I just got TOTALLY re-obsessed with FMA because the new series is amazing!! I love it! So here is some EdWin fluff in its honor :3
Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist season 1 or Brotherhood. Songfic song by Michelle Branch.
Find Your Way Back
Winry Rockbell let out a sigh, which must have been the 5th or more within the last two minutes.
Considering the fact that there were no customers here today, as usual, she was cleaning her work station.
She was even more down in the dumps today than she had been yesterday. Just another ordinary day because Ed and Al aren't home…again. The once-in-a-blue-moon days that they did in fact return to Resembool had become more and more uncommon recently.
Winry used to wake up and think, Maybe they'll come home today! But these days, she just awoke with a dull, dried up hope that had long since withered. It had been 6 months, 6 long months since their last visit, and since Ed had quite an annoying habit of never calling or sending word via any other method such as letter, poor Winry had no clue where in the world the boys were or even if they were all right.
It ate away at her every day, little by little. She longed for the good old days when everything was simple and the most trouble you could get into was sneaking a snack before dinner. Ed used to tell her just about anything and everything back then, and they understood each other so well.
She would sometimes accidentally say something like "I love you so much Ed!" when she got caught up in the moment. And it's not that those were lies, he would just never know what she really meant, so she got away with it.
They did everything together, that is, until he was absorbed in alchemy and started to keep secrets. And now that she knew that she was in love with him, it was more and more painful each day that passed by without him there.
The boy she once knew so well was slipping away, possibly getting farther and farther away from her each and every day.
I used to get away with so much
Now I can't get away
I used to think that it was simple
To say the things I wanted to say
"Stop it!" A certain little blonde girl whined at her friends. "You know that I love both of you, so stop teasing me!"
"Yeah, but the way you said it just made it sound all lovey-dovey!" Ed snickered with laughter. He and his brother burst out into another wave of hysteric chortling as Winry stood there fuming, her cheeks flushed and her hands balled into tight fists at her side.
"I was joking!" She lied. "I don't love you! Either of you!" then she whirled on her two laughing friends and raced down the yard until she came to the beginning of a small wooded area. She ran to the closest tree and sat down at its base, crying. She wished that Ed and Al would just disappear sometimes! They could be so mean!
She kept wiping her hands over her eyes but even when the tears had finally stopped, her face and hands were drenched. She was trying so hard to shake off the salty liquid from her hands that she did not hear Ed coming up behind her.
"Hey!" He called cheerfully, right into her ear, making her shriek.
"Ed!" She complained. "Don't do that!" Fresh tears began building up behind her azure eyes again and when Ed saw that she was still upset, he took the hint to stop messing around.
"Sorry." He apologized, making Winry blink in surprise. "So what were you doing over here anyway?" he asked.
"Nothing." She sniffed, plopping back down to lean against the tree. "Go away." But now that she had said that, it was a challenge, and Ed was not giving in.
"Nope." He said casually, as though he was trying to be difficult. Then he plopped down next to her.
"I said go away!" She fumed.
"And I said no!" He shot back. They both made pouting faces at one another before turning away with equal 'Hmph!'s. They were both silent for a couple of moments until Winry slowly turned back to him, forcing the tears to stay back.
"You don't love me Ed?" She asked quietly.
The blonde boy straightened up and blushed. "C-Course I do!" He defended.
"Then say it." She challenged
"Fine." He sighed. "I love you, Winry." He mumbled.
A big smile broke out across her face as the tears faded.
"Me too!" she squealed. "I love you too Ed!" she hugged his arm.
"I know." He said. "Come on, let's go back to Al and play!" He stood and she followed, that big smile never leaving her face for the rest of the day.
Ed rolled his eyes to himself: she was so easy to please.
Winry had played this particular flashback in her mind many times recently, and she had realized long ago that Ed really had not meant it when he had said he loved her.
She knew better.
He had only been trying to get her to come back and play, so now she was completely, hopeless at a loss.
And that wasn't the only thing she had realized.
She had discovered, many years ago, many long, lonely, Elric-less days ago, that when she had hoped that Ed and Al would 'just disappear', that she very well may have gotten her wish.
And you told me everything I wanted to hear
And you sold, me now I don't know how I should feel
I should know me
And baby, you would think I knew better
Winry was just putting one of her last, spotless wrenches away when there was a knock on the door.
Den barked once from outside, as though he were bored and could care less about the visitor, and Winry sighed. Well I know who it's not! She thought with sadness and a bit of frustration.
"I got it!" Winry called into the house so that Pinako would not have to go through the trouble.
Winry tried to make herself look cheery as she headed towards the door. Every time her heart beat a little faster because she still had some slight, yet futile hope that it could be, just maybe…
She opened the door to see a tall man dressed in what seemed like formal attire. And every time she was let down and added another point to her heartache and knowledge that she might never see the Elrics again.
