Note: I do not own any of the places or characters mentioned in this fanfic. MY STORY. NO TOUCHIE! (Even though I'm probably stealing someone's idea.) Oh, well, they can kiss my ass.
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I lay on my bed, idly sketching little anime karate guys all over my notebook. I have a paper due tomorrow, but I'm far from caring. I have other, more important things on my mind.
The hell she didn't tell me!
I sit up, rage flowing to my fists, coming out on my punching bag.
Why couldn't she just say "Zell, you're adopted."?
Left, Right, Mach Kick.
Why'd I have to find out from Irvine?
The punching bag slams into the wall.
The hell he even tell me? Just made fighting Edea harder. The fuck.
The chain snaps and the bag falls to the floor. I slump over.
Why?
"Zell, are you okay? I heard a thud," Ma calls up the stairs to my room.
"Punching bag fell down," I call back. No, I'm not okay. You've lied to me my entire life. How can I be okay? I slap my hand in front of my mouth; afraid if I didn't I'd say it.
"Try and practice a little more carefully, dear."
"Yeah, Ma."
I lean the bag against the wall. I'll fix it later. I walk over to gun case where I keep Grandpa's antique rifles. Grandpa fought in the Sorceress war. That's how my real parents died. What if he killed them?
I turn from the guns. That hole. When Irvine helped me free Balamb. Just let me hold it. I won't shoot it. BANG. Oops. Uh, I'm, like, sorry. I grin at the memory. Beating up Fujin and Rajin was one of my favorite parts of the Garden War.
The deck of cards, an eighteen birthday present from Quisty. A pile of letters from Sefie, off in Trabia. A picture of Rinoa and Squall. It's still weird to see Squall smile. A Combat King 006, from Tory. She always seems to know what I need. Irvine gave me back my memories. He showed me how to remember; how to protect my past from the GF's. Squall's never given me a thing, but he's saved my ass so many times, I've lost count. But he kept me around, even though I got in trouble, because I'm his friend. He wouldn't lie to me. None of them would. Just Ma lies.
"Zell, time for dinner!"
"All right!" I run downstairs. I pretend to be okay. I've pretended for months. She hasn't noticed.
Irvine's the only one who's figured out what's wrong. It's freaky how perceptive he is. He says I should talk to Ma, but then, this is the same guy who wore a dress to class. He scares me. Nah, just kiddin'. I can kick his ass.
"I made spaghetti."
"With meat sauce?"
"Yes. Now set the table."
"Man, there's always a catch."
I set the table, and Ma dishes out the food. I stare down at my plate. I'm not hungry. My question burns me up. I need to ask it. I clamp my tongue between my teeth. I force myself to pick up my fork and eat. Just pretend everything's okay.
"You know, you should invite your friend Squall over more often. I feel sorry for the poor thing, with his father away in Esthar and all. How is Squall doing, by the way? I haven't seen him in a while." We talk, but we never say anything.
"He's on a mission with Rinoa. That's all I know. The mission data is classified."
"You're so young; it's easy to forget you're all in the army."
"Irvine's not."
"Irvine?"
"The cowboy." Do you know what he told me, Ma? Do you even know me?
"Oh, yes. I remember. Very polite, very strange. Is he the gay one?"
"No, that's Nida."
"Oh, dear."
"Easy mistake. He fools lots of people."
"What about your old instructor? Trepe, her name was?"
"Quistis, her name's Quistis. She's in Esthar. She's Ellone's bodyguard, well one of them, anyways."
"Ellone is..."
"President Laguna's stepdaughter." She's my Sis. Do you remember when I first came here I would cry for Sis and Squall and Sefie? Remember when you adopted me? Say something. Anything. The truth. I need to it hear from you.
"Oh. And the little redhead I met at graduation?"
"Selphie. Flight instructor. Trabia Garden."
"How's Tory?"
"Still at the library. Exam's next week."
"Exam?"
"Her SeeD exam."
We eat in silence for several minutes.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I growl. I didn't realize what I was doing. I couldn't control it. It came out on its own.
"Why didn't I tell you what, Zell?" Ma asks me.
"Why didn't you tell me I was adopted? Why did you wait for me to find out? Why did you lie to me?" I bite my lip to stop from crying.
Ma looks shocked. She turns her face down. "Who told you?"
"Irvine. He said we were at an orphan together when we were little. An orphanage in Centra run by Edea Kramer. He also said Squall, Quistis, Selphie, Seifer, and Ellone were there, too."
Ma doesn't look up. "Zell, I'm sorry. You were six when we adopted you. I thought you remembered and just didn't want to talk about. You forgot? How?"
"The GF's. I've been using 'em since I was thirteen."
"Zell, I don't know what to say. I never lied to you."
"You simply refused to tell me. That's a form of lying." I'm shouting, now. I'm never listening to Irvine again.
"Zell, please. Calm down. I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I didn't. Your father and I simply decided to not bring up the subject at all, and you never did."
"Don't bring Pa into this."
"It was his idea to adopt you. After Jason died..." Ma sounds like she's crying.
"Jason?"
"Our biological son. He died when he was four. If he had survived..." Ma sobs and reaches for the Kleenex. "If he had survived he'd be about your age, only a little younger."
"How'd he die?" A brother? How could you keep that secret from me?
"One of our neighbors was accused of being a sorceress. Jason was playing outside when..." she blows her nose and continues, "When the soldiers opened fire. He was shot through three times, and know what General Caraway did? He wrote us a check! A check! My son dies and they write us a check."
"Ma, it's okay."
"When you went Garden, I was so scared I would lose you. I would cry myself to sleep. Your father, though, your father said it had to your decision, what to do with your life. I guess he was right, but I'm still scared."
"Don't worry, Ma. Squall'll make sure I come home safe."
"Promise me."
"I promise. SeeD's honor." I stand and give her the salute.
"And Zell?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
She looks me in the eye. Her words are fierce, commanding, and they burn themselves into my skull. "Zell, don't ever put anyone through what we had to go through. Always remember, every person you fight leaves someone behind. Don't take their lives lightly. No one deserves that pain. No one."