No one knew where Finn was. He was missing, as far as his parents were concerned. As far as everyone else, though? No one noticed – or cared to, that is. The other keepers were all lost in their own little worlds, strewn about the country, going to their own dream colleges, finding a future outside the one that the Disney DHIS had thrusted upon them as the saviors of the kingdom.
But Finn knew where he was. And that was all that mattered to him at this point. He was eighteen – legally free from his parents. He was in college – that was alright. It wasn't the best. It wasn't the worst.
He wished he were fine. He wished the magic words of the therapist and the magic pills of the doctors were really magic. But they weren't. And Finn was far from okay. Every time he thought he was finally rid of the sorrow, the dull ache would throb in his chest and he'd have to fight back tears at the thought of a good memory.
Dillard had died. He'd lost his best friend.
Wayne had died. He'd lost his mentor, his friend, lost practically his grandfather.
The rest of the Keepers were gone.
Amanda had left. She'd gone to the other coast – California to work on internship for Disneyland and California Adventure. Jess had gone with her.
Finn was isolated. Alone. Everyone he had ever loved had left him in some way, and it hurt. It hurt to feel it, it hurt to admit it. So he didn't.
He was tired of it all – being alone. Even though almost everyone in Florida knew who he was because he was a DHI, it was still impossibly hard for Finn to make friends. There was just a mental block; and he couldn't dare give someone another room in his heart, only for it to be left vacant, burning, decaying.
So Finn left.
Winter break came, and although Finn had promised to spend time with the family (even if they weren't very far from the University dorms), he bought a one way ticket to California. He needed some thinking space, some unfamiliar streets that didn't drip with the warm ache of past memories.
He needed advice on, well, everything.
He needed Wayne.
Finn didn't bother to text Amanda that he was flying out. Starting at the drive to the airport, he had turned his phone off.
Good luck finding me now, Finn thought about his parents. He didn't even want to hear what they'd say this time.
"We should have never signed him up for that Disney DHI thing!" His father would yell. "Even if it did give us money to put towards college!"
"No, no, he's fine!" Finn's mother would persist. "Maybe if we take him to a new therapist, that might help! He's doing great, really, Donald. He's at university. He'll make more friends and heal, soon enough. Just give him more time…"
Finn shook his head at the thought, trying to forget it all, the bitter taste of it. The conversations were all the same. He was tired of it and tired of the routines that so clearly didn't work. He was functioning at the very least, in spite of feeling broken inside. But he'd gotten better at hiding it.
Straight off the plane, Finn got in a cab and headed for Disneyland. He paid for the cab, did some walking down Downtown Disney, the smell of bread and popcorn already intoxicating, and walked through the gates. Finn watched dully as the man swiped his card, the machine making a magical noise and a whistle.
The cast member's eyes rose up in alarm, eyes as large as porcelain plates. "Finn Whitman? What are you doing? You didn't RSVP or tell anyone that you were going to be here today…"
Finn cut the man off, not in the mood. "I don't really care, right now, sir. Plus this jacket has a hoodie." Finn immediately threw it up, covering his head, and cinched the hoodie tight. His dark sunglasses hid his green eyes. Finn held out his hands. "See? Totally unrecognizable."
Finn slipped through the gates and grabbed the pass from the astonished Cast Member.
Now that his name had appeared in the system, it probably wouldn't be long until Disney security of some sort pounced upon him. Finn walked fast. He knew where he wanted to go – it would probably hurt a lot. But he needed someone to talk to.
It had been nearly six months since the last time Finn had stepped foot in this park – six months since the battle that changed far, far too much. As Finn passed familiar places, familiar landmarks, he sucked in a breath. Not here.
And then – he was there. He entered through the cartoonish gates and sat upon the edges of the fountain. He took off his sunglasses, loosened his hood so it wasn't so stifling, but kept it on his head, nonetheless.
Finn stared at the spot where Wayne had died right before him. And people – tons and tons of people – were walking past that very spot, upon it, around it, going about their normal day. Holy ground. Sacred ground. Going from one place to the other. They had no idea. No idea the sacrifice, the love, the hurt. Finn's heart burned, the ache and the past of what was becoming all the more real once again, now that he was there where it had all happened.
