Edit: There is a sequal entitled "Imperfection." Check it out. It's a chapter-fic from a different POV, taking place after this story. For all of those who might've been dissappointed in the ending for this fic, which I knew when I wrote it sucked. Enjoy!
Author's Note: Alright, another one-shot. This one doesn't have that great of an ending. The style and content's really what I was focusing on. Reason behind it? Overtired one morning before leaving for the bus and the idea just started forming. I had almost all the words even planned out. Sadly, my memory sux. Uh…Not too much else to say. Just a recap: Light never had the Death Note to begin with and for some reason, Soichiro is evil in this, though I don't think about him this way normally. Just experimentation I guess…
Guide to story:
these are Light's thoughts, first person
this is whatever whoever—mainly L—is seeing through the cameras, so it's third person, but the end…it's just a narrator
one line is like this, but you'll see when you get there…third person
Warning: Very depressing. If you can't handle suicidal thoughts, why'd you even click this story? Also, slight yaoi…one-sided LxLight. Light is very OOC in this as well…
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or its characters. If I did, it would've been a yaoi manga…I also don't own "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day.
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Hidden camera footage of Yagami house watched by L and Task Force
Light walks up to the front door and enters not even a second later or earlier than normal. It's all part of a routine, as L had already figured out. A routine Light is not about to break.
Today is just not my day. And I have to pretend that everything is normal or else L will see. Why do they suspect that someone as brilliant as me wouldn't know that hidden cameras were placed in our house, even my own room? As if I could be the prime Kira suspect! I have enough pressure without being a mass murderer evading the genius detective L on the side. Oh, good, my handle's still where it was before, meaning nobody came in here.
Aww, man, that means the cameras are still here. What am I supposed to do? I can't show any emotion of any kind or L might take it the wrong way. And I don't want to show the Kira Task Force any hint that I am who I am not. L, why won't he understand? L…he's an amazing man. He's smart, clever, brave…I wonder if he's handsome.
Shit, I'm not supposed to be thinking about any of that when home. My dad might see the look I get on my face, and I'll have to explain it. And I can't think too far or else I'll need my secret magazines. And I have a feeling that even the bathroom isn't safe from the cameras. My dad can never know that I like men, not women. He'll be so disappointed. No, he will never know. I must be perfect, for him.
L watches intently as a flash of some sort of emotion crosses Light's face. There was a hint of smile before a hard glare and determination set themselves back in place. Light might think he keeps an emotionless mask on at all times, but L has studied enough criminals to see the subtle differences in the teenager's face.
Damn, what am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to be this perfect son, yet…yet I actually FAILED a test! Is that even possible for me, Light Yagami? Getting below a 90 percent is horrible for me, but less than 50 percent? That's just not possible. If Father ever found out, he'd surely kill me. And L…why do I want to impress him so much? Dammit, I don't even know what he looks like! But L…he'd think that I couldn't concentrate on school because I had Kira things to do.
Light sits down on his bed with a sigh, his backpack dropped at his feet. Today he seems more depressed than usual. Usually, he's just a robot. Today…
Why couldn't I remember anything? Was it because I was worrying so much about that exam next week? I thought I studied for this test…but no, I was studying for next week. And of course, I wasn't paying attention in class. I never do, yet still pass with excellence. After all, I am a genius. But…but Father was stressing me out over next week's exam and my mind just couldn't concentrate.
I seriously left so many answers blank…and guessed on so many. So many red marks…and the teacher…oh the look in his eyes…
Light is looking at the wall, as if staring off into space, remembering something. His eyes, as L zooms in, are starting to tear up.
"What's going on?" Soichiro asks. He's worried about Light. After all, what's his perfect son doing crying? Men don't cry!
Dammit. Dammit! DAMMIT! I can't disappoint them again! I just can't! I hate that look in the teacher's eyes! And what about Mother? She'll be even worse! I couldn't take it!
Light wipes at his eyes aggressively. L cocks his head to the side in contemplation.
