling from her eyes. It was as if she was really a normal girl. When she felt her eyes shed some tears, she turned away from him to hide her face. She wiped her tears but was still looking away.

Oi oi, does she really need lessons?! She looks like a real girl to me! Wait a minute! Did I make her cry?!

"Ah, ha, Kyuubei-san, about that kiss, it was erm, it was nothing, I-"

"I betrayed Otae-chan.." she mumbled. This time she let the tears flow. "..I'm sorry, Otae-chan.. I've betrayed you!"

What is she saying?! Kissing me is a crime?!

"Hey, hey, calm down. You didn't betray anyone," Gintoki tried to comfort but she just cried all the more.

"Otae-chan! I thought my love for you was genuine, but it turns out, I'm a traitor!" she cried all the more and Gintoki just didn't know what to do.

Girls are really complicated

"Hey, I told you, you didn't betray anyone! And for all I know betraying Otae is the last thing you want to do!" he yelled at her, hoping to break her from her trance. He was relieved that she stopped her cries before anyone could hear.

"But I kissed you.." she said and sniffed. "I kissed a person other than Otae-chan! That's unforgivable!" she said and cried even louder.

Oi oi! Now it's my fault! She's definitely saying it's my fault! You have a fault here too! You kissed me back!

As if hearing his thoughts, the young samurai cried and cried all the more. Passerbys would look at him with evil stares and this makes him more of a bad guy than the main protagonist. Gintoki wanted to choke her right now but it can't be helped.

You're one heck of an actress, I have to say.

"Okay, okay. Let's get out of here." he said and helped her up. "Follow me."

"Where are we going?" she asked, still sobbing.

"To forget this night ever happened. After that, your genuine love for Otae will come back and you don't have to cry. Okay?"

He walks to a certain direction and she followed him. The two arrived at a certain bar and there he treated her a drink. It was unusual for Gintoki to treat someone when he himself was taking Kagura and Shinpachi's money to buy himself a parfait.

"Drink up." he told her grumpily and slides a cup of sake towards her. "That's going to help you forget everything."

"But I'll remember it afterwards." she told him and pushes the sake back to him.

"I'm being modest here! Take it already!" he pushed the cup back to her.

"Sounds to me like you just want a drink buddy!" she yelled back and pushes the cup again but he blocked it this time.

"Why are you being stubborn you one-eyed samurai?!"

"Why are you being persistent you lazy-eyed samurai?!"

The two kept it up all night but they ended up drinking together and getting drunk.

Gintoki wakes up with an erotic dream that he couldn't forget. He smiled and was drooling as he snickered to himself and his freaky dream.

Well, I guess getting wasted isn't such a bad idea after all. I hope Kyuubei-san also forgot about that kiss. I've never seen her cry before. It's like I was the one who hurt her or something. Maybe the money isn't worth it.. I mean if there are other ways but.. it seems that she's forever attached to Otae and that will keep her from becoming real woman. And until she let Otae go.. she won't progress.

While thinking things through, he sits up and stretches his arms.

Another day is here. I need to clear things up with Toujou. I don't want him to expect anything else from me. And man, I must tell Kagura and Shinpachi the bad news.

Before he could lift the blanket off of him, he saw a girl with long black hair lying down beside him. And he fears that underneath the blanket was a sight he wasn't sure he'd want to see.

Crap! Did I just get wasted with her? Did I..? Did I..?

Gintoki could hear wedding bells ringing and immediately he pushes the thought aside.

No, no way! I couldn't have!

But that dream? Was it real?

While trying to remember his dirty dream, he could remember hearing the moans and screams of the girl beside him. His face felt hot as he blushed in dark red. Was it all true? He peeked at himself under the blanket seeing that he was naked. And to face his fears, he slowly lifts the blanket off of the sleeping samurai and finds her bare chest and immediately he covers it.

I'm doomed.

Goodbye world.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With an ending like this, I have a feeling it will not end as a oneshot. A twoshot maybe? I'm not sure. I'll see how it ends up in your eyes guys!