He felt his breathing come faster, and tears began to build a wall in his vision. The world started to become blurry. He sucked in a sharp breath, his nose beginning to run, and wiped his nose with his jacket sleeve. Quickly, he used a thumb to wipe away the tears before they threatened to run down his cheeks.
Finn took a deep breath.
Start over.
"Uh, hi, Wayne. It's been a while, hasn't it?" Finn's voice came out in a mere whisper. He was sure no one could hear him; but of course the kid playing in the fountain water beside him was shooting him weird glances, so Finn growled at the boy to go away. He felt bad, but he'd felt so unlike himself lately, it hardly seem to matter very much anymore.
Finn scrunched his eyes closed and let his head hang in his hands. It was becoming too overwhelming. The blade. The gasp. The pool of blood. Why had he thought this would be a good idea?
Because he needed Wayne – needed to see this place to talk to him.
"Wayne," Finn whispered to the ground. "I don't know what to do." And then it all came tumbling out. "Everyone's gone off to college, moved on with their lives, except me. I had it together, for a while. But then…"
His parent's words echoed in his head. "Finn is relapsing! Can't you see?"
"No, no! He'll be fine! He's had a stressful week of midterms, I'm sure he'll be back to his good ol' normal self after finals, when he gets to come home and finally relax for break."
Finn sunk his fists into his eyes, trying to push back the tears. His head had begun to ache.
"And then there are those clues you left us. We haven't even begun to figure out those, everyone's been so busy lately, gone…" The word was like a stab to the heart.
Wayne flashed before his eyes.
Then Dillard.
Then the Keepers and Amanda and Jess.
Gone.
The word felt like a ghost; his world was full of ghosts now.
A new aching wave of loss and loneliness struck Finn and dragged him under, and this time he couldn't stop the tears from coming. He hid his face behind his hands, hoodie falling over him, and let himself cry, his hands sticky and salty and soaked with wet tears. His shoulders shook, and he knew someone must have noticed him by now. But he was relieved no one had approached him yet. If they recognized him, he didn't know how he'd react in this emotional state, and he didn't want to find out.
He felt lost and angry. "Why did you leave me? Why did you have to do that? I need you! I need you here. I need you alive, Wayne. I need you to tell me what to do-" Finn's voice caught in his throat and cracked.
Finn let the words hang in the air and let the tears consume him. As much as it hurt, it also felt therapeutic and relieving, like Wayne was right there. He swore he could feel the comforting arms of Wayne over his shoulder, and a whisper on the breeze of his voice. It all felt very comforting in a mysterious way, and as Finn's last tear slid down his cheek, his breathing beginning to even out, he felt a burden he'd been walking around with for a very long time lighten.
The December sun had sunk beneath the horizon, leaving a chill in the air. The sky was painted with warm oranges and pinks, something that felt new and welcoming and calming. Although Toontown wasn't closed yet, Finn was glad to see that not as many people were milling around the place; especially around the fountain. It appeared that the crowds had decided to leave the sad boy alone – even Disney security – and Finn was glad for that small miracle. Disney security never seemed to do their jobs where the Kingdom Keepers were concerned, anyhow.
And no one was stepping upon what Finn deemed in his mind as holy ground – the spot where Wayne had breathed his last breath.
Finally calm, Finn stood up and wiped his face once more. No doubt his eyes were puffy and his cheeks stained red, but it would be hard to see in the dying of the light.
Now that the sun was starting to sink, vendors with all kinds of lights began to appear. Finn walked over to one, pulled out a twenty, and handed it to the seller. Finn looked at the array of multicolored, flashing lights all warring for attention. Finn picked up a plastic rose – a red light in the middle of its petals. The vendor tried to give Finn back some change, but Finn just shook his head and walked away.
Finn took small steps back to the patch of cement where Wayne had died. Finn thought about saying something, something that would honor Wayne. But he didn't think he could ever top what he said at his funeral. And Wayne knew how Finn felt, already – he had always known.
Slowly, Finn kneeled down, set the plastic, glowing rose atop the dark stain of tar that had never been removable from the spot, and stood back up. Finn felt like there was some kind of symbolism in this, but he didn't want to think about that too hard right now. For the first time in a long time, he felt okay. And he just wanted to be quiet.
