Talk Show - Buffy/Spike Fanfic

Talk Show


AUTHOR: Taramisu
E-MAIL: taramisu@channelingboards.com
SUMMARY: Several characters find themselves mysteriously on a wild talk show. This is a BtVS/Angel/Charmed/Quantum Leap/Farscape/Invisible Man/7th Heaven crossover.
CATEGORY: Sillyfic
RATING: PG for language
Prologue



The Magic Box

"So, what's the threat du jour, G-man?" Xander's entrance lit up the room as his jovial wit was never far behind. The elder man, donned in tweed, looked up from his bookkeeping and frowned. "Not a thing. Not a single thing, um, X-man."

"Whoa! Danger Will Robinson, danger! You better be careful there, Giles. You'll short circuit your sense of humor straining it like that." The dark haired young man led Anya to the table in the center of the shoppe.

Giles slammed his books closed. "I have to admit. It is rather quiet lately. Wouldn't you agree?" He promptly removed his glasses and began to clean them with a handkerchief.

"We haven't had a good apocalypses in weeks. My military side has gone into mourning." Xander's face dropped just a bit.

"And Xander's sex drive has really suffered, too." Anya's face did not change an iota from its previous expressionless state.

"Thank you once again for you candidness, Anya." Giles simply turned around to put away his tomes.

Suddenly, Buffy burst through the door. "I've got some bad news." Her announcement jarred the three audience members.

"Woo-hoo!" Xander jumped from his seat. Upon seeing the Slayer's deadly glare, he amended his Homeresque 'woo-hoo'. "I mean, oh-no!"

"It's alright, Xan-man. We're all a bit…action starved." She smiled.

"See, Giles, that's how it's done." The group's resident jester couldn't help but rib the shoppe owner.

"Yes, quite." The tweed king replaced his spectacles.

"Anyhow…" Buffy looked confused, but decided to ignore the exchange, "I had a little convo with Willy."

"I thought you were pissed off at Spike." The dark haired girl gave a puzzled look.

"No…not William. Willy. See, there's a difference. And I thought I made it clear that no one was to mention his name any more."

"The lady doth protest too much, me thinks." Fortunately for her, Anya's voice was not quite loud enough for the humans to comprehend. The Slayer would most certainly not appreciate the comment.

"Willy mentioned that an old friend had just crawled back into town."

The room was silent.

"Well, isn't anyone going to guess?"

"This isn't a game show, Buffy. Just tell us already." He could be stuffy when he wanted. Ok, he could be stuffy even when he didn't want.

"Ethan Rayne."

"Oh, bloody hell!"

"And I thought I mentioned at least a million times not to use that phrase, either!!" Buffy was getting seriously annoyed.

"The lady doth protest too much, me thinks."

"What was that, Giles?!"

"Um, I said, 'Buffy works too hard, I think.'"

Xander giggled. 'He sure pulled that one out of his…'

"Yeah, well, what are we going to do about old Ethan? Form a lynch mob? Rake him over the coals? Oh, I know! Can I stake him this time, Giles? Pleeeaaasssee?"

Giles turned around, reaching for his latest book. "I-I've been doing some research and I think I've discovered a way to keep him from coming back. Of course, it will take a bit of magick, but Willow and Tara should be able to help nicely." He slowly turned back to Buffy, only there was no Buffy. There was also no Xander and no Anya. "Oh, dear."


Continued in Part 2

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