Title: Confusion leads to delusion (1/2).
Author:Danyliz.
Universe/Series: Reboot.
Rating: PG-15.
Summary: A secret exchange is organized on the Enterprise to celebrate Valentine's Day… however it's well known that on this ship rumors and misunderstandings always get in the way.
Beta: Anbessette.
Notes: Okay, I suck and I was really timid to try and participate in the Valentine's Day celebration the Kirk/Spock comm had (and I also suck at deadlines), so hopefully next year I'll get enough guts and I'll join the fun. In the meanwhile, I wrote this story having in mind the great friends I've met so far in this amazing fandom. Ariadnechan, I still owe you the story, but I'm doing other cracky fics… does that count?; A Maze Thing, no, it's not our cracky Jim's virtue story, but I'll give you that one soon, I promise; Black Wolther, you know what part was inspired by you; Chironstar, for being so amazing and fun and Tbt93 because I'm totally stalking her and she hasn't complained so far. Of course I haven't forgotten my amazing beta Anbessette, even when this wasn't the fandom she was correcting me at first, I harassed her and now she's stuck with me! Thank you honey, you are the wind beneath my wings (I'm still with that, yes).
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the fantasies in mi head… and a hamster.
As he entered Sickbay, Leonard McCoy wondered why in seven hells he was still friends with Jim Kirk. Glancing at the folded piece of paper in his hand, he sighed. Only Jim would make him agree to this stupid 'Secret Valentine' thing. It was bad enough that he was ogling Spock and the only one ignorant of that was Spock himself, but to actually do this to get his feelings out… it made Leonard sick.
Well, what's done is done. He had agreed and now he had to endure all the stupid comments about this. How Jim convinced the entire crew into participate was beyond him. Apparently 'Valentine's day is not just for couples, but also to celebrate friendship. It would help to get to know each other better, and it doesn't have to be romantic, just a nice way to bond; and besides, we've been in space for seven months and we are due a little fun'. The worst thing was that everyone agreed, except him and Spock, but of course Spock would do anything Jim said. He was completely whipped without even knowing it.
He was about to update Jim's chart and add an STD just for putting him through this, when the last person he expected to see walked into Sickbay.
"Good afternoon, Doctor McCoy."
"What do you want?" Leonard asked brusquely. He didn't want to deal with the Vulcan right now. He was pissed.
"Excellent manners as usual," Spock said, lifting an eyebrow. "I was wondering about your selection in the activity the Captain suggested we take part in."
"You mean he ordered us to participate," Leonard said bitterly.
"He did not make an official order. I admit that I find this unappealing, however that could be due to my lack of understanding of human celebrations."
"Well, I'm human and I think it blows." Leonard noticed the questioning glance directed at him. "Shut up! I'm human!"
"I would not say otherwise without solid evidence."
"I don't have time to play sarcasm games with you, what did you say you wanted?" McCoy sighed. This Vulcan was annoying.
"I desire to know your selection in the activity," repeated Spock like he was telling a child.
"You want to know what name I got." Leonard looked at Spock dubiously. "Why do you care who I got?"
"I believe it would be a great opportunity to offer my assistance in giving you 'a way out', as you call it."
"Shoot."
The first time Leonard said this to Spock, the cheeky Vulcan actually shot him with the training laser; it took all of Jim's persuasion and Spock's 'honest apologies' to stop McCoy from injecting him with Andorian Flu.
"If you have the Captain, I would not be opposed to exchanging names with you," explained Spock.
"How does that exactly gets me out of this, Spock? It sounds like you just want to trade names to get Jim." And after hearing himself say that, it clicked. So Spock wanted to give Jim a gift… maybe Jim wasn't that stupid after all.
"I will compromise. I will give you a proper gift for the person I 'trade'; you can continue your glaring and complaining without having to exhaust yourself thinking of a present."
"You don't think I'm capable of giving a decent gift, right?" Leonard spat.
"I would not put it like that, but I do believe that you gave me an enema for Christmas."
"It came with instructions and gloves! I thought you would want to expand your horizons," McCoy defended. It was a great gift! People never understood the importance of enemas, as old-fashioned as they were.
"I rest my case," Spock said, and okay, Leonard conceded that maybe it would be tacky to give someone a box of condoms on Valentine's Day.
"Let's say I got Jim; why would I want to trade him? He's my best friend, he would be the easiest and cheapest present for me; maybe condoms and lube and I'm all set." Leonard really wanted to get rid of that box of condoms. It had been naïve to think that he would get laid a lot in space.
Since Spock didn't say anything, Leonard glanced at him and noticed the murderous glare he was sending in his direction. He had apparently touched a nerve.
"I would appreciate if you refrained for giving such personal and improper presents to the Captain," Spock said coldly. "Are you saying that you will not make the exchange?"
"Who did you get?"
"Nurse Chapel." Spock shuddered. He actually shuddered, and Leonard smiled, knowing Chapel was two steps away from getting a restraining order signed by Pike.
Spock must have something he couldn't see because so far Chapel and Jim were lusting after him like he was the best person in the whole universe.
"Man, that's just fate then, I wouldn't want to intrude in your true love," Leonard mocked.
"Nurse Chapel is not 'my true love'; I believe she is an efficient nurse and we maintain a professional relationship," Spock said in a clipped tone.
"That's not what I heard… that time, when everyone on the ship was crazy because our inhibitions went to hell… you were alone with her in Sickbay… I noticed that one of my beds was messy…"
"You should not pay any attention to gossip, Doctor McCoy. I have heard you enjoy dressing as a woman in your spare time and I do not assume that is true."
"WHAT? Who said that? I bet it was Jim, I'm going to kill him!"
"It was not the Captain, and refrain for making threats against him," Spock demanded. Of course, he had to defend his imaginary boyfriend. Typical. Leonard couldn't believe those two were still oblivious about their feelings.
"Sure, sure, you don't need to get all territorial over Jim. I didn't get him, I got Chekov."
"Oh." Spock blanked out his expression again. "I see this was a waste of time then."
"Yeah, it was," agreed Leonard.
"I shall retire; I apologize if I disturbed your routine of doing nothing productive."
"Hey! I'm a busy doctor, you all just think you can come in here and talk to me like I have nothing better to do and assume that I'm…" Leonard noticed that Spock was long gone. "Damn Vulcan."
Deciding that this meant that he should add something awful to Spock's medical chart, he grabbed his PADD again when he heard footsteps getting closer. Now what?
"I told you I'm busy!" McCoy snapped.
"Relax Bones, it's me!" Jim said with a big smile. "You don't have to pretend to be all professional."
"Your Vulcan was here just a minute ago, didn't you see him?"
"Uh, no, actually the hallway was deserted. Spock was here? What did he want?" Jim sounded nervous.
"He asked for your hand in marriage."
"Ha, ha. Come on, tell me!"
"What do you care? Even better, what do you want?"
"Oh, well…" Jim fidgeted, the Vulcan apparently forgotten. "Remember when I told you that I had everything under control for the exchange?"
"Yes." This didn't sound good.
"It turns out that I messed up… and I lost Spock's name from the batch."
"What?"
"Yeah… but I narrowed down the options, so… did you get him?"
"Let's assume I did. What would you do for me if I wanted to trade?"
"Oh, don't be like that! You're my best friend! You have to help me."