"Hi. Can I help you?" Winry put on the fakest smile, but the man did not seem to notice. It turns out he was not even a client, he was just a lost man at the wrong address. Winry gave him directions to where he needed to go, and with a grateful bow, the man hurried off. Winry wondered how much longer her poor heart could take all these false alarms and shattered hopes.
"Who was it, dear?" Pinako called from the kitchen.
"It was just a man who got lost." Replied the blonde, slowly making her way back into the house.
"Oh." Pinako knew how much Winry was missing the boys, because she did too.
"I think I'll go take Den for a walk." Winry decided, and without another word, headed upstairs to change from her working attire.
Pinako sighed. "You boys'd better get back here sometime soon." She mumbled. "Don't make her wait any longer."
I'm finding my way back to you
And everything I used to be
And waiting is all that I can do
Until you Find Your Way Back to me
Winry decided to just wear one of her favorite outfits, the one with the white tank top and black miniskirt.
As she stepped outside, she immediately felt the strong Summer sun beating down on her and she squinted as she looked up to the blue sky that nearly matched her azure eyes. When Den saw her he stood promptly to his paws and bayed happily, his black tail making swishing noises as it smacked the air.
"Hey there, Den." Winry smiled and patted his head. How was it that every single, lonely day that went by, only Den could make her smile no matter what?
She took his leash and began headed towards the small town not far from her house. Sticking to the little dirt path, she kept a slow pace and Den limped alongside her. But today, Winry did not go into town, but instead circled back towards home when she reached it. "Let's go a different way today." She suggested. Den had no objections.
Every little thing made Winry's mind go back to thinking about the Elrics, everything from Den's automail leg to the golden sunshine that glowed like Ed's hair.
Typical.
It happened to her every day, and today nothing was new except the direction in which she was walking.
She headed towards a small wooded area and followed the worn and beaten trail into it. And, soon enough, she found herself speaking her mind, as she always did. "Why's it taking them so long to get back?" It was always the first question out of her mouth, every single day, and if Den could understand her, he would have run away as long as it meant not hearing her say it again.
But he did no such thing. The dog trotted on silently at her side, always quiet, always listening. Maybe that was one of the reasons why only he could make her smile when Ed and Al were gone; he was always there, always listening, and never asked questions.
"What are they doing out there?" She went on. "Why can't Ed learn to move his stupid automail arm a couple times to write a letter sometimes?" She kept going, kept on torturing herself by thinking about them and what they were doing and where they were.
Well, she knew one place where they weren't.
Her heart squeezed painfully as she came to the end of the small forest. Several homes lined the countryside here, and even from this distance, she could easily spot several children playing together, smiles on their faces. Because they had reasons to smile.
As if reading her mind, Den whimpered slightly and looked up at her with those big, puppy-dog eyes. It was the one thing she, nor any other girl could resist, and with a small smile she crouched down and hugged him. His tail went mad, kicking up dust and dirt, and before Winry knew what was happening next, she had broken down crying into his fur.
Den's tail drooped instantly and he rested his head on her shoulder, doing all that he could for her.
What if I said what I was thinking?
What if that says too much?
When everybody's got a reason
I feel like giving up
Winry finally worked up enough energy to stand before slowly making her way back into the trees.
The sunlight dappled the grass and the birds chirped happily, and off in the distance she could still hear children laughing. Everyone else seemed so happy.
The world was so inconsiderate.
The sun was just hitting its noontime position when Winry got back, so she tied Den up and let him stay outside for a little longer. She knew there would be no more customers today so Winry did not even bother changing back into her working clothes. Instead she went into the kitchen and took one of the cookies her grandmother had been baking; Pinako knew just how to cheer her up, only there was very little that could do that for her now.
As she sat on the couch, Winry raked her brain for the last time she had seen Ed and Al leaving, 6 long months ago.
"Be careful." She had told them as she always did when they left her. "And you promise to write to me or call at least once a month?"
"Yes, for the one hundred and eighteenth time!" Ed rolled his eyes.
"Well I just wanna make sure you don't forget!" She explained.
And then, just like that, they were a mile away, leaving Winry staring after them, waving and smiling, even though her heart was breaking even more than it had the last time she had been forced to watch them go.
A letter.
A phone call.
He said he would…
Winry felt the dreaded tears again, thinking that something awful must have happened, something so awful that would stop him from keeping such a small, simple, meaningful promise.
And you told me everything I wanted to hear
And you sold me, now I don't know how I should feel
I should know me
And baby, you would think I knew better
Winry almost jumped in surprise when she heard Den bark again outside.
She waited to hear more, but it was just that one single bark and, as though it were her cue to do so, she sighed.