So Finn stood there staring at the concrete in comfortable silence, the wind whispering and the milling crowds a million miles away.
But then Finn felt a pinprick of eyes on him, a sensation that raised the hairs on the back of his neck and arms. His heart pounded quickly in his chest as he looked up and around, afraid he'd been spotted by a fan or security. But he was taken aback by a familiar set of bright eyes and dark hair.
Amanda.
Her mouth was slightly parted, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing – like Finn was a ghost. Amanda had been as much of a ghost to him (aside from some lack hearted texting) these past few months.
She looked… good. Californian. Amanda's hair was longer since he'd last seen her, and her skin was tanner, which only made the Caribbean blue sparkle of her eyes shine more. He was completely dumbstruck. He had imagined what it'd be like when he'd finally see her in the flesh again – imagined this moment a hundred thousand ways - but it was so different in a good way. It was so much more satisfying seeing her instead of dreaming about her.
Finn took a tentative step toward her, not quite believing she was there. That, apparently, was all that Amanda needed to be snapped out of her daze. She rushed forward: dodging people, crowds, children, strollers. And as she was coming closer and closer, all Finn could do was stand there.
Amanda barreled into Finn's chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso while resting her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating ferociously.
Finn quickly wrapped his arms around her tightly in return and buried his head in her hair, closed his eyes. It smelled like vanilla – like Amanda.
The two of them stood like that for a while, swaying back and forth, wrapped in a tight embrace, the sunset still spewing deep oranges and bright pinks and bleeding crimsons onto the low hanging clouds, wrapping the world in warm light.
Amanda shifted, pulling away. Her eyes searched his. Something like disbelief, relief, heartache rested in her the turmoil of her eyes.
"Why are you here?" Amanda breathed.
Finn looked down at the ground. He couldn't handle the things he saw in her eyes right now – it was overwhelming.
He shrugged, not really knowing what to say.
"Are you alright? You look…" She never finished her sentence. Finn could feel her analyzing his face. The puffy eyes. The red cheeks. Although it probably just looked like he had a bad cold at this point. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I heard talk through the ranks of the Cast Members that you were here, but I could hardly believe it. I thought you'd at least have texted me first…"
Amanda sounded heartbroken, and it hurt to hear that in her voice. It hurt to know that he was the one who had caused it.
Finn shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and kept staring at his feet. "I needed a break. I needed-" You. Wayne. Everyone else who decided to die or leave.
He risked a glance at Amanda, and now it was her turn to avert her eyes. Her turn to know that her leaving had been one of the many factors that had led Finn to this point.
Finn sighed. "I just miss everyone." He admitted. "I thought, maybe, Wayne could help…"
Amanda's voice was soft. "And did he?" She gave Finn a small smile of encouragement.
Finn gave a weak smile back. It barely lifted the corners of his mouth, barely reached his eyes. "Yeah, actually. I think it did help, in some weird way."
He felt better. Something about talking it out here felt right. Finn knew that he probably would have never been able to let go of the burden of loss he was carrying around, if it hadn't been in this exact spot, the exact place where Wayne had died.
Amanda linked her arm through Finn's, looked down at the plastic rose and its plastic petals ruffling in the breeze. She leaned her head on Finn's shoulder, both standing in silence, honoring Wayne's memory.
"I still miss him." Finn's voice rang out clear in the cold air.
"Me, too." Amanda sighed. She squeezed tighter on Finn's arm. A beat passed. "I'm glad you're here."
Finn smiled. "I'm glad you're here, too."
Something hopeful sprang up in Amanda's voice. "Are you going to stay for Christmas?"
Finn contemplated that. It wasn't like he bought a ticket back to Orlando. And he hadn't seen Amanda in months. And being around her felt right – he felt better. Like even though some awful things had happened in the past few years, Amanda took all the bad away and left only the good; she made things brighter. He took her hand in his.
"I'm never leaving your side again."
And so Finn decided to actually go to college out in Southern California so that he could be by Amanda and they lived happily ever after and actually got together until the next series about Disney Lands or whatever came about yay.