"You got me into this mess in the first place. I think having Spock as my Secret Valentine is revenge enough."
"Why? So you can give away your stupid box of condoms to be wasted because Spock won't use them?"
"How are you so sure he won't use them?" Leonard said with a naughty tone, making Jim go completely wide-eyed.
"You know if Spock has the hots for someone?" Jim asked in a rush.
"Maybe."
"Who?"
McCoy heard the angry tone in his voice. His friend was the jealous type, maybe he shouldn't be toying with his emotions like this… but it was so amusing! Well, Jim would forgive him… eventually.
"I can't tell you, it's confidential." Leonard put the PADD on the desk, looking deadly serious.
"I order you to tell me!" Jim said in his best menacing voice. It didn't fool Leonard, though. He was freaking out on the inside.
"Nope. And you better watch your tone with me, kid."
Then Jim noticed the small smirk on Bones' lips, and he glared hard.
"Asshole!" He punched Leonard's arm. "I thought you were serious."
"Yes Jim, because if Spock had the hots for someone he would run quickly to tell ME about it," Leonard spat. "You know we can barely live on the same ship."
"I think you two are great friends," smiled Jim. "So, who did you get?"
"First tell me what name you got and let me see if this benefits me somehow."
"You're my best friend; you're supposed to help me."
"I've helped you tons of times."
"Stitching your name on my butt doesn't constitute 'helping'." Jim glared; apparently he was still sour about that.
"It was a great work of art, and you were the moron who tried to catch a knife with your ass." Leonard defended himself. He had clearly said it was a bad idea but Jim went for it anyway.
"You could use the dermal regenerator."
"If you behave, maybe I'll get it off before you sleep with the Vulcan."
"Hey! I don't want to sleep with Spock." Leonard looked at Jim incredulously. "Well, it would be nice, but I love him. I just want to woo him until he realizes I'm the logical choice for a mate."
"First, nobody has said 'woo' in two centuries. Second, you aren't a logical choice for a mate, you're just you and that should be enough."
"Me being me hasn't worked so far, Bones."
"Because you're an idiot."
"Nice. Are you telling me what name you got or what?"
"You first."
"Fine, I got Uhura, happy?"
"Oh, sweet irony." Leonard smirked. "Giving a gift to the ex of your crush… it's like an old soap opera."
"Whatever, I told you who I got. Your turn."
"I got Chekov."
"What? You tortured me for nothing?"
Well, I wouldn't say for 'nothing'. I had fun. Besides Jimbo, if you are a super genius, how come you didn't get that if I had gotten Spock, I would have realized that you messed up the exchange thing? Stop thinking with your dick for once."
Jim didn't bother with an answer; he just stormed out of Sickbay in one of his dramatic exits. Oh, kids in love.
Hikaru was excited about this Secret Valentine thing until he saw the name he got. He wanted Chekov and he got the Captain, although a lot of people would say he was lucky because the Captain was a sexy beast. Not him, though; he liked Chekov, he was so innocent and cute…damn, it would have been so cool if he got him for the exchange. Well, now he had to think of a present for the Captain.
What to give to your boss that wasn't too personal but also showed that you cared? That was the hardest thing; getting the highest ranked person on the Enterprise as your Secret Valentine was tricky. He was considering asking Doctor McCoy about it, since he was the Captain's best friend. He hoped McCoy could provide helpful suggestions because Hikaru was out of ideas. He didn't want to give his Captain the wrong idea. He liked him as a friend, and yeah, he probably would hit that if he wasn't already interested in someone else. But he had no interest in the Captain in that way and he wanted to use this opportunity to make his intentions with Pavel clear. Slowly, of course, the guy was still a minor for the next two months and four days according to his calculations (he happened to notice Chekov's personnel file in the database. He wasn't stalking him or anything, it was pure coincidence).
This sucked; if Pavel saw that he was giving a present to the Captain he could misinterpret his intentions. His gift had to be as impersonal as possible, but still nice enough that the Captain wouldn't take offense. Hikaru was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled when he glanced up and noticed Commander Spock seated in front of him.
"Commander!" Hikaru squeaked.
"Good afternoon, Lieutenant Sulu." Commander Spock tilted his head. "I hope you do not mind that I took a seat at your table. You seemed lost in your contemplations, I was not sure if you heard me ask if I could join you for lunch."
"Oh, sorry, no, I didn't hear you. Sure, go ahead." Hikaru knew saying this was stupid; the Commander looked like he was already halfway through his meal, which meant that he'd just sat there quietly until Hikaru got back to reality. He didn't know if that was extremely polite, or just creepy.
"Lieutenant, if you do not mind answering this question, what is your opinion about the activity the Captain suggested for the Terran Holiday called 'Valentine's Day'?" The Commander looked at Hikaru with an arched eyebrow.
"Well… I think it's great…" Hikaru smiled. "If you got the person you wanted," he muttered to himself while he chewed his sandwich.
"I concur, Mister Sulu. The Captain's goal seemed to be to create a playful environment to get to know our fellow crewmembers; however, he apparently did not take in account that the date itself evokes a more… romantic sentiment."
Hikaru blushed immediately. Right, Vulcans had sharp hearing. Good thing he hadn't said anything stupid.
"But the Captain is trying to be nice and he's doing something we can all enjoy; we can hardly complain when he meant well."
"Of course, I do not doubt the noble intentions of our Captain. But it would be more satisfactory if those who want to take advantage of the celebration got the person they are interested in, do not you agree?
"Um… I suppose." Hikaru was lost about the Commander's intentions here, so he decided to just follow his lead.
"I have noticed that you observe Ensign Chekov quite often," Commander Spock said calmly.
"We're just friends! He's a minor!" That sounded better in his head.
"Do not concern yourself, Lieutenant. I do not object to your interest in the Ensign, it is only natural that some feelings blossom in our shared time." Commander Spock maintained his cool tone of voice. Hikaru didn't know if he should be scared that Mister Spock had used the words 'feelings' and 'blossom' in the same sentence and without any negative connotations.
"Thanks?" He was at loss for what to say to the Commander. If this was some kind of test, he was sure he'd failed already.
"And since I noticed your discomfort at the activity, I daresay you did not get the Ensign as your 'Secret Valentine'. Am I correct in my assumptions?"
Okay, this was becoming creepier by the minute. The Commander just said 'Secret Valentine' without twitching his eye. Hikaru wondered if it was wise to confirm what the Vulcan clearly already knew.
"That's correct, Commander. I got the Captain." So much for 'Secret Valentine' thought Hikaru bitterly. They weren't supposed to say which name they got.
Glancing at Mister Spock, Hikaru noticed a weird glint in his eyes. Now he was truly scared… he looked around and they were practically alone in the mess hall, which was weird because it was lunch time… unless the Commander had something to do with this. No witnesses, then… Hikaru sorted out his options in his head. Nope, he was screwed, he had nowhere to run.
"I am glad my search has come to an end," the Commander said in a strange tone.
"Great." Hikaru tried to sound sympathetic to see if that made his escape easier. "Good for you, Commander!"
"Mister Sulu." Commander Spock sounded serious again, which made Hikaru tremble (only a little, the guy was a Vulcan! It was natural to be afraid of him). "If for some reason I ended up with Mister Chekov's name for the exchange, would you consider trading with me?"
What? This was the last thing Hikaru had expected.