There was a bit of shuffling at the door and then a small knock, then silence. Winry pushed herself up and made her way over, her heartbeat speeding up again as it always did, even though she knew 110 percent that there was no reason for it to.
As she opened the door, she stared down at the pile of mail on the doorstep, and she shuffled through it quickly, but, of course, found no letter addressed to her. She dropped the mail on the kitchen table before returning to her seat on the couch.
Her heartbeat had now slowed down to a painful thudding against her ribs. Her mind knew that it was never them, but for some stupid, reason her heart just could not accept it!
It hurt Winry so much, and she wondered just how many times her heart needed to be crushed and trampled on until it learned its lesson.
I'm finding my way back to you
And everything I used to be
And waiting is all that I can do
Until you Find Your Way Back to me
Winry suddenly felt cold, somehow, probably because of all the chills and shudders her heart was giving off.
So she went to her room and slid on her small black jacket. She then proceeded to tidy up her already immaculate room, just to kill time, though the tables had turned, and time was now killing her.
She could not count on the hands of all the people in the world how many times she had told herself how much she loathed waiting. It was hard, and scary and it got harder and scarier with each second that went by when who or what your waiting for was not there. It was crushing her to pieces more and more each day.
To clear her mind, she went out onto her balcony, lifting up the light she shown off into the horizon every night. Even though it was still bright outside, she blinked it anyway, and in doing this, it gave her heart comfort, even though her mind knew that it did absolutely nothing. She knew it was hopeless, but she figured that she would play along and let her heart have its way for just a little longer. Though she knew it would hurt her 10 times more later on, it still felt reassuring now.
Then, as she put the light down again, she leaned out over her balcony, not even really caring if it suddenly crumbled beneath her or if she went toppling over the edge, because not much mattered to her anymore anyway.
If she had a nickel for every time she sighed, she knew she would have been able to buy the universe.
I hope that Ed and Al will come back soon. She thought, as she did every single day when she did this. It was routine, like a prayer, because since she had wished them to disappear once, so long ago, perhaps wishing for them back would not take as long if she did it every day. At least that was what her heart hoped and believed, but Winry still refused to let her mind get the satisfaction of knowing it was right all along.
Winry hated having to wait.
She would have rather been falling off a cliff, or into oblivion as long as Ed was there to catch her. Anything; as long as she was not so utterly, completely alone.
She bit her lip, hoping that the physical pain would block out the pain her heart was feeling.
But the only way to overcome that pain would probably have been to be brutally murdered.
She continued to stare off into the distance, over the hills, past the waters and through the buildings as though she could fly her way to them, wherever they were.
After what felt like eons of soaring in her mind, the taste of blood shook Winry back into reality. Unawares that she had forgotten about what she was doing, she slowly raised her hand to her mouth and swallowed more blood. Crimson stained her hand and dripped off the balcony and onto the ground 2 stories below. Her azure eyes widened at the amount of red that was covering her hand. She could not believe that she had not realized how long and how hard she had been biting her lip.
Slowly, she backed away from the balcony, both hands now covering her mouth as she made her way to the bathroom. It took a few moments of rinsing and swallowing to stop the stream of blood, but then Winry found herself crying, and she knew it was not only from the corporeal pain.
After she had finally washed her face and cleaned herself up, she felt physically ill, and hunched over the sink as though she were going to be sick.
But, with a mighty effort she held it all back as she heard Den bark again from outside.
Until you Find Your Way Back to me
Until you Find Your Way Back to me
I used to get away with so much…
I'm finding my way back to you
And everything I used to be
And waiting is all that I can do
Until you Find Your Way Back to me
Sucking in a lungful of air to keep everything that was in her system down her throat where it belonged, Winry straightened up and caught her breath.
Her heart sped up.
As she made her way slowly down the stairs and to the door, she heard Den bark again and she started to feel a bit confused. Then he was baying, howling and every combination of the two.
Panic and fear seized Winry's poor, tired heart, until she realized that the barking was not anxious or scared, but delighted.
Winry froze where she stood, several feet away from the door, still panting a little. Her heart was pounding against her ribs now and her mind had melted. Her eyes just stared numbly as a knock came on the door and she forced herself to move forward.
Then, a smile came across her face and the tears started pouring.
She would yell at him later for not sending letters or calling.
She hardly even heard him say her name in surprise as she opened the door and threw herself into Ed's arms.
And waiting is all that I can do
Until you Find Your Way Back to me.
I used to get away with so much...
A/N: So I cut it off at the end NOT because I didn't want to write more, but just because it probably would have ended about the same way as some of my other EdWin fics and I wanted a bit of diferneciation. So sorry but I don't think I'll continue this unless a lot of people REALLY want me to. Hope you liked it!!
Please review!!