I seriously can't take all this pressure! I can't mess up or I disappoint! I can't make a mistake or I hate myself for hurting my mom, for failing my father. I can't fail him; I must be perfect for him. I always have, always will be. But now…now…I fail. I fail miserably.
The damn pressure. How can anyone live with it? They must be insane! I must be insane! I am insane…to think that I could seriously take on all this pressure, all this stress, that's eating away at my insides. I can't even tell my parents that I'm developing a stomach problem because of all this anxiety! They'd be disappointed that my body wasn't perfect anymore.
My body can't be perfect…I quit tennis because my ankles were getting bad and one more wrong step would've caused them to break. That's what the doctor said. Did my parents know? No, I wouldn't tell them. Would Father care? No, he wouldn't. Why would he? He wanted his son to be perfect, an athlete, a genius, a gentleman, and find the best, hottest girlfriends. And that's why I can't even tell my own father I'm gay!
Anger…that's what L saw now. But still, he was the only one. Nobody realizes anything was out of the ordinary besides Light thinking, just sitting on his bed, thinking for too long. It is worrying Soichiro, who hopes against hope that Light isn't Kira, for Kira is not in that "perfect" plan for his son.
But…maybe I won't ever have to tell him, anyone…
There are ways…Nobody should have to live the life I'm living…maybe I shouldn't even be living it anymore…
"FUCK!" Light yells at the top of his lungs, causing everyone in the hotel suite currently housing the Kira Task Force to jump, hearts beating fast. The teenager on the multiple screens stands as he shouts. He then leans over to pick up his backpack, fishing out a small packet of paper, and storms over to his desk, slamming it down for the cameras to see.
There, I don't know where the cameras are, but there's bound to be one looking at my desk. Now he'll see…now Father will see why I have to do this…or not do this…or whatever it's called.
Everyone at the headquarters stares as they try to take in the impossible. Model student Light Yagami, Soichiro's perfect son, just slammed down what looks like a test. Red marks are covering it, and at the top, the red letters are printed, "27/102…See me after class."
But Light was home on time, meaning he didn't even pause to consider seeing the teacher after class. He disobeyed a teacher after failing a test. And now…now he is swearing, and it seems like he knows that people are watching him through cameras.
"You happy, Dad?!" Light yells into the air. "You did this to me!" He then storms out of the room, running down the hall and into his parents' room, into their bathroom. Once there, he throws open the medicine cabinet and reaches inside, only to pull out a bottle of Soichiro's sleeping pills that help the man now that he has so much stress. Ironic, no?
L has been leaning forward continuously, unable to comprehend what was going on, for once, but at that moment, leaps out of his chair. Soichiro does the same and together they run from the room, taking the stairs down two or three at a time until they reach the garage, where they jump into Soichiro's car and rush off, police siren blaring from where Soichiro attaches it to the top of the unmarked car.
Yes, I'll die…all I need is an overdose…and my body will fall into eternal sleep…how much do I need? The whole bottle should do it. Luckily, I saw Mother giving the new bottle to that man just a few days ago. Maybe they should be more discreet when handling such…deadly objects.
A strange, maniacal laugh starts in Light's throat as he dumps half the small bottle's contents into his hand. He quickly pours a cup of water and tips his head back, drowning the handful of capsules with the water. The remaining task force can only watch as the brilliant young man kill himself, all because of his father, their friend and coworker.
Whoa, woozy…
Light grips the sides of the sink, the pills already starting to take their effect on him.
Soon…soon…no more worry…It'll all go away…but maybe…I should use that other half…just in case…
Sirens start blaring down the road. Light perks up slightly, knowing exactly what was going on it seems like. He grimaces and tries to pour out the other half into his shaking, waiting hand.
Come on…I'm so close…I won't have to deal with any of this anymore. I'll die! Isn't that what I wanted?!
Honking is heard through the speakers, and Light hears it too. He rushes as fast as he can, some of the pills spilling out onto the floor.
Well, at least…we don't have a dog…Wouldn't wanna take him…where I'm going…
The water sloshes out of the cup as he tries to pour more into it. Light hears car doors slamming.
Wait…why're there more than just my dad…? He wants to stop…his perfect son…from dying, right? Who else…cares about me…really?