"You want the Captain as your Secret Valentine? I thought you would want Uhura…" Hikaru shut his mouth quickly. That was a secret; everyone thought that this would be the big opportunity for Uhura and Mister Spock to get back together.
"And why would I want the Lieutenant for the exchange? It is easier to give a present to a human male, and the Captain is above me… in rank." Hikaru narrowed his eyes at hearing the Commander's long pause after 'above me'. Weird. "It is logical that I would look forward to giving him a present, since having someone of lower rank could lead to misunderstandings."
Hikaru wasn't really sure of that logic, but he wasn't going to say anything to the Commander. Besides, that made more sense than the Commander actually wanting the Captain in a romantic way; after all, those two hated each other's guts.
"I guess you're right," Hikaru said. "It's not like you're interested in him romantically, and if you want to get back together with Uhura you can always ask her to dance on the ball." Shit! He wasn't supposed to say that either, dammit!
Commander Spock only lifted an eyebrow.
"Lieutenant Uhura and I are not restoring our personal relationship. We are friends and I hold her in high esteem, but we have different interests and we have agreed to pursue our personal goals."
It seemed odd that Commander Spock was explaining this to him, but maybe he just wanted to clarify that he wasn't getting back together with Uhura on Valentine's Day. Damn, he just lost fifty credits.
"Now, returning to my previous query, what would be your answer, Mister Sulu?"
"I guess I would do the trade."
"Excellent, that was all I wanted to know, Lieutenant. Excuse me."
Commander Spock stood up suddenly, leaving Hikaru was completely confused. What just happened here?
Scotty stared at the small piece of paper, sighing. Sure, Doctor McCoy was a handsome fellow and rumor said he was really good in bed, but Scotty didn't swing that way and he would have preferred to have Nyota for his Secret Valentine. Keenser was useless, he had specifically told him that he had to find out who got Uhura so Scotty could trade the name, and the lad just ate his sandwich, sitting on his console. In these moments Scotty really wished he had left Keenser on Delta Vega.
This bites. He had no time to ask the crew to see who got Nyota, and he had the perfect present for her: a beautiful necklace he saw on their last shore leave. If the Captain hadn't come up with the idea of the Secret Valentine, Scotty would have made his move with her on Valentine's Day. He had even planned a romantic dinner in the Engineering department. Maybe he could still do that after the party.
"Hey, Scotty!"
Turning around, Scotty noticed the Captain standing in front of him with a big smile on his face.
"Captain! What are you doing here?"
"I decided to pay a visit to my favorite engineer."
Well, that was odd. The Captain only visited when he needed something, and last time he checked, Scotty had upgraded everything as requested.
"Can I help you with something, Captain?" Scotty asked. He didn't like avoiding touchy subjects; that was why he was going to declare his undying love for Nyota directly instead of just giving hints like the Captain did with Mister Spock.
He sometimes wondered if he was the only one who noticed how the Captain turned into a high school girl around the Commander. He only was two steps away from giggling every time the Commander talked to him.
"Direct as usual, Scotty." The Captain shook his head, apparently amused. "I was wondering who you got for the exchange."
"You want to know what name I got?" Scotty frowned.
"That's right… I'm doing a little research… helping friends… no big deal."
Maybe the Captain was worried that the person who got his name would give him a crappy present or something. Scotty knew what that was like, Keenser always gave him oil for his birthday. And then he drank it, leaving Scotty the empty can.
"Captain, I'm sure whoever got your name will get a good present for you."
"Oh, I'm not worried about that, Scotty. I just… well, I want to know if you got Spock."
"Commander Spock?"
"Is there another Spock… on the ship?"
"I guess not." Scotty smiled; they both knew there was another Spock. Oh, the Captain was so adorable with his crush on the Commander. Honestly, everyone must be blind.
"So… did you get him?"
"Nay Captain. I got Doctor McCoy."
"Bones, huh? Man, that must suck."
"I like the doctor… just not in that way."
"Scotty, I doubt anyone likes Bones in that way." The Captain smirked. "You were hoping for someone else, then?"
"I admit there's a certain female whom I got my eye on," Scotty mused.
"Really? If you tell me, maybe I can find out who has the name and see if they want to exchange with you."
That wasn't such a bad idea, but Scotty wasn't sure if he should answer… the Captain kept hitting on Nyota back at the Academy and he still made jokes about it. He knew the Captain was interested in the Commander, but maybe he also wanted Nyota as a backup. He was a cautious man; Scotty didn't want to take any risks.
"I'm not interested in anyone here, Scotty," the Captain clarified like he had read Scotty's mind. "Well… anyone female, anyway."
"I know, Captain," Scotty smiled. "I would have liked to get Nyota's name."
The Captain was wide-eyed, like he would have expected any name but that one. Why was that so surprising? Scotty had fine taste in women, he was just a traditionalist; he didn't hit on the one he was interested in, he courted her until she fell for his charms. He liked the old fashioned thing.
"Spock's ex? I don't know, Scotty… rumors say that they're planning on getting back together." Scotty noted the annoyed tone in the Captain's voice.
"I think that if they wanted to get back together, they would have done so already," Scotty said with conviction; he didn't want the Captain to give up on his intent to pursue the Commander. He had a shot there, Scotty knew. The Commander invaded the Captain's personal space with silly excuses like 'I thought I saw an insect in your hair, Captain'.
"You think?" The Captain looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"I'm sure, Captain. Besides, I think Nyota would like a taste of Scotland," he smirked.
"Hey, no argument there. If you use your kilt, you'll probably win her heart. But just because I'm awesome… here…"
Scotty took the folded paper the Captain extended, and when he opened it his heart started beating faster.
"Captain… Really?"
"Sure Scotty, at least someone should get the one he really wants. It won't be that bad giving a present to Bones. I'm his best friend; I know how his mind works."
"Thank you Captain!" Scotty said gleefully. He got Nyota! That dinner must happen now.
"No need to thank me Scotty, I like to believe that I'm Cupid and I just shot an arrow into your heart."
"Well, it would help if you shot an arrow into Nyota's heart. She's already won mine."
"The moment she sees the necklace and hears your poem she will fall for you, no doubt."
Scotty blushed deeply. That was a secret!
"How did you know about that?" he shrieked.
"Sometimes the recreation room isn't as deserted as you think. Next time don't recite your poem to Keenser… he's a bad audience."
So the Captain only wanted Scotty to admit his crush. Oh, he was good. Well, at least Scotty got what he wanted… and now it was time to plan the dinner again.
McCoy was playing with his stylus, thinking about what would be the best gift to give a naïve seventeen year old kid who had a strange sense of humor and thought that everything good came from Russia. Could it be considered tacky to give him a box of condoms wrapped in the Russian flag?
He heard a cough, and he knew perfectly well whom it was coming from.
"What do you want now?" he glared.
"Good afternoon, Doctor McCoy," Spock deadpanned. Okay, he didn't say anything about his 'manners'; he must want something from him then.
"I repeat: What do you want?"
"I was wondering if you would be amenable to exchanging the person you got for the activity with me."
"You want me to give you Chekov? Why?"
"I have my reasons."
"I didn't know you liked jailbait, Spock," he smirked; it was so fun baiting the Vulcan.
"I am not interested in the Ensign romantically, and may I add that I find it disturbing how humans immediately assume that everything is related to sex."
