Fallen Angel
Perfect is that what you think you are? See I know other wise. That night that I almost died, I saw the real you. The way you were terrified, how you constantly yelled for it to stop. You didn't want me gone, although you always said you did. You didn't want me to leave you, 'cause then you would be alone. You have always been alone though, so why is this any different? Why wouldn't you let me go? If I'm so unimportant then why did you come? You always say things to and about me that implies to everyone and me that you don't really care in anyway. There is whispers that you do care, but those are just opinions. I cared, I cared a lot. But that night everything that was said. The way you pushed me away. Your words they hurt so much, but you didn't care. At first I thought I saw emotion in your eyes, but I was mistaken. That fire was a fire of hate.
Do you remember that night, or have you blocked it out? I never asked for you to come, so don't put this on me. I remember that night, the way the rain fell, so hard, so brutal on the streets, washing away hope. The air smelt of smuldering flames, it had a stench of death. But not to the common man. The lightning crackled, the thunder pounded, and I sat alone dieing in shame. But you couldn't care, you didn't know how what you said would hurt me just so.
I saw people in love, strolling down the street, naive of the truth that emotions are weak. They never saw what I saw, life, death, all that is wrong. That is why I was there, I wanted it to end. I wanted the hurt, the regret, the shame to wash away like the rain. But it didn't so I turned to the sky above. I asked out loud to know one at all. 'What have I done to make my life death?'
I grabbed that gun that was my loyal friend, always by my side until the end. I didn't want to die just yet, but I didn't want to live a life of regret. So I did what was best. I let go of my friend. A shot rang out everyone heard, but when they looked no person, no blood, just a fallen gun laying perfectly still alone on the ground.
To me my life was over, I ran from here, to a nearby forest, and drowned in my tears. Salty tears, I have felt once, but never like this, never so much. I hate to cry, see but I can, because I am not perfect and I am only man. But in my moment of weakness that is when they came. They took me from my sanctuary to a fearful place. They probed me for facts, for information on you. But that side of me was dead, and I never talked.
Punches, slaps, kicks, and cuts, my blood spilled on the floor like my tears once did. I was emotionless, I never moved, I felt nothing, I was a void. Is that what it is like to be perfect? I closed my eyes and gave in to the void, I was almost there when I heard your voice. 'Stop, come back to me, why must you go? No wounds, no cuts so how are you dieing?'
My eyes opened, but there was nothing to see, my light was gone. I couldn't speak, not that I wanted to. For whatever I said would just be a lie. You cradled me, you brushed the hair from my face. A tear fell from my eye and you kissed it away. Kissed! No this can't be. A kiss is a feeling, an emotion, a trait of imperfectness, so why did you do it? 'Is this what it is like to die my angel?' You screamed, 'Don't go and leave, I need you, you keep me going.'
There was a dim light and I could see you not perfect, but down on your knees. Asking for me to stay, I had no right to leave. Was it an act, I don't know. But somehow you blocked the void. I looked at my arms, no cuts, no bruises, no blood. I was never hurt, that is not physically. The void wanted me to come, to leave all the hurt I felt and my life behind, you.
You called my name, you asked for me to speak, so i opened my mouth and said real weak. 'Why are you hear?' You looked at me and smiled. Not an evil or a fake smile but a real smile that I have never seen. You said, 'Because I heard you screaming.'
I looked at you, you were not acting, there was emotion in your eyes. But now, I'm not so sure, I think about it, but I don't know. When I was dieing you were so hurt, but when we went back you changed. Your hand that once held me steady, released from me. Your tone, your voice all changed. Someone asked, 'Are you two okay?' I answered yes, but you, you left me there with them and walked away.
The Earth fell in, the darkness, the hurt, the stinch of death returned. Those feelings were back, and this time though no tears came, I let you go. The void was there and I didn't say no. Slowly I fell into the night not a soul to save me, not even a dim light. I wanted for you to come and save me from myself. But you never did and loneness is all I felt. My friend was there again laying in my hand, one quick shot and it would be over. I steady the gun. I thought it over, and finally I aimed, everything ended.
Now you think I am dead, you think I'm gone. Never trusting your emotion, or hearing my soft song. Did you cry, did you care? This I will never know, because I am not there. Even though the light is dim, it still burns. And my life is not over, but my soul is gone. Cause of you I am now perfect, without feeling, caring, and any emotion. Now I am just a fallen Angel, with it's broken wing. I am just a person who took a chance on life and was left with broken dreams.