The house is entered. The Task Force sees L running up the stairs to the master bedroom, Soichiro not far behind.
So…fucking…close…
The pills taking their effect too much, Light can barely stand as he raises a shaking hand to his mouth once more. But before he can tip it over, he's knocked to the tiled floor, his head banging the side of the sink.
Who…the hell…? …What? Who is…that? That beautiful…man…Is he…my angel? Here…to take me…to heaven?
"Light…Light…"
…But I…don't deserve…to go…there….And black engulfs his mind…
______
Damn…everything hurts…Is heaven supposed to be this…dark? And suffocating? There's pressure all over my body…my arm…my face…my chest…And that beeping…it's so fucking annoying. When that angel took me…why would he take me to hell?
Demons are supposed to be hideous aren't they? So that man must've been an angel…ebony locks…ivory skin…onyx eyes…He looked like such a simple, yet complex man…angel…demon…
"How long has it been?" Hey, that sounds like my mom!
"A little over a month…" I've never heard the voice…yet it sounds so familiar…Who do I know who has such a monotonous yet…hypnotizing voice…? Oh! I remember…the angel, when he was calling my name, right before I died…But why would he be talking to Mother? And why would she be in heaven? Or hell…
"Do you realize how much school work he's missed? And what if he never wakes up? Then my dreams—and his dreams—are down the drain!" Wait…why would my dad be here? That damn bastard, what is he talking about?
What are they all talking about, my parents and the angel? It's as if I'm just asleep…as if the pills didn't kill me…Oh, dammit! I'm in a hospital, aren't I? That's what that beeping is, a heart monitor, and other machines, keeping me alive. Why won't they just unplug them? The angel's here; he knows what I want, doesn't he? He is my angel after all…
Unless…he isn't an angel…
But if that's the case, then he must be a demon…but they're comfortable around him, my parents, so he must be human…but it seems like I've been out of it for a month, so that is ample time to get used to a demon, is it not?
"Well, I'm going to take Sachiko to the cafeteria. God knows she hasn't been eating properly since the…incident…" Well, that proves it. I'm still alive and in a damn hospital, and just waking up from a coma. Not that I'm going to wake up in front of those horrible creatures I've been tortured to call parents.
"I'll stay here and watch him…" That odd voice again…the non-angel…no matter how angelic he looked…
"Like always…"
"Does he ever sleep?" My parents' voices, their hushed, fading as well, their footsteps along with them. They must be leaving the room. Goodbye and good riddance. There was a reason I never said goodbye in the first place.
Maybe he is my guardian angel, never sleeping, always watching over me… But since when have I believed in this crap? Since I saw him?
"Light-kun…" His voice…so deep… "Watching over you all this time, learning about your past, old stories and such…I don't even know why I'm saying this, but Watari says that sometimes people in comas hear what's being said to them…" Well, I'm conscious now. "Anyway…I consider you…a brother now…And have realized that…I dislike the way Yagami-san has been treating you. He's constantly trying to prove that you're not Kira, yet believing Aizawa-san all the same…thinking you tried killing yourself out of stress…but the killings have continued while you're unconscious, and I have no doubt of your innocence."
If he knows of the Task Force Father is on for capturing Kira…and I've never heard his voice before—and I know all the other members personally—then…OH, MY GOD! L! The L is actually here, watching over me! My idol considers me a brother now!
But that means the gorgeous man I saw…plus the personality I've already put together…I think I'm in love…
With my brother. Major let down…But…maybe I should reward him…
"L…" Damn, my voice is scratchy and hoarse. But what do you expect when I haven't used it in over a month, and my last words were shouts, already ruining it?
"LIGHT-KUN!" L cries as he hears the words spoken from the comatose teenager. Light's eyes slowly open, blinking back the blinding light. L stands from his usual crouched position, almost running to Light's side, a smile very visible on his lips.