"It's more plausible than you wanting Chekov because you want a BFF."
"I do not understand. What is the meaning of 'BFF'?" Spock arched an eyebrow.
"I thought Jim explained this to you."
"I am afraid he did not clarify, he just diverted the topic as he often does," Spock said in a resigned tone. Yep, that sounded like Jim.
"It means 'Best Friends Forever'."
"I still do not understand." Spock kept his expression neutral.
"Forget it. I'm not giving you Chekov. I have the perfect present for him," he lied, because it was easier to give something to Chekov than to give a present to a woman, let alone Nurse Chapel.
Spock looked at him with disbelief; yeah, he probably wasn't falling for that one.
"I can get the perfect gift for him, anyway. I just have to ask him."
"You are going to ask the Ensign about his own present," Spock said, sounding bored. "Does that not defeat the whole purpose of this exercise?"
"It's not like anyone is keeping their Secret Valentine… well, a secret. So far I know you got Chapel… and let's say I know about others as well."
"Like the Captain?" Spock sounded interested.
"You know Jim. He always tells me everything." McCoy knew he was hitting a nerve here; Spock hated it when he pointed out how he and Jim were best friends.
"I see." Spock clasped his hands behind his back. Oh, this was bad, he was pissed.
"But he has a big mouth anyway." He tried to do some damage control. Provoking Spock was fun to some extent, but he knew when to stop to avoid the bitch-choke he was so fond of using when someone snapped his Vulcan control.
"The Captain's mouth is perfectly proportional to his features," Spock said coldly.
"I'm sure you've been aware of Jim's proportions lately," he said without thinking.
Spock only arched an eyebrow again, clearly meaning: 'I don't know what you're talking about; I'm pretty discreet at undressing the Captain with my eyes'.
"You want Chekov." He thought it prudent to get back on topic. "Unless you give me a good reason, I won't trade with you. Chapel is my nurse; she could get the wrong idea about us."
"I assure you Doctor, Nurse Chapel is not interested in you."
"Oh, right, she has the hots for you. Still, I work with her; it'd be awkward if I got her as my Secret Valentine."
"She does not…" Spock massaged his temples like he always did when McCoy unnerved him. "I do not see how it would be 'awkward'… unless perhaps you feel attracted to Miss Chapel, then I would understand why you are reluctant to exchange names."
"I'm not ten years old Spock, I won't fall for that argument. Just tell me, does this have something to do with you wanting Jim as your Secret Valentine?"
"If I said that it does, would you do the trade?"
"Yes."
"Very well. It is related to my intention of having the Captain as my recipient."
"Oh, then Sulu must have gotten Jim, right?"
Spock tilted his head.
"May I ask how you came to that conclusion?"
"Sulu wants Chekov… even though he says 'they're just friends', it's clear he wants to play more mature games than poker with the kid. And you knew I got Chekov, I doubt you are so generous that you'd make the trade just to help Sulu. You could have told him that I got Chekov and let Sulu deal with me. The fact that you're here means that you don't want Sulu trading with me because then I would get Jim and then I would make you suffer."
"Excellent, Doctor McCoy. If you applied this kind of reasoning in your social skills, I believe you could become the finest member of the fleet."
"Spock, don't try sarcasm. It doesn't suit you." McCoy smirked. "What's in for me if I give you Chekov?"
"You would do a good deed for one of your crewmates. I do not mean myself, I know you do not feel inclined to help me; I am talking about Mister Sulu. You would help him in his dilemma."
"Oh, come on Spock, I'm not that bad. I would help you if you asked."
"Hence the problem. I would not ask."
"You're a proud son of a bitch, you know that?"
"You are fond of reminding me of it, yes."
"Okay, let's make a deal. I'll give you Chekov… but you have to give me the document about Pon Farr that I've been asking you about since we started the mission."
"Doctor McCoy, that is hardly fair. That document is extremely private."
"I know, I play dirty all the time. I want to be the first doctor to actually do research on that topic… and of course you want Jim, so we both win."
"If you exchange names with me, I will give you the document in Vulcan. You will have to do the translation on your own, and you must agree to keep it private as doctor-patient confidentiality demands."
"Now you admit I'm your doctor? This day keeps getting better and better."
"As you would say, do we 'have a deal?'"
"All right, deal. Buy Jim something pretty."
Spock didn't bother saying anything else, he just took the piece of paper McCoy put on his desk, leaving Chapel's name carefully folded. Now what the hell was he going to give her? He doubted she would appreciate his box of condoms.
Pavel went to the Science lab for research purposes. He had Commander Spock as his Secret Valentine, and he was really nervous about it. Mister Spock was a scary Vulcan. And besides, he thought that Mister Spock didn't like him much after what happened almost a year ago. Sure, he said it wasn't his fault when he apologized, but he had to say that because it was 'the logical thing to say', not because he really felt that way. He was still afraid that Mister Spock would do something awful to him for failing to rescue his mother. Sulu said he was paranoid, but Chekov still always checked his meal in case the Vulcan decided to poison him. Having him as his Secret Valentine was really ironic.
For a moment, when he glanced at the paper for the first time, he thought he had gotten Sulu; he was ecstatic, Sulu was his perfect choice for his Secret Valentine. He had hinted at his attraction for his console partner for a while now; however, Sulu kept looking at him like he was just a child. He was seventeen, and he always was a precocious kid anyway. He had experienced tons of things that most young men his age wouldn't dream of. In fact, he was probably more experienced than Sulu, who was far too shy for his taste. The only thing Chekov hadn't done was being totally naked in the same room with Sulu. If he had gotten Sulu as his Secret Valentine, that would have helped a lot with what he wanted.
Sighing, Chekov entered the recreation room, noticing Lieutenant Uhura chatting with Yeoman Rand. Well, he didn't want to give Mister Spock another reason to hate him, so he had to get this present thing right. The only reliable source to help him accomplish that was Miss Uhura. She was his ex-girlfriend, she must have some insight about the Commander's taste… or perhaps, if rumors were true, she would be willing to trade names with him.
"Miss Uhura," Pavel interrupted the chat the women were having. "I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment."
Miss Uhura looked at him fondly.
"Of course, Chekov. Excuse us, Janice."
"Sure thing… just do it, Nyota."
"We'll see." She smiled. "Come, Pavel."
Uhura guided him to one of the corners of the room for privacy.
"First, I have told you to call me 'Nyota', Pavel," she said in a warm tone. "And second, you don't have to look so nervous every time you talk to me. I don't bite."
"Sorry, it's just… I have a difficult question for you, Miss…" Pavel noticed her frown. "… I mean, Nyota."
"Okay, I'm all ears… is this about the Secret Valentine thing the Captain organized?"
Pavel nodded, still trying to think of the best way to ask Uhura about what he wanted to know without sounding like he hated the idea of giving Commander Spock a present. He didn't want Uhura to believe he didn't like Mister Spock. He was scared of him, but above all, he did like him.
"I must say that luck was on my side for this one," Uhura smiled. "I got exactly who I wanted."
Pavel frowned. He would have assumed she wanted Mister Spock as her Secret Valentine, but that couldn't be, he was the one who got Mister Spock… then the reconciliation between Miss Uhura and Mister Spock wasn't going to happen?
"Really? Who did you get?" Pavel was curious now.