To Be Continued
Perfect is that what you think you are? See I know other wise. That night that I almost died, I saw the real you. The way you were terrified, how you constantly yelled for it to stop. You didn't want me gone, although you always said you did. You didn't want me to leave you, 'cause then you would be alone. You have always been alone though, so why is this any different? Why wouldn't you let me go? If I'm so unimportant then why did you come? You always say things to and about me that implies to everyone and me that you don't really care in anyway. There is whispers that you do care, but those are just opinions. I cared, I cared a lot. But that night everything that was said. The way you pushed me away. Your words they hurt so much, but you didn't care. At first I thought I saw emotion in your eyes, but I was mistaken. That fire was a fire of hate.
Do you remember that night, or have you blocked it out? I never asked for you to come, so don't put this on me. I remember that night, the way the rain fell, so hard, so brutal on the streets, washing away hope. The air smelt of smuldering flames, it had a stench of death. But not to the common man. The lightning crackled, the thunder pounded, and I sat alone dieing in shame. But you couldn't care, you didn't know how what you said would hurt me just so.
I saw people in love, strolling down the street, naive of the truth that emotions are weak. They never saw what I saw, life, death, all that is wrong. That is why I was there, I wanted it to end. I wanted the hurt, the regret, the shame to wash away like the rain. But it didn't so I turned to the sky above. I asked out loud to know one at all. 'What have I done to make my life death?'
I grabbed that gun that was my loyal friend, always by my side until the end. I didn't want to die just yet, but I didn't want to live a life of regret. So I did what was best. I let go of my friend. A shot rang out everyone heard, but when they looked no person, no blood, just a fallen gun laying perfectly still alone on the ground.
To me my life was over, I ran from here, to a nearby forest, and drowned in my tears. Salty tears, I have felt once, but never like this, never so much. I hate to cry, see but I can, because I am not perfect and I am only man. But in my moment of weakness that is when they came. They took me from my sanctuary to a fearful place. They probed me for facts, for information on you. But that side of me was dead, and I never talked.
Punches, slaps, kicks, and cuts, my blood spilled on the floor like my tears once did. I was emotionless, I never moved, I felt nothing, I was a void. Is that what it is like to be perfect? I closed my eyes and gave in to the void, I was almost there when I heard your voice. 'Stop, come back to me, why must you go? No wounds, no cuts so how are you dieing?'
My eyes opened, but there was nothing to see, my light was gone. I couldn't speak, not that I wanted to. For whatever I said would just be a lie. You cradled me, you brushed the hair from my face. A tear fell from my eye and you kissed it away. Kissed! No this can't be. A kiss is a feeling, an emotion, a trait of imperfectness, so why did you do it? 'Is this what it is like to die my angel?' You screamed, 'Don't go and leave, I need you, you keep me going.'
There was a dim light and I could see you not perfect, but down on your knees. Asking for me to stay, I had no right to leave. Was it an act, I don't know. But somehow you blocked the void. I looked at my arms, no cuts, no bruises, no blood. I was never hurt, that is not physically. The void wanted me to come, to leave all the hurt I felt and my life behind, you.
You called my name, you asked for me to speak, so i opened my mouth and said real weak. 'Why are you hear?' You looked at me and smiled. Not an evil or a fake smile but a real smile that I have never seen. You said, 'Because I heard you screaming.'
I looked at you, you were not acting, there was emotion in your eyes. But now, I'm not so sure, I think about it, but I don't know. When I was dieing you were so hurt, but when we went back you changed. Your hand that once held me steady, released from me. Your tone, your voice all changed. Someone asked, 'Are you two okay?' I answered yes, but you, you left me there with them and walked away.
The Earth fell in, the darkness, the hurt, the stinch of death returned. Those feelings were back, and this time though no tears came, I let you go. The void was there and I didn't say no. Slowly I fell into the night not a soul to save me, not even a dim light. I wanted for you to come and save me from myself. But you never did and loneness is all I felt. My friend was there again laying in my hand, one quick shot and it would be over. I steady the gun. I thought it over, and finally I aimed, everything ended.
Now you think I am dead, you think I'm gone. Never trusting your emotion, or hearing my soft song. Did you cry, did you care? This I will never know, because I am not there. Even though the light is dim, it still burns. And my life is not over, but my soul is gone. Cause of you I am now perfect, without feeling, caring, and any emotion. Now I am just a fallen Angel, with it's broken wing. I am just a person who took a chance on life and was left with broken dreams.
To Be Continued