There is also a small smirk on Light's face. He's unable to turn his head, for there are many tubes and wires, but L moves so his face is clearly visible when Light speaks once more. "You've…watched over me…all this time? The great and powerful…L?" Maybe he might consider me more than a brother if I just ask…or force it out of him…
Cocking his head to the side, L asks, "How did you know who I was without opening your eyes?"
"…Logic…" Light responds casually. A long pause, and L leans back once more, still watching Light's every move. "…So…I'm not…dead?" Light finally says, a melancholy expression on his face to match his voice. Okay…I think whatever drugs they're pumping into my system is causing me to have major mood swings…
"Sadly, no," L responds, before adding, "Well, for me thankfully, you're not. As you must have heard…I think of you as the brother I never had…"
Well…at least I'm family to him…
They continue talking for a little while, Light asking how the Kira Case is going, getting short responses, but putting the picture together—slowly, for his mind still seems to be a little fogged, and the extra drugs at the moment aren't helping—that they are close to figuring out who he or she is, and just a few more weeks until they are caught.
_____
Just a few more weeks is right.
Light's parents came back to a laughing Light and chuckling L, both almost having a heart attack—which really freaked out L, who thought it was the working of Kira for a moment. The doctors were surprised the teen had actually woken up, what with the amount of sleeping pills he had taken, they thought it would a permanent coma, or at least last many years. They had Light stay at the hospital for the next few weeks, L visiting as often as possible, talking with his "brother" about…well, brotherly things.
The day Light was supposed to go home, Misa Amane, a pop idol and model, was captured and proven as Kira. Apparently, her parents were killed by a criminal and the police did nothing about it for various reasons. She decided to take justice into her own hands and use what she called a "Death Note" to kill hundreds upon hundreds of criminals. The police were still skeptical about the existence of "shinigami" but Misa was sentenced to a mental hospital, testified as legally insane.
L had actually hugged Light when he rushed into the hospital room where Light was changing into the street clothes his parents had provided. Light was a little more than embarrassed to have his unrequited love hug him while shirtless. L, his clueless unrequited love.
But…but…there was more news than that…I couldn't believe it when he said so…
"Light-kun, I have talked with your parents, and they've—reluctantly—agreed that it would be better if you'd…visit a…psychiatric hospital…just for a little bit…" To say I was shocked would be an understatement. They thought I was insane?! Oh wait, I still think that. After all, I'm going back to that old life…after trying desperately to escape…permanently. "So, I've volunteered, now that I don't have to stay in Japan for the Kira Case, to take you to a very good place in my home country." Oh yeah, when we were talking about where either of us would love to vacation to, he mentioned that he'd love to go back to England, where he grew up with Watari.
Biting his lip, Light replied, "Well…uh…" What was I supposed to say? "Yes, I'd love to go with you, my love, to a mental hospital halfway across the world!"?
With a chuckle, L stated, "I'm not going to take you to a mental hospital. I've already shared my views that it is Yagami-san who needs one. But I'm taking you away from here, my brother." He's been calling me his brother recently. It might not be romantic love, but I think that brotherly love is better than nothing…
Author's Note: Told you, crappy ending. Never actually had one when originally thinking of the story. This was one of my possible endings, and I just thought where I ended it was sweet, you know? Told you it would be one-sided!
Oh right, yes, the ending section is written differently, but I didn't know how to write what needed to be said and done and shit w/o doing it like that…
What a depressing story…I think this actually beats "We Are Broken!" I'm so serious! And I didn't think that was possible…How'd I come up w/ the title? Well, I was having issues actually, until I randomly heard the song on my iPod and realized it's perfect for this story. End of story. ((Oddly enough, they both have "broken" in them, though I didn't plan that))
And yes…it was actually pretty easy for me to write those suicidal parts…This whole fanfic was actually pretty easy for me to write. Content doesn't bother me as much when it's a good idea, so writing this depressing shit was easy. Admitting that I can easily write suicidal thoughts…not so easy…But I just did.
Oh, and for some reason, Light's really obsessed w/ heaven and hell and angels and that crap. I think it's just 'cause of the irony for the real Death Note series, you know?
I hope you've enjoyed reading this, and if you could please, leave a nice long review? ((Short ones are okay too))