"Oh, I can't tell you. Secret Valentine, remember?" Uhura winked at him. "I'll give you a hint though… he has a very exotic accent."
Pavel blushed immediately. Oh dear… Lieutenant Uhura was his Secret Valentine! And she was acting like she was interested in him… in a more than friendly way. Nah, that couldn't be, she was… well, older than him. And she hadn't seemed to notice Pavel like that before.
But it made sense… she didn't want to tell him the name, she said it was a man, and he had an exotic accent… he was the only one with a very marked accent, and it was the center of the jokes on the Bridge sometimes. He was in deep trouble now… compared to this, getting a gift for Mister Spock sounded way too easy.
"Pavel?" Miss Uhura put his hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine!" Pavel stepped back like the touch burned him. This was bad… this was really bad.
"Are you sure? You look like you saw a ghost or something."
"N-no, no ghost, no nothing… I have to go, Miss Uhura!"
"But you haven't asked me anything…"
"I forgot what I was going to ask you! Goodbye!"
Leaving a very surprised Uhura behind, Pavel ran from the room. He was so distracted that he didn't notice the person in the hallway and crashed into a strong chest.
"I'm so sorry!" he said quickly, without seeing who it was that held him.
"Relax, Chekov, where's the fire?"
Pavel glanced upwards, seeing Captain Kirk holding his shoulders to steady him.
"Captain! I'm sorry, I didn't see you."
"I bet you didn't, you were running pretty fast. Did something happen?"
"Yes! No! I… I…"
"Breathe, Chekov," the Captain said with amusement. "What's wrong?"
Everything made sense now. Miss Uhura was always complimenting him when he did something good, she defended him from the jokes Sulu and the Captain sometimes made about his accent or his youth and she was always touching his arm… even in front of Mister Spock, he would have thought that Miss Uhura would be more discreet about pursuing someone in front of her ex-boyfriend. He never imagined he was Miss Uhura's type anyway, he thought she was just being nice.
"Chekov?" the Captain asked.
"Nothing! Miss Uhura and I are just friends!" he said rather quickly.
"Okay… that's good, I think… want to tell me what is the matter with you today?"
"I just wanted to know if Miss Uhura wanted to trade with me, I didn't want to know the rest," he said in a panic.
"Wanted to trade?" The Captain frowned. "You didn't like your Secret Valentine?"
"No, no… I… well… it's just that Mister Spock is really hard to please and…" Pavel put his hands over his mouth. He wasn't supposed to say who he got! The Captain had planned this and now he'd ruined it.
"Spock? You got Spock?" the Captain said with wide eyes.
"Y-yes… but I do like him… it's not like I want to get rid of him or something… I just… well… I would have preferred having someone I knew better, like Sulu."
The Captain smiled gently at him.
"I get it, Chekov… if for some reason I got Sulu's name… are you willing to trade with me?"
"You want to give a present to Mister Spock?" Pavel was really surprised. It was no secret that the Commander and the Captain didn't get along very well.
"I thought that would help us to break through a few barriers we have," the Captain said.
That was a good idea; if the Captain got Mister Spock, then he could try to use this as a way to get closer to the Commander. Even when Mister Spock was always with the Captain, and they played chess together sometimes, Pavel could see that they weren't exactly close. He was a very good judge of character. Those two didn't have anything in common.
Pavel nodded in answer to the Captain's question.
"Okay then… you'll get Sulu, I can manage that. Stop worrying so much, then, or you could hurt yourself running through the hallways."
"Yes, Captain," Pavel blushed.
The Captain patted his back while he walked away, looking far too cheerful. Well, he was getting Sulu after all… now he had to think how to respectfully decline Miss Uhura's advances without hurting her feelings. Why did love have to be so complicated? He was only seventeen!
Hikaru was ready to get back to the Bridge for his shift when he saw Mister Spock entering the turbolift.
"Good afternoon, Mister Sulu," he said politely.
"Good afternoon, Commander."
They stayed silent for a few minutes, Hikaru feeling incredible awkward without knowing why. Something about the Vulcan was off today. He had conversed more with him today than he had in the seven months they had been on the mission.
"Mister Sulu, do you recall our earlier conversation in the mess hall?" Mister Spock broke the silence.
"About the trade? Yes, I do."
"Very well. I have Mister Chekov for the exchange… would you like to trade with me?"
If Mister Spock had Chekov, why hadn't he said something before? It was weird… but surely the Commander didn't seek out the person who had Chekov and make them trade the name just so he could get the Captain's… right?
But he was getting Chekov… why was he complaining?
"Uh… sure, Commander, I'll trade with you."
Hikaru gave the Commander the Captain's name while he received Chekov's. He was too caught up in his own happiness to notice the small smile on Mister Spock's lips.
Jim looked at everyone on the Bridge with a frown. Something was up with the crew. Chekov blushed every time Uhura said something, Spock was awfully distracted and Sulu had the biggest smile he'd seen in a while.
"I would like to know everyone's opinion of the Valentine's celebration," he said after he noticed how Chekov flinched away from Uhura's touch.
"Captain?" Sulu asked, confused, finally losing the smile.
"Well, you all look weird… maybe it was a mistake that I suggested it… how about we cancel it and continue as normal?" He tried to sound neutral but he was crushed on the inside. He just wanted to do something nice for everyone.
"No!" said Chekov and Sulu at the same time, surprising him.
"I thought it was a great idea, Captain," Uhura said with a smile.
"I believe the crew is rather enthusiastic about the celebration, Captain. While I do not share the sentiment, it would help morale," Spock added.
Okay, Spock always opposed his ideas about having parties because he never understood the point. For him to agree with this… Jim didn't know if he should call Bones to do a medical exam on Spock or check with Scotty for weird spores in the environment.
"All right then… I guess Cupid got us this year," he smiled.
Chekov blushed again and Sulu tried very hard to avoid everyone's eyes.
"Oh Jim… you have no idea." Uhura winked at him and Chekov coughed loudly.
"Are you okay, Chekov?" Jim was worried about him; he'd been acting weird since this afternoon.
"Maybe I can give you something for that cough, Pavel," Uhura said with glee. "That way you won't have to endure Doctor McCoy's examination."
"I'm fine!" Chekov said quickly. "I don't need anything, thank you."
Uhura looked taken aback by Chekov's outburst. Jim glanced at Spock mouthing 'what was that about'. Spock only tilted his head, indicating that he had no idea and that he didn't care either.
Since everyone was on board with the celebration, Jim had another mission on his hands. Find whoever got Sulu and trade with them, so he could finally get Spock.
The next day the environment on the Enterprise was still too weird for Jim's taste. Chekov was avoiding Uhura like the plague, Sulu was asking Rand about fabric samples and Spock was really distant with him. He didn't want to play chess with Jim yesterday even when they already had agreed on it. He said he had an 'urgent matter', which just made Jim think that the whole getting back together with Uhura thing was a reality now. Damn, he and Scotty would get their hearts broken… Jim was used to it anyway, he felt for Scotty. He was so excited about giving Uhura a present… Jim had to do something.
Jim thought he could win Spock over if he got him as his Secret Valentine… he could show him that he was a very good choice for a mate, that he cared about him deeply. Now he wasn't so sure, and the way Spock used any excuse to run far away from him was making him reconsider the situation.
"What's up, Jimbo?" Bones sat down in front of him.
"Nothing new… I'm looking for whoever has Sulu as their Secret Valentine."
"Why do people keep saying who their Secret Valentine is? What was the point in having the pieces of paper the old fashioned way if they're telling everyone who they got?" Bones complained.
"Everyone's looking to their own interests, Bones." Jim winked at him.
"Idiots, let me tell you," Bones muttered.
Jim decided to tell Bones what was on his mind. His friend always helped him when he was torn about what to do.
"Bones… do you think that I can be happy with someone?"
Bones looked at him dubiously.
"What do you mean?"
"You said that I was a man-whore, that I don't do commitment… do you think I'm capable of settling down?"
"Is this about your crush on the hobgoblin?" Bones asked, sounding annoyed.
"Well… you know the rumors about Spock and Uhura getting back together… and if I want him to choose me, I have to show him that I'm worth it…"
"Jim…"
"Come on Bones, you know what everyone thinks… I'm just a fuckup whore who got lucky."
Jim hated sounding this insecure. He'd moved beyond the self-pity by now, but with Spock… it was like being that guy again. The one who couldn't be worthy of anyone's love no matter how hard he tried.
"Listen to me, moron." Bones looked at him hard. "We did this back at the Academy, I refuse to do it again just because you think the elf is better than a shore leave on Risa 4. First, if Spock wanted to get back together with Uhura, I think he would have already made a move. Second, Spock is lucky to have someone like you love him. You're awesome Jim, warm, noble, charming… and don't let this go to your head, but you're not that bad on the eyes either…"
"Awww, Bones…"
"Shut up! All I'm saying is that you're James Kirk. You don't believe in no-win scenarios. You fight for what you want, don't let your insecurities get in the way, because trust me kid, you have nothing to be insecure about…" Bones took Jim's hand gently. "You're perfect, and I love you."
Jim smiled. Bones always knew what to say to make him feel better.
They both heard a cough, and they noticed Spock standing in front of them with a very, very, very intimidating look on his face.
"Spock!" Jim said, surprised. "I thought you said you couldn't have lunch with me."
"And I see you managed just fine," Spock said coldly.
"Well, Bones and I were just talking…." Jim felt like an idiot. He didn't have to justify why he was having lunch with Bones, they were friends. Spock, on the other hand, was the one being all evasive. If someone had to do some explaining, it was him.
"Is something wrong with your hand, Captain?" Spock asked.
"Um… no."
"Then I do not understand why the doctor is touching you in such a personal manner."
Jim glanced at his hand, noticing that Bones was still holding it. He tried to retrieve it, but Bones was faster and grabbed it forcefully.
"Why do you care?" Bones said with a smirk. "Maybe we're touch telepaths like you and we're exchanging thoughts."
"I fail to see how that is amusing," Spock bit out.
"Bones…" Jim warned. The last thing he needed was to have Spock thinking that they were fucking like half the Academy had during their formative years.
"Fine, fine." Bones released his hand.
"Are you joining us, Spock?" Jim asked after a very awkward silence.
"Since you do not seem to need company, I believe I should get back to the science laboratory. If you excuse me…"
Spock turned around, leaving without saying another word.
"What's wrong with him?" Jim glanced at Bones.
"The green-eyed monster, Jim," Bones said calmly.
"Is this a new way you found of mocking Spock?" Jim frowned. He didn't like it when Bones kept inventing mocking names for Spock.
"Let's say I can see things that you don't because you're too stupid."
"Hey!"
"And by the way Jimbo, I know who has Sulu…"
"Really? Who?"
"Nurse Chapel."
Hikaru was still unsure about his gift. At first he'd thought of giving Chekov an expensive present, but he remembered that they'd talked about this once and he made a comment about how making gifts was more significant than buying them. He'd decided to make Chekov a personalized stylus… but he was at loss as to how he was going to do that. Janice seemed to be good with crafts; Hikaru decided to ask for her guidance.
He entered the botany lab to try to actually do some work instead of thinking about Chekov and his gift. Hikaru sat in front of his desk, kicking something under the table. What the hell?
"Oofff," he heard a small cry.
"Chekov?" Hikaru bent to see the person who was apparently hidden there. He saw Chekov with a small tray in his hands.
"Hi," Chekov said shyly. "I thought you were at the mess hall."
"I skipped lunch… what are you doing there? Come on, get up, you must be sore from being stuck down there."
"I'm fine," Chekov said in a tired tone, but he still took Hikaru's hand to be helped.
"Care to tell me why you are here instead of the mess hall?" Hikaru looked him doubtfully.
"I didn't think you would mind if I had lunch here." Chekov sounded hurt. Damn, Hikaru didn't mean it as a complaint, he was truly curious.
"I don't mind. In fact, you can finish your lunch, I don't have a problem with sharing the lab with you." He smiled, hoping to encourage Chekov to talk. "Let me grab you a chair."
"Thank you."
They sat down in silence while Chekov took small bites of his sandwich. Hikaru decided not to push the poor guy, he looked rather scared, and that caused him a small pang in his stomach. He didn't like it when Chekov was sad or scared; he wanted to protect him from everything.
"Chekov, what are you getting for your Secret Valentine?"
Chekov almost choked on his bite as he blushed intensely. Okay, Hikaru clearly couldn't approach any topic without making Chekov embarrassed or scared.
"Forget I asked," he said with a smile. "After all, it's supposed to be secret, right?"
"Right," Chekov said in a small voice.
"So… do you know about our latest research? We have these plants that change colors… we think they can actually feel things, not as complicated as human emotions, but rudimentary sensations… Mister Spock thinks that perhaps the plants are reacting to certain stimuli like light or heat, but I think they can feel…."
Hikaru noticed Chekov looking at him oddly.
"What?" he asked, feeling uncomfortable with the stare.
"It's fun hearing you talking about plants," Chekov said with a smile.
"Oh, mock me if you want, but it's a great discovery," he said, trying to sound cool; he knew that sometimes Chekov and the Captain liked to make jokes about his love for plants.
"I wasn't mocking you. I meant it."
Hikaru glanced at Chekov, noticing the intense stare he was giving him. Hikaru tried not to blush; this was the moment he'd been looking for since they started the mission. They were completely alone, just talking, with no missions, orders or problems between them; just the two of them.
"Sulu! Spock wants you in the science lab!"
The moment was broken by Lieutenant Uhura entering the botanic lab. Hikaru sighed, he couldn't catch a break.
"Okay, thank you," he said resignedly.
"Oh, you're here too Chekov. I was looking for you," Uhura smiled.
"W-what? Why?" Chekov squealed.
"You asked me to help you, remember?"
Hikaru looked at Chekov, who was bright red, and then at Uhura, who looked confused. Maybe he didn't have a shot with Chekov; he clearly had some sort of thing for Uhura… he felt like an idiot. Now what was he supposed to do?
"You can stay here if you want," he said, standing up. "At this hour everyone's in the mess hall, and you can get privacy. See you two around."
He smiled at them before walking away. Fine, he maybe was heartbroken but he sure wasn't showing it. Mister Spock was the only one who suspected his crush on Chekov, and he certainly wasn't going to say anything about it.
No, this was going to be his secret. He wondered if it was too late to change the name again for someone else. This was humiliating enough without giving Chekov a present when he wanted one from Uhura.
No wonder Mister Spock said he and Uhura weren't getting back together. They had different goals, and apparently Uhura's goals were young and Russian.
"Come on Chapel! Why won't you trade with me?"
Christine sighed, putting away medical scrubs. The Captain had been in Sickbay for the last half hour and Doctor McCoy had fled as soon as he knew the purpose of the Captain's visit.
"Because you have Doctor McCoy, and he's my boss. My intentions could be misinterpreted."
"Bones knows you aren't interested in him, pleaseeee." The Captain batted his eyes.
"Save it. That doesn't work with me, Captain. Why are you so interested in Sulu?"
"I like Sulu. He's an awesome helmsman."
"Still, it seems like your interest goes beyond Sulu's ability to maneuver the ship."
"Let's just say I have something in mind…"
"This just reinforces my decision of no trading… with all due respect, Captain."
"Oh, please! You know I wouldn't do anything to Sulu, right?"
"I suppose…"
"And having Bones as your Secret Valentine could have its advantages."
"How so?"
"Well… if you get him a good present, he'll be in a good mood for a while… imagine what I have in mind for Bones… and you'll have to deal with the aftermath…"
Christine frowned. She hadn't considered that, and the Captain had a very good point. He often gave Doctor McCoy presents that made him crabby for days… at least if she traded she could get him a good present and perhaps he would be less moody and stop insulting Commander Spock.
She would have loved to have Commander Spock as her Secret Valentine, but things didn't always work out the way she wanted them to. Uhura said that this was best because Commander Spock had his eye on someone special; she thought Nyota meant herself, but apparently there was another person who'd won the Commander's heart. She still had a crush on him, but she could be happy if this person valued Mister Spock.
For her, this celebration was just going to be an opportunity to get to know a fellow crewmember better; she understood that even when you loved someone with all your heart, it didn't mean that they would love you back. She was content with admiring the Commander from afar, and she wished him all the happiness she or Nyota couldn't give him.
Accepting this was one thing, but getting Doctor McCoy for the exchange was another. She wasn't entirely convinced that she would manage to get a good gift for the doctor, and he could be rather honest with his comments.
"So? What do you say, Christine?"
"As long as you promise that you aren't doing something bad to Sulu." She liked Sulu, he was a nice guy.
"You wound me, Christine. You know I wouldn't do anything to harm any crewmember." The Captain looked truly hurt.
"Even Doctor McCoy?" She smirked; she had witnessed the pranks between those two.
"All right, only Bones, but that's because he deserves it."
No argument from her. McCoy could be a real pain sometimes.
"Fine, I'll trade with you."
"Thank you, Christine! You're the best."
Hopefully the Captain would remember this next time he was on a bed, hurt and trying to get out of sickbay.
Spock was livid. Every time he left Jim alone, Doctor McCoy somehow managed to attach himself to him like an unwanted parasite. He had accepted that the Captain and the doctor were 'friends'. Although he was friends with Nyota and he did not spent his time harassing her like the doctor did Jim.
He needed advice on human behavior. Unfortunately, the only person he trusted with his thoughts was Nyota and she had said she was going to be occupied with Ensign Chekov. Spock knew he had to control his feelings better; this was something new for him. When he was with Nyota, he never felt this rage at seeing her with other males, not even when said males had romantic intentions towards her. He had thought it was because he trusted her… however, since he was having these unpleasant feelings with Jim, that could not be it.
Spock concluded that he never truly loved Nyota; he cared for her as a good friend, but he never felt the intensity he did every time he crossed paths with the Captain. It was somehow disconcerting. He was taught to suppress all strong emotions that could affect his judgment; in the teachings they did not explain what to do when said emotions overcame every barrier he had.
This gave him a different perspective on his parents' marriage.
He decided to meditate. Mister Sulu had been helpful in the research and he could handle being left alone in the science laboratory. When he arrived at his room he did not expect to see Nyota waiting outside.
"I thought I would find you here… eventually."
"I apologize; I was in the science laboratory working with Mister Sulu… I did tell you this, correct?"
"Yeah, but you were so upset that I thought it wouldn't take much time for you to come back to your room and 'meditate'." Nyota made the air quotes humans were so fond of when they wanted to make a sarcastic point.
"I was not upset," he said in a brusque tone; of course they both knew it was not entirely true.
"Sure, sure. Are you letting me in soon?" she said with a smile.
"Of course, please, come in." Spock opened the door to his room, watching Nyota pass through. She sat in front of his desk while he decided to sit at a prudent distance. "I thought you said that you were helping Ensign Chekov with his Japanese."
"Weirdest thing. Chekov said he didn't need my help after all, that he will use the translator… I told him that if he wants to learn Japanese, he has to do it with a linguist, but he said no. I think he's angry with me, he keeps shunning me and I could swear he had lunch in the botany lab just to avoid seeing me in the mess hall."
"Is there a reason why the Ensign should be angry with you?" Spock asked, curious. It was odd that Mister Chekov felt angry; he was a rational young man, even more rational than Jim sometimes.
"I don't remember if I did anything… but everyone is going crazy over this Secret Valentine thing… speaking of that, did you finally get Jim?"
"Yes."
"Great! Then we're both getting what we wanted."
Spock saw this as an opportunity to 'speak his mind' as humans said. He needed Nyota's advice on this situation, it was the first time he had experienced this dilemma and he was not sure of the correct way to proceed.
"Doctor McCoy loves Jim," he said bluntly.
Nyota seemed to be waiting for Spock to continue. When he said nothing else, she chuckled.
"Yes, I know Leonard loves Jim."
"You failed to tell me that I had an adversary," Spock said, and no, he did not sound childish.
"That's because you don't. Leonard is Jim's best friend, Spock. Like a brother… you know what's like, right?"
"My older half-brother taunted me into going to the desert; I almost died and my father banned him from our house," Spock said, deadpan.
"Okay, maybe you don't know then," Nyota smiled, "but you know there are different types of love. Leonard and Jim love each other, but they aren't in love."
"May I ask how you can be so sure? Doctor McCoy was holding Jim's hand during lunch; I thought that was a romantic gesture." Spock arched an eyebrow.
"When we were at the Academy I saw them kissing one time."
Was that supposed to make Spock feel better? Because it did exactly the opposite. He stared at Nyota, trying to look calm; obviously he failed since she laughed the way she did when Spock's emotional control snapped. It was curious how every time he lost control of his emotions, Jim was involved in some way.
"All I'm saying is that if those two were in love… well, they'd be together by now. They aren't. Jim is a physical person, Spock, you must have seen it; he's always touching Chekov or Sulu, and McCoy is his best friend. Obviously he knows when Jim needs physical touch."
He supposed that was a good point. The doctor seemed to touch Jim when he was tense or upset, and Jim was grateful for the comfort. Still, he did not like it because he preferred to be the one performing those actions… he could hardly blame Jim, though; he was not aware of his feelings, which was why he went to such lengths to get him as his Secret Valentine.
"Have you thought about the present?" Nyota asked.
"I have; I believe I need a more profound insight; I want this present to be significant."
"Well… I know someone who can help you with that."
"I beg you not to say that name…" Spock already knew who could help him with this. He dreaded the idea.
"Leonard McCoy." Nyota smirked. "He's the one who can help you give Jim the perfect gift."
The next day Jim was looking for Chekov to give him the good news, but he was nowhere in sight. It was strange, Chekov was always with Sulu but they both were absent from the mess hall. He sat down in front of Bones, taking one of his french fries.
"Hey!" Bones complained. "Get your own food."
"I'm not hungry; I was just craving your fries."
"So, Chapel gave me the good news, you got Sulu now and she has Uhura."
That's right, last Bones had heard about this, Jim still had Uhura's name. He just smiled, nodding; he wouldn't ruin the surprise.
"I'm doing it in the name of love, Bones."
"I doubt Uhura and Chapel agree with that."
"The problem is getting something for Spock; I don't want to be cheesy…"
"Too late."
"Shut up! He doesn't know I'm doing this to show him that I like him… I have to give him a present that says 'I care for you' but also says 'I'm not weird, I just really like you'."
"Considering the giver, I think that ship has sailed."
"What do you think I should give him, Bones?"
Jim saw his friend just staring at him, probably wondering 'are you serious?'
"Jim, do I look like I care about the hobgoblin at all? I'm not the right person to ask about this… maybe Uhura, she's the elf's ex and now his best friend."
"But that would be weird, right? Asking the ex about it."
"If you want to get Spock in your bed, you'll have to suck it up and ask."
Jim knew his friend was right. He had known Spock as a friend, he wanted to take the next step, and this was a great opportunity to show his intentions and let Spock see that he was serious about it. He always knew he would settle down when he found the right person, the person who was worth it, and Spock was the one. The way Jim discovered this wasn't exactly fun; but realization rarely was (at least, not for the ones getting stones thrown at their heads. The ones observing had a blast, Bones would have years worth of material from this).
Glancing to his right, Jim saw Chekov sitting at the most distant table in the mess hall, almost like he was hiding from someone.
"Have you noticed Chekov acting odd lately?" Jim asked.
"Jim, this morning Nurse Chapel asked me my favorite color then spent an hour and fifteen minutes talking about male clothes. If Chekov isn't wearing a dress, I think he's normal."
Jim smiled. Oh, Chapel… Bones hated it when people gave him clothes, he had to warn her… later; he had other business to attend first.
"Well, I have to go Bones; behave."
Jim stood up quickly and ducked a fry that was thrown in his direction. He walked to Chekov's table and put a hand on his shoulder. The kid jumped like he'd burned him or something.
"Captain!" he said. "You scared me!"
"I noticed that." Jim frowned. What the hell was wrong with Chekov? "I just wanted to tell you that I got Sulu for the exchange, in case you want to switch names."
"Really?" Chekov lit up immediately; even though Jim knew Chekov had a crush on Sulu, it was still cute seeing him this excited. He was the youngest member of the crew, and Jim thought of himself as Chekov's father. He would have to give Sulu the 'don't you dare hurt my kid' talk that Bones would eventually give Spock.
"Yeah, you can have Sulu and I'll take Spock."
"Thank you, Captain! You're the best!"
Jim smiled. He'd done his good deed for the day: he made Chekov happy. The fact that this was also for his own convenience didn't spoil the good deed.
"So, Chekov… have you seen Uhura?"
Weird… the moment Jim mentioned Uhura, Chekov blushed and his smile disappeared.
"W-why would I know where Miss Uhura is? I'm not keeping track of where she is to avoid her if that is what you mean!" Chekov was talking fast and when that happened Jim didn't really understand what he said.
"I'm looking for her, so…"
Chekov paled immediately.
"M-miss Uhura just entered the mess hall with Mister Spock. Excuse me, Captain."
Without giving Jim time to say anything else, Chekov fled the table and headed out walking really close the wall, almost like he was dodging someone. Jim glanced at Uhura and saw her and Spock in front of Bones. It seemed like his chat with her would have to wait; he'd be better prepared for it then.
Leonard was thinking about his pending charts when his attention was brought to Uhura and Spock standing in front of him.
"What?" he said, frowning.
"Hello Leonard," Uhura said with a big smile. "Spock wanted to speak with you."
Leonard looked at Spock with an eyebrow up; Spock looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here and when Uhura gave him a small push Leonard thought that perhaps the Lieutenant had forced him to come and talk to him; why Uhura would do that?
"I see you are not with the Captain," Spock said coldly.
"Contrary to common belief, Jim and I aren't joined at the hip," Leonard snorted. "He stole one of my fries and then went to talk to Chekov."
"Chekov is here?" Uhura turned around looking for the kid.
"Was, apparently." Leonard saw the empty table and Jim leaving the mess hall.
"Then I'll go look for him." Uhura smiled again. "I'll leave you two alone."
She winked at Spock and walked away from them. Leonard looked at Spock again. He was just standing there like an idiot, not doing anything at all.
"May I sit down?" he finally asked.
"I guess." Leonard was still wary about this. He and Spock didn't exactly get along.
Spock sat down slowly and stared at Leonard.
"So?" Leonard started the chat. "What do you want?"
"It has been brought to my attention that you are a reliable source about the Captain's personal preferences," Spock said dryly.
"You want to ask me something about Jim?" Leonard was surprised. The elf must really care for his friend to endure asking someone he loathed about him.
"Affirmative. As you are aware, I have the Captain as my recipient… I am taking this opportunity to make my intentions clear with him. I want to pursue a romantic relationship with him."
"Yeah, I figured that much. What's my involvement, then?"
"You… love the Captain."
"I do."
Spock lifted an eyebrow, like he wasn't really expecting a confirmation. Leonard remembered the articles he'd read about territorial Vulcans; Spock must think that he was interested in Jim romantically.
"But it's platonic," he clarified before someone got throttled.
"Lieutenant Uhura elucidated the personal relationship you two share. While I do not completely understand it, I have accepted this situation."
"Jeez, thanks. We were waiting for your approval."
"Nevertheless," Spock cut the rest of Leonard's speech, "I would appreciate if you keep your physical touch to a minimum."
"You mean I can't slap him on the butt anymore?" Leonard asked, feigning confusion.
"I would be grateful if you do not do that, yes," Spock said in a clipped tone.
"What about grabbing his torso? And raking his hair?"
"Doctor McCoy, I believe you understand what 'physical touch' convenes," Spock warned. Leonard was proud of the effect he was having on the Vulcan, but if he continued doing this Spock would kill him.
"All right, I get it; you don't like it when others touch your guy. But we are friends, Spock, we are going to touch from time to time."
"It is acceptable as long as you do not overstep your boundaries."
"Like when I grab his ass?" Leonard had to ask. He had little entertainment on this damn ship.
"Doctor McCoy…"
"Fine, the ass is yours. Anything else?"
"I… would appreciate it…. if you could assist me…." Spock looked like he was struggling internally. Putting the pieces together, Leonard knew what he wanted.
"You want to know what to give Jim, right?"
"Precisely."
"I'll help you because I want Jim to be happy, so you better be serious about this, Spock."
"I am certain of my feelings if that is what you mean. I love Jim."
Whoa! Love? Leonard thought Spock only wanted to hit that, maybe share a few things. He never imagined that the Vulcan had already fallen for his friend.
"Just because you said the right thing, I'll help you without making any sarcastic comments."
"We will see about that," Spock challenged.
It turned out that Spock was right. He didn't last fifteen minutes before he said something ironic. Well, it was the Vulcan's fault anyway.